Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Standing Strong on December 22, 2019, 10:39:43 PM
-
I had to preface this discussion with (Christian Thread) since it will be heavily religious and I don't want someone who isn't getting hurt or offended.
If you aren't religious and come in anyway, all are welcome :D
So I'm curious what God has told (or taught) you during your time as an LBS? I'm not talking about lessons you figure out on our own..... I mean that voice.... THE voice, the one that stops you in your tracks and everything else goes silent. That voice which calms, everything.... and is quiet as a whisper and loud as a thunderclap. That voice which you want to listen to forever and is gone before you know what has happened.
I think (actually I know) that during LBS we are much more able to actually listen to him, and when we listen...... he speaks.
That has been one of the great things about MLC.... I've listened (sometimes).... and in his love and kindness, he's spoken.... again and again.
From a promise to never leave me, to justifying me, to supernaturally connecting me to my wife's emotions on the worst night of her life, to telling me what the worth of a godly woman is. Just incredible. So very generous, loving and kind.
Lately, he has been talking to me and teaching me about what it's like to be him and the construction of marriage. Completely fascinating, humbling, and being shown that he is God. It's so.... human... to have all these thoughts, feelings and emotions about being wronged..... about unfairness...... about unjustness...... and then God comes along and shows what it's like to be him.... all the pain we put him thru everyday. It's jaw dropping, and I am in just awe at his incredible love. Love that goes beyond anything I can understand. Wisdom that is beyond anything I can comprehend, forgiveness that goes beyond what any person can endure. I like to think that I'm a really good man, but boy I am such a pathetic wretch when I look at him. When he speaks it like "Oh yeah... there's no arguing with that. I knew that, but I didn't KNOW that". He has made it so abundantly clear that it's not about me: that the real issue at hand is saving our spouse. That what goes on here is so small but what follows is so big. My weak and insecurities often make me think about myself, and he has to remind me..... it's all about HIM and our spouse. His plan. His design. His is betrayed more than we ever will be and yet he loves them more than we ever will.
Example: I've thought about how can an LBS forgive certain things..... and God says "I forgave you". I muse about how a spouse can hurt their spouse...... God says "You hurt me everyday". Ouch. In the end, my little human mind is barely starting to understand these concepts, and I know it's one brick at a time with what he's teaching me. It's not something you can read and say "Oh, I get it!!!". Nope. Only one can teach, and he teaches one step at a time. I find myself building empathy for God himself, and love.... a new kind of love..... and reverence, and awe. God certainly is holy.... I never really understood that before, and I still don't understand the depth of it now..... but it is building. When I was saved, I was taught to learn the word.... pray..... follow the rules.... have a personal relationship with God. I've had all that, nothing was missing.... But what has come out of this MLC experience is beyond all that..... it's moving from a friend to a family member. Huh.... that's very odd now that I think about it. That is what happened with our spouses when we are wed. This is one of the reasons I write: He teaches me and shows me things as I write. Is this how it has been with you: From friend (good wonderful friend) into something much much closer?
The other thing he's teaching me.... oh boy.... it's a dozy: The construction of marriage. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. I'm struggling to learn this one. I think I understand part of it, but there are parts that I'm really having a hard time with. Definitely learning..... but to be perfectly honest, there has been parts I really didn't want to learn..... it is a struggle.... and it's ongoing. So much romanticizing that I have personally about marriage, and to be shown the truth, warts and all, in pieces..... it's beautiful and sad. Another area where he is wounded by us, and yet he lets us do what we choose and wound him.
Still, so... so much to learn. Ha!!! The learning will never be over.... what am I saying more to learn.... of course there is more to learn.
So.... for all the Christian LBS's here on HS..... what has God told you? And if you have that thing were you try and talk about something he has said and it flees from your mind and memory until you stop trying to tell someone.... that's ok. I normally know what I'm allowed to talk about, but occasionally I'm not sure until I open my mouth and the mind goes blank....... and to be perfectly honest, sometimes I know I shouldn't open my mouth and I do anyway.... and he lets me: Pride. :-[ :'( :-X What a terrible sin. A lot of growing up to do to become something more like him, but never, ever approaching him.
There are somethings he will only allow to come from his own mouth exclusively, but you can say "yup" if that's the case. I would be so curious to know how many of us he speaks with...... not because of pride or to create jealousy or resentment..... but to know that he is active, and moving about our numbers, and to inspire others to look for him, listen for him, petition him, and know that he does answer.
What has he shown you?
-SS
P.S. HAHAHAHHAHA!!!! I start talking about God and he puts a song in my head.... I haven't heard or thought about it in years. He loves doing that (ALL THE TIME!!!!!)
Carmen Third Heaven https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pi5v8eX7pyg (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pi5v8eX7pyg)
-
Well, he showed me this thread for one thing, right when I needed it, right when I asked for it. Thank you for writing, you certainly helped me today. Sometimes God speaks to me through strangers...
-
Gosh this is a difficult and very personal question.
I recognise that feeling of intimacy you describe. And that small loud quiet voice.
Hmmm...how do I sum it up for me?
That I am not alone.
That God is very fond of me even when others are not and I am not.
That God is present in the details of my life even when I'm not at all sure about that or what on earth I am doing or where I am going.
That God wants me to be whole and living with a sense of peace even when I doubt it is possible.
That there is a kind of deep robust love behind the chaos even when we can't feel it in the moment.
And that this love matters in ways we can't always see.
That faith is stronger than hope.
-
Its ironic you wrote about this. I am now trying to understand all of what you wrote. Is it God talking to me or my own head? How do I know the difference.? I want what you have. I do know at times when I have let things go for God to handle, they just seem to work out. I do feel everything happens for a reason. I feel as though when I screw something up God has to intervene to fix the mess I created and then continue with his plan.
-
Yes, God speaks to me.
Many of us have said that our faith has grown throughout this....
God has brought people into my life that I have learned from, that comfort me, that held me when I was so very broken. His love sustains me.
Rejoice Ministries has helped me to understand why standing is so important and has helped me as well when I could not go another step.
It is in silence that I hear His voice. But He is always with me, always by my side and His love for me and my family is so huge....as SS stated, we hurt Our Lord everyday. Small sin, large sin..Our Lord weeps.
This life here, is but a moment in time...a hard concept but we will one day be in front of Our Lord to answer "what did you do for the least of my brothers?" When I meditate on this, I understand why standing for my marriage is critical, for me, for my Beloved, for my family.
A priest spoke to me last week...he spoke about being on a hike in the mountains, it becomes very steep, very treacherous and hard, so so hard to do..and you just want to quit but you take that next step, hold onto that ledge and continue to climb. You have no idea how far the summit is, it could be a few more yards or many more miles......something pushes your forward and when you reach the summit, and gaze down upon the beauty that is there waiting for you, you are filled with absolute joy.
When things worsen in my life, when I become discouraged and just want to give up, I know that these thoughts are satan's...for he does not want my family to be together..oh no, and if you pay attention, you will see things that are thrown at you, that cause you to lose hope, but God will never desert you.In ways that are almost impossible to understand, He is with you all the time.
He is the greatest healer. He can heal you, He can heal your spouse for "nothing is impossible for God".
At this Holy time of year. Mary's fiat, her yes to God and Joseph's acceptance of what he was told by an angel.. resulted in the greatest story on earth. The birth of Our Lord Jesus Christ.
Merry Christmas to all of you. God bless you and your loved ones.
-
Don't grow weary in well doing. Something good will come from all this pain.
I really sense in my spirit 2020 will be the year of restoration. My weeping is over and joy is ahead.
-
After I read this thread last night, I asked God to help me with my stand. At a little over 2.5 years I am growing weary. My H seems more gone than ever. God spoke to me so very clearly in the beginning and his voice has grown so quiet, like a whisper, and I have also succumbed to anger and negativity in ways that haven’t been fruitful - bitter never makes one better. So I asked for guidance in my stand, I did not ask for certainty, nor an expected outcome, simply some guidance on my stand and the next right steps - I was awoken in the early morning hours from a dream, there were four scenarios that involved me and my H, one specifically related to H and his crisis (I am the observer, not a participant) one involving me alone (where H peeked in and he was the observer) one involving me and how I could reduce obstacles with H and one involving H and me together in relationship to our sons. They were very brief, snippets really, like scenes from a movie - but profoundly meaningful and all designed to help me in my recovery and to help me in my relationship with H, our sons as co-parents, and in respecting my H’s free will and autonomy in going through his crisis. It was the clearest information I have received that his crisis is truly about him and not about me, but that I too am in crisis as a result and responsible for myself, my healing, my actions and re-actions.
Thank you for asking this question which helped me in turn to ask God to speak to me in whatever way he saw fit, to help me with my growth and healing.
-
Praise God 3 Boys!!!!
That's wonderful :D
I find that so.... "God-like"..... LOL!!!! His fingerprints all over it.
I'll share something which I don't think I have here before: A few months after BD, I was praying up a storm and just fallen face first before God in pain (why have I not learned to stay there?!?!?).... anyway, he showed me something in dreams too........ it was about W's life and the choices she has to make...... showed me the result of those choices, the good and the bad. Then he showed me my choices, and what my choices would result in (good and bad).
How awesome that he speaks this way 8)
Really made my day, you sharing this.
Keep seeking, he's there and has been the entire time.
-SS
-
Its ironic you wrote about this. I am now trying to understand all of what you wrote. Is it God talking to me or my own head? How do I know the difference.? I want what you have. I do know at times when I have let things go for God to handle, they just seem to work out. I do feel everything happens for a reason. I feel as though when I screw something up God has to intervene to fix the mess I created and then continue with his plan.
I suspect kb that 3boys story is a guide.
In my experience I know the difference bc I feel different after it. A deep sense of peace and a kind of trust that 'all shall be well' somehow even if the voice did not give me a specific outcome. I find it helps too to keep my prayer question pretty open and I have often been surprised by what the voice has shown me. Somehow idk it always feels like I have been given a smiling gift.
My own voice? Nah, quite a different kind of feeling.
-
One of the ways I learned how to differentiate the voice of God was through the teachings of St Ignatius Loyola, a Catholic Priest who founded the Jesuits - the society of Jesus, an order of priests focused on education and learning. He teaches discernment in hearing the voice of the spirit, one of the clues that has really helped me is when the voice comes with fear, anxiety, rumination, anger or hostility it is not of the Holy Spirit. There is a peace in the hearing. I am often given clues that I then research - that is how I learned about standing, and found this forum among many other things. I have also noticed that information comes when I need it and am ready for it. Sometimes I want to just run away from all of this and I go back to the early days too, when I was so absolutely wrecked in my grief, when God was loud and clear so that he caught my attention in dramatic ways, letting me know without question I was not alone. When I falter, I remember the early days and try to remain faithful. I make a lot of mistakes but I know I am forgiven.
-
SS -
Thank you for this discussion thread.
It's so nice to have a place to come,, before other Christian LBSs and discuss our faith, our prayers and answers to those prayer.
God doesn't speak to me, except maybe once or twice, but I know that he is with me each and every minute of the day.
I get through the rough times, by leaning on His word and knowing that, because I have let go of my control in this MLC, the outcome will be what He wants -- not what I want.
I pray for the restoration of my marriage, if it is HIS will, not just because it's mine.
That may sound crazy as a Christian, to not absolutely pray for restoration, but I'm not sure that is what God wants for me and my H. -- He may have BETTER things out there for me, or may want me to live alone for the rest of my life.
IDK, but I DO know that whatever happens will be His will, because I trust in Him.
BTW - I do also love Rejoice Marriage Ministries. Charlene cares has been a big help. There are a few things that I don't necessarily hold to, but that's for each of us to decide on our own.
Love and prayers to all of you.
Sea
-
I just love pray answered.... even the small ones.
Today I was talking to my mom about what I have learned thru God during W's MLC..... it was an awesome conversation. It really is special learning so much about a parent, and their trials and tribulations that you never knew as a child.
Anyways..... I was talking about God, and I could feel him..... he always loves it when we encourage one another, and talk about the wonderful things he does...... so I felt him and a few moments later, my phone buzzes... it's W!!! She hasn't contacted since she left the states on her vacation. She says hi and hopes I had a good day. How nice is that. Coincidence? Nope.
So great and kind and generous. I believe he pulled on her strings and made her think about me for a moment...... and he let me know he was there before she did it, just to make sure I know that he's at work. He always is.
Minor? Sure..... except that God is in the middle of it. That's huge... and nothing is beyond his reach.
-SS
-
The word I heard over and over and over again and which I railed against constantly during my stand was "Wait"........(I also learned you can't win an argument with God! ;D ;D )
I learned that I was stronger with God than I ever thought I could be.
I learned that I cannot do this alone, I need God.
I learned that I have a wonderful church family who comforted me and came around me when I was a sobbing mess in the pew each Sunday.
I learned that life is not about me, but about glorifying God.
God taught me that life is in the moment; the past is the past and the future is not guaranteed....live now.
What an awesome God we serve!
Merry Christmas wonderful people! Trust God . God is good, All the time.
-
Great thread!!
For me it's hard to describe. Not really a voice per se, but like a thought that just won't go away or a real strong gut instinct. I am getting better at listening to it. That's something that I am learning on this walk. And to leave it to Him, when I intervene do it my way (and I do still try) it can become a mess. When I let it go, leave it in His hands, it works out. It really truly does!!
SS -
I pray for the restoration of my marriage, if it is HIS will, not just because it's mine.
This is my prayer too Sea. I agree with you. It's not up to us. We don't know His plan. I pray for my H's salvation, I feel that is more important than our restoration.
I have had so many prayers answered during this time and in the past, I just didn't always recognize it. One thing that has changed for me, is that when things happen or don't happen, I know who the Glory goes to! Unanswered prayers are sometimes His answer.
I have been blessed beyond belief because it has led me to be stronger in my faith. It led me to Him and that's what matters.
Fear was and still is an issue that I struggle with along the way. When I chose my name on here I hadn't read it, but this verse has shown up in my life so many times I can't dismiss it. It was and still is a really great God-incidence!!
Isaiah 43:1-2
But now, thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
One little tidbit on prayers. I remember when our house had to be put up for sale. Every time someone would come for a showing I would pray before I left that I know it's up to you God, but please don't let them buy it. After 8 months on the market, I said to my cousin, I don't know why this dang house won't sell, this is getting to be too much. Her response... Well you have been praying that it wouldn't go, perhaps you might need to rethink that! Lol. Sold in the 9 month.
Merry Christmas!
Hugs N Prayers,
FN
-
Fear Not:
The last bit is so funny because our house has been on the market for 1 year and it's a BEAUTIFUL house in a great town. Nobody can understand why it hasn't sold. Unlike you - I haven't prayed for it NOT to sell, but truly believe that God is taking care of us (me and S18) as it's where we are living until the building of our new home is completed. So, given that - the house should sell in the next month or so (if that's truly God's plan). i think He was protecting us from needing to move twice during this tumultuous time in our lives.
We will see - time (and God) will tell.
Sea
-
Sea- I look forward to seeing how it pans out! Blessings in disguise sometimes!
-
I too have heard the word "wait" many, many times throughout my husband's crisis, often when I said I just can't do it anymore. But somehow, the right "sign" came at the right time, a word, a verse (often I would see the same verse over and over in a short span of time, sometimes in very unlikely places), etc. So many things have happened to encourage me that were too uncanny and too specific to be coincidental.
One specific story from very early on in the crisis when my H was still at home but not - always, always out and about - one Saturday, I remember asking God if my H even thought about me ever. When he came home that evening, he gave me something he had bought for me, a decorative thing, and he said, "I saw this and thought of you." Every time I see it in the living room, I am reminded of that. I feel like I got my answer.
There are so many stories, so many answers to prayer, big and small. Still waiting for the "big one" to be answered, but meanwhile, my H is here to spend the holidays with us, where he belongs.
I can be thankful for what I have. Life has been otherwise good.
-
I have learned to be much more present, to be more independent, have more grace. Find love in the face of hatred. Have peace(often) in the midst of a full blown Spiritual war.
Realize that there is enough grace for today, but thinking too far ahead often brings undue stress and anxiety. I have learned to trust God regardless of outcome and to believe He has good things for me and my children regardless of my h’s choices.
-
To trust that His plan and will is far greater than anything I could ever imagine for myself and that He removes objects from our path that will harm us or hinder us from living our potential. I trust His path implicitly and for that reason alone leaving the MLC 'er to live his own path was so much easier.
God knows and sees it all....we have no idea what is really ever happening at any given time, but God surely does.
-
Off topic but asking anyway.
Since husband walked out on 2014 I have had men show little interest in me. I'm not seeking a relationship but it would be a boost to my self esteem to be seen as an attractive WOMAN.
Do you think God keep us 'hidden/invisible' for His greater purpose?
-
Yellow Rose -
So funny, because I was thinking this exact same thought the other day.
I read on another LBSs post that they have women interested in them, and wouldn't have a problem finding a date...
I thought -- I DO NOT have this problem, even tough I am well-educated, decent looking, fun to be around...
Although my time frame is shorter than yours (BD 2017), I am sure there is a reason.
Maybe God is protecting our heart from further hurt right now or the need to reject someone/or be rejected....
Maybe He is saving us for when our H comes out of MLC....
Maybe He wants us to be more open and receptive - maybe more aggressive...
As you know, nobody knows God's reason, but pray about it.
BTW - Why do you think you're not attractive to other men? It could be that they know your story and know that you're not interested in a relationship; or maybe they feel it when talking to you?
Interestingly, we had a sermon about a month ago. The pastor gave the impression that being single and wanting God's plan doesn't mean you need to be idle. He implied that we need to "participate" and even mentioned Christian Dating sites as a good place to meet other singles. Obviously this doesn't apply to those standing, but I thought it was interesting.
I've actually started a new thread on that topic.
Sea
-
I don't think God makes us invisible to others. God gives us all free will to do and receive as we choose. Making us invisible to others would be, in essence, be taking that free will away from us, along with the opportunity to attract others to us.
-
I think it is definitely possible that God might block people/relationships that would deter you from His purpose. In my very long stand, I feel like that has happened to me. But truth to be told, as much as I desire to be loved again, I have never been able to imagine myself with anyone other than my H, at least not yet.
-
Trusting that's my problem (is it a problem??????). I love my husband. I went on a blind date and he was OK. It gave me a huge boost in a fragile ego. He wondered why no one had "scooped" me up. He made me feel like a woman again.
-
I have a story that may or may not line up with that Trusting, BB, Sea, Yellow and beyond.
I haven't shared it before because I feel very....... sad(?)..... guilty(?)..... ashamed(?)...... that W may yet choose to not pick me back up. It's a little hard to place that feeling.
I've also had that thing which Sea describes: Women hitting on me..... and not just any women: Christian women. Good women. It was very confusing to me. Here I am, a married and committed man who loves his W very much. I still wear my ring, still don't give any woman the time of day when it comes to my heart (except W). I wore blinders my whole M, and now with the blinders off I can see her faults (and mine) and I still choose to love her.
It bothered me greatly about Christian women hitting on me, looking at my ring and inquiring about my marital status. I didn't think it was right, at all. How did they know to ask me? It's not like women go around at church asking all the men there if they're married.
Eventually I asked God about it. He had already told me at the beginning of MLC the choices I had to make, and the choices W had the make.... and showed me the result of each of those choices..... and most importantly what choices would arise from our choices. They revolved around patience, sacrifice and faithfulness. Not fun, but he showed me which was his preferred choice..... and it's not easy (and yet we are still only human).
This time I asked God about these Christian women and he explained that there are many women out there, in pain, petitioning him for a good man: Asking him for years on end to send them a good man. He also has heard my cries for years on end as I endured W's emotional abuse and prayed for a Godly woman (W) to love me..... and he is faithful to respond. His preferred plan is to fix W, but she can reject it..... and to strengthen me for the next thing I'm to do for him. If W rejects it, I can sacrifice to continue keeping the door open and he will work with that....... but if I choose to stop (which is not what he wants) then he is prepared to send me to a good woman and answer two prayers at once. Good from bad no matter what happens.
For now I'm told to "wait"... and I will. I know that I am blameless IF I hold on and am faithful to the end of my strength and the strength God gives me when I run empty. This serves some purpose, or lesson although I don't totally understand it. He is with me and sees my pain, understands my suffering, and encourages me to hold on.... but has told me that if W does reject her part, there could come a day where I yell "No more, please".... and he will sadly step in and put an end to the situation. I hope that day never comes. That W will do her part, that I will continue to do my part, and that God's plan and design is fulfilled...... I don't want to be an answered prayer for some other woman. I was joined and given to W by God for purpose, but if I stop and am blameless he also won't waste me. He is always moving things around to account for everything which is happening. Always working to have good come from bad. Always hoping we make good decisions that he wants us to make, no matter the price it costs us. It makes him smile when we suffer: Not because he likes us to suffer, but because to do what his asks involves sacrifice........ and the sacrifice isn't about us or our spouse, it's about faithfulness and loyalty and hurt and love for him. Just has he did all these things for us.
In the case of the Christian women: I was picked up on their radar as W went thru her monster period. God allowed them to become aware that a good man may become available (W was so close to throwing it all away and burning down the bridge of our M..... that was her choice to make) and God was watching to see that I not fall when a woman approached me. I didn't. Then W improved (her choice and God's work in her heart) and just like that, I seemed to disappear from the Christian women's radar. I'm very happy about this, but it was nice to know for a moment that I'm attractive and valuable to the female eye. I sure don't get that at home, and that's a very hard thing to live with everyday.
I don't know about being invisible, but I know he has a plan.... both his 1st choice of a plan, and his salvage plan. All of it is up to us, what we choose. As he moves us closer to him, it stretches us: Takes us beyond what we can currently do.... teaches us, makes us more like him. God is a gentleman, and when we say "stop", he does. Oh that we could all instead say "more" until he stops of his own accord.
-SS
-
You have stated so well SS what is difficult to put into words.
Many time we try to justify what God wants...God wants us to remain married to our spouse.
Many times, men did not do as God wanted and the results were disastrous.
I have had men interested in me, even though I have explained that I consider myself married to my husband. I had one guy who had every qualification that I could ask for in a man, he was a widow so didn't have a divorce hanging on his neck, he was the same faith as I am, attractive, fun, liked so many of the same things I did...it would have been a good life.
But it is not what God has asked me to do.
I am going over to write on the thread started about Christians and dating..the bottom line is not about what my spouse is doing but about my relationship with Our Lord and eternity...something that is hard for me to grasp.
The bottom line are the words I spoke before the alter, in front of my Lord "till death do us part."
-
Standing,
I feel like one of those odd things that God showed me over and over and over again was the story of the prodigal son. But the son left the father......not the spouse.....I couldn’t understand. He showed me that my H has believed he was a bad person his entire life.....for him to see that he wasn’t....he must actually do something bad to have the comparison. That the only way H could ever see that he wasn’t bad, that it was a false belief was to have some real bad action to see the difference.
I keep feeling as though I am being shown the father of the prodigal son, he didn’t chase, he didn’t fix, he took care of the responsibilities that God had given him at home. He loved, he held nothing back, no manipulation or withholding to keep the son from leaving.
God taught me that love is an action and a choice, every time that H chooses to come home to me he has chosen in that moment to love to be there and so instead of looking at my unmet expectations I will choose to see the love in that choice and show love (and boundaries). It also helps me to not worry about the what if’s.
God is love. When I ask that the people I encounter see him in me today....I am asking that I show love to others.....it has transformed every relationship in my life. It has ripples I couldn’t have imagined. When I act and speak and think out of love I am softer, more gentle, and I see the love around me.
I see now his hand, in so many things. Every time I cry to him and tell him I am lonely or overwhelmed I have received a timely phone call or visit from a friend or relative or someone who I hadn’t spoken with in months reaching out to check on me or remind me that I am loved. Some of the people He has sent I didn’t even know had a relationship with God.
God is teaching me to listen.
To be patient.
To have humility
To be still
To stop holding back
To tear down my walls
To stop looking at the pain and look for what will be received on the other side of the pain
To stop hiding
To let Him fill my cup
To see the futility of my machinations when compared to the intricate tapestry he is weaving and stop trying to fix or manipulate the outcome
And that’s all I can think of tonight. 😊
-
Hey CH!!!
Wow, you echo what I feel in such a big way.
Isn't it so interesting how they think they are so bad? They just can't see it. I'll admit, I've had fear about W actually doing something bad and then saying "oh look...... I wasn't bad.... but now I am".
I think about the prodigal son a lot too....... I bet his father was praying night and day until he came home. I wonder if that's part of it for us too. I know growing up, there would be little old ladies at the church, and they would be praying for all the young people. Once in a while, something would happen something good) and the little lady would let the teen know "I've been praying for you". Normally it would be about salvation, but the little old lady would be so happy..... God had answered, she had been faithful in her prayers.
Something that this makes me think about is: One of the wonderful things MLC has brought to my life is praying for others. I find that as I do this, oh do I care more about them and want the best for them. People I don't really know, co-workers, family... not just me or W...... and I wonder..... is that part of the key to us forgiving, moving forward and forgetting sin as God does? I think it may.
I know all LBS's question the ability to love again and to trust again...... the farther I go, the more I understand it is all a choice. Maybe one that isn't easy, or fair..... but it's a choice which can be made.... and thank God for that.... if those were things were ruled simply by emotions then no one would ever forgive. We are called to forgive, we must. There isn't a choice to be made there except by pride, hurt, scorn or anger. God could have treated us that way and he didn't. The more I learn, the more I understand what the cross really means..... and to take up our cross and follow him.
I don't know how the secular LBS's do it... the greatest gift of MLC has been the growing of faith, understanding, love, compassion and mercy. I don't know if I could have gotten any of these things without God. I know me..... I would have struggled to hand on with my own strength, quit/failed and given up.... believing that there was nothing wrong with me and staying THE EXACT SAME WAY. What lies we tell ourselves. No matter what my MLC'er chooses, God says I needed these things to be the man I'm suppose to be. What he would have me be is what I want more than anything else in life, and to make him happy/proud.
I'm so happy to have such friends, my brothers and sisters in Christ here on HS. You are such a blessing to me, and my heart goes out to all of you.
-SS
-
I don't know how the secular LBS's do it...
No magic in there. Just a different underlying belief system and perspective towards the world.
I am no Christian, but I did grow up in family and area that was pretty 'hardcore' with religious views. If I would have to use a "Christian expression" to tell how I feel within, I would say "I now watch the world through eyes of Mary". But instead I just go "I'm full of grace, full of compassion, full of forgiveness. Not because of you, but because of me".... Basically both convey the same message of "personal salvation".
I acknowledge I'm sample of one, but hopefully my response provides some insights how some of us (in this case 'atheist/budhist) cope this all without religion.
Alvin
-
Very cool, thanks Alvin :D
I don't get the "thru the eyes of Mary" though (I'm not Catholic). ;)
That description of compassion, grace, forgiveness, strikes me as very Christ-like though. That I can understand 8)
-SS
-
Well said Standing Strong. I have often thought I could not have done this without my relationship with our Heavenly Father. I would have given up. Even with a relationship with Him I struggle.
-
That I should have been less-stressed about how he spent his/our money. He was and is a spendthrift, but he works very hard for it, and I should have respected that more.
Not sure if God was behind that epiphany, but something happened, anyway.
-
I found this on facebook this morning and wanted to share. Happy New year everyone. May God bless you and all your loved ones and grant you peace.
A Prayer to Keep God First This New Year
Dear God,
Thank you that you make all things new. Thank you for all that you've allowed into our lives this past year, the good along with the hard things, which have reminded us how much we need you and rely on your presence filling us every single day.
We pray for your Spirit to lead us each step of this New Year. We ask that you will guide our decisions and turn our hearts to deeply desire you above all else. We ask that you will open doors needing to be opened and close the ones needing to be shut tight. We ask that you would help us release our grip on the things to which you've said "no", "not yet", or "wait." We ask for help to pursue you first, above every dream and desire you've put within our hearts.
We ask for your wisdom, for your strength and power to be constantly present within us. We pray you would make us strong and courageous for the road ahead. Give us ability beyond what we feel able, let your gifts flow freely through us, so that you would be honored by our lives, and others would be drawn to you.
We pray that you'd keep us far from the snares and traps of temptations. That you would whisper in our ear when we need to run, and whisper in our heart when we need to stand our ground.
We pray for your protection over our families and friends. We ask for your hand to cover us and keep us distanced from the evil intent of the enemy; that you would be a barrier to surround us, that we’d be safe in your hands. We pray that you would give us discernment and insight beyond our years, to understand your will, hear your voice, and know your ways.
We ask that you would keep our footsteps firm, on solid ground, helping us to be consistent and faithful. Give us supernatural endurance to stay the course, not swerving to the right or to the left, or being too easily distracted by other things that would seek to call us away from a close walk with you.
Forgive us for the times we have worked so hard to be self-sufficient, forgetting our need for you, living independent of your spirit.
Forgive us for letting fear and worry control our minds, and for allowing pride and selfishness wreak havoc over our lives. Forgive us for not following your ways and for living distant from your presence.
We confess our need for you…fresh…new…again. We ask that you make all things new, in our hearts, in our minds, in our lives, for this coming year. We pray for your refreshing over us.
Keep your words of truth planted firm within us, help us to keep focused on what is pure and right, give us the power to be obedient to your word. And when the enemy reminds us where we have been, hissing his lies and attacks our way, we trust that your voice speaks louder and stronger, as you remind us we are safe with you and your purposes and plans will not fail. We ask that you will be our defense and rear guard, keeping our way clear, removing the obstacles, and covering the pitfalls. Lord, lead us on your level ground.
We ask that you would provide for our needs, we ask for your grace and favor. We pray for your blessings to cover us, we pray that you would help us to prosper and make every plan that you have birthed in our heart to succeed. We pray that others would take notice of your goodness and could not help but to say, “These are the ones that the Lord has blessed.”
Help us to be known as great givers, help us to be generous and kind, help us to look to the needs of others and not be consumed by only our own.
May we be lovers of truth, may the fruits of your spirit be evident in our lives - your love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Shine your light in us, through us, over us. May we make a difference in this world, for your glory and purposes. Set you way before us. May all your plans succeed. May we reflect your peace and hope to a world that so desperately needs your presence and healing.
To you be glory and honor, in this New Year, and forever.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
-
xy -
Thank you so much for that prayer.
It was truly a blessing this morning.
I saved it into a file on my desktop so that I can always remember my prayers and priorities for the year.
Have a blessed 2020.
Sea
-
God has taught me to rely on him these last few days....... and the lesson continues :D
-SS
-
I do have a question for the Christians on the board..... I'm not sure if it's a lesson, but I think it is.
We all have negative/monkey thoughts, some are probably tempted in some fashion, wallow in anger/hurt, or who knows what..... but negative whatever it is.
In my case, I have bad thoughts play in my head. Not proud of it, I'd rather just be completely immune of such things...... but I let thoughts of failure, negative outcomes, worst outcomes...... all those things I just let run around in my head..... around and around, sometimes until they can almost convince me........ and then I say "No.... I don't think so. Nice try, but that is a LIE". Then the thoughts go *POOF*, gone (until the next time). I'm sure you know where I'm going with that, and I 100% believe that to be the case. Not my thoughts. I don't accuse myself or W, or believe that the worst will happen: I have faith that God will see us thru (100%, no doubt about it).
The funny thing is: Sometimes these thoughts go on and on.... won't stop. Persistent, for days on end..... but I continue to resist them (that's all I can do)...... and after a while of that, something happens which is really good, or gives me hope, or lets me know that someone upstairs has been watching the whole time. Is this a lesson or a test?.... which I'm not sure..... maybe both at times.
Is it that way for you?
One of the ways I've found these thoughts can amuse me is: I let them run rampant..... I want the full force of them to be resisted, denied and shown to be totally false. I want to face the roaring of the storm at it's peak of power/influence and yell "No" into it..... not avoid the storm. How can I get stronger if it isn't this way? Running from it gives it power. Sheltering from it is fear of the storm. To stand against it, that's where the action is! The storm rages and I have the freedom to pray and ask the lord to calm those winds.... and he does, right after the winds claim they will last forever and destroy everything.
The storm lies.
-SS
-
Standing -
I'm sorry that you're having these feelings/thoughts.
They can be very confusing.
But, I would nip it in the bud at first sight of one and not let it play on...
If you give a mouse a cookie...
Hugs
Sea
-
Today, Pope Francis addressed the world from the Vatican and many around the world joined in this time of crisis.
Here is a link to the English translation of what he said.
https://www.ncregister.com/blog/edward-pentin/pope-francis-homily-at-extraordinary-urbi-et-orbi-blessing-covid19
It touched me deeply.
Praying for us all. There is hope and God will never forsake us.
-
Thank you for sharing. This was a beautiful passage and a hopeful message. I printed it and just shared it. I now call this passage, Gracie's boat, as Gracie sent it to me on my thread during a dark day a few months ago....(Thanks again, Gracie)
I am hearing and seeing so much of the good in humanity right now. May it continue.
-
Prayer for Confidence in the Future
Lord, you have been with me from the very beginning,
and you will be there at the very end.
Looking back over my life, I can see that you were with
me even when I was unaware of your presence,
guiding me and drawing me closer to you.
Give me courage and confidence in my future,
believing that your hand is upon me every day,
whether I am aware of it or not.
Excerpted from Living Faith: Prayers for Catholics
-
Beautiful xy, thank you for sharing. Do you subscribe to Dynamic Catholic? Mathew Kelly sends a daily inspirational message - right now we are in the Lenten video series - I love starting my morning with them...
-
Yes I do get Dynamic Catholic daily. Last week, someone called me and left a message that they wanted to know if I was ok, if I needed anything and that they are praying for me....leaving a number that I could call them back. I have attended a workshop with Matthew and read his books...I think he is brilliant.
Stay safe 3Boys4Me. I am leaning on Him more than ever.