[KayDee]

He’s very proud of the OW because she apparently encourages him and supports him with his so called passion. 🙈

That's a weirdity - to be proud of someone because of the role they play in upholding your lifestyle.  He sounds like he has an exercise (and praise) addiction. Yes, you are better off out of it.

[Dragonfly33]

He’s very proud of the OW because she apparently encourages him and supports him with his so called passion. 🙈

Sorry I meant grateful not proud. 🙈 She supports onsite. Well she doesn’t have to clean, wash and iron his clothes and cook for him so she has all the time supporting him wherever he goes. But anyway, I know his pattern. He’s been with her now for two years, who knows what miracle he’s going to do after five years of filming each other. 

My family told me recently I look way better now than when I was still with my x even before BD. My mom told me I was walking on egg shells with me, every action was controlled. I couldn’t be me. My ex had to be the center of my attention around my family otherwise it‘s going to be a fight. Looking back, though my ex was very generous with me and a good provider, around him I couldn’t be my real self because he didn‘t like certain behaviors I had. Maybe MLC was meant to be for me to find myself again and become authentic again. Maybe after all it was a blessing in disguise.

[MadLuv]

I do think that is the one bright light in all the darkness. We do seem to realize we lost ourselves and we start to wake up to that. My XH OW/wife also does nothing but be the appreciative recipient of my XH gifting and her new lifestyle. I did everything and she does nothing.  I have accepted that I could never be that. So, if he needs someone to constantly praise and validate him, then he is with his match now. It comes at a cost. A cost of their values, their self esteem, their wallet and their family. It’s a huge swap to discard those who love you no matter what with those who love you for what you can do for them.  As a friend stated to me recently, he will wake up when it’s to late. Probably on his death bed.

[Dragonfly33]

If they even realize that Madluv. I don’t mine would. He seemed very happy with his life now traveling here and there for the love of his triathlon, maybe after all it’s what he needed. Adrenaline junkies. The life he had with me was too boring as I wasn’t a hard core sporty person. Sometimes I think maybe we weren’t really a match. Perhaps it wasn’t MLC after all. He just really wanted to get out of that marriage and find his true passion. Who knows. I don’t care about the answers to the Whys anymore. O can’t believe I‘m saying it now as I was so obsessed trying to understand why he did what he did.

[One day at a time]

It's interesting Dragonfly, I seem to be at a very similar place. Maybe is the "closure" that some LBSs get. A realization that, maybe, this is the way it was meant to be.. I actually said that to someone in RL 2 days ago when I heard that xH and O'Wife bought a house in xH's home town (a place I had 0 interest in) and since she's not working, she runs around cleaning up after xH and his parents.

The person that I was talking to said that, in her mind, it's all about xH's ego. O'Wife needed to be rescued, xH got to be the hero and now he gets a woman that does everything he says.. Maybe that's what he wanted all along and he was never going to get that from me....

I also wish I saw this a long time ago but I think we need to go through the process and be ready for this level of acceptance.

[MadLuv]

It’s weird because I think they pic enablers. I also dont require many answers anymore, because the answer is I did not know him. To me he is a covert narcissist and when I look back I can clearly see it, but at the time and throughout I just thought he is insecure and that was endearing. Now, I believe thats what he learned to be. It all still goes back to childhood. Whether major traumas or just and inattentive parent. Most people realize their issues and we spend a lifetime working through our traumas with out hurting anyone, but just working on us and getting better. Then there is the MLCer who runs and escapes instead of looking within.

I also agree with the boredom. To me that is what life becomes and you have to appreciate and be able to sit in normalcy. Appreciate isn’t what they need. The voices are to loud in quiet. Just my opinion.