I watched the narcissist one and then this one on avoidants: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHBAtKV971U

That one will put the LBS in a different state of looking at the MLCer.

I think its shocking how close this is to describing MLC.  SHOCKING. 

At HS we're so focused on this theory of MLC, stages this, replay that, depression, what caused it and rationalizing what's going, giving us "hope" for the future.  But when you cut through it, and you understand genuine narcissistic behavior, so much makes sense.  So much.  And the reality and the outcomes are not pretty. 

I think it's also helpful to understand that most dont "do the work" and revert out of this.  Sure there may be a simmering down over the years, an awakening of sorts, but true remorse and making amends rarely happens.  Let alone reconciliation.... 

I cant pretend to fully understand what caused this personality shift.  But what I know without a doubt is that MLCers become full blown narcissists.  As a coping mechanism?  Who knows.  Bottom line is that their behavior is pure narcissism (this is a crisis of self confidence & self esteem after all).  And this behavior will destroy the LBS if they let it.

I wish I had known this from the beginning.  All I was doing was being a supply to fill my MLCers addiction to address the void inside her.  Actions that seemed horrific and so personal/hurtful, we're actually just a source of supply to a mentally broken person who doesnt care about anything else than getting that supply.  An addiction of sorts.  And it will never stop until rock bottom, which may or may not come. 

MLCers will keep chasing this supply, limerance, excessive spending, substance abuse, the list goes on.  It's all the same supply.  And guess what.  So is the LBS....  How many stories have we heard about "the awakening" happening after the LBS moves on or finds someone else?  It's not about the LBS or some love that got away.  It's the lack of supply that finally allows them to hit rock bottom.  Supply is the fuel that allows them to fly around in lala land.  And I'd argue the LBS is a much bigger source of supply than most of us realize.  We're enabling it.     

I hope this helps others.  While the MLCer is in this full blown narcissistic phase, I suggest getting completely out the way, leaving, and starting a new life.  There is just no room for you to remain in their orbit as their supply because it will destroy you.  And enables them.  Maybe some can do it and remain strong.  I think for most, just get out the way and protect yourself, and stop enabling their supply.  Honestly, if you care about reconciliation, getting out of the way will limit the damage done, making reconciliation more likely IMO.  I just see no good outcomes as being a source of the MLCers unlimited supply. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzFp98CNZUI

Madluv, the thing I'm looking for now in any relationship is reciprocation.

Do they show an interest me? Ask questions? Compliment me as well? Listen to me when I'm talking? Etc..

It took a lot of inner work for me to realize that's what I've been missing all these years in most of my relationships.

Because honestly if someone isn't truly giving to you, they're just taking and it's simply not a worthy investment.

We need to be open minded and hearted sure, but we also need standards and boundaries.

Quote from: WHY on February 14, 2025, 01:44:04 PM

I wonder if us LBS attract a certain type of person too, prone towards MLC?

Likely/Maybe... Maybe it is the "good guy/woman trap". If you can make partner feel safe, it seems to be call sign for unhealed trauma to surge. And that is where you may get either MLC or MLT. Twisted logic, but could well be valid. And could explain why here are mostly good people who provided and cared and loved unselfishly.

I knew she had traumatic past, but in the end most people have had skeletons. You can only rely on their word of them being done and dealt, and watch for  behaviour. But if mask is on and it is well crafted...then it's gonna be hard. And of course rose/pink goggles make it harder, LOL


Oh well, lets see where this goes. Hopefully MLT, but still sucks.

Alvin

I could tend to agree here.

I think we're all in the same boat as we're the nice / good person the other took a chance on because they're sick of the same old jerks, players a*holes nonsense (doesn't matter MF or FM here .. ) and they can't handle kindness, unconditional love.

They honestly miss or are just used to the arguing, the stress, the cortisol addiction as I've heard it called.

Check out the chaos kid theory. Very apt for most of us.

Some will thrive, some will flounder.

But we as "good people" need to learn to look for the same. I think our problem is we tend to fall in love with potential rather than what's in front of us.

This is good stuff my fellow LBS. 

Hold the line. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XYYnog5ekI