Hey, STP

Sorry to hear about your son's XW, regardless of circumstances. On the other side, you really do manage to keep busy! Most of my current activities involve cursing at projects in my back yard.

I suspect the board hit a high point during the pandemic, and maybe (hopefully) there aren't as many new MLCs out there these days.

Cheers,

JB

It's been a while since last. It would have been nice to say all is still well (as things seemed to improve), but....I am now officially living with female version of Edgar the Bug.

Not sure what it is with birthdays, but last week was CW's birthday and it ended with series of small bomb drops.  Not only once, but four times out-of-blue I was told (in heat of moment) that Im not the person she married - and I should change the way I am or divorce her.

And the demands have been coming and going for two weeks now. And it is so freaking weird. One moment I am treated as the source of all evil and given ultimatums, then I see her run and disappear for hours with zero communication, then I receive touch-and-goes with hugs, kisses and totally weird shared reels. And looping between these. 

Possibly only good thing in all this was that CW had her trauma therapy the day after BD. And today another meeting.  She froze down completely on way to therapist, and for while it seemed she would run away. I was expecting the session to become similar showcase of total silence as I witnessed with XW - but fortunately therapist was able to get CW open up few words at a time. But I doubt she genuinely heard or understood what therapist said during the sessions.

Her therapist seems to know what is happening though did not coin term MLC.  Therapist explained to me that sometimes the trauma or past experiences adds a lens that makes a person see and feel their beloved  as the "enemy".  It is not about me or my behaviour, but more of  her past taking over at her mind. It's totally subconscious defence system of a mind that she is not aware, and she might even forget our joint past.

Therapists only advice was "try to live through it in one piece".

I wish I could say second time is easier. In a way it is, as  I know even the worst scenario is not the end. And there is so much I know what to avoid and what to focus on. All of this feels less chaotic. There is no crash&burn.

But at the same there is new painful level of realism. Not loss of hope, but maybe the let-go-and-let-god.

Oh well, one day at a time.

Alvin

Thank you Reinventing and FW!

Hi to anyone following along.

All is well.  Nary a day goes by without H and I expressing our deep gratitude for the many blessings in our lives. Our children are thriving personally and professionally. Each day, H and I continue to be intentional in showing our love and care for each other. 

…..

You may be surprised to hear that I still hear bits and pieces of what transpired during his crisis.  It was a monumental and prolonged event and I do not doubt that he will sporadically talk about his experience for some time to come. I do not detect any distress when he wanders down the memory lane. And I can listen to him without upsetting my equilibrium. It’s as though we are discussing some academic matters.

A quiet evening and a bottle of fine red wine seem to be a good formula for sharing reflections and lessons learned.  The content of those quiet conversations does not seem to matter as much as the underlying theme - deep self awareness and a clear sense of identity which were distilled from the emotional turmoil he experienced.   

…..

Father’s Day

It was a jolly family gathering. H was rather bashful about all the attention given to him by the kids. He blurted out how grateful he was that the children forgave his failings as their father. We all knew he was referring to those crazy days when he scarcely noticed our children’s existence.  Our children are not particularly demonstrative and tend to express their feelings with action.  They surrounded H with a group hug.  That was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. 

We continue to travel the world together and appreciate our togetherness. 

Wishing you all a wonderful summer.

Hugs!

Journalling
The games women play... pt. 1, as I suspect there will be a pt. 2

I'm always looking through old photos and saw that a year ago I had casually asked through text TPB for a photo. So one night I saw she was up after 10pm which I know is rare and I sent "How are you still up?" to which she replied "barely, lol". I said "Go to bed, and then send me a pic." to which of course she didn't. I immediately backtracked and deleted the photo request. All previous texts between us had been about music as that is a subject we have in common.

Well in the car one day I asked KA to send someone we were meeting a reply, with my phone and when she was taking a long time, I asked what she was doing and she replied "Reading your texts with TPB". She said "How would you like it if I was texting a guy after 10pm". I said "I wouldn't and won't do so again". KA has always said she doesn't trust the woman, but in reality I'm more the instigator there and TPB the recipient.

Kayak season started and with surprise neither TPB, nor her bestie JKR attended. Complete silence from the two women who are my closest women friends. Then week two came, which was a really great paddle location, and more silence. My next party was coming up (It was great fun of course). KA and I discussed after the last party she would prefer I host them when she's not available to come... which gives us another date night each month, which is what she craves... alone time with me.

JKR texted me her and her bestie would be there if their power came back on. (We had tornados here in IN and many homes were knocked out). Found out later one of the two had power when they arrived at the party. I had a sense of distance from the two that night and they left early but JKR and I did have a short unfinished conversation. Then a day later JKR actually quit my kayaking group. 

So a few days later I texted JKR how her foot and arm were as they had been keeping the duo from attending my hikes and I now assumed kayaking as well. Her reply had nothing to do with herself but TPB (whom I've been told they share everything).

"I did tell her I should not have been the one to pull out of kayaking to take a stand (for her)"

. A stand for her? But she's still in my kayaking group.

"She won’t leave it, she loves kayaking. I eventually want back in the kayak group.  I just was “tired” of listening, so I took a stand, not my place, but I knew she would not. If something bothers me, I will let a person know or I just will pull back in conversation. She typically does not let someone know. She is just hung up on you flirting with her when you have a girlfriend.

I said I will leave her alone.
"She has said you have.  She appreciates it. I think at some point TPB will message you. In a weird way I think she will miss the attention."

So from what I can gather they are trying to stay away to teach me a lesson at their own detriment by missing kayaking and hikes. I think the arm and foot thing may be an excuse being used for avoidance. The party was 'too good' of them to miss and they caved and attended that. I have unfollowed and restricted social media on TPB so she sees much less of me. I'm taking steps to move on from my crush which built over two years.


Another friend who is a therapist out of the blue sent me this text chain...

You would be good with TPB. You and her would be the best together. Well, she’s fun, loving, wild, and crazy likes to party, likes music. Has a stable job. Pretty and skinny. You guys have a good relationship

Yes.

Tonight is the New Moon for June....

=====================================

Tonight is the New Moon in the sign of Gemini. This New Moon is all about connections and expressions with others and ourselves. We may hear from people we haven't heard from for a while. There will be reunions with friends and family. We sometimes need to have deep personal conversations with other people and ourselves to figure out where we are and where we are going. Our emotions will feel raw at this time, Don't hold back your thoughts and feelings on this New Moon, let them out and tell people how you really feel.
This is a time of great transition, it is a time to let go of the past and to look to the future. Life is moving forward swiftly now, embrace changes and steer them in the direction you want them to go in. Allow a fresh perspective to take hold of you. Let today and everyday be the first day of your life. The past does not equal the future. There is unlimited potential in the spirit. Keep your mind open. Open your heart and let the light in. A new day is dawning for you.
The Gemini New Moon is about communication and using your intellect. Be smarter and wiser, look at your life in a new way, make plans for the future, use the Gemini influence to help you reach a higher understanding and propel you in a direction you want to go. There will be choices to be made coming soon, leaving you with decisions to make about your future. When you come across multiple choices or two choices and are at a cross roads, rather than becoming scattered like leaves blowing in the wind, quiet down and be still, connect with your spirit and your higher consciousness and ask for the answer.
This is a dreamy New Moon filled with possibilities and promises. The past few months have been challenging for most of us, many of us had a rude awakening in one form or another and life may have seemed rather hard of late, but with this New Moon things will start to look up. Enjoy the new energy as the Moon starts its waxing phase after tonight and will bring us into a new place of positive and good energy. Expect answers to any unsolved questions.
This is a good time to go deep within yourself and see things as they really are. Listen to your intuition. Your instincts will never fail you. The logical mind can be deceived, the eyes and ears can be fooled. They see what they want to see, they hear what they want to hear. However, your Inner self cannot be fooled. Live your life from your authentic self, from inside out. Only you know what you really need and what needs to be done. The power is in your hands.
The New Moon in Gemini is a time for calm and peace. The Cosmos is in perfect harmony at this time. This is a brilliant time to make dreams and wishes come true or just spoil yourself with luxury and enjoy the peace and tranquility. Meditate on any questions you may have and the answers will come to you. Let the winds of change from this air sign blow over you and take you on a journey of discovery. This is the perfect time to start any new projects or learning something new.