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Author Topic: My Story J to the B part 3

J
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My Story J to the B part 3
OP: May 24, 2022, 07:48:02 PM
Broke into new thread territory; old thread is here:

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11847.150
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Everything has a beginning and an end. Life is just a cycle of stops and starts. They're ends we don't desire, but they're inevitable and we have to face them. That's what being human is all about.  -Jet Black, Cowboy Bebop
J
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J to the B part 3
#1: May 24, 2022, 08:02:12 PM
Quote from: LeftandBroken on May 24, 2022, 06:46:12 PM
I hope you are doing something for yourself tonight as I’m sure it was exhausting today.

If doing something for myself includes having a frozen pizza, ice cream, and bourbon for dinner while watching cut-rate scifi movies on TV, then yes indeed, I did. (I did cook the pizza before consuming.)

And you are correct, W was working the entire time. She found a job within two months after we relocated. She tried to counter our short marriage by saying I supported her while we were dating, but that was paying for dates, and a few vacations. Nothing like helping her with bills, etc.

Imgood, one of the other reasons I wanted to get this settled was to refi before interest rates went up any further. Despite the long back and forth, we did build up some momentum, and if I walked away it could have caused us to start over.

Imgood and ML, I do hope she realizes that some day. I assume that will happen when she's sitting in her empty house with no friends, but I guess there's no way to know.

xyzcf, I really appreciate the support from someone on the long road...

JB
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Everything has a beginning and an end. Life is just a cycle of stops and starts. They're ends we don't desire, but they're inevitable and we have to face them. That's what being human is all about.  -Jet Black, Cowboy Bebop
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J to the B part 3
#2: May 25, 2022, 12:55:48 AM
JB,

I can only relate what happened to me with xW1 - she too went after everything she could get her hands on and, in fact, I took on over 30k$ of martial debt that she had run up in the time before the BD.

Long story short, I paid off all the debt, have a pristine and excellent credit record and moved on with my life. She was forced to sell the townhouse we lived in that she "bought" from me for $1.00 and ended up declaring bankruptcy.  Of course, that too was my fault...

Ironically, xW2 has bought an overpriced Condo and is now struggling financially, despite now getting the full amount of child support.

Choices have consequences.... and they WILL come at some point...
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Me - 60, xW - 54
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 16, D - 12
1 Dog
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Moved on in life
Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.
J
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J to the B part 3
#3: May 25, 2022, 06:30:38 AM
Thanks, Ursa.

Admittedly, W has lived within her means to this point, saving for specific things, etc. She used to carry a bit of 0% interest credit card debt, but always kept it under control. So, she could get by OK, but her earning potential will definitely taper off, and I doubt she'll amass any further retirement.
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Everything has a beginning and an end. Life is just a cycle of stops and starts. They're ends we don't desire, but they're inevitable and we have to face them. That's what being human is all about.  -Jet Black, Cowboy Bebop
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Re: J to the B part 3
#4: May 25, 2022, 06:39:12 AM
Following along Johnny.

I know it wasn't a perfect settlement but at least you only need to pay alimony for a year.  That will go by fast.
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."
J
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J to the B part 3
#5: May 29, 2022, 08:08:26 AM
Despite being one of our few resident heathens, I've taken to listening to the Sunday morning gospel show on our local public radio station. It's really good stuff.

From today's show, here's one for the long-term veterans, and something for us newbies to aspire to: "I'm Glad I Don't Look Like What I've Been Through."


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlyRxlodM60
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Everything has a beginning and an end. Life is just a cycle of stops and starts. They're ends we don't desire, but they're inevitable and we have to face them. That's what being human is all about.  -Jet Black, Cowboy Bebop
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J to the B part 3
#6: May 29, 2022, 08:57:43 AM
I'm glad I don't look like what I've been though as well  ;D.  Although thank goodness for hair dye.  I went in to get my hair done this last week and the woman that does my hair said, wow, you have a lot more gray than 2 months ago when we dyed it the last time  :-\  What's a girl to do?
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J to the B part 3
#7: May 30, 2022, 02:00:51 AM
Quote from: LeftandBroken on May 29, 2022, 08:57:43 AM
I'm glad I don't look like what I've been though as well  ;D.  Although thank goodness for hair dye.  I went in to get my hair done this last week and the woman that does my hair said, wow, you have a lot more gray than 2 months ago when we dyed it the last time  :-\  What's a girl to do?

Smack the woman that does your hair with a 2x4? I mean, seriously.... WHO says something like that...

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Me - 60, xW - 54
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 16, D - 12
1 Dog
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Moved on in life
Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.
J
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  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 506
  • Gender: Male
J to the B part 3
#8: May 31, 2022, 12:40:59 PM
Well, there it is. Decree finalized today. In the grand scheme of things, I suppose if a marriage certificate can be "just a piece of paper," so can a divorce decree. I'll just have to see what happens. But, I've got a lot to do immediately; taking XW off of my insurance now, so at least I'll get a few $$ back in my paycheck.

When my atty's paralegal sent the decree, her email started with, "Congratulations! I know this is bittersweet, but..."..

Congratulations" is what XW's atty should be saying to HER. or "jackpot!', maybe.
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« Last Edit: May 31, 2022, 01:22:50 PM by JohnnyBravo »
Everything has a beginning and an end. Life is just a cycle of stops and starts. They're ends we don't desire, but they're inevitable and we have to face them. That's what being human is all about.  -Jet Black, Cowboy Bebop
M
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J to the B part 3
#9: May 31, 2022, 02:22:20 PM
I’m sorry JB. It’s hard to know and see it be official. My XH never hired an atty.
My atty emailed me and it seemed so unworthy of 30 years of marriage. I forwarded to my XH with congratulations you were divorced yesterday. He emailed back
“ not congratulations,  just trying to keep going”

You’re exactly right. It means nothing. If she works through her MLC and her feelings come back nothing will keep you apart. For now you will move forward and hope for better days ahead and they are coming with or without her.
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There is almost something harder about someone being alive and having to lose what you believed to be true of them than someone actually dying.

Indefatigability - determined to do or achieve something; firmness of purpose
perspicacity- a clarity of vision or intellect which provides a deep understanding and insight

Married July 1991
Jan 2018 BD1 moved out I filed for Div/ H stopped it
Oct 2018 moved back
Oct 2020 BD2
Feb 2021 Div-29 1/2 years
July 2021 Married OW
Feb 2022  XH fired
May 2023 went NC after telling XH we could not be friends
Aug 2023 XH moves w/o OWife
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