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Author Topic: My Story Putting that learning into practice

B
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My Story Putting that learning into practice
#40: July 05, 2025, 05:24:37 PM
The school fete today was really good too.
We hung out as a family again with our friends that are parents at d13’s school for a few hours then I brought MIL home and went out for a friends birthday.
Again, effortless really.
I’m not sure if should bring up with W where this is going or just leave that conversation for another time as I don’t want to jinx what has been great progress recently
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H
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Putting that learning into practice
#41: July 05, 2025, 06:14:30 PM
Biscuit,

I am nowhere near where you are so I can’t help. My wife is still stuck in limerance and thinking I am the devil.

My gut would be to keep building and let her raise it with you.

Help
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Putting that learning into practice
#42: July 07, 2025, 07:56:36 AM
Quote from: Biscuit on July 05, 2025, 05:24:37 PM
I’m not sure if should bring up with W where this is going or just leave that conversation for another time as I don’t want to jinx what has been great progress recently

You sure you wanna do that?

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Me - 62, xW - 55
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 18, D - 14
1 Dog
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Moved on in life
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.
B
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Putting that learning into practice
#43: July 07, 2025, 10:59:37 AM
proper lolling at that UM
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K
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Putting that learning into practice
#44: July 07, 2025, 11:52:18 PM
It's hard to answer this without knowing more details B. Is there a 'mood music' that she wants more? From what you have written in the past, it seems like you have a friendly and warm relationship. I have that with my friends - male and female - and am not looking for mmore. I know it is different, as you have had a past relationship and have kids, but it may be that you are her safe zone because of this. In fact, I think you are her safe zone. But she is not yours at this time, and that involves some sacrifice from you. How long will you be able to do that? In your shoes, I would want to know the same. 

That's the difficulty of looking at things through an MLC lens I suppose - one way or another, we blame the depression. We hope they will come out of 'it'. Subconsciously, we may be waiting for something. I am not saying your W didn't have a major episode, but you can only really deal with what's in front of you now.  I know this is not a particularly helpful answer. I guess only you can decide if you wish to keep the ship steady and wait for something more definite from your W.

Hypothetically, how do you think she would react if you decided to date?
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B
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Putting that learning into practice
#45: July 08, 2025, 05:45:43 AM
Thanks KD,

Yes, I think you have hit the nail on the head. I'm definitely her safety - she knows she can rely on me 100 percent in all aspects and I do not have that with her at all.
The mood is changing, very slowly, she is opening up more (but not talking about anything that happened when MLC whirlwind was in full flow).

I think, but obviously this is a guess, that she would be gutted if I decided to date. But you never know, she may feel relieved - or any other feeling. But my gut says she would be upset.

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Putting that learning into practice
#46: July 11, 2025, 10:16:57 PM
My thought is trying  to have a "conversation" would be construed as pressure, so not probably a good idea. I agree with Helpnewc, let it ride and if she wants to bring it up, listen a lot. Otherwise. Don't go there.  IMO.  ;D
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When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!
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