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Author Topic: My Story Onwards

M
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My Story Onwards
OP: August 08, 2021, 10:04:59 AM
New thread time.

Brief recap.
BD in 2016 brought about by huge stress at work.

OW: old school friend. With his counsellor he worked out that he was attached to the feelings he had at her parents house when growing up: of acceptance and safety - things he didn't feel at home. In his MLC state he was seeking out that feeling again but misplaced it with an affair with her. On/off on/off through these past 5 years.

He's wanted back in the marriage several times. Mostly in the first 18 months or so. Then he went off almost completely (bit of contact as he's a clinger but didn't seem him very much).

Past 18 months +: his father died. That brought about a change in him. Got a new job which he loves. Gradually being around more. Back doing things around the house etc.

May - July 2021: around a lot still but backing off. His Mum was in hospital for a week, stress at work. Other things happened. Felt the stress build up in him again.
End of July: I asked him about this. He admitted he was in contact with OW. So boundary crossed: I said I cant be his friend.
No contact since.

That's a very brief snapshot of him.

Me. Standing. Or was. Not sure right now.

My adult kids are (separately) both moving out very soon and I will need to move to somewhere smaller.
Big changes coming and i feel unsettled. I know I'll be fine once we get them sorted and I know where I'll end up but I cant deny I'm feeling a bit sad with it all at the moment.

Need to get my mojo back.


Old thread:
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10954.new#new


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Adult S & D
BD: April 2016
Many false returns.
Effectively moved out Nov 2017 [worked away from home. Home occasional weekends]
Moved out full time: July 2018 after he renewed contact with OW.
OW: old school friend lives 200+ miles away.
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Re: Onwards
#1: August 08, 2021, 10:08:01 AM
Following along, Music!
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."
C
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Onwards
#2: August 08, 2021, 11:56:23 AM
Coming along with you to this thread, Music!
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  • Time is a Gift! 🎁
Onwards
#3: August 08, 2021, 01:11:04 PM
Attaching
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Survival Instructions for Newbies

The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."
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Onwards
#4: August 08, 2021, 05:51:09 PM
Good update Music.

Understandable that you feel sad with all this change on the horizon.

Yours sadness is grief and is the right emotion. Your mojo is still around, you’ll get it back.

Sending you a hug
Rose 🌹
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Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
BD3 - Sept 2019
MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2018
OW2 - Feb 2019, age 30
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30
G
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Re: Onwards
#5: August 08, 2021, 06:23:24 PM
I’m sorry Music. Be kind to yourself. Sending much love your way!
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Onwards
#6: August 23, 2021, 03:46:54 PM
Attaching.
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"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27. Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA  |  BD #2: 2018 - FA

W moved out - June 2019 | OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019 | Divorce final - September 2019 | Moving on

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

New Here? Read this! http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1149.0
M
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Re: Onwards
#7: August 29, 2021, 09:20:50 AM
Joining your new thread, Music. Understandable you're feeling a bid sad. The kids growing up and leaving is hard on us. As long as the kids are around, I find I'm distracted by their noise and their company. Also having to face a house change is big, so no wonder you are feeling the weight. But as everyone said, you'll do just great. You will get your mojo back.
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D26, D23, S16
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.
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Onwards
#8: August 29, 2021, 09:50:56 AM
Following along  8)

-SS
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W - 43
M - 46
Together 28 years, M 25
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019
Start of Shadow - Feb 2012
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Onwards
#9: August 30, 2021, 04:05:52 AM
Attaching....
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Me - 60, xW - 54
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 16, D - 12
1 Dog
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Moved on in life
Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.
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