Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Battlefield on April 21, 2011, 12:29:58 PM
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I just have a question I have read all about the 6 things MLC goes through. I was wanting to know what exactly is cycling? People keep saying they are cycling and they cycle sometimes every couple days to a couple months. IDK
Can somebody explain it to me?
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Cycling means you are calm and sure and stable one day, or for a period of time, and then you feel uncertain, agitated, want to "do something", etc.
For the MLCer it's basically them changing their minds, one day they want to move out, the next they don't or say they want a divorce but never follow through... the back and forths between OW and LBS is cycling. In my case, my husband's cycles became shorter and shorter.... but now, I'd describe them as longer and longer, as far as him wanting to be with me and home with the kids. He can make it for a longer time...
Hope that helps. Don't worry about the stages.... replay lasts a long time and it is time you can DO WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH NO QUESTIONS ASKED!! ;D ;D ;D you may not appreciate it right now, but the closer my husband gets to being home permanently, the more I want to cram in for myself, hahaha!!
GAL for yourself is what will set the stage for how your relationship will be IF the two of you reconcile further on down the road.... like I said, I get a FREE PASS FOR LIFE to be free of his controlling ways, since I'm the one that "behaved" ;) Doesn't mean I hold it over him, or wear the pants in the family... just that I don't have to listen to B.S. that passes for love....
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Each person cycles differently. We, as LBS, even cycle.
My h goes through little periods of mood swings, or contact episodes.
He'll not contact the kids on the weekend or avoid all contact on the weekend. (Although, now that has shifted)
He hides when it's a holiday or important date for us or the family.
It's like a pattern they get stuck in.
You'll find yourself doing it too. I've learned that if I start to feel like I'm getting stuck in a cycle of any kind I just shift. Like if I start getting restless at bedtime I'll wake the girls up and go for ice cream in our pajamas. Just to change things and get myself out of it. Otherwise, I'll get back into the habit of keeping myself up all night or waking up at 3am
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Oh Smitty, I love your doggie! :D
Cycling is my favorite part of the MLC...NOT!
I'm living with it big time right now.
And yes, LBS' cycle too. Big time.
Ain't it fun? :P
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That you all so much for the info. It does help!
IDK but I do know that my husband has def changed in the last week. He went from not contacting me to now he is back contacting.
He has been contacting my D and wanting to contact D14 but she still will have none of that.
He went from wanting to spend money or getting mad if I talked to him about money. He would say I need money to live too and spending money a lot at different stores to get cash back. Now he is not spending money hardly at all and even telling me he only needs 115.00 for gas and food and that is all he will need. Also he has been making comments to his mom on how he now is working 7 days to not b there with OW kids although the kids are not there that much only 2or3 days a week. I know the OW got her hours cut at work from 40 to 15 so now she is home a lot and I remember him saying that they really don't spend any time together bc of work hours, well now there is plenty of time.
IDK something is def changing in him he keeps contacting me about work stuff even yesterday he was saying something good happened at work but i can't tell anybody. He told me and I know he is not telling OW what it was bc she works for the same company.
All that said I am staying on my same course taking care of me working out a lot and taking care of my house and kids.
Also I forgot he went from telling me on Sat that he wants a divorce now he is telling his mom he can't go back he has done way to much damage and hurt us too much.
He also was saying on sat that I will need to move and find somebody to take our dogs ect. Which means my D14 would not go to the high school she is suppose to go to. Which is an amazing school, he didn't care Now he says no matter what she is going to the high school and we are staying in our house no matter what he has to do. :o
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Oh yeah. That's cycling. Welcome to it. Find yourself popcorn or m & ms and watch it.
Nothing to do.
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Cycling means NEVER believing anything they say and only half of what they do! 8)
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So true!!!!
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Oh yeah. That's cycling. Welcome to it. Find yourself popcorn or m & ms and watch it.
Nothing to do.
Make that popcorn AND m&m's. It's the best combo ever. :)