Midlife Crisis > Our Community

 Return Stories Part Three

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sada:
Hi Hero. My H came back after being gone 1 month 1/2. He displayed every sign of MLC to a tee. Sometimes I feel unsure of posting because he wasn't gone for very long at all. We're doing pretty well. I continue so much of what I've learned here when it comes to reconciliation.  I realize that the trust can never be 100% again. I guess I try not to think of it in those terms. It is hard when we've been through so much. I continue GAL: Exercising, working, meeting friends, etc. I've continued  to do things for myself that I started when he was gone: mani/pedis, regular hair appointments, shoe shopping!  I'm struggling to be more of the distancer rather than the pursuer, this is what is hardest for me.  I used to be the spouse who took charge of EVERYTHING: bills, kids' appts, teacher conferences, groceries, car stuff... on & on.  Well not anymore: he wanted a damsel in distress, well he's got one, me! I let him take care of me & those things so much more than I ever thought I would.  I really think it makes him feel more needed.  I also think he feels it's helping him to make up for his evil doings. And I'm getting many more much deserved breaks.

I can't put it as eloquently as so many of our fellow LBS have but I've found that I can endure with or without my H. I'm thrilled & blessed that we're together but I won't lose this woman that I've become because we are. During his absence I grew in spirit & understanding of myself. Most importantly,  I grew closer to God than I've ever been in my life,  & that endures.

Hopefully I helped a little bit. If you have any questions that are more specific I'll try to help further.

Sha10613:
Not sure if the male in this story was a MLCer, but it is a return story, nonetheless.  I met a parent the other day, who was actually the OW.  She married a man who left his former wife for her, and they had 2 kids together (3 years old and 5 years old).  This man has 2 adult sons (30 years old and 28 years old) with his former wife.  The OW said that this man has been a good father to their young children, still sees them regularly, and said that she hoped that they'd get back together in the future.  She also said that there is no way they'd get back together right now, because he is 'too into his other family'.  :o  When I asked why he decided to leave, she said that his reason was that he was stressed out about not being present in his two older sons' lives and needed to go home (where both of his sons and his ex-wife live).  It sounded like he and his ex-wife are back together, though the OW seemed to want to be vague regarding those details. 

HopeFaithLove:
I have a return story of sorts. I don't know the exact details but it's interesting none the less. One of my friends at works brother was married for 25 years. His wife was 49 and had a midlife crisis and took off with a younger man. Don't know his age. They ended up marrying. Were together for a couple years and she ended up getting diagnosed w breast cancer. He cleaned out their bank account and left. Her ex (my co workers brother) started helping her while she was going through treatment and such. Then their relationship bloomed again. They are now dating but are not re-married yet, but sounds like it is headed that way. My friend is mad at her brother because she doesn't want him to go back to her. Thinks she just came back because the other guy dumped her. But he never stopped loving her. Another friend who knows both parties and has spoken to the MLC wife after she was left by other man, says MLC said she spoke about not knowing what she was thinking and why she thought she would be happy with someone else.

gimlan:
I am going to share a story that I saw on television yesterday night. Might not sound so interesting because it was on the television, but this was actually a Norweigan show about relationships, the concept being that couples would be assessed on their chances by two relationship councellors, based on some personality tests, interviews and observations of some tasks that were set up for them so that the relationship experts could observe how they interacted in different situations. The couple were in their late sixties or early seventies, both still active professionals. The woman had been married three times - the third time to this man, whom she had divorced due to his infidelity (I think repeated but not sure how much, they only said it happened more than once). Don't know about his previous marriages or long term relationships. Anyway, they had been separated for 3-4 years and then gotten together again. The separation had been tough, at least for the woman, and apparently there had been a few months during which time he was undecided, but they still lived together. After some time, she had ended it because the situation was too hard for her. She said she had never pictured them together again. Anyway, they were now back together, and their relationship had been transformed because they both now knew that a good relationship does not "come for free", so they made an effort to choose each other every day. From what I could see as a viewer, they did indeed seem to have a good relationship. The relationship experts judged that they stood very good chances to stay together, and complimented their interaction. It was a nice return story anyway. Not sure whether it was a midlife crisis, but could well have been.

Hugs & strength,

Gx

1trouble:
Just one from me..

I was talking to a lady I often meet and we walk our dogs together.. this was a month or two back and this particular morning I was not coping well when I bumped into her.  SO whereas normally I paint on my "smiley" face I told her me and H were not together and mentioned something about MLC.  I said to her please don't thing this is about dressing younger and buying a Harley Davidson and she said no I completely understand because my friend's husband went through it.

She then told me about her friend.  Apparently her (friend's) husband's dad had died and then his friend committed suicide and then he went of the rails, he ended up moving in with his mum and had an affair.  His wife was very adamant that he stayed away until he sorted 'himself out' to protect their daughter.
After about 6-7 months he started talking to his wife and wanted to come back.  She insisted he went to counselling and just over a year he moved back.  She said things are not great but it is now 18 months later and they are getting there.

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