Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: StandandDeliver on May 26, 2011, 03:13:32 AM
-
I have personally been thinking a lot about the process of forgiveness and reconciliation as they pertain to standing, or even if the marriage partnership ends, as they pertain to the requirement my H and I have to try to get along as our young children grow.
Some days I feel that I am forgiving H (it is an ongoing process as he continues to do or say things that have the potential to hurt, if I let them), but at the moment I find the idea of reconciliation (even at some undefined moment in the future) the tough one.
I stumbled on this Buddhist site and the following excerpts from a post entitled "The Difference Between Forgiveness and Reconcilation", http://mettarefuge.wordpress.com/2010/01/18/the-difference-between-forgiveness-and-reconcilation/
It helped me sort out some of the mess in my head about these things and why I can sometimes find the ability to forgive, but I find the idea of a friendship or any relationship with H so difficult right now. If others are struggling with similar questions, maybe this will be of some help to you too.
The Pali word for forgiveness-khama-also means “the earth.” A mind like the earth is non-reactive and unperturbed. When you forgive me for harming you, you decide not to retaliate, to seek no revenge. You don’t have to like me. You simply unburden yourself of the weight of resentment and cut the cycle of retribution that would otherwise keep us ensnarled in an ugly samsaric wrestling match. This is a gift you can give us both, totally on your own, without my having to know or understand what you’ve done.
Reconciliation — patisaraniya-kamma — means a return to amicability, and that requires more than forgiveness. It requires the reestablishing of trust. If I deny responsibility for my actions, or maintain that I did no wrong, there’s no way we can be reconciled. Similarly, if I insist that your feelings don’t matter, or that you have no right to hold me to your standards of right and wrong, you won’t trust me not to hurt you again. To regain your trust, I have to show my respect for you and for our mutual standards of what is and is not acceptable behavior; to admit that I hurt you and that I was wrong to do so; and to promise to exercise restraint in the future. At the same time, you have to inspire my trust, too, in the respectful way you conduct the process of reconciliation. Only then can our friendship regain a solid footing.
-
Really nice post.... printing it out as a reminder.... it is so simply explained!
-
I so agree. Thanks for posting this. I need to print it out too!
-
I was reading on another website about timelines for reconciliation , it appears base on comments from others most reconciliations appear to happen in the first year, two at the most. This scares me I'm at a year with no end in sight.
Thoughts, opinions ?
-
2 years is normally called the end of the beginning.
One year is barely starting.
RCR says 3-7 years average for most men
There is another thread here that I might merge this into later.
-
Yeah, those sound like stats for non-MLC affairs or separations. I found some of that early on and it was scary. Read the stories here - it's way more in line with what RCR says.
-
No chance...they haven't even stopped spinning by then ;)
Mine is only really starting now almost 4yrs after BD 1 ....as ready2 said they are probably non MLC ones.
-
Like the other had said, those timelines are for non-MLC situations. One year in MLC and with no end in sight is normal, the end is not supposed to come within a year or two. I'm more inclined to a timeline of 4-7 years on average form a man because the crisis starts way before we notice it and takes ages after they "wake up".
-
The website is for MLC but it appeared based on discussion and it seemed that those who reconciled it happened within 2yrs . I realize the crisis last much longer and typically starts before BD.Any opinion on if age comes into affect as to how long?
-
Below is part of RCR's article on Acceptance that has good insight on the time frame of MLC.
If your goal is speed, it will fail. But most of you will need to learn that through experience. Make your goal Acceptance. It is my wish that you accept the Time reality and make goals within that context. But most of you have the fantasy and hope that you will be the exception, you will change his mind or maybe you doubt it is MLC and therefore believe it will be faster for you. Maybe you are right; exceptions to rules are part of the rules and this is your journey.
-
So what's the general consensus own how long it takes women now?
-
So what's the general consensus own how long it takes women now?
It has never changed.
Until it is over.
-
Look at RCR's timeline. The MLC books say that replay is 1-2 years. The crisis overall takes much longer 3-5 years, perhaps 2-7 years. Those early returns are often false starts and don't last.
I know you are looking for some answer. It takes as long as it takes. You have to set it aside and find your journey in this. What are you supposed to be learning during this time. You should not just be waiting.
Your chances are neither better nor worse because you are where you are.
-
Just a quick question, if replay lasts about two years, and it is two years since the original BD from my partner, and he is now marrying the ow in December, is it possible he has come out of replay at this point? It is not two years since I found out about the 0W, that has been about one year from when I found out about her, until his engagement to ow and their wedding date being set.
-
One to two years for replay seems short to me based on other people's experiences here. My ex has been in replay for over twenty-six months and is showing no signs of leaving OW. I don't know what things are like with them though - he's very rarely mentioned her to me. I did happen to see a couple of emails fairly recently though and it all seemed as lovey-dovey as ever sadly. :(
-
Just a quick question, if replay lasts about two years, and it is two years since the original BD from my partner, and he is now marrying the ow in December, is it possible he has come out of replay at this point? It is not two years since I found out about the 0W, that has been about one year from when I found out about her, until his engagement to ow and their wedding date being set.
NO - general rule as long as there is an OW it is still REPLAY.
Minimum REPLAY time is 2 years, it can last much longer.
-
http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/mlc_overview_separation_replay_stage-obsession.html
-
The thing is, it's really all only visible in the rear view mirror. What might look like awakening and coming out of the tunnel, transitioning from replay to the next stage or something like that, can turn out to be just a blip, or a cycle. It isn't necessarily linear; RCR once also described it as a slinky; they can go all the way round a coil, only to find themselves a half a millimeter further along. Imagine how long to the end of the slinky!
I like RCR's description somewhere that they can bounce along the bottom several times; after all, the bottom isn't a nice place to be and they may well do everything to avoid it. Including continuing or even stepping up replay activities.
That's why you can only really see what happened afterwards.
And all quite likely is not as it seems.
-
So I have been thinking of how many of us have had to pursue legal actions whether we have wanted to or not. Mostly the legal actions that we have to take involve protecting ourselves financially especially if there are children involved.
Do you think that the legal action has any effect on the MLCer? Also, are there very many stories of reconnecting/reconciling once there has been action taken? Do any of know of anyone getting back together after they have divorced or does that pretty much end it?
-
There You have Return Stories. (http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1756.0) Maybe You can find what You seek.
-
I don't believe it affects it. They "feel" divorced in cases where there is no legal action, and don't cycle back until those feelings fade. Unless the LBS moves on and is not open to reconciliation after divorce, I think there would still be a desire for the MLCer to cycle back once the crisis is over and reclaim their life. I am going through the legal portion, have been for over a year, and it has made no difference. He still continues to be weird and make weird contact when he feels like it, and when we've seen each other he is still clearly in crisis but very much not detached from me. I actually think it's better that we've gone through this part, as it creates a bit of a clean slate, and any marriage from here forward would absolutely be "new".
Don'tGiveUp's divorced friend just remarried his wife after 5 years of MLC, Charlyne and Bob from Rejoice Ministries were divorced before reuniting and beginning their marriage ministry, and I know there are several other great stories on the forum link Albatross posted.
-
You could look at this way: if the marriage didn't mean much to him, a divorce won't either :)
-
You could look at this way: if the marriage didn't mean much to him, a divorce won't either
Exactly Booboo. I was told that when I asked whether my H getting remarried meant I had no chance of reconnecting down the line.
-
I agree. And, most of them seem to believe that the divorce is all but fact at BD!!! And, some need the divorce--a clean break before they ever start to look inside themselves.
-
Serenity said this on someone's thread. . .
Being married didn't stop him from leaving, so therefore if he divorces you, it won't stop him returning either.
-
My BD was sept 2013. H has OW.....he filed for Divorce Feb 2014. H told me he was going to file on Valentines Day. He originally said it was so that we could all "move on and heal" ::) Then last week said he filed once he realized he was in love with OW.
How do you cope with your H divorcing you and then standing? Is there any hope for reconciliation after Divorce?
What do you think?
-
Divorce is a piece of paper and a financial agreement. You were in love before you were married, and as we found out, you can 'not be in love' while you are married. So logically, you can be in love, after D.... so certainly I believe you can R.
Oh, how very rational, filing for D on Valentine's Day helps all to move on and heal...? Perhaps the courts are very busy that day?
-
you can have a R but it takes too, to R and sometimes the other has done so much damage in the process to leave,, that you cannot go back!!!! you have to have a really thick skin and remember who they were and not who they have become in the process, and be like a duck and let it run off like water
-
I got my letter from hs solicitor on valentines day too! H is divorcing me on my unreasonable behaviour despite his affair and long term R with a young employee. We are also just six weeks away from it being no fault no blame, two year separation. He has some need to shame me and humiliate me even more. So painful.
I have been asking the same questions as you.
I think to my self "right time to move, get over this and get on with my life." But I have such a deep sense of loss and the D is making everything feel final.
Any divorcees on the forum still standing, any advice for getting through this process would be good!
-
A divorce is the most bloodless crime one person can do to another, and get away with it without any quilt.. when the other person does not want it.
All you can do is pray and ask God to be with you as you go thru the valley of death...
-
I would agree that I felt like I had been physically assaulted, when my xh went through with the divorce. I had been through so much several years prior but this hurt my soul so badly; I felt like part of me died.
I thought it had to be the bitter end, but I can tell you from my experience that it was far from the end. It has been said that “MLC trumps divorce”, and in my case it certainly was true. I mourned and grieved (spent more time lying on the floor in a puddle than I should admit).
This, as with everything else in life, I have learned is a matter of taking stock of what’s going on in the moment, and not looking too far ahead. This is so hard to do, I know, when you are hurting so badly, and you just want to make good decisions to get some relief. I thought that I would truly have to extinguish any foolish notion of hope that we could have any kind of relationship; it hurt too much. I felt like divorce was the ultimate in betrayal. It was but he started taking steps towards me right after the divorce.
In the 3 ½ years since my divorce, my xh and I have had several reconnections that have been pretty serious, but have not led reconciliation yet. He still has much work to do on his many issues, and the fact is he may never be able to face them. I still believe in the process, and believe that many will want to return, regardless of whether they went through with the divorce or not.
It is such a painful process going through a divorce, and my heart goes out to everyone facing this now. You will survive and get much stronger in time. I have, and I literally thought that I would die from the pain. I would say just take it easy on yourself as much as humanly possible, and take each day as it comes. You just never know what these people will do, and if they will be able to become whole again, but I know that we can!
I basically “stood” for a long time (maybe I still am), but I decided to ditch the word “standing” from my vocabulary quite some time ago, as it put too much pressure on me, and made me anxious. This is just my own personal philosophy that works for me; to not put a label on it at this time. It has been 71/2 years for me since he left me, and I just live my life to the best of my ability. When he comes around and wants to connect with me, I just roll with it, and see what happens.
Divorce doesn’t usually mean to them what it means to us. It’s up to us to decide whether or not it needs to be the end. I may have needed my mourning period after the divorce to further my healing, but then again, I have sometimes thought that I wasted a lot of tears with thoughts of “he never could have loved me”, “I will never get over this” or “he must really be sure of what he is doing”. NONE of these things proved to be true. The love is there, I did get over this, and he had no conception of what he was doing.
I think the important thing is to continually evaluate your healing, and consider if “standing” is impeding that or not. If so, you can either change the ways that you “stand”, or end your stand. This is tough stuff!
So, sure, I think there is hope for reconciliation, even after divorce. :)
-
There is hope for reconciliation after divorce. My friend's story is documented on this site. His MLCer divorced him about 9 months after bomb drop. She married OM#1 who was a high school boyfriend she hadn't seen in 20 years. That marriage lasted 18 months. She lived with OM #2 for another couple of years.
She has now been remarried to my friend (the LBS) for about 6 months. During her MLC, he had sporadic contact with her, but did not physically see her for approximately 4.5 years.
Divorce and OM/OW can unfortunately be part of the regression.
-
My BD was sept 2013. H has OW.....he filed for Divorce Feb 2014. H told me he was going to file on Valentines Day. He originally said it was so that we could all "move on and heal" ::) Then last week said he filed once he realized he was in love with OW.
How do you cope with your H divorcing you and then standing? Is there any hope for reconciliation after Divorce?
What do you think?
My parents divorced and then remarried about 10 months later. So yes, it's entirely possible to reconcile after divorce.
-
GBM, you are so right. I never thought about divorce that way.We DO see it differently!
To me it felt like rejection. I felt my life was over. I was sad.
My X felt it was his out to freedom. His life could now start over. He was relieved.
One thing about my X is, he was always honest with me. Our D took over 2 years and he told me he would never cheat on me while still married, and he never did.
I think in our case he felt he needed to D me so he could, if the opportunity came up, date someone else. I guess in a strange way his morals were still in tact.
It's been over 3 years since B dropped and he still has not dated anyone. We've been divorced for a year.
I see a lot of changes in him over the past 6 months or so. Maybe, unknowly, he gave himself time to get throw some of his tunnel without turning to someone else as a bandaid.
We have a good relationship now. I'm not saying he will not meet someone else, but I highly doubt he will blame me for it, if he does.
Anyway, I'm getting off topic here.
Yes, I do think there is hope of reconciling after a D. I just think sometimes they need to divorce us to feel they have the freedom to do what they want. It gives them the out they seem to feel they need. We no longer have control of them, in their mind.
What they do with that freedom no one knows. It could possibly allow them to see we were not controlling them after all.
There is always hope.
-
Thunder, I am not familiar with your story; I only know what you wrote here. It sounds like your xh is going thru a transition which has not reached MLC proportions. MLCer's run off with an OP or at least have one around and they usually get nasty sooner or later. I am glad that you have not gone thru that painful experience with an OW, though I am sure that your divorce was painful enough. I have a friend whose H went thru a transition and got very distant for 1year or so but he never left her and the kids and never even spoke about a D. He came thru that time and my friend says he is a better person now. I hope that your xh comes thru his transition and everything works out for you.
Cruise Control, I do believe the D means more to us than to our xH's. I feel that many D's are an ultimatum from the OW's....divorce your W or we are off! I saw my H acting like a little boy the day he spoke to me about a D, we were still living together then. It was only 4 weeks after he first called her...on Valentine's Day 2010. He filed for the D while we were still sleeping in the same bed a few weeks later. It was around that time that I found out about the OW from high school, his first love from 33 years ago. It was not the first time he had done/said something mean to me on a holiday.
I have been D'd since Feb 2013...after almost 3 years in the courts. When the final decision arrived from the courts, he kept telling me that we had 30 days more until it was final. I am not sure what he wanted to do with those 30 days but he was very confused that the D WAS final in Feb. 2013 and insisted that it was not. He did not believe me that there was not another 30 waiting period and he called the court only to find out that we were, in fact, divorced. Was he going to try and stop the D at that point? I will probably never know.
This year, late in January, is the first time he tried to be nice to me by sending me some pictures of his last business trip to France and then we had pleasant email conversation about those pictures. (There was a small hint that he wanted to talk to me last June, but he never did.) I am not sure why he sent those pics, but he did. I am unemployed and a few weeks after he sent those pics, he sent me an email about a job fair at the nearby town hall, not really sure why he did that either. There was no explanation or conversation that time. Both of those incidents are more than I heard from him in years, besides Monster of course, a few years back when our house was being sold. I am still holding onto that little bit of hope that someday, he may be able to talk to me again and try to reconnect.
I agree with GBM, I do not really like the word 'standing' either... it has been too many years. I am here, living my life, if he ever wants to talk ....I will see what he has to say for himself at that time.
-
Ocean,
I think every man is different when they go through MLC.
I did see my X as different from most. As far as ow, anger, etc., then I read an article on Low-Energy MLCer's and it fit him to a T!
Apparently they are less likely to have an ow and lack the energy for the running around, but their still in a foggy, fantasy world.
I think he tried to find an alienator but it just wasn't in the cards for him. Well, not yet anyway.
It still could happen but I think she would have to pursue him.
I wonder what would have happened if your D wasn't final when it was. You have to wonder what was going on in his head. They get so confused, he probably didn't know himself.
Sounds like he was pretty unsure over the situation.
Hope you have a good day. ;D
-
These stories give me some hope....thanks :)
Of the couples who reconciled, did the MLCer go back to the person they were before?
GBM: Has you H become a better person, or does he still behave like an MLCer?....monstering etc. Do all the MLCers continue to show confusion?
My H is a monster most of the time at the moment. I am blamed for D16 not wanting a relationship with him......I can't force her >:(, and of course nothing to do with the fact that he has OW, who was a family friend. My divorce lawyer also said that I have to be careful with any correspondence via email or text and just assume that it will be used against me, oops damn those emails ;). My H is very cunning, unfortunately that seems to have intensified and his confusion is not as apparent. He is just nasty, manipulative and egotistical. I guess all the traits of MLC ;D. Though I think his confusion shows by his complete denial of any wrong doing.
I so want him to behave like a reasonable human being, but that does not seem to be even remotely possible. If I breathe wrong at the moment it seems to set him off. Oh this divorce is going to be NASTY.
-
I so want him to behave like a reasonable human being, but that does not seem to be even remotely possible.
Nope: reasonable human being isn't within the realm of possibility with the MLCer. Mine likes to pretend he's the most reasonable, logical person in the world and that I'm a whack-job. Yeah, okay, whatever.
Divorce isn't fun. I'm waiting to hear when my H was served. If it isn't yesterday, it will be today. I've no idea what kind of fresh hell I'm in for, but I'm dealing with it by reminding myself I need to do this for my own protection since there is just no telling what's going to happen.
As far as reconciliation is concerned, I believe it is possible. For me, I'm divorcing my H and getting on with life. If and when he pulls his head out of where it's currently embedded, we may have another chance. I don't look beyond that for the future: I deserve to live the best possible life I can, with or without him. And honestly, life is a whole lot better since he left. Doesn't mean the door is closed. It just means I finally have the clarity to see my reality.
-
Medusa! I just saw at the bottom of your post it says "Semper Gumby!" A gal after my own heart!! Gumby RULES!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
-
Thunder,
My MLCer ran for his life. Hard replay for years, he was mean (lots of monster), then he crashed. He did a lot of damage, and we couldn’t remain friends throughout this. All these guys are different, although similarities run among them, so of course, there will be differences to the reasons they are divorcing. It’s just easy to make the statement that they think of divorce differently than we do because we are the rational thinkers here, and they are confused.
They may think that they are getting a clean slate to be with someone else; the ticket to freedom. We of course, know that this is faulty thinking, and that getting a clean slate is going to require a whole lot more than that! They are going to drag around their own issues with them wherever they go. They may think that getting a divorce will automatically give them a clean slate with us. I think somewhere in my xh’s mind he thought that it would. He even said just prior to the divorce “if we can get our sh!t together and get together, then I will remarry you”. (what’s this OUR business?) ::)
Cruise Control,
I wish that I could tell you that my xh has emerged from his crisis a better man, but I can’t say honestly say that. He is so much better than he was during the thick of his crisis, but he remains broken. He has some stubborn defense mechanisms that just eat him alive. I think that there is some fear of being vulnerable at this point. I don’t think that he fears me. He has told me that he finds me to be the most safe and comfortable place in the world.
He has a lot of trouble facing himself, and what he has done. Rather than seeing the value of accepting what he was capable of, and condemning those actions, he would like it all to go away. The biggest problem that I have right now with this is that I am not the one who is throwing up the past in his face. He must be doing this internally, and since he balks at talking about this, this guilt shows up when I am not aware.
I am not convinced that he will be able to work out these issues that he has. I have always said that I think he is a special case. It’s frustrating for me to see how far we have come, and to see the possibilities right in front of us, within our reach, and then to see him have such trouble being able to get past this final hurdle.
I have learned that there is a good man in there, and he is much the same as he used to be, and in fact better in some ways. The love that he had for me and the connection that we had, is still there. I was rather amazed to see that this survived all this trauma, and all this time. If nothing else, from allowing myself to reconnect with him as closely as I have, I have learned these things, and it’s been gratifying.
-
GBM,
I think they all "run for their life." Mine did, too. Thought a D would change everything. His life would be so much better. It's not. It's not more fun. It's not simpler.
He is now contending with loss of retirement money, bills and taxes staring him in the face. Loss of his wife and family and loss of any thing that gave his life mean something.
What they don't seem to comprehend is they are throwing away the stability they HAD. Throwing away the one person who had their back no matter what.
The depression is major. The fantasies are not what they thought they would be.
It's hard to watch.
-
Medusa! I just saw at the bottom of your post it says "Semper Gumby!" A gal after my own heart!! Gumby RULES!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Gumby and Ozzy! 8)GBM,
I think they all "run for their life." Mine did, too. Thought a D would change everything. His life would be so much better. It's not. It's not more fun. It's not simpler.
He is now contending with loss of retirement money, bills and taxes staring him in the face. Loss of his wife and family and loss of any thing that gave his life mean something.
What they don't seem to comprehend is they are throwing away the stability they HAD. Throwing away the one person who had their back no matter what.
The depression is major. The fantasies are not what they thought they would be.
It's hard to watch.
I keep wondering how mine is reacting to being served with D papers. I hope it is giving him pause and making him really realize exactly what you said,a Thunder, that they are throwing away the person who always had their back.
We just have to remember that as painful as D is, it can be the best thing for us. Do we really want to remain married to a stranger? For me, the realization that he was still cake eating financially was what pushed me to action. I will be damned if he gets to do any more of that. I stand to lose a lot. But I will walk away with my dignity knowing that I've shown a lot of people my strength and compassion.
And perhaps some day the wonderful guy I used to love will find his way back. If he doesn't, so be it, for now, I don't want him. He's just icky.
-
Thunder, this is very true. They all do run. Mine has said that he was “running scared”. He sure didn’t act scared at the time. He was as arrogant as they come, and blaming me for everything. Things are not always what they seem!
It is hard to watch. They can cause such collateral damage to us, and their children, but mostly, in the end, they do so much damage to themselves. I wish that they could see a clearer, more effective way of dealing with THIS before they throw away what was so important to them, but they have to find that out for themselves. This is why it’s called a crisis! If they had good coping skills it wouldn’t reach crisis proportions.
I think the good news is that most will realize what they lost, and want it back. The bad news is that some may not be able to work out their issues to do the work that is needed, or if they do it’s too late and the LBS has moved on. I have a great deal of compassion for what my MLCer went through, and I suspected how devastated he would be when he figured out how much he threw away. My main goal for sometime has been to heal as much myself, to be able to give us a chance to heal together as much as possible, reconciliation or not. I have satisfied that goal, and given him the opportunities to get back some of what he lost.
I am happy that I made that choice. I knew that there were no guarantees going into this, so this shifted into a much greater goal than just reconciliation for me.
Medusa, unfortunately nothing makes them realize anything until they are good and ready. It is sad for everyone. And you are right, sometimes divorce is the best thing, especially to protect yourself financially; it needs to be top priority, always. Mine left me in total ruins financially. I didn’t plan on letting him, it just happened, way too quickly. If your H doesn’t ever return, yup, it will be his loss, and the consequences for what he has done. They are all “icky”. LOL
-
Know what, GBM? It's already his loss. It was his loss when this started, even if he can't help it. I'm willing to bet most of us can say that unless we are still in the very early stages of blaming ourselves.
It took me awhile to accept that divorce was the right thing for us. I don't want it most of the time, but its necessary. And when I accepted that it really is just a legal thing that can always be changed in the future, its a good thing. I'm reasonably certain my H doesn't want a divorce and never did. My gut tells me OW has likely been pushing him for it and he's been doing what he can to mollify her. I keep going back to something he said to me last summer about how he had to find out of that relationship is the "real deal". Anyone reading this knows it isn't. But he has to find out experientially. So he's finding out.
I agree with you, GBM, that having our eyes open and clarity in our heads is crucial for us to get through. The goal of working on ourselves is much more important since we don't have the direction for the crystal ball. Its about moving on kith our lives, becoming happy and my whole as individuals, and, if it happens, being given the opportunity to possibly reconcile. That's how I look at it. Just as everything is his world is about him, most things in my world are about me. The difference is that I can and do think about others.
-
Mine filed for D a week after BD. It's final Friday after next. All this happened within a couple months. I believe mine wants freedom he thinks he'll get from the D. He moved out a month ago and after BD he did not want to seek counseling and says no OW. He does have high morals so I suspect he wanted to rush the D through so he could feel like he could have OW and not feel guilty about it. I did not contest it because it served no purpose to fight it - he needs to go through this MLC on his own and I'm more than happy to give him the space he wants now. I don't want this D and he knows that but that did not make him think twice about it, he's only thinking of himself. I hope one day that he realizes what he lost but he's so stubborn i'm not sure he'll ever figure it out and if he does, probably too prideful to see if reconciliation is possible. Yep life goes on, just have to keep on livin'. It hurts but I see it as a piece of paper and you can't wipe away your entire relationship, it happened. Hoping that someday we could start a new relationship and let this one go. A lot of people have stay at home MLC'ers and I am reading some bad stories and consider myself lucky that he left to go through this tunnel without me. It is pretty painful to watch even from afar. At least i'm able to relax and do what I want at home and he can grow up and figure out how to accept some responsibility. I don't want him back in this frame of mind anyway. There's always hope for the future I guess. I know I'll be ok either way.
-
I always wanted know if their have been many successful reconnections which led to reconciliation on this forum. I know of the reconciliation thread and we all have our own stories and so many of us do not get to follow every thread so I was just curious! Plus feel free to post! I love to hear your comments too!! ;D