I am very sorry for your loss. You had every right to attend the funeral.

Give your D time. It's sad if you are unable to lean on each other, but if I have learned anything it's that you can't control other people.

Everyone is happy in a new relationship that is going well. You can't really hang your hat on that. Instead, work on being kinder to yourself. No your mother should not have told anyone anything about you, but you are not that person anymore. Be kind to you. None of this was your fault.

The best of luck to you. I hope you can it all sorted.

It is my opinion they put on the "happy" face. Being "happy" is no excuse for betraying people, also IMO.

Most of us noticed oddities. I, personally, saw strange behaviors but wrote it off to having trouble at work or losing his job. Mine, like yours, wanted to pretend I never existed. After lying to me, about me, gaslighting me, cheating on me, verbally abusing me and abandoning me, how could he live with himself unless he made me into a horrible person that he didn't want to remember?

It took a while, but hindsight being 20/20, I have the following:
He took everyone else's side but mine.
He would do what he promised for everyone except me.
He would pick fights in the car on the way somewhere,  then walk into whatever event all charm and smiles while I tried to put myself back together.
He'd pick fights late when I was tired.
He'd come home late and not call. When he decided we "weren't together"  but still lived in the same house, suddenly he called every night.
I noticed people looking at me oddly. Turned out he was lying about me to them, saying I was "bats#!+ crazy" and they were wondering what he was talking about.
He hid money.
He lost 3 Jobs in short order.
He started treating our  then 16yo D and her friends like girlfriends (creepy as all get out).
He started spending money on fancy meals.
He forgot how to eat with chopsticks. And thought I didn't know how.
He took things I had done in my life and claimed those adventures as his.
He'd interrupt when I talked. Every single time until I told him to knock it off.
He'd do some lousy thing, then when I called him on it, blamed me for it. (Think of it like someone stealing from you and when you show them proof they stole from you, they tell you it was your fault for allowing them to steal from you).
Would say or do something, then claim he hadn't done it.
I'm sure there is more. I'm so far along I could not care less, so it's hard to remember. I do think we give them the benefit of the doubt because I believe we think they have the same honor, integrity  and loyalty we do. And some people either don't have that, or lose it somewhere. My experience only.

How do you know it was really MLC?
If it was really MLC, how do you know he is out of the tunnel?
How do you trust again?

These sound like fair and reasonable questions, Yo. My PoV - for what it’s worth - is that the questions might imply some underlying assumptions. Being aware of those might be more helpful imho than speculative ‘answers’ any of us could give. So, the value is less about the question and more about using them to work out what you already currently think if that makes sense?

If you KNEW for sure it was MLC, do you see that as an explanation - why something happened as it did - or as an excuse - that someone is not entirely responsible for what they did…do you know what you think? Bc if the question matters, it is worth thinking about why it matters as others have said. Not sure if there is a ‘right’ answer as such, certainly different people here see it differently. But what matters is what YOU think.

Linked to that, your second question seems to be to be less about MLC and more about your third question. Life doesn’t come with guarantees of course but what do you see in the man he is now? What would you need to see that would make you feel safer to invest energy and trust in the man he is now? Or not? And the impact on your daughter of course? What do you have to gain or lose?

At a very practical level - regardless of MLC or not - 9 years ago ypur husband took a sharp left turn that affected, I imagine, pretty much every aspect of you and your daughter’s life. And others. There are practical realities that come along with that for everyone so one can’t go back, only forward from where you are today. Practically, you would be building a new relationship from here but with a lot of baggage. Only you - and him - can really decide if you want to do that and what kind of relationship it might be. Jmo.

Oh ML it is good to hear from you! I’m happy that you responded so quickly when you were experiencing those symptoms and I’m happy that you’re ok <3 Our body goes through so much stress after BD and somewhere sadly that takes its toll..

I don’t see my xh as a sweet man. I see him as a weak man that only cares for him welf. Only cares about how he feels.

After all these years I can agree so much with these words! I think this is the base of a lot of MLC’ers..

When I was just out of the hospital and my baby in the NICU instead of stepping up and taking care of our D my xH took every excuse to bring my D back home early to me and instead of helping me he gave me more job while I was healing from a C-section and high bloodpressure in combination of the stress of my baby being in NICU. It showed me again that he’s so weak and only focused on this needs, when things get difficult I’m the one that has to step up, even when I’m shattered in 1000 pieces.

Take care ML! Hopefully your body will find it’s balance again!

Tonight is the Full Moon again (no, this is NOT an April Fools Joke......)

Tonight is the Full Pink Moon. The Moon won't actually be the colour pink, the name comes from the herb, moss pink or wild ground phlox and pink blossom which are bright pink in colour, they are one of the earliest widespread flowers of the Spring. Other names for the April Moon are Seed, Wind, Sprouting Grass, Egg and Fish Moon.
This Full Moon is in the sign of Libra. You can't hide anything from a Libra, they are natural detectives. This is the time when everything will be brought to light, secrets and lies will be found out. We will see things as they really are. Libra is an air element, which is all about communication and the intellect, seeing the truth and asking questions, we will feel emotional around this time as our minds will clear allowing us to see what we could not see before.
In April the thunderstorms of March are beginning to subside and the wind picks up. Seeds are being blown about on the breezes spreading life all around from one place to the next. This is a brilliant time to start any new projects or ideas we may have, our minds will be filled with creativity and the spreading of thoughts and ideas. Plant seeds of ideas to grow in the future. This is also the perfect time to conceive as fertility is abundant at this time.
The pull of the past can be strong on this Full Moon. People we haven't seen for a while may contact us, we may find ourselves thinking of our past and the people from long ago. We may find our best intentions going up in smoke as we embrace old habits and fall back into old destructive patterns. Try and be strong and not take the easy option, instead take the road which will give you the best results. Stay away from bad habits or patterns that keep leading you down a certain path of unhappiness, break the cycle.
Emotions are running high on the Pink Moon, our smallest emotions can be magnified and intensified making us feel a little overwhelmed at times, let these emotions out don't hold them back, emotions are our truths. This is the time to put your gratitude forth for all the many blessings in your life and to clearly speak aloud your desires, let what you want be heard by the universe as we step across the edge to the other side, where miracles and magic can happen, dreams can come true. Allow yourself to ask for more.
We are in a powerful time where we are asked to look at what is no longer working in our lives, where is the old skin stuck and inhibiting our further growth. Shed your old skin to allow new growth. At this time we can be surrounded by things, people, situations, attitudes that are actually toxic and need to be burned in the fire, so we can rebirth ourselves from the ashes like the phoenix does.
Use the light of this Full Moon to cast away negativity and the negative aspects of our lives and to let positive and good pour in. Open yourself up and allow your vessel to be filled with the blessings that the universe is sending out right now. Let the winds of Libra gently blow over your spirit to cleanse and heal you.