[MadLuv]

5H-

She was/is full of anger and told me she no longer has a relationship with her Dad and he will not have anything to do with our granddaughter or her husband.  I certainly cannot debate her feelings of hurt. She did not want to hear about any crisis related topics and told me she felt like i was defending him

Only my POV from my own scrambled mess     
I can hear my own daughter in this, except she will continue to try and engage in her father and their relationship. My daughter has no sympathy for her Dad. She says he can get help. She does say when she talks to him and he acts sad that she ignores it. She will not engage( she is wiser than I)  She also said, she talks to him, but very seldom and mostly wedding or work related. She has no insight into his life at all. She said, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS HAPPENING IN HIS LIFE

I also do what you do. I try to explain it away with the crisis. Maybe to lesson the pain for them. So, they know the good father they knew was real and he can’t help where he is or he would. I do feel that is the best approach for them. I feel it is the reason they try and stay engaged. I feel that if my XH does not make an effort at some point they will be like your daughter and get tired of putting in effort that is not returned.

Also, wow on your neighbors. That is so nice! We just never know where support is going to come from, but so many times it is from who we would never see it coming from and that in itself gives some hope.

[FaithWalker]

Good to see an update from you 5H.  I'm sorry that your traveling partner was a wet blanket.  I'm glad you were able to enjoy your last week a little more.

These MLCers just have no idea how their decisions have a tidal wave that affects many people, especially their kids.  They often explain it away by saying "kids are resilient" and yada yada.

So glad to hear that your neighbors stepped up and helped you.  I am sorry that you hurt yourself so badly trying to do the upkeep.  I mowed my tiny yard yesterday and I didn't have an edge trimmer, so I was out there trimming the edges with scissors.  I have a painful blister on my knuckle, and that is bad enough.  Then I cut my thumb on my other hand slicing up an avocado.  These are tiny owies, but painful, so I can't imagine what cutting on the lawnmower blade must have felt like. 

I hope you continue to get the support that you need from other caring folds in your life. 

[5hilmerton]

Hey there Tornup,
thank you for your POV re:Daughter.  My D40 says things similar to your D, since she acknowledges she is her D, she say she knows he knows what he is doing.  The last time she tried to engage with H he called her a liar.  Long story there further back in my thread.  My S32 does engage with his Dad but always says he is talking to someone he no longer knows.  My middle D33 maintains an open mind but cannot understand having a Father all of her life and then BOOM all of sudden he's gone. 😕😕

FaithWalker, thank you so much for reading my update.  Yes the MLC'rs have no idea of the collateral damage and if they do it seems they just don't care.
I really do get the blisters and cuts from food prep.  It's no laughing matter but it is. 😊😊 Accidents happen but for me usually when i am not wearing a good pair of gloves. 
I am blessed to have my family and my neighbors who really do demonstrate what a true act from the heart can mean.

Take care,
5hil

[5hilmerton]

Just Journaling,
I am an only child and have always been super independent.  I keep myself busy so i don't have time to feel sorry for myself.  But am i healing or do i just have my self caught up in a paradox? I am working to better understand myself and my reality.

  Today our minister spoke about giving thanks in all circumstances.  It seems like GOD is asking too much of us, especially during times of great disappointment, tremendous losses or unbearable heartaches.  The misunderstanding comes in thinking we're supposed to give thanks "for" everything when God is leading us to give thanks "in" everything. It's a concept some of us struggle with and resist, thinking God is telling us to be thankful "for" the difficulties.  This makes us miss what he is leading us to do, which is to be thankful despite the problems, to not let disappointments, failures, losses and hurts keep us from being thankful to him.

It is funny the Sermon was about giving thanks.  Yesterday i sat outside looking out upon my yard i realized how blessed i truly am. I told my S33 that it is quite possible i appreciate what i have more now since BD then i probably ever have. For that i am grateful and say THANK YOU.

I was reading posts on Standing Stong thread and all of a sudden a bell went off.  You know the bell they hit just before a fight.  SS allowed me to highjack his thread and answered with great detail my random questions. For that i am grateful and say THANK YOU!!

I am a deacon in my Church and i was notified that one of the families i follow has two preschool girls that have tested positive for Covid.  I was able to contact other members of our Church so we can provide daily meals and other items during their quarantine. For that i am grateful and say THANK YOU!

Thanks for the opportunity to share,
5hil

[FaithWalker]

Great post 5H.  It definitely resonated with me.

I'm so sorry about the preschool girls.  I hope everything turns out okay for that family and I bet they are grateful for strong Church family to help them through this.

[5hilmerton]

Thank you FW,
Oldest of the little ones is pretty sick.  Fever started yesterday afternoon and she is pretty weak.
We r praying for the very best.  Their Dad will be home from Norway this Friday.  God is great and always has a plan.

5hil

[5hilmerton]

Good news the little ones have recovered from their Covid and almost out of quarantine.  Dad came home from Norway today so all is good with the church family.

On another note my H's best friend called me today.  He has been telling me my H does not answer his calls.  They are both from the same country and Covid is rampant and not controlled there.  He also knows H goes for a visit every year but i had never shared with him my reality. I finally shared most of what has been going on. A very long conversation and a large shock to best friend.  He had assumed because of Covid, border closures, bad phone communication was why he had not heard from H.  Pretty sure he has not realized how much time has passed.

So today H's friend says in a very excited voice "guess what, i spoke to +&%$.  I said oh that is great and he shared his conversation with me.  He asked me if i knew his wallet was stolen. I told him yes i do know. He then told me that H is extremely nervous about Covid so he does not want to go to the embassy in another city to get his documentation replaced but knows he must.  He told me they had a fun conversation cutting up together.  He told me one thing was odd in that H invited him to our house for Thanksgiving.  I told him that he is always welcome but to not be surprised if H is not here.  I thanked him for being a good friend to H and for reaching out to H.  I dunno, strange but i really have no anticipation one way or another.

5hil

[5hilmerton]

Just Journaling
It's labor day weekend and in my State and local areas Covid is spiking.  The grandmother of the two little girls i spoke of earlier is now sick.  Today a medical team will be going to her house and give her an antibody infusion treatment.  Fairly new outpatient treatment to attack early attempting to keep folks out of the hospital.  Two days ago i lost a friend to this horrible Covid. The family was set to remove all life support,  on the early morning of,  he had a heart attack and passed.
The majority of my Church congregation are pretty mature and many of them will not get the vaccine.  i am working with the elders to reinstate hand sanitizer and masks in the Sanctuary.

Today will be a good day to get outside in the yard and tackle some weeds and trim some trees. I believe staying out of the weekend chaos will be best for me.  Need to keep this brain of mind stimulated on the goodness and challenges of mother nature and not the emotional challenges within.

5hil

[xyzcf]

I am sorry for the loss of your friend. Too many lives lost.

Yesterday, I had several windows replaced in my home and one of the worker's dad died of COVID 2 weeks ago. Only 71, perfectly healthy man. He lived in Mexico and did not have the privilege of being able to get a vaccine since they do not have enough of a supply yet.

I have stopped doing things inside and am debating going to mass this weekend. A community close to where I live have implemented wearing masks inside again but so far not here. I had blood work done this morning and thought, I actually feel safer in a hospital than I feel going to mass.

Yesterday I spent time in my yard and garden and will soon go out and do some more before the heat becomes too intense. I was thinking about how much I really enjoy the gardening. I look out my window at a plethora of colors and it never gets tired or old. I sometimes find the house a lot to take care of, especially since I have had to do many repairs lately. I have something fixed twice already and find that this is still not "fixed". I still find it hard that I have to deal with this (it's a major issue) without talking to my husband about what is the right thing to do. Them I think about all the people who have lost everything in the floods and the fires and I remind myself this is just a house...it will be ok.....anything in this place should be able to be fixed.....

May you have a peaceful weekend.

[5hilmerton]

Thank you xyzcf,
I got out and back in before it reached 106°.  My music in my back pocket, because i don't like anything in my ears, i am in heaven outside.  It really takes me away from it all.

I have family and friends in Mexico and it is extremely difficult regarding the Covid vaccine and prevention.  As in a lot of places there are those who believe their personal choice will not affect others. My H is in Mexico, a bit of a germophobe,  he is extremely frightened of Covid.

I did get the Elders attention and i believe there will be added precautions for those of us who want to attend a service.  With that said i believe i will attend Church tomorrow although i do not expect to see many there.

You too have a peaceful weekend.

5hil