[Dragonfly33]

Kaydee is right, you don’t have to agree now. You can tell him, you need time to think about it. It’s totally normal that you are scared to lose your home and to be in a situation where you are financially insecure. I’ve been there.. My H wanted me to move out of our apartment back in 2019. It scared me a lot especially that I didn’t work 100%. I was worried I would not be able to pay an apartment of my own. I couldn’t stay in our apartment either and kick him out because it was too expensive for me alone. Even though where I live, the law says in case of separation I should take the same standard of apartment that we had at the time. Everybody who went through divorce advised me to take a lawyer but I did not because I was so scared of not being able to pay a lawyer. I agreed to what my ex proposed and I took a cheap apartment. The problem was, eventually we divorced and the financial support was based on the agreement we had when we separated. I could have gotten more but I didn’t because I trusted my x. Even though I consulted a lawyer, I didn’t really push it and I let him do most of the decision making which was a mistake. So, take it as it is a business deal. I had the same advise but I was so scared and worried. I got some financial support from him for a short time until I am able to find a 100% position which is difficult with my profile.  But please, be selfish this time.  You are worried abouy losing your house. Take it this way, if eventually your H is going to file that D, are you going to lose your house? If that’s the case then I think it’s perhaps better that you file the legal separation. Either way you’re going to lose the house but at least you have a huge say about financial agreements.

I can totally understand how you feel now about him not texting you. I suffered from this for 2 years. I had a clinging boomerang and even though we separated he kept texting me either fighting me or professing his love. Mostly professing his love but doing the opposite. That is agonizing and like you I wanted the texts to stop. But when it stopped I kept checking my phone and I felt so down. It was like a drug because the texts triggered my emotions. When he finally stopped texting last year, I went through some sort of withdrawal. It was excruciatingly painful. But now, I am at peace. I got used to his absence. What I’m trying to say is what you’re feeling right now is totally normal. Even after 3 years there are still moments when I wished he was with me because I felt alone. What’s important now is you do not have to decide now even if your h is rushing you. You also have a say to this. Don’t let him bully you. Im so sorry that you have to go through this. I know how difficult it is and I know you can feel defeated at times. Perhaps it would help if you talk to your family or friends. Hugs to you Lily.

[WHY]

And please whatever happens.  Please don’t sign anything without proper representation. 

[WHY]

I have asked 3 solicitors.  They've all said roughly the same.  The last one was one of repute locally and I showed him this letter. He advised me to do nothing until he stopped paying. He said if that's what he is willing to do let him. But it's ok for him, he doesn't have to sit and wait each month to see does he pay.  If I go for separation myself and the finances are divided I will lose our home because I cannot take on the mortgage alone my job doesn't pay well enough. 
And I am having such a horrendous day.  Today is 17 weeks from BD and the first day he hasn't text me.  He has text me every single day from he left and I've been trying to do smart contact as much as possible but today it hurts and I don't even know why because I wanted the stupid texts to stop.  I think I just feel so alone.  It is so much to deal with.

It sounds like if you file, or your H files, you lose the house as it must be sold?  At that point the courts should order that his income be split and used for you both to rent apartments independently. 

It sounds like you have some time.  But it probably makes sense to put together a battle plan for when the house is sold.  It’s highly likely this happens at some point.  Think about neighborhoods where you can live and what you can afford with his split income. 

Also, I don’t know if you work full time, but is it possible to do that, retrain in something?   No way you can deal with this now, but in time, things will get better and this is something to think about. 

You will have to find a way to become completely independent of you H. 

[Songanddance]

I have asked 3 solicitors.  They've all said roughly the same.  The last one was one of repute locally and I showed him this letter. He advised me to do nothing until he stopped paying. He said if that's what he is willing to do let him. But it's ok for him, he doesn't have to sit and wait each month to see does he pay.  If I go for separation myself and the finances are divided I will lose our home because I cannot take on the mortgage alone my job doesn't pay well enough. 
And I am having such a horrendous day.  Today is 17 weeks from BD and the first day he hasn't text me.  He has text me every single day from he left and I've been trying to do smart contact as much as possible but today it hurts and I don't even know why because I wanted the stupid texts to stop.  I think I just feel so alone.  It is so much to deal with.

Lily - I hear you.  I am baffled at the fact that none of them have mentioned home rights or advised you to register your name on the property's LAND registry. This will help protect you. This is UK law.

https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/information/housing/your-housing-rights-when-you-separate/?gclid=CjwKCAiAoL6eBhA3EiwAXDom5jGLU4hfaN2l7FSjs8xMafHevP7y5X_iiQrIE9dLcWTnSO1AELHc7RoCnXQQAvD_BwE

https://www.gov.uk/stay-in-home-during-separation-or-divorce?step-by-step-nav=84b7fdca-a8b0-4500-bc27-dafeab9f1401

https://www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership

[lily22]

Our house is in both names.  They've said do nothing because essentially we've no money, no assets etc so nothing of value.  There's little to no equity in the home and they are aware of my wages

[Songanddance]

Our house is in both names.  They've said do nothing because essentially we've no money, no assets etc so nothing of value.  There's little to no equity in the home and they are aware of my wages

Ok - That's the best advice at the moment.  However should you face divorce, there has been and may still be a practice by which the children are allowed to stay in the home with the main carer (aka you) and the leaving spouse should contribute financially ensuring that the children can be brought up in the family home until the youngest finishes full time education.  I am not sure how you arrive at that and there is no guarantee that this is a blanket rule but it certainly applied to a couple of friends I knew who had young children and the husband walked out.
However it used to be on the GOV website - or something official like that.  It's usually for divorce situations though.

[Akkie1973]

You can't trust these men. Especially when they go deeper into the tunnel. Is it possible for you to find a job so you are not depended on him? I have always earned my own money. I am happy that I am financially stable and I don't have to worry about that right now.

[lily22]

I do have a job and I have a side line as well but still I am not stable and I cannot find anything else because I care for ill parents and my brother

[Songanddance]

Can you get "attendance" allowance?  I didn't realise it but when my MIL was diagnosed with Alzheimers way back in 2009 - we gained power of attorney. We were then told by the official who visited us to check a whole load of stuff out (naturally and correct to do so) that even though we weren't daytime carers we could get her attendance allowance which would help out with the finances. I can't remember the details.   
If you are caring for your ill parents and brother (is he also ill?) then you may find a level of income support there as it is preventing you from getting a full time job.  The other thing are you earning too much in your job to gain any other form of governmental support such as a small universal credit payment or now you are the sole carer for your children - can you get any form of child tax credit ?   It's been some time since I had to look into all this - citizen's advice Bureau may be able to help too.  Solicitors don't usually have a handle on this - but CAB will.

[lily22]

I earn too much to get benefits.  If I want benefits CAB have told me to close my business.  Benefits won't allow me to be able to pay my way. And my job doesn't earn enough to be able to get a mortgage.  So you can see my situation is a mess