[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

My BD was almost 8 years ago, and I am a completely different person than I was at that time.  The people who didn't know me then still marvel at it all when I tell them, and then I show them the pictures of just my physical change and I don't even "look" like the same person, so it was all types of growth:  physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.  It wasn't just one thing, it was many things and it took everything I had to make it happen and to make something good come from such horrible circumstances.  And, that's exactly why I sill come back from time to time.  I feel like the newbies need to know that lots of us have been there, done that and have lived to tell the tale and share our story of not just merely surviving, but thriving and living our best lives yet.

This is great for our newbies because detachment is about living your life and being open to all potential outcomes. I know that in the beginning most of us (me included) that the only outcome we wanted was our marriages being saved. Yet, it doesn't always end up with that. We have marriages saved, members that still stand, and those of us that have moved on into new relationships. All of the outcomes are great, and I am so happy that you post about your new life and love. I am remarried and so grateful to have my new wife in my life. We are just about to celebrate six years. Keep working out, baking goodies, and loving Popeye. You are the best at getting better. You just be you!!

((Ready)))

[beyondblessed]

Great to hear from you,SB.  I've thought of you quite often lately and hope all is well.  And, maybe you'll find time for an update? 😁

Madluv, I'm glad you've found something worthwhile in my posts.  I feel as though you and I are very much alike, especially in how we have both overcome so much loss, yet still keep digging deep to push forward and make the best of our lives despite it all.

Ready, nice to have you around again, as well.  Your recent trips sound amazing and have me wishing for more travel myself.  We do have our now annual trip to the Carolina coast coming up in a few months...this time to celebrate our 2nd anniversary.  So, of course, I'm looking forward to that! 

I also briefly want to mention that when I first came to this site almost 8 years ago to this very day, I ONLY wanted to find that magic fix to keep my marriage from falling apart.  At that time, in those very early days, I never wanted to be divorced from my then -husband.  He had been my entire life for nearly 20 years at that point, and I was certain we could survive whatever was going on....except I had no idea the extent or the duration of what was actually going on, at that time.  Only in the following weeks and months was I able to piece the puzzle together bit by bit and get the true picture of it all, and boy, it was an eye-opener to say the least.  To this day, I am still dumbfounded by all the cheating, lying and stealing that was happening without me having any idea because I had such faith and blind trust in my xh.  The absolute disrespect I felt from his betrayal was the turning point for me to say enough of this $h!te and proceed to make every effort to take my life and make the most of from then onward.

Today, I am happily married for almost 2 years to the most wonderful, thoughtful, caring and loving man I have ever known.  He takes care of me in ways I never even knew I needed.  I couldn't have imagined that 8 years ago, but that is the beauty in all of this tragedy.  When you are in the midst of it, you can't see the good that is on the other side, until you start taking steps towards it,  in faith that something good will come from all your pain.  I knew back then that God wasn't trying to destroy me by bringing such pain and suffering in the form of my xh's betrayal, but that He could see the things my xh was doing that I couldn't, and this was His way of saving me from any further damage from it.  Today, with all the blessings I have  received, I can look back to 8 years ago and be thankful for the journey because without it, I would not be who I am today.

[amazinglove]

what a wonderful, inspiring post to read! thank you for sharing that hope with us!

[beyondblessed]

Back with a little life update 😁   This week is my last in my role as a medical office assistant, as I applied for a promotion in the hospital's purchasing and logistics department about a month ago and was offered the position just 2 days after I'd interviewed for it.  It is a great job, with better hours (at least for me, early in and early out) with no weekends, every major holiday off...which is almost unheard of in healthcare, and nearly 4 weeks of PTO...almost unheard of anywhere for only being with this organization a little over 2 years now.  It is a job very different from what I've done as an office assistant, but similar to many inventory positions I've held over  the years. And, if anyone remembers, I basically took the office assistant job as a means to an end last year, in order to stay with this particular hospital after they outsourced their dietary department,  and the purchasing role I held at that time.  So, I will be back in a similar position as when I first started, finally. 

It's ironic how much change came out of being left by my ex H that continues to carry over into this amazing life I've continued to build for myself.  Back then, I could never  have imagined accomplishing a fraction of the things I've done since then.  I've made more moves, literally and figuratively, that have changed my life for the absolute better.  My gym habit has become a lifestyle that will only stop when I'm in the ground, I have a wonderful and amazing man, who I am so proud and blessed to call my husband, my family is all well and healthy and now after this week, I will be embarking on yet another new journey with this job.

I say all of this to let the newbies and those of you still struggling with the up and downs of this jLBS journey, to impart that life will get better with time .  You will not always be hurt and devastated, as in the beginning.  As difficult as it is, you have to let your MLCer to his/her own journey and go your own way.  You have to fix what needs fixing with you, and hope they can do the same, and then even if they can't, it will be of no detriment to you.