[Hopeful5]

This whole process of detachment, mourning the loss of my W (as I knew her), and dealing with the mindfu$# of the blame, gaslighting and abusive behavior is the most hellish experience I could have ever imagined.

One moment I think Im able to see things clearly, and the next moment I still feel like I'm to blame for this whole situation, and that I've failed to fix my marriage.

What are some of the ways you've all found to cope and heal?  I'm asking especially for those that choose to stand (stay married) to the MLC'er.

[Ichoosefaith]

As much as you have probably done wrong in your marriage ( we all have and none of us were perfect ). You have to understand THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. No matter how much she blames you or makes it personal or points out any of your flaws or shortcomings or insecurities. That is her way of projecting. Half of what she says she doesn’t mean or truly believe it is honestly just to hurt you.

Her poor coping skills have caused her to  blame you for ALL her own demons. And no matter what you do right now you cannot get through to her.

Some day long down the road years even, she will come out and realize that. Or she won’t 🤷‍♂️. But you have no control over that.

You have to decide how you want to live your life and start piecing it back together even in her absence.
You have to do the work on yourself so when the dog starts lifting you are the best man you can be. Not for her but for you. She may NEVER come back so start living life and moving toward making a life for yourself that is good for you regardless if she does or not.

[Hopeful5]

As much as you have probably done wrong in your marriage ( we all have and none of us were perfect ). You have to understand THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU. No matter how much she blames you or makes it personal or points out any of your flaws or shortcomings or insecurities. That is her way of projecting. Half of what she says she doesn’t mean or truly believe it is honestly just to hurt you.

Her poor coping skills have caused her to  blame you for ALL her own demons. And no matter what you do right now you cannot get through to her.

Some day long down the road years even, she will come out and realize that. Or she won’t 🤷‍♂️. But you have no control over that.

You have to decide how you want to live your life and start piecing it back together even in her absence.
You have to do the work on yourself so when the dog starts lifting you are the best man you can be. Not for her but for you. She may NEVER come back so start living life and moving toward making a life for yourself that is good for you regardless if she does or not.

Thank you... This truly made my day and helped clear the fog of confusion in my own head.  Bless you.