Hi all.
Snow, you are not alone in losing a child to this MLC disease.
The worst isn't it. Nice to see that your D is in touch. I just have to leave her alone and let her decide when she is ready. Just amazing to me that the one person who saw first hand what pain this causes, did exactly the same as her father. That tells me this is out of their control.
My greif has been profound. I never thought I would ever be parted from my own children due to this. The things that have happened in these last few years have been almost surreal.
I have to accept it, as I cannot change it. I don't know if they are in crisis. I hope not. I'm hoping they are getting some life experience and maybe someday they will contact me.
In regards to the ex? no I don't miss nor want him back
Same here
Interesting. I also have no trouble being single. I was an independent child - and only child for nine years, very used to be on my own.
Would love a new relationship, but I am not going out of my way to get one.
I don't need anyone to validate me or need to be part of a relationship to feel whole, so maybe that was an advantage.
Makes two. Like with you, it didn't meant it didn't hurt. It did. Like hell. I had no clue what was going on all those years ago. Everything was nuts and nothing made sense.
Yes. I just go about my day to day life and am content. Whatever happens in the future will be dealt with as it happens. Not looking for a relationship, in fact I'm not sure if I would even welcome one at the moment. Then again, if it happened and was mutual, who knows? Same with H, I have no thoughts of ever wanting to be around him or even speak with him again, but if he was in touch, I'm not sure what I would do. I don't wish him harm, I am just not interested in repairing or investing energy into him or any relationship - I'm just done.
That's how I am in general anyway. Very forgiving to a point and then I'm done and there's no turning back. Lies and deceit get an instant bye. I know what I offer as a friend and partner and if I can't have that in return then what is the point. Always said I would never want to be in a relationship with anyone who didn't want to be with me.
The whole MLC situation is shocking to the system and a process to navigate. I remember those early days and that physical heartache, waking up in the night and going through the motions each day, trying to keep life as "normal" as possible for the kids. Such cruelty was dished out by a man I'd loved and been with for over 20 years. Wouldn't expect that from a stranger never mind him. Your whole life as you know it is over and there's a sense of not knowing, but then it goes. New paths and plans, and before you know it your healing starts.
Whatever MLC situation we have had to deal with and whatever path we are now on, I know this site has been so helpful in my journey. Lots of tears and laughs, huge shoulders to cry on and kind empathetic souls lending an ear and providing comfort. I am beyond grateful for the friends made as well as the information learned. Knowing inside what was true has kept my head above water as in the end that's all that matters. I learned that one day when I heard H was telling people it was a "mutual decision" that we separated. I wanted to scream from the rooftops that it wasn't so, and by him saying that negated the kid's pain - mine too - but especially theirs. Then I stopped and thought how it really doesn't matter. Let him tell his lies, and let those people all believe him. His friends and family believed it all. None of them ever contacted us since he left - that's who they are. I have no respect for them so why worry about them knowing the truth, it doesn't matter.
I'm sure his lies must have caught him out by now (hope so) and that's for him to deal with. The kids and I know the truth and what really happened, and that's what is important. We have lived our lives in truth and honesty, and with integrity. Can't say that for him but I know for sure that living an honest life is so much better. Feel sorry for him in a way. Can't imagine living a made up existence.
Wonder how it worked out with OW in the end. Either they are a match made in heaven - if that's the case then keep far, far away from us - or did the masks fall and reality smacked them in the face.
No-one's MLCer is worse than another, no type is worse than another. Every last bit of it caused pain and we have a common bond that not everyone understands.
We are a great bunch. Hugs to all.
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Albert Einstein