Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: wondering on April 25, 2011, 04:57:13 AM
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I was just curious as it seemed sort of common that some of the spouses start to show signs of movement from replay behavior after around the two year mark.
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My H was in obvious Replay for a little over a year and a half. Then, it seemed like depression/withdrawal for a long, long time, now.....I think he is back in Replay (since he has moved out and still searching).
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For Exow to be in the picture- 7-8 months. Included lying and deciet at all levels.
Crisis started I believe 10 years ago after his fathers death.
Replay behavior in the form of running looking to the outside for happiness in the form of music and a million other things- probably the rest of his life
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My H was in obvious Replay for a little over a year and a half. Then, it seemed like depression/withdrawal for a long, long time, now.....I think he is back in Replay (since he has moved out and still searching).
I am not sure I agree, he is avoiding looking inside at himself.
Whether he is back in replay or not I am not convinced.
I guess we won't know until the crisis is over if he has cycled back or not.
It really is a moot point anyway I guess.
He does not have any other replay behaviors, well maybe he was trying to date his student?
That fantasy.
Hmmm, we will have to wait and see.
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He does not have any other replay behaviors, well maybe he was trying to date his student?
That fantasy.
True, OP. Not sure about that either way.
I guess I say Replay because HB told me that because of things H had told me about "living single...acting single", he was likely going back into that aspect of the tunnel. That was some time ago and maybe her take would be a be different now.
Where is HB?
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Definite replay for 2 years post BD. Then a year of I'm not sure what. There seemed to be progress. The usual replay behaviors had stopped. We were reconnecting - slowly. I thought I saw more progress. It didn't seem to be depression, maybe limbo. Then I think I saw depression, now definite withdrawal, but at the same time he has started up with some new replay behavior. So maybe he's back in replay, trying to avoid looking at himself. I'm not sure he'll go back to his crazy replay behavior, as his OW1 (EA) who he did all that stuff with is gone, but there's a whole world of new replay if he wants to continue to run away.
I'm not sure why he can't just figure out that "we" aren't the problem, but that means he has to look at himself for the answers and who wants to do that?
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What I would call "full" replay for at least 2 1/2 years -- I thought I saw some movement at that point; but in hindsight I see that it was another full year until he realised that yet another thing that he had thought was the holy grail, the thing that was going to be "it" and solve everything, wasn't going to do so. At the 3.5 year mark he was "down" again, I think he broke up with an OW at that time, was talking about feeling guilty, but still saying "I don't want to" regarding doing anything about it. That was followed by some serious avoiding.
So now he's hovering between some replay behaviours and some major avoidance things, punctated by small glimpses out. I think RCR said it well when she said that he may or may not like where his life is going, but it seems easier to keep doing what he is doing rather than take steps to change anything.
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You are missing the choice "Still in Replay - so no idea"
L
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H was in the worst of the replay for probably 12 months or so. I put him in the 12-18 month category.