[FrenchHusband]

Here I go for a new thread. So I have to find a name for it. First thread was "surviving a MLC", it lasted 3 months. Second thread "living is an opportunity" lasted 13 months.

My first question is where I am ? When I look at the pseudo I chose when I created an account here, I defined myself as French Husband as a reference for the "French Lover". But now, does that make sense to keep the same pseudo as I will soon be divorced ? Should I change it for "FrenchSoonToBeDivorced" ? I don't think so. I am not defined by the next-to-come divorce. In hindsight I have been removed from the husband job around 2 years ago. I have been repudiated. But that does not make my past life before a lie. I have had a good marriage, W has been a good wife, a good mother, a good partner for 17 years. Together we have overcome trials and raised wonderful childen. It was not perfect but it was good. Now it is over, I have accepted it.

I am now in the road for divorce. This is not a roadI have chosen, not a road I expected, but I accept to follow it, what I can choose is to continue to protect myself, the children and the finances. That is for the exterior. For the inner side I choose to continue the journey towards myself as I recognize this journey has helped me to inforce my Faith, to improve my relationship with God and with the others.

A quick summary now of my LBS trip :
BD was January 2022, a few days after I discovered the OM. First months were the most horrible : I lost 10 kilos (LBS diet), I lost sleep, I didn't want to accept the marriage was over.
I discovered the MLC few months after, and the forum THS in May 2023 (from another French LBS). W stayed at home while she was secretly preparing an escape trip, and since May 2024 she is now living most of the time somewhere in Switzerland (I don't know where). I am in the house, the children are with me all the time and the divorce is ongoing (initiated by W).

Life is beautiful : the time has hugely slowed down at BD and what was a nightmare is now a blessing for me as i am enjoying my life as much as I can.

[Tailspin]

Sounds like made great progress.  The acceptance is the hardest part for me and you're right that time slows down.  I wish you luck on your continuing journey.  I hope to be where you are soon.  God Bless! 

[Baxter1]

FH-
Love the title, I took feel that I am on a journey towards myself.
She's on her own journey of self discovery and I guess I got pulled into one as well. Enjoy the journey!

[OffRoad]

It is amazing how the LBS gets to go on their own unexpected journey. You just cannot go through this without finding yourself on a road you never intended. Then we have to pick a direction and find out where it all ends up.

[UrsaMajor]

It is amazing how the LBS gets to go on their own unexpected journey. You just cannot go through this without finding yourself on a road you never intended. Then we have to pick a direction and find out where it all ends up.

Someone's timeline a long time ago said it perfectly - "One doesn't make the trip to Hades and back without acquiring some transferable skills."

[FrenchHusband]

Thank you for your comments about my journey, yes it was an unexpected one, I feel like little hobbit Bilbo but I hope I won't find an evil ring.

Now it is time for journaling as there are new things that happened last week end

W wants to take the children
12 days ago W called at home. According to my new policy I gave the phone to S6, but at the end of the call he gave me back the device. And W actually wanted to speak with me : she said that she wanted to take S6 for the week-end in a monastery. I asked for details and W told me that D15 can not go and she did not want to tell me with whom they would go.
I then felt very uneasy with the request as this came a few days after the notification that the court hearing will be delayed due to the judge wanting to hear the children (my initiative). And I saw no reason for D15 to not participate to the monastery retreay.
I think W has understood that the daughters don't want to go with her in Switzerland. But I think she has not given up for S6 and she secretly expects to take "at least" him (her words one time that I won't forget).
So my mind imagined a child abduction. In Switzerland. Or worse, in Africa. Looks almost impossible, but not totally : maybe the risk is 5% or 1% ? I don't know, but the consequences would be terrible for me and the children, so I want to avoid this.

I sent a text to W saying that S6 has other activities scheduled this week-end that will not happen again soon, and that she can book the retreay another weekend also together with D15 and D17. I feel that D15 and D17 won't be easy to be travelled by force in a far country so I prefer in the future that W takes all the children together.
I got a monster in text back (expected) so I answered with "I am sorry you feel that way" and "you are always welcome to participate to activities with the children"

Then came the week-end. I had no information about W coming, so the children and I were surprised to see her arriving on Satturday morning. In the morning W came with us to the activity. S6 was always close to me, giving me his hand , chatting and joyous, and W silent 3-5 meters away from us. No comment  .
In the afternoon W took D15 and S6 for her usual activity with them : a trip to the shopping center.
In the evening W stayed at home so I went alone with S6.
 
And next morning while I was washing the dishes W came in the kitchen
First she said she wanted to dialogue with me, I answered that I need to be warned before a dialogue (boundary).
W then said she had things to say, so I answered that I could listen.
W said she wants to take the children for Christmas, either in Switzerland either in France. I asked for details and W told me that she is just informing me, she does not ask my permission. Then I told W that I feel concerned by the way she speaks about the children, as if they were pieces of furniture or animals, and I said they have their free will. I got then awakening Monster and I began to leave the room, that calmed immediately Monster so I came back and W continued to speak a little bit. When she finished I said I had listened to her and the Christmas holidays were not to be taken for granted.

In the next minutes I got a text from W telling that I ask for details and I don't give details about what I do with the children.
And some minutes after W climbed the steps to say "bye" to us three.

In the evening I answered to the text : I told W that I would gladly give her details requests or any demands, if only I received them : I am no seer I can not guess the unexpressed needs and wants. I added that I would gladly see her really involving in the children education, but at this time I see sadly that she can not keep her commitments, and not only to me. E.g. you are still not able to tell clearly when you come and go.
So I insist to ask for details : where, when, how, with who ?

Actually I am rather in favour of Christmas holidays with W for the children. It would be good for her, for the children. And I also need some real holidays without children. But not at any cost ! So I have to set up boundaries, again.

The phone calls from W to children are becoming chaotic : in the past it was regular, every other day then once in 3 days. But in the last weeks it has been every day during 5 days, then no call during 5 days, then again every day during 2 days, then nothing. I observe it as it looks a bit strange. But the good news is that the children are not impacted, neither myself. The children are now used to the chaos coming from W and I give to them enough stability.




A new LBS in the village

During same Satturday with outdoor activities, I met a LBS from same village. I knew from a discussion with a common friend one month ago that her husband is in crisis, and I had decided not to call her even if I knew she needed help (why ? You can guess in a few paragraphs), but when I met her at the first activity (W was 3 meters from me) and when she answered to my greetings with "are you aware ?..." I changed my mind, so I decided to give to this woman my ear during the evening, too bad for the night animals and the explanations of our guide.
 
Well I guess you can guess what I will write ? A 20 year marriage, 3 children D9, D8 and D5 (almost D6, schoolmate of S6). End of July the husband disappears, and 10 days after the now LBS learns that her H lives with anOtherWoman. Even worse, the adulterous couple has been seen snogging in the village several times    and they are usually behaving as teenagers in front of common friends. Well we can imagine how were the 2 last months for the LBS : sleepless nights, angry discussions, shock, sense of lostness, shame...
What is less common in a LBS situation is that the woman talks already about a "liberation". Actually, she realizes there have been a lot of abuses even before the crisis : verbal violence, depreciation of her as a person, jealousy. She talked about conjugal rape to. So I think there is likely MLC and there is more than MLC.

Now the woman tries to protect her children as she sees they are regressing really fast. She has been obliged by policemen to open to the failed husband so that he picks up his things (he stole the 2d car key at same time and other important papers that he gave back except the car key), and she has been obliged to "give" the children sometimes to the failed husband and the OW, even if the father is violent and careless. He and OW are showing her teenage snogging things before the children, they go in their bed during the afternoon in presence of the children. D9 is wetting her bed and D5 is talking like a 2-year baby and asking for attention everytime. The MLCH has already made vain the advice "protect the finances" because he has already stolen everything available 60k€ to his W and the children as he had access to all accounts.

D5 spent a lot of time stuck to me during the evening. Actually she was disturbing the event and I took her in my arms so that she would be calm. Her mother was surprised, she said : "usually she doesn't go with men". I understand she has been traumatized by her dad's violence. The last hour I finally said to D5 "you know, I don't really understand when you're talking like a baby, I would prefer you to speak like a little child". Then she talked like the little intelligent girl she is, and I confess I was proud of myself. She said to me just before the end of the event : "my dad has left our home, he lives with OW and sleeps in a bed with OW. Do you want to be my daddy ?"

I have mainly listened to her during the evening, and then by text when we went back home. I have proposed my help because I know life has tought me how to deal with this kind of situation : internally, with the lawyer, with the social worker, with the psychologist, etc... and I slept badly the next night, a sign that there is something wrong within me that I have to work on.

Next morning I knew what to do : I called a friend (mum of another S6 friend) who is already aware of the whole situation. She is currently studying psyschology and we are good friends so I asked for her advice. We discussed first about this woman and her children, then I said that she is a very nice woman, and I am a man who had no sexual relationship for 2 years. I am already helping a French LBS since 1 year, but he is a man living 1000 kilometers away so there is no ambiguity. Helping a female LBS in same village is new to me. She congratulated me to name what is happening with honesty, she said she felt it at the time that I raised the topic of this woman, and as I requested she gave to me useful advices, how to handle the situation (for the record this friend knows since 1 month the basics of my own situation : W and I are separated, W lives in Switzerland and I take care of the children). I need to keep the right distance. I will propose my help, not save.

Today there is no school (rain red alert). I am at home and D5 is currently with us as her mother told me she was looking for a solution for her 3 girls. I have not yet decided to tell to this woman my own story. Since 2 months I am informing friends and family about what is happening. I am glad I have done it following the advices here. It is now easier and easier to inform the friends, relatives and acquaintances. If people ask something related to W, I answer they should ask directly to W. And when I got questions about me, I answer honestly, sometimes with caution. I am glad I am now detached enough so that I am able to say nothing negative about W, and only positive or factual things with the children.

[Treasur]

Well done FH on having the self-knowledge to avoid jumping in to help this other LBS and her kids, to ask for help from another woman. Bc everyone is vulnerable in these situations, aren’t they? So easy to mean well but to inadvertently add to the chaos or get pulled into something that affects your family in a way which isn’t helpful. And those poor little kids….heartbreaking.

Worth remembering too that this LBS is very early in, a bit like newbies who come here. As a vet, one knows that where you start is not always where you get to but that the skin is thin so you need to choose your words carefully. I presume this LBS does not have good enough English to come here? I wonder if there are any other French-speaking LBS here who might help, idk?

But you are right. It is not unkind to put boundaries in place. If only bc that poor little one is so desperate for a ‘daddy’ figure.

Sad that you have to consider the risk of your wife not returning the kids if you agreed but imho appropriate. At least until some of the legal custody things are resolved - have you checked with your own lawyer about this and if you can legally refuse to hand over passports or ID cards? Usually of course our worst fears do not come to pass…unless they do. And it’s not unreasonable to be cautious in the circumstances where your spouse has left the country.

A less self-centred (MLCish) parent would of course understand your concerns as reasonable in the situation and respond in ways to reassure you of her good intent….but it’s all Me Me, isn’t it? MLCers are notoriously noisy about their ‘rights’ but tend to ignore their obligations, of course. It seems very reasonable to me that, as a parent, particularly with your little boy, that you would want to know where she is taking him etc. Her response of course is just a false equivalence of apples and pears….someine who doesn’t even give you all basic info about her comings and goings or where she is living, who left, really is not entitled to step by step breakdowns of where you all are. Although you might want to game this out with your lawyer - I know other LBS parents here have used things like parenting software to ensure that it is obvious to any judge who is behaving above and beyond as a Co parent and who is not. Keeping some kind of documented trail can help, even if it seems ridiculous.

Having said that, legally, when the custody issues are agreed, there will be limits on what you can control, I imagine….you probably won’t be able to stop intros to OM or what she says to them about what’s going on. And that must be hard.

What’s the new timescale on the legal hearing?

[Standing Strong]

Wow FH...... what a situation.

She's running "hot" at the moment eh? That's ok..... she can't maintain it, not forever. A mother's instincts vs searching for "the happy new life". We all know which one wins in the end, and it's not the instinct.

Love how you are controlling the flow. Excellent!!

-SS

[FrenchHusband]

Thanks Treasur for your nice comments. I am glad I have progressed since last year and I am now better knowing myself and my own vulnerabilities. I pretend jumping in the White Knight clothings is sometimes very close to abusing a vulnerable person. I write here for my personal situation, not all men in the world. And I believe it is the same for the three knights actually protecting Sansa Stark in the fiction books A Clash Of Kings and A Storm Of Swords : Sandor Clegane, Tyrion Lannister and (ser) Dontos Hollard. The 3 of them are actively protecting her, and the three of them could have raped her. For the record in the books Sansa is a 14 yo girl and the 3 men are around 30.

So I am proud of myself until now, yes. For the future I don't know exactly how I will act and try to help the LBS. At this time she does not know my current situation, she was for me an acquaintance until last month (mum of one of the many S6's schoolmates/friends). I gave to her a few hints that I have faced the same situation as her, but I am sure she does not know anything about my real situation. Ideally yes I would tell her to register here, but apart from this breach in my confidentiality, she has not the English skills to read and write here. And in French-speaking Internet I was not able to find a place like THS forum. Even between French LBS the skills and knowledge that we find here is not available.

You know, I have often considered opening a French forum or trying to convince people here that we should open a French-speaking section. That would be really useful for sure and that would help many people. But from your idea I have contacted the French LBS whom I talked about here. She gave me also good advices. Now after a few days and a bit of sharing I am more confident with myself that I can manage the situation as best as possible.

And please don't forget that, as there are already a lot of damages from the crisis and even before the crisis, my new friend is not standing at all. She is still deeply attached to her ex-companion and under shock.

Sad that you have to consider the risk of your wife not returning the kids if you agreed but imho appropriate. At least until some of the legal custody things are resolved - have you checked with your own lawyer about this and if you can legally refuse to hand over passports or ID cards? Usually of course our worst fears do not come to pass…unless they do. And it’s not unreasonable to be cautious in the circumstances where your spouse has left the country.

Yes I have talked with my lawyer, and I will follow his advices regarding ID cards and Christmas holidays.

There is no rush : next hearing is scheduled December 5th and Christmas holidays are in 2 months. Now both girls are at home, I have discussed the topic with them : D15 said that W has talked with her and she said WE will have Christmas together. S6 said the same. So both of them believe that we 5 will be together. Even after I said I have not the same understanding. D15 and D17 said to me "you won't be alone for Christmas".

I understand now that W may want me to leave the house for Christmas. It would be the perfect option for W. Actually it would be good for me to have holidays without the children, but I am reluctant to leave the house in the current situation. So I won't be nice.

MLCers are notoriously noisy about their ‘rights’ but tend to ignore their obligations, of course.

I really like this quote ! It is so right. So similar with teenagers within teenage crisis !
And I want to add that MLCers are denying their wrongs.

I know other LBS parents here have used things like parenting software to ensure that it is obvious to any judge who is behaving above and beyond as a Co parent and who is not. Keeping some kind of documented trail can help, even if it seems ridiculous.

what do you mean with parenting software ? Currently I am doing more around 95% of the parenting. I plan to give a calendar from May to November pointing out my parental days (all) and W's (3-4/ month).

Having said that, legally, when the custody issues are agreed, there will be limits on what you can control, I imagine….you probably won’t be able to stop intros to OM or what she says to them about what’s going on. And that must be hard.

Yes sure, in the future I won't have so much control on the time spent between W and the children. I want to ask the judge to forbid leaving national territory without my consent for the children. And I hope that, with time, W can accept the new situation, may the judge take the right decisions (in February normally)

Wow FH...... what a situation.

She's running "hot" at the moment eh? That's ok..... she can't maintain it, not forever. A mother's instincts vs searching for "the happy new life". We all know which one wins in the end, and it's not the instinct.

Love how you are controlling the flow. Excellent!!

-SS

Thanks -SS for your comment, actually I don't think I am trying to control anything, I just try to respond quietly to everything that life throws to me, the good and the bad. Are you sure mother's instinct is the loser ? I am not, so maybe it was a typing error ? Anyway I have no expectation of this whole mess finishing quicky, so I continue to journal here mainly for the benefit of other LBS

"she is doing miracles"
Last week I got my dad and his wife at home. For the record my mother died 19 years ago. F and MIL are not very close to me, and until now I did not inform them. But when I picked them at the bus station I said that W is not at home, and S6 explained she works in Switzerland.
The following day MIL told me that she wants to speak with W and she is doing miracles with other separated couples. I said nothing but internally I was "meh" (expressing lack of enthusiasm)

In the evening, W called me, I gave the cellphone to  S6 for their 2 minutes convo. Then S6 said "do you want to speak with grandma and he gave the mobile to W. And what happened ? MIL went in a room (actually the guest room where W sleeps usually) and she spoke to W.
I entered the kitchen, D15 saw that I was upset and she asked me what is wrong. I said "grandma is speaking to mum". And D15 said "bad idea".

Then after the 45 min-call I got 1 hour painful discussion with MIL (F was also present), MIL explaining all the things I should do. I did not want to give any details (and anyway MIL was not asking questions) but I talked a bit more that I wanted. The advices from MIL were mainly to do the useless things that I have tried in the first months, or phrases like "a woman wants to be retained when she leaves". MIL said that W is in pain, I said that I know she is in pain. Then MIL : "she needs your help". Me : "she does not want any help from me. Then a third person, said MIL. I asked "did she actually ask for your help ?". MIL said no. And I said : I too did not ask for your help, and without my consent you are intervening in a situation that you don't know. And that almost closed the discussion.
The only good news is that, according to MIL, W said that she has suffered a lot in her childhood. Few months before she was denegating this in front of the children. 

I cento passi (the hundred steps)
I would like to share a music I discovered recently and I am currently listening as it inspires me. The music is great, and greatest is the life of the man who inspired the movie "I cento passi " : Peppino Impastato, the Standing man against the mafia.
I believe that Italian are great for singing great songs whent they face an oppressing power.

enjoy the music from I cento passi !

[Treasur]

Thank you for the music! I was dancing around here while I cleared up in the kitchen….although the cat walked in, looked at me like I was a crazy woman and walked out ha ha.

Re the parenting software….to clarify, I have seen other LBS here refer to apps, I think one is called something like Family Wizard? It allows you to share and document info related to kids without having to have direct contact, I think. But I don’t know what the French equivalent is.

[amazinglove]

Can we please just agree to STOP USING THE WORD RAPE in posts?
I am over it. Enough. Please.

[Baxter1]

FH-

So sorry that you are dealing with this but you seem to have a good handle on things. I’m sure you never thought you would have to worry about your W taking your kids to another country but here you are. MLC is a cruel beast

[FrenchHusband]

Thanks B1, T and AL for your comments.

Can we please just agree to STOP USING THE WORD RAPE in posts?
I am over it. Enough. Please.

OK understood. In the future when I will need to speak with offending words on my thread, I will write in white so that it is invisible for those who don't want to read it. lease forgive me : as a foreigner and not a native, I am not aware of what is offending and what is'nt.

Thank you for the music! I was dancing around here while I cleared up in the kitchen….although the cat walked in, looked at me like I was a crazy woman and walked out ha ha.

You know what ? same time you were writing these words I was dancing in the kitchen with S6 & the music. Instead of a cat D15 was looking at us like we were crazy people ha ha .

After I told D17 about that music I discovered that, she had studied this movie last year during her Italian course. She knows Peppino Impastato.

A bit of journaling
last weeks have been fine. No change for W who continues to come and go few days in the month (around 3-4 days / month is the new standard). I am still very happy in my life with the children and going ahead.
For Christmas it is now settled that we will go to my brother and SIL. I am wanting it. The children are wanting it. Guess who is not wanting it, who is unhappy ?  . When W complains I tell her that she has not sent any clear plans for Christmas. The children have understood that they may go in Switzerland for a few days after Christmas. I told W that she is welcome at my brother's home and that their house is not so far from Switzerland. It's up to her to make her plans.


I continue to help the LBS mum (will call her LBSM from here) the best as I can, and I often take care of the 3 daughters when she needs to . After giving to her some hints, I have finally confided to her a part of my story so that I can now share the advices from the forum to her. She is working on herself and she is fighting for her children.
As I expected (and feared) this to happen, the sharing of my story has added a lot of emotions to the relationship btwn LBSM and I. LBSM is now even closer to me and together with her I have tried to set up boundaries of "friendly relationship".

Last week LBSM was very shocked, because, after the school, her ex had kidnapped her D6. In the evening she called me and said she needed a hug, so I came to her house. I had told D15 that I was walking outside : it was true but not totally true.

Warning : the next paragraphs in white contain sexual content and offending words.
I walked 20 minutes and prayed in the same time to keep the boundaries, because I knew LBSM was not able to keep the boundaries. LBSM did not want her children to see me at her house so she brought me in her car and I listened to her during many hours and hugged her. At the end of the night she sat on me and said that she wanted to rape me. It was hard for me to keep my boundary but I said no. My body was screaming YES, my heart and my brain were saying NO.  She kept me under her during maybe 1 hour, saying I was in jail (oh what a delightful jail when she opened her bra and lifted her shirt up) but I still kept my boundary. And actually, after 5 hours of standing with pride, my reptilian brain was not valiant enough to stand anymore. So if I had said yes, the experience for us would have been one of the worse quality.
At 4:30 am I left the car (yes we have spent the whole night in a car with engine off in November, that's southern France climate)


I plan to continue in the future to help LBSM as much as I can and I plan to keep my boundaries. It looks to me I am playing the sorcerer's apprentice and it looks to me it is the right thing to do right now. For the record the ex brought back the girl at school 2 days after. D6 was not present for an important medical appointment as her dad didn't appear.

the future days
Next days are really important for the family : on Thursday morning I will go with D15 to the judge so that she can tell what she wants. On Thursday afternoon I will go to the school for a meeting with the teacher, the director and a psy. The main topic will be whether S6 will jump directly to 2d year of primary school after 3 months of 1st year. He is already in a mixed class (1st/2d) so it will be smooth. W will participate by phoe to the meeting. I am proud that, even with the difficult situation with their mom, the kids are still doing very well at school.

I got two written testimonies from other parents who testity that I am taking care of the three kids very well, that I am doing the household chores and am always present with the children in the public parks and for friends birthdays. One mother is writing that I am alone to take care of the children since several months and have done everything so that nothing is changed for the children since their mother left. This testimony is actually my only proof before the Court that W has left our home. It is crucial for my case. December 5th I will have the hearing then after 2 months I expect the court decision. 

[Treasur]

Well done on making your Christmas plans for you and the kids! As you say, your wife seems to still have the expectation that everyone should wait on her wishes, as if you all get put in a cupboard when she leaves and then get pulled out when she turns up to ‘play’. Pretty common mindset with MLC folks of course, but still weird….so congratulations on not getting sucked into that.

Re LBSM….a couple of gentle cautions from me fwiw. I read your white text (not quite sure why you’ve chosen that option here to talk about these kind of things though)
You are a grown man and entirely free to make your own choices.
However, if one finds oneself lying or keeping something in the dark, it’s a pretty solid red flag that one might not be choosing wisely or healthily. If there was nothing to hide, why would you choose to hide it even as an act of omission. I think we LBS tend to learn that lies are like dripping acid in life, even small ones. Worth thinking about perhaps?

And if her h is capable of kidnapping his own child, he may not be the healthiest person to be even on the edge of your life or your family’s life. One never wants to think that people can do some of the crazy things that people can do when emotions are running high. But sometimes they DO do those things, and I can’t see how exposing you or your kids to even the slightest risk of being affected by someone else’s current marital crisis is worth taking lightly. And she is still someone else’s wife, I think, and her h may not much like the idea of her rolling around with someone else even if he no longer wants his marriage or does not deserve it. What do you think?

[FrenchHusband]

Hi Treasur,

thanks for your answer and your wise advices. I wrote in white just because I don't want to force anyone to read a sexual content, and because I used the R word. I have nothing to hide in my life, especially here is a very safe place for me : I try to be as honest in this forum as I am with myself. I saw my spiritual counsellor last week and I told him the same thing that I wrote here regarding LBSM.
Actually she was never married to her ex, so he was never her H. Nevertheless from what I know he is a man who thinks he has "ownership" on other people. Anyway, out of consideration for his mannish reactions, I still plan to keep my boundary and not have any sexual relationship with LBM (I remove the S).

Christmas changes
W was not happy with the Christmas plans. Instead of blaming me, she chose D15 as a mediator and we had a discussion all three together before W left. So, I have accepted the proposal from D15 and I am agree with the changes : the children will go during 4 days in Switzerland around Christmas with their mom, and they will spend 12 days with me. Finally I will have a few days without the children.

school appointment for S6
I went at the appointment with the teacher, the school director, the psy and a specialized teacher. All these people are taking care of S6 ! I sent a text to W so that she could join the meeting by phone as it was settled. Then when the meeting began I called her... nobody answered. Same when I tried again 15 minutes after. I remember the very sententious texts that I got from W when I proposed to her to participate by phone to this meeting : "she did'nt need my proposal to participate, it is her son". Well it she took 50 minutes to call back. On a positive note she "participated" during 11 last minutes.
So, to summarize, S6, according to his teacher is very smart, a good boy in the classroom, a nice schoolmate who listens to the teacher, he nevers puts himself in the limelight. She said he is the perfect schoolboy. He is doing the 1st year activities and some of the 2d year activities. According to his teacher, he has understood that he makes more mistakes when he does the 2d year activities. So for the moment he will stay in between 1st year and 2d year. There are 2 girls and maybe a boy in the same position : the teacher call them "the Never" as they never need help from the teacher. I am glad with the decision. In 4 monhs we will have another meeting.

D15 hearing
I brought D15 at the Court. I was good for me to see the tribunal building. I'll be ready for the next hearings. My daughter saw the judge in her office alone, in total less than 5 minutes. I was not here (obviously). D15 told me that the judge asked only one question (her name). Then D15 talked. She must have prepared what to say because she said it all. Then I brought back D15 to her high school. She was not happy because she was missing 2 hours at school. D15 said nothing to me so I did'nt know what she said. The first point was about her wishes, I was hoping she wanted to stay with me. And as a cherry on the cake I was hoping she would tell the judge that her mom is in Switzerland. Before the judge W is still claiming that she lives at our home and I have no real proof that it is not the case.
So, what did D15 say ? My lawyer told me her words

My mother is living in Switzerland since several months. I respect her decision. I want to continue to live in [villagename]. I want to live in the same place as my little brother. My sister is living in another town and she shares the same position : she wants us to live together in [villagename]

Well, what could I add ? D15 is not talking about me. No word for dad. And every word for me is golden. I was really relieved when I heard what she said.

News of the divorce

As expected, W's lawyer has delayed the hearing that was scheduled December 5th. It will happen in 2 months now. According to her, W has sent "a lot of documents". I think that W's lawyer has understood that her strategy is not right. I think that W is unhappy with the situation because she wanted to rush her flight. But that's not my business. Mine is currently to focus on myself and take care of the kids.
Until this hearing I will write W, then I will switch to STBXW.