[5hilmerton]

Today i had a wonderful day with D33 my grandson and DIL and S32. My kids birthday is this month in just a few days.  Ever since they were little they always wanted to celebrate together.  So we got together swam and fired up the barbecue grill and made way too much food.  Steaks, corn, sweet potatoes, idaho potatoes, garlic bread, watermelon and peach cobbler with vanilla ice cream.  Yep we had it all, but for the first time in a very long time i missed my H's presence.  H would have taken care of all the grilled items and on the hot days he would jump in the pool and jump out to flip the meat.

I really enjoy family time but there still is that void every time we get together.  My S looks and sounds so much like his Dad it's like seeing a younger version of H. Although we don't talk about H's absence once in a while i will hear "Oh that's the way Dad did it" or "I sound just like Dad".  It warms my heart that they still share fond memories even though i know they are all hurting.

Well tomorrow is another day and it looks like another tropical storm is blowing in.  Good for the plants but certainly causes a lot of flooding.

Take care,
5hil

[FaithWalker]

I'm glad you had a wonderful day with your family 5H.  I understand about that gap in missing someone that should be there.  (((HUGS)))

[5hilmerton]

Thank you FW for reading my post. I am glad my random thoughts and feelings are understood.

 As the cooler but raining weather moves in i know i will have more time to think about everything since i will spend more time doing inside work. Holidays coming, 42  year wedding anniversary this month etc.  I feel like now more than ever i need to keep myself busy.

We got through the tropical storm with minimal impact to most.  Will be helping a friend build a holiday float.  Trying to not spread myself  too thin with volunteer work.  I tend to put my own passive income work aside.  I had to create a calendar with each day saying yard work or inside work since i was spending every day outside.

I am learning to be frugal.  Very new to me since i was a girl before i was married.  I now get excited when i find great deals and i put back things that are not worth it or i really do not need. Yesterday i was behind a lady in the grocery store who was a bit shaky and older than me.  Her cart was pretty full,  i watched as she slowly put her items up to be scanned.  We really cannot help each other due to Covid.  Anyways she was putting her items up to be scanned with no emotion on her face just a task to get done.  She had coupons and was really very slow.  I am pretty patient and was in no hurry as i continued to watch.  When all was done the cashier said "you saved 54 dollars".  This lady lit up and you would have thought bells and whistles were going off and balloons and confetti was dropping down.  She was so happy and said "oh thank you i really try".  That so made my day to see how happy she was!! I just might stop forgetting to bring my coupons 😊😊😊😊,

I know i am random with my posts but i appreciate the responses. 💕💕

Have a wonderful week,
5hil

[MadLuv]

Looking for the positive moments in life are never random. We need those bright moments. They start connecting and squeezing out the bad. Let the clouds part and the sunshine through!!! 🙂

[5hilmerton]

Thank you Tornup for your words of inspiration.

It's strange that it has been 3 months that H has not communicated with me for some reason or other.  I would not have really given it much thought except Facebook memories made me think of H.  I still dream of H in a good way and i look at his pictures with adoration.  Not sure if this is me not excepting that he's not available or just the way i am accepting his absence.

Regardless of the why, i am doing well and have been asked to lead another committee to develop volunteer recruitment for our ministry.  I often pray and ask God for guidance and strength to make wise decisions.  I believe God puts it back on me to stay true to him and his word and myself.  So i have accepted the team lead opportunity to give back to my community and be able to share what i have to give.

The yard is at a good maintenance level now and the weather is cooling down.  I am still potting and replanting but not really out of necessity.  I have scheduled one more spinal nerve block and i hope this one will finally get my sciatica pain under control.  This month will be my 42nd wedding anniversary and i think i just might be ok to just let it be another day.

I really do hope some day i will see my H not be disconnected from our children and our grans.  And if it is in God's will know that H will some day remember me.

Well that's the ramble for today,
5hil

[xyzcf]

I am glad that you have accepted to lead a committee to recruit for your ministry. God has a plan and how things come to us to do and the people that are put in our lives always amazes me.

In a few days it will be our 44th wedding anniversary. I actually am fine to acknowledge the day, I usually attend mass and last year took a drive in the mountains and had a lovely lunch outdoors. It doesn't make me sad as it once did, but grateful for the 32 years we had together.

My husband has always stayed in contact but there are times he withdraws and I don't hear from him for a while. I have learned that is his "pattern" and there is no explaining it really although I suspect that sometimes, he will see me for a bit and it will be quite nice and that scares him. Just my way of thinking, I could be totally wrong.

I hope that you get some relief from the sciatica pain. Pain is very tiring.

I really do hope some day i will see my H not be disconnected from our children and our grans.  And if it is in God's will know that H will some day remember me.

For me, I believe that God and scripture leads me to keep my heart open to my husband. He is welcomed to join us, our daughter lives in a different country so it makes sense to see her together for the short time she spends with us. Almost every year since BD, we spend Christmas together with her.

God gives me the strength to do this and it really is an answer to my prayers of having my family restored.

As you know, we see things on earth as being the only "time" that we have for things to be the way we want, forgetting that this earthly time is but a flash.

Our husbands do remember us...one of my favourite images is that God goes after the lost sheep. Our husbands are very lost and I really believe that God is taking care of that.

Peace to you today.

[5hilmerton]

Thank you xyzcf,
I needed those encouraging words.  Funny thing yesterday as i was getting ready in my closet i kept repeating God says it will all be ok, God says it will all be ok...... I took the dogs outside and the weather was absolutely perfect so i sat and read my daily devotional.  I sometimes get ahead of myself so i am into the October devotionals.  After that i had that feeling that often comes over me. "It will all be ok" 😊😊💖💖😊😊 Thank you for checking on my posts i love to hear from everyone.  I believe sometimes reading what others have to say lubricates my soul.

5hil

[xyzcf]

It always helps me to have someone comment on my posts, to be understood. I am so fortunate to have met several LBSers along the way in person and can speak to them freely about how I feel. One person lives 5 minutes from me and she shares my beliefs about the permanency of marriage and we have supported one another for years with prayer and discussion of our beliefs.

That voice of God, that comes when I least expect it and I always feel at peace, several people have heard this same thing.

The hard part is giving this totally over to Him. I feel that God created me and knew everything about me before I was born....and I can trust in His love and His goodness.

Sometimes I only see what I want and am not always grateful for the many many ways God has shown his love and care for me. If it isn't exactly what I want, I feel that He has not heard me but I know He hears me very well.

Now my husband may hear but choose not to listen. I pray that God will change his hardened heart and open his eyes and his ears and that no matter what the outcome, that I will be at peace.

[5hilmerton]

Just journaling,
I spend so much time staying busy so i don't think too much.  A couple of days ago was my wedding anniversary.  I did good and it definitely was easier than the first two. Lately i have been cleaning out closets with 42 years and 5 moves to 5 different states with Corporate America stuff.  I can really say it's just stuff.

I made a promise to my children that their inheritance would not be my stuff/junk.  It's actually pretty motivating to have that commitment.  So i have been finding "stuff" cleaning it up and putting it on line to sell.  Funny thing is that what you have from your parents, grand parents does not have the value u always thought.  I mean who would think that Silver Dollars from 1886 would have little value and even less if they clean.  Or Thomas Kinkade prints are a dime a dozen.  Anyway it's been storming here so staying busy in the house. Not as fun as being outside but i make it work.

Monday i have my last nerve block injection in my spine.  I am really hoping this will prevent surgery.  My fingers that i cut on the lawn mower blades look pretty good.  Nails are all grown back and the the tips are not numb and the pain is almost gone. Hmm while i am journaling i just got an offer on one of my TK prints. Just made the sale that i just posted a half an hour ago.  Hmmmm maybe i should have asked for more. 😊

Well that's my story and i am sticking to it.
5hil

[HeavenlyFocus]

Hi 5hil,

Glad to you are getting rid of the clutter.  I think it not only helps the space in our homes but also helps to feel more organized.   Hope the pain injection goes well.  Always good to try to prevent spine surgery if possible.  Hope you have a relaxing weekend!

HF