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91
Our Community / Everything hurts.
« Latest by Lostinthewoods on April 15, 2024, 07:34:12 AM »
Hi everything hurts,
So sorry that you are going through this heartache and pain. It is as much physical as it is mental.
Some of the things they say are horrible.
My MLCER for example doing the first few years into BD told me he would choose the OW over me anyway and yesterday he claimed he never said such a thing and has always wanted me and that i have not accepted him and have given him a tough time so anotger reaso that our relationship will not work.  :-* We start questioning our reality. ( still doing it, the vets here will guide you and give you the right insight)
Take care because extreme thoughts are very common. Please remember you are precious. And no matter what the mlcer says like UM says many a times they talk just to spite and hurt you.
It takes a lot of time to start crawling let alone standing up.
You need good friends who you can confide in and if possible therapy. It helps. Sending hugs
92
Our Community / This is getting tiring
« Latest by Lostinthewoods on April 15, 2024, 07:21:25 AM »
Please bear with me
Why us he here if he does not want to honour the marriage. I have been clear and the last 2 years also shown it clearly that I will not engage.
Why so much hatred and anger against me .
He talks to my son so clearly and politely and also spoken to a common friend about some parts of it he has to him that he is not in touch with her just helping her financially.
To me he says he cannot stop being in touch with her, ( to help, not romantically)
He says he will not be transparent which is my condition.
OK let me rake it few days at a time and see.

Love you guys for your patience. The last week was very tough. Too much of rambling
But I dont know where else to go.
93
Our Community / This is getting tiring
« Latest by Lostinthewoods on April 15, 2024, 07:14:31 AM »
OK last night he said to my folded hands. What should I do, should I fall at her feet. The drama. And I thought he didn't know to act.
I was calmer and called him out on how his behaviour impacted us and how he kept saying that we were pretending. I told him I hope.you understand the pain you have put us through. That's when he told me that he was going through something himself too.
I simply called him out and said I have done enough research about MLC. He asks me then why don't you understand what I'm going thro'
I said because I understood I'm still here. Otherwise I would not be here and also told him abt mlc not being a justification for irresponsible behaviour etc.
Last night was intense. I'll keep posting as and when I remember.  Any thoughts and insights are always welcome. I love reading your responses. Keeps me sane
94
Our Community / This is getting tiring
« Latest by Lostinthewoods on April 15, 2024, 07:06:36 AM »
I'm trying to look back and see, if he was this person. I feel so stupid to have not realised for 25years. I think he was not so bad . There were a few instances but I dont remember this level of arrogance, ego.
And he claims he is not in touch with the OW, and yet the monstering is so awful. I cannot tell you some things he has said. You'll will ask me to just leave. I've also reacted to his stupidity sometimes it is hard to be calm when someone does not answer you.i know it is my decision. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going to be one of those wife's who just exists in the marriage without anything in it.
I feel so helpless and hopeless.
I did ask him to put everything up for sale and that we.can go our separate ways . He said OK and the next day he is a different person. Asking if I need anything etc. While I have not been talking. He just exists in the house. How is it possible.
Oh god this is crazy . I just hope I don't go nuts soon.
Detachment comes and goes. It is not consistent for me. It was easy when he was not around but it impacted my children.
What a quandary for us LBS.
95
Our Community / statistics regarding male LBS stories on the forum
« Latest by Atari25 on April 15, 2024, 06:55:55 AM »
Thanks for posting, interesting if nothing else.

I am always looking for more information, more answers and more understanding of what is happening to my wife. Appreciate the post.
96
Our Community / This is getting tiring
« Latest by Lostinthewoods on April 15, 2024, 06:52:54 AM »
That is the problem , no plan B,.have to finish this house. The bank transfers the money to his account as he will be paying the Emi( I paid the down payment and the amount for the plot) loan is a joint loan . Stupid banking system now that I am in this situation,  it would not have mattered otherwise.  Even if is possible and If I ask the bank to transfer to me he will most likely bring the roof down.i don't want to go there. My children are so stressed even if they don't tell me.i can s3nse it. It's such a mess , this horrible human thatnhe has become :(
97
Our Community / This is getting tiring
« Latest by Treasur on April 15, 2024, 05:39:01 AM »
You might want to Google about DARVO.
It’s a pretty standard way that both disordered humans and small children react when they are challenged and feel uncomfortable about it. Usually bc the truth of what they’ve done is rather unpleasant. It’s not about you at all. Either punishment or reward.

Given that - as I understand it from what you have posted so far - you can’t control how he uses the money or perhaps access any of it directly yourself, do you have a plan B?
98
Our Community / This is getting tiring
« Latest by in it on April 15, 2024, 04:53:16 AM »
Maybe he doesn't want to take any accountability so he lays it all off on you. It's all your fault so he doesn't accept any blame. With blame comes shame. He's not going to accept the truth. You catch him in a lie then he didn't get away with something he tried too.

It's not healthy to live with someone who tries to confuse you this way. You don't deserve to be punished for him being irresponsible..
99
Our Community / This is getting tiring
« Latest by Lostinthewoods on April 15, 2024, 04:29:59 AM »
There is this question in my mind , I know it's something I have to work on.
Why am I punished by him when he is the one who messed up so so ....much.
He monsters when I catch him in a lie. Again he is the one who lied and I am made the one who gets shouted at and he turns it around
100
Our Community / Help Please 5
« Latest by UrsaMajor on April 15, 2024, 03:22:16 AM »
Quote from: Helpnewc on April 15, 2024, 02:20:17 AM
An incompetent solicitor and a mad client is a bad mix.

At least for her.....

As for the custody - 50/50 or no deal.... Same as mediation. She wants the D, she has to pony up her part of it... It's called "consequences."
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