[in it]

Thanks Anjae it's ok now I made peace with it. Forgiven myself for not being perfect ( another memo I missed).

It must have been a total shock if he was the kind of man you say he was and have him get that crazy and violent.

The ex was creative too..I don't know, it was a really bad relationship for me overall. Any positives could not outweigh the negatives.

Someone asked me once if I was married because they never saw me with anyone..
I kinda thought he and I were good parents, just sucked as husband and wife.
This whole mess was a humbling experience for me. I still wish I hadn't gone back..it just did way more damage to me. Delayed my healing.

It does come down to being appreciated and respected for who we are now and us grateful for very small things.

[Anjae]

You're welcome, In It. I am glad to know you have forgived yourself for not being perfect. No one is.

Yes, the real Mr J was like I say he is. Of course he was not perfect, no one is.

It was a terrible shock. Nothing made sense. He become manic, violent, crazy. I had no idea who that man was. Still don't.

We were often together. Everyone new we were a couple. 

Being good parents and being a good husband and wife is different.
 

It does come down to being appreciated and respected for who we are now and us grateful for very small things.

Indeed it does.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

There is a major difference. Just got off the phone with the new Mrs. Ready. She locked her keys in the trunk by mistake. I am at work 60 miles away. I asked her if she needed an uber ride home or should I contact road side assistance.

She stated she would wait a few minutes to hear from the kids, but was grateful for my help.

My ex would have lost her mind. She would have expected me to come immediately from work to save her and nothing else would remedy the situation. In fact all my other solutions would be proof that I didn't love her and she was not my number one priority.

My new wife calls and her son is on the way.

Peace, problem solved.

I really love my life now!

((((Hugs)))

Ready

[in it]

Hi Ready maybe she just felt more loved with acts of service?..not defending her just saying.

Problem is some people you cannot do enough for they do not appreciate it. They just expect more and more until you have to say enough..You've done enough, put up with enough. The line in the sand has been crossed way too many times. Then all of a sudden you are the problem. You are the mean one.

I locked my keys in the car at work one time a ways before BD. Went to the phone to tell the ex..(he's a 5 minute drive away) I had the thought "I don't know why I'm calling him he will be no help".

He answered the phone I told him what happened.his exact words were:

"What do you want me to do about it?"

I hung up on him.

Not a problem now. I have a car that does not have automatic locks.

Glad you have a new wife and a new life that's better for you then your last relationship.

[Anjae]

If I drove and locked the keys in the trunk and had a phone with me I would call a taxi, Uber or contact road side assistance myself.

I would never call Mr J to come solve the issue and would never expect him to leave work to do so. The reason is not because Mr J would not help/would not offer help, but because I know who I should call.

Once, after BD, I went out to go to the hairdresser. I realized I  had left my keys home (of course Mr J wouldn't be there to open the door).

I still went to the hairdresser and when I come back and I to the fireighters quarter, right by the flat and told them my keys were inside. They took care of the matter.

I am not the sort of woman who tells the husband a plumber, etc. needs to be called. If one needs to be called, I call one. 

[in it]

He was home that's the thing I'm wasn't taking him away from anything like work.
Again Anjae I'm mostly someone who can solve their own problems.
I called a locksmith someone told me about. She had the door open in minutes

[LearningIamOk]

Anjae, the real Mr. J. sounds like an amazing person. It's almost like losing someone to addiction. They become totally different people, but you know the real one is some where inside.

I am glad that you got to experience such a wonderful relationship. You certainly know what you want if you decide to let someone else into your life. l think that most of us are self sufficient. We are survivors and problem solvers.

My car wouldn't start one night coming back by train from New York City after seeing a play with my girlfriend. I called xH (he was my H at the time) to come help us. It was 1am and it was freezing outside. He was so angry that I woke him up. I told him nevermind. My girlfriend called roadside assistance that she had. We had a tow truck on the way by the time he called me back to say he would come out.

In It, you really did deal with a lot of crazy also. It is amazing that any of us want to venture into another relationship. I hope that all the heart ache you went thru to get to this point has shown you that you are a good and valuable person.

Ready, your xW really put you thru the ringer too. I am delighted that your new wife seems grounded and sensible about things. Some people are just black holes of neediness. The new Mrs. Ready seems confident and capable.

[Anjae]

Learning, the real Mr J was wonderful. It is like losing someone to addiction, except with addiction everyone knows something is wrong with the person, with MLC, often, the MLCer looks normal to everyone but the LBS. I don't know if the real Mr J is still inside the MLC version. Who knows, maybe.

Yes, I know what I want in a relationship. We're self suficient and problems solvers indeed. I confess at times I get a little tired of it, but it is fine. And I have learned to ask my brother and cousin who had MLC to do some things for me.

If I called real Mr J because of something like what happened to your car he would come and help. Or call someone to help in case he couldn't come.

Your husband become so angry because you woke him up? Who gets angry when a spouse calls in the middle of the night because there is a problem?

[LearningIamOk]

Your husband become so angry because you woke him up? Who gets angry when a spouse calls in the middle of the night because there is a problem?

Yup, he was one angry hombre. I don't know how I didn't leave him. Of course, I had 4 young kids at the time and no career.

When I remember that night, and other things, I know I would never take him back.

[Anjae]

No one needs an angry hombre. It is fine to be angry at times, we all get angry. Someone who is always angry, man or woman? Nope.

When there are young kids things are much more complicated than when there are no children or the children are grown up.

You have your wonderful new relationship.