[Imgood]

Hi Dragonfly, it’s so good to hear that you’re doing well! Glad to hear that you’re dating and enjoying the experience. Here’s to wishing, you meet someone fabulous who is worthy of you!

[beyondblessed]

Hello, DF, it's so good to hear that you are doing so well!  It does take a minute to get our bearings from such a shocking betrayal, but once we do, there is nothing but ourselves to  slow our journey through healing.   You sound fantastic and that is something to celebrate!  It is almost impossible to fathom in the beginning, but at some point a lot of us have ended up grateful for the tough lessons learned and the lives we have now.  This definitely changes one's perspective to be sure.

[Dragonfly33]

Thank you Treasur, Marvin, Madluv, Ursa, Imgood and BB.

Marvin I remember at the time when you pointed out to me the obvious, I have to say honestly that I was really butthurt. It was hard for me to accept the reality that my exh never cared about me or my well-being anymore. That that marriage was over. I could not accept that I wasn't his priority anymore, that what he was doing was abusing my kindness. And I kept trying and trying. It was indeed a crazy rollercoaster ride. In hindsight, I could have stopped the bleeding earlier but it was hard to see the truth because in my mind this is my husband. Even now I don't think anything has changed with him. And with him I don't think it is just MLC. I think it was a pattern to be contacting the ex and try to flirt or get the high whenever the ex flirts back. Because what he did to me with his ex gf from 15 years ago during the onset of MLC or even before MLC was exactly what he's doing now with his young sporty OW with me. The only difference is I don't take the bait. I'm so done with all these dramas and I don't need it anymore after what I had to go through with him. I'm sure the OW isn't aware he's greeting me on my birthday. somehow, it's a blessing in disguise the OW is with him. She kept him occupied and gave him another high and eventually he stopped bothering me. For as long as there is a supply he will be at an arms length from me.

Also a blessing in disguise for me as I had finally faced all my childhood traumas and understood myself better. My therapist pointed out something that was really very important for me. My parents' separation was not my fault and my husband's infidelity or so called misery was not my fault. I have to remind myself of this every day. My mom didn't leave me because I was not enough, she was unfortunately in that situation where I was almost 5 years ago and had no choice. My ex left me because of him not because of me. Those realisations have helped me a lot in moving on and be confident with myself again. It helped me see my value as a person. Of course it is never over, this is a journey and once in a while I may trip over but then I stand up right away and keep moving. And I thank you all for sticking with me when no one else understood what I was going through. This group was part of my therapy.

[Dragonfly33]

Just a short update about my exh and our former friends that picked his side. My friend who is also friends with these common friend of ours will be celebrating her birthday soon. And she told me today that she is inviting these common friends of ours with whom I had no more contact anymore. And I told my friend I am not really comfortable with them because i cut off the contact long time ago. She told me not to worry since they  are apparently not friends anymore with my x because they don’t like him anymore. So he really cut off quite a number of people in that case. And the people he hang out with nowadays are really weird people including the OW. Sounds like MLC then.

[MadLuv]

You know there is so much focus on the affair down. But I think they marry up and their insecurities and crisis make them attach to those they feel in their current state they feel they are worthy of.  It’s all very sad, isn’t it.

[Dragonfly33]

This is so true Madluv. The OW makes him feel worthy because she’s supporting gis craziness. I remember I always told him I was so proud of what he achieved in his career but he wasn’t proud of himself. And he kept saying he’s doing this triathlon to make me proud of him even though I told him I was proud of him. It’s all projection but of course at that time I didn’t understand it. But anyway, like I said I don’t give much thought of it nowadays. I also didn’t seek to know what’s going on with his life. Today it’s just that my friend informed me she’s inviting our common friend as I am also coming to her party. I don’t think I want to go back to him anymore even if given a chance. The damage and hurt are  irreversible or even irreparable. Even if he was indeed in MLC I don’t think I want to risk my life with him again. I know if I am in a new relationship the risk would be the same but I cannot unsee what a horrible person my exh has become towards me. The things he said to me about making sure I die if ever I wanted to commit suicide again was just disgusting especially from a man who said he loved me. There’s just no more turning back to that.