Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Midlife Crisis => Our Community => Topic started by: amazinglove on May 12, 2025, 09:37:23 AM
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I would really love to discuss this. I found it hugely triggering and I have seen differing interpretations online and I would be really glad for your thoughts!
It is not often that we get a definitive storyline ab a male MLC in a movie and some of the ramifications of that.
For example, for those who watched, when he's crying by the fire and he tells Tina Fey "i was crying bc I was so happy to have found Ginny' to me it was clearly a lie, he was depressed. He was also playing that animal farm game on his ipad when he was upstairs avoiding her friends -the same game he hated his wife for playing! I wondered ab that symbolism. But I would love your thoughts.
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I saw this one Amazing. It was a trigger for me and honestly, I was happy he died from the accident. I cried when his daughter was screaming at his face telling him how he firetrucked up their lives. I could feel her pain. It was a nice series.
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The whole play scene was very satisfying! When the AP is so embarrassed that she leaves is perfect
It’s even better Nick had to sit through the whole play next to his ex wife, again so satisfying.
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agree! What did you make of the scene near the end tho where his wife says to the mistresss you made him happier in 6 months than I did in 30 years - or something like that. That angered me!
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That also hit home for me. When all this started she came home and said she was so happy. She told me people at work told her she was ‘glowing’ since she was so happy. Fast forward to now where she’s miserable. The ‘happy’ is just infatuation that fades with time, true love is like a pilot light. always on and reliable.
I agree with your anger, Nick threw away all those years with Anne for what? Such a waste, Anne seems lovely
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I think Anne thought he was happy, everybody does when they see the pictures people post on social media or pictures taken but she didn’t see him when he was alone. It reminds me of my xh when I saw his pictures on social media with the very young OW. He was all smiles ear to ear, but then one time he wrote me a card on my birthday and he said he kept dreaming of me and it made him cry. That scene where he was crying by the bonfire, that was reality. He wasn’t crying because he was happy with the OW, he was crying because he knew he firetrucked up.
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I was sad he died, because to ne it seemed to be that he was realizing that even if he cared for OW that their worlds and age gap just would not be sustainable for their relationship. I don’t know that he would go back to his ex-wife, but maybe appreciated that he messed up by cheating in his past marriage and not having those tough conversations that could have made a difference.
I also went back and watched the original movie, because I knew their were big differences and in the movie ( also available on the same platform) he marries the OW and she is accepted by all. In the original movie however they portray the wife as a debbie downer and depressed.
Watch an oldie movie with Joan Crawford call “ the other women” that is completely a MLC movie. It’s a must see!!
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Hello,
I watched the series as well. It's hard to classify the young lady as the OW as he was divorced when she was introduced as a character. However, Nick showed all the characteristics of MLC plus. He had already cheated on Anne in the past and he was very self absorbed in the relationship with Ginny was more about him and his feelings. This idea or notion of "You made me happy" or "You made him happy" is the false narrative of a sound relationship. It's the myth of eternal happiness. You noticed that Anne never stated that Nick made her happy. Instead, she mourned the loss of her role as "I am the person responsible for making Nick happy". In the end, it wasn't that Ginny and Nick were is a sound relationship. Anne just acknowledged that Ginny met the job requirements of "Making Nick happy". Nick even tried to keep the group together for his satisfaction and when he was with Ginny's friends, it wasn't that he was dealing with a generation gap, it was an interest gap. Nick wasn't really interested in her social group.
Nick's daughter called him out on his self absorption because after the play, he was angry that she challenged the role of the wife's role to bring happiness to Nick. He rage at her was because she didn't get the memo that his happiness comes first- even if it is at the expense of everyone else.
The other two couples were also very interesting. Claude and Danny also created the dynamic of the role to make someone happy. Claude was well meaning and very protective of Danny. However, that only created resentment and distance by Danny. The classic line was when Danny complained to Claude. "It's just sad, can't you just let me be sad?"
Kate and Jack were dealing with their own issues and Kate had a lot of contempt for Jack. In many circles, contempt can kill a relationship faster than an affair. However, they were able to reestablish themselves at the end.
Overall, the series was good, but at the end, it fell for the "soul" mate notion that I completely reject as another myth. There are over eight billion people in the world and this idea that there is only one other person in the wide pool that is the one for you is ridiculous. I guess some parents are very good at finding these "soulmates" because divorce rates for arranged marriages are lower than find your own person.
Just my opinion and have a great day,
(((Ready)))
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I agree with all that, but the age gap was the interest gap. To me they were intertwined. Not getting jokes because you’re not from that generation etc. It is just pretty typical of anyone that hasn’t self reflected to jump 💯 in and as time goes on and the routine of life takes over you truly see whether your compatible or not. Whether it is sustainable or not. I enjoyed it. It seems like they will come out with a season 2 possibly, so I do wish they would have kept him alive.
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I kind of love that they had him killed off. Despite the creators saying it was not supposed to be some kind of punishment for him - I’m not sure I see it that way. It felt like some kind of divine retribution to me! Retribution for hurting his family.
I wish Ann had been less of a drip though. I found her the most annoying character and it almost gave him a pass (she won’t try anything!) to run off with a younger model.
One other thing interesting to me (and I agree with alll the commenters above!) many say that our MLC spouses have really shallow relationships after us, because they are incapable of anything more and that the quality of their AP relationship is never worth envying bc of who they are - their character and selfishness - in it. When Ginny had the slides / photos of their relationship at the funeral virtually all of them were about sex, jokes about sex or sexy clowns! It all seemed really juvenile and gross.
And I thought - well who would want to be with that guy?
I really think whoever wrote this script had had a personal experience with MLC!
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Looking at some of these photos of Bill Bellechik and Jordan Hudson cavorting, I can’t help but think of those funeral photos of Ginny and Nick!
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The TV series and the movie Ann was not an appealing character. To me its wasnt so much MLC because the husbands tried to talk to them and reach them and connect. However the jump to a much younger woman than makes it seem more like MLC. I think MLC is rooted in avoidance and so our MLCers harbor resentment and leave. They don't miraculously become healed and are able to communicate and handle life better. They go to someone they think is easier. It looks great at first because they have relief from exiting a relationship they thought was the cause . They pour all love and attention they have wanted to share but were to resentful to. Its a fantasy and escape that is unsustainable.
My XH has bought a huge house snd he lives alone. His new wife still lives in our old condo. For 2 years now. They see each other on most weekends. Sounds like a great marriage . They do not live together and I heard thats an Avoidants dream.