[lily22]

This might seem like a really dumb question but how do I protect myself financially.  Our mortgage is the only thing in joint names anything else is on our own names.  He earns more than 3x what I do and if he wasn't paying the mortgage in the morning I don't know what I would do as I can't afford it.  He pays the bills this far but nothing towards me or my boys.  What can I actually do to protect us

[Treasur]

I’m afraid that your best option is to take legal advice about this. You probably don’t want to and you don’t have to act on the advice you get, but as I understand it, the financial stability of you and your sons is dependent on your h keeping his word. And that’s not a very safe place to live with given that he has already broken other bigger promises and commitments, is it? I’m so sorry.

[lily22]

I have gone to speak to a lawyer who was pretty bleak to be honest and hasn't given me many options to be honest.  He actually told me what my h has written down, better to sit and let him do that until he stops.  You're right, this living month to month hoping he pays is killing me

[Ready2Transform]

Is there a way you can start to create a just-in-case cushion for yourself? Side hustle sort of business, or sell some things and stick the money back in an account he can't touch? Take stock of any emergency credit or funds you may have available. Just enough that if the worst-case scenario happens and he doesn't pay one month, you'll have some reserves to pull from that will buy you time to get something filed (and pay for that too). It's incredibly unfair to have to think this way, but it's not your fault. 'Hope for the best but prepare for the worst' was a motto that got me through in the best of times. When I tried to overthink how I could manage it all (with our joint debt in my name), I ended up bankrupted by him. Trust me, it is better to be safe!

[lily22]

Yes I have a tiny crochet business and I've started to try to squirrel away where I can as much as I can. I don't think he can touch my own bank accounts though? I sound so stupid don't I.  I just never ever thought this would be me

[in it]

If the accounts are in your name only, no he can't.

[Biscuit]

Lily,

You don't sound stupid at all, you're in shock and can't get your head around what the actual £$%^ is going on. No one here is going to be anything less than compassionate and caring no matter what the question or problem. You can ask anything and someone will be along who has a very similar situation and will be able to offer some sound advice.

So sorry you're here.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

You need legal advice and possible orders for child support. While one may want to throw in the towel and walk away from the family, society still expects the children's way of life to be maintained. Also since you have grown dependent on his income as well, you maybe entitled to support. That is why you should look for legal advice since you are the adult in the room. Laws, regulations, and benefits very from state to state as well as countries so I don't want to provide any legal advice as every case is unique and the rules are different in many jurisdictions.

Hope this helps,


(((Ready)))

[lily22]

I sought legal advice from 3 so far.  I am in the UK.  each of them have painted a bleak outlook.  They have told me to sit tight and let him pay for now until he stops the alternative is to sell our home and with so little equity in it, I would be effectively homeless and unable to start again as my wages wouldnt allow me to get a mortgage on my own.

[KayDee]

Hi Lily, so sorry this has happened to you. I too am in the UK and got some excellent legal advice. From what I understand, it seems that a divorce would be much kinder to you in this respect -  meaning that a judge would take into account a disparity in wages (in your favour), a cut of your H's pension (if he has one), and indeed your reduced ability to get a mortgage. A judge will dispassionately looks at both your financial statements and if s/he sees big disparities, and (if it's a long marriage), will award in favour of the financially disadvantaged. My understanding of this is that payment to the lesser earning spouse can be taken against equity in the house. It is also my understanding that, in a long marriage, all assets are deemed 'marital' assets. I paid much more into the mortgage than my H (I am the bigger earner), but according to my solicitor, this didn't count for anything.  Now, I don't have children, but I would imagine that this would be even more favourable. Sorry to bring up the D word, but I hope it is empowering for you to at least know you have this option. Most UK divorces are 'no fault' and can be done in 6 months, and there is no 'cooling off' - i.e. can start straightaway. It's odd to me that your solicitors differed so much from what mine said. I paid for a consultation, but it was worth it.