My advice, for what it’s worth, would be not to worry right now whether it is MLC or not. Either way, everything you need to do is the same: protect your children and make sure they will be provided for, detach and start planning ahead. Trying to look for signs of MLC will actually keep you stuck in these early days. I know it’s hard, I know it hurts, but you have to protect yourself from the things that are actually happening right now.
He showed you his finances, what does that mean, he showed you a copy of bank account statements, credit card statements, pension fund… I ask this because I saw a divorce lawyer two-ish months after BD, contacted a mediator and started trying to get him to exchange financial information. Where I come from, you need the last three years of financials. It took him almost a year to finally produce the required financial statement, which is literally just a one page form. There were tons of discrepancies and missing information. For instance, the bank statements he provided showed money being deposited every two weeks from another account. He had actually in fact changed his direct deposit to a new different account, which he didn’t disclose and didn’t provide the statements for. He was then depositing money from that account into the account for which he provided me the statement and he somehow thought I was dumb enough to think that he was making less money. He provided only partial documents and there was evidence of all kinds of withdrawals and movements of money, some that were clear - ATM withdrawals at casinos, payments to online bookies 🙄 - others that were completely unexplained and I couldn’t afford a forensic accountant.
I also found out that he had been paying rent on an apartment in another state for 6 months, an empty apartment that was for the purposes of him establishing residency before he actually moved.
And it wasnt until about 18 months or so after BD that I found out about the credit card he opened in just my name, which still causes a sting every time I make the monthly payment.
What I am saying is if he “showed you” his financials and gave you his word, that’s great. But you need to get paper copies of everything he showed you and go over them with an attorney of your own - definitely not just with your shared financial planner. Maybe he will do right by you financially, maybe he won’t do anything deceptive and maybe he won’t be financially irresponsible, and for your sake and your kids’ sake I really hope that’s the case. But you have kids who need to be provided for, so need to verify rather than just taking his word - whether he is MLC or not, because not being in MLC absolutely does not guarantee he won’t try to shirk responsibility for his family. He doesn’t need to know that you met with a professional, but you should definitely do so.
“The desire to be loved is the last illusion. Give it up and you will be free.” ~Margaret Atwood
You can either be consumed or forged. It’s up to you; the fire doesn’t care either way.