Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Midlife Crisis => Our Community => Topic started by: FaithWalker on August 10, 2025, 03:09:11 PM
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Wow, I have not started a new thread since June of 2022. Time slips away as we move beyond the pain and life slips in again.
Old thread https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11941.0 (https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11941.0)
New thread topic brought to you by the Song "Heart of a Hero" by Cathy Heller.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSTGCCceBks (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSTGCCceBks)
I am going through a tough season right now with my M but we will get through this season as well, and I'm so grateful I still have her. I need to grasp on to that in the tough moments.
Thank you all for navigating these ups and downs of life with me. There are always going to be some really wonderful times and other times there is going to be tough stuff.
As a recap, I began this journey almost 10 years ago at the tender age of 37. I am 47 now and my mind is a little blown that it's really been 10 years. MLCer turned 50 last Monday. His crisis started the Summer he turned 40. Looking back, things were crazy as early as May, but my BD didn't happen until December.
I asked D yesterday if MLCers new wife threw a big party for him turning 50, out of curiosity because that was one of the things that kind of got thrown at me, that I didn't make a big enough deal about his birthdays. Of course he had flipped the script on me, as prior he was happy to have little fanfare over his birthdays. D said that there was no party and that he was probably at work in the new town where he took a job.
He had called me about a month ago wanting to know what was going on with S20 as S20 had not talked to him about joining the Army. Apparently he found out from my B and SIL when he ran into them outside a restaurant downtown and mentioned getting an elk tag for S20 for the Fall and B and SIL were like "how is that supposed to work? He won't even be here?" Ouch. Gosh that really had to hurt to have to find out that way. I actually have major sympathy for that, but I also do understand that our actions have consequences. Anyway, during that conversation he had told me he'd taken a job a couple towns away and he leaves on Sundays to go up there and stays at a hotel all week and then comes back to his home here on Friday evenings.
Beyond that, I truly have nothing else to note, as I have very little insight into xH's life now. Couldn't tell you if he's still in crisis. Not much to note. If you've been reading along, I know that at some point there was a major shift from talking a lot about him into shifting the focus on me and this became my journey and my story. And I stick around to support Your Journey and Your story! I think about our dear LBS's, especially the ones I've lost contact with and wonder how they are doing. Still hoping for a meet up with a bunch of y'all one day.
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I have followed your story and I think I never realized how young you were when this started. Mine started so late in life. The one thing I wish for all LBS’s on here is they don't lose so much time. We have to live through it, but man the lost time is the worst.
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Yes, I am definitely not the youngest, but was on the younger side. I'm so glad that I focused on my kiddos though instead of jumping into a new relationship. I have no regrets. Those kiddos needed me.
What helps me cope is the scripture verse about God restoring the years that the locusts have eaten. I have seen some good times in the last 10 years and I hope to see more good times in the future, whether with a partner, or without.
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What a beautiful story of how you not only survived MLC but are also now really living your best life. My BD was back in May 2019, I thought I wouldn’t survive it, but here I am, I’ve made it. Like you I’ve seen a lot of good things that happened within 6 years since BD. The first few years were very very difficult. But, I’m glad I moved out and tried to carve my own life away from my MLCer. Only then I slowly discovered the kind of strength and determination I didn’t know I had in me. Nice to hear your kids turned out well. It needs to have a strong parent to support them through a difficult time like that. Cheers to you Faithwalker for walking through this difficult stage of your life with grace. I don’t hear any grudges or bitterness from your posts. You have truly moved on.
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My partners mom passed on in March after a 10 year battle with Dementia. I admire your strength. She was already in AL facility when my partner and I got together and her dementia was fairly advanced.
{{{hugs}}}
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Hello,
Time does fly. For me, it has been over 15 years since bomb drop.
The one thing I wish for all LBS’s on here is they don't lose so much time. We have to live through it, but man the lost time is the worst.
For me, this is the hard part. I agree that looking back, you can make a sound case for lost time. As they say, "we live forward and understand backwards". If I had rushed forward and cut my losses early, would I now be living with the regret that I should have held out longer. When I was done, I was done and I felt that I had given my best. Did I lose time? Absolutely, but the time also enabled me to heal and detach to the point where I was open to all the possibilities. I also think we are all on different timelines and each one of us can't compare the time to others. I think it starts to become time lost when you can't detach, that you stay stuck to the floor. That's when the time seems to stop and before you know it, years have gone by and you haven't made the growth to move on and continue your journey.
I'm so glad that I focused on my kiddos though instead of jumping into a new relationship.
I agree and even though I am in a new marriage, that relationship isn't the only thing that defines my success from MLC. It is waking up in the morning and hitting the road to work and still excited about all aspects of my life. Just finished a great weekend celebrating my mom's birthday with all my relatives. There were 14 adults and three babies and we just had a great time. Absolutely loved it.
I think you have done awesome and with no regrets, you have built a joyful life. I am not a big "happy" guy because I can be happy and unhappy thirty seconds later. Joy is an overall feeling on content. It can be in the moment, but also a deeper feeling that despite the ups and downs of life, it is a overall feeling that you can achieve even when you are looking back.
Keep posting and let us know about your journey. Also, it is nice to hear about your Colorado adventures as I have found memories of my time In Pagosa Springs. I still follow my Broncos and it looks like they will be good this year.
Have an awesome day,
(((Ready)))
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Thank you DF, UM and Ready
S25 is selling his house. And agreed to allow xH's new wife to list it as she is going to give him a big discount off the Realtor fee. S25 had moved back in with his F and StepMom to save money for a possible big move with him and his GF so he's been renting out his house. As a reminder, S25's F is not xH. xH called to see if I could also come over and help clean to get S's house ready so last Saturday I spent the day with xH, new wife, S25 and S20 and then again last Sunday with MOL and FOL (Mother and Father Out-law) as we deep cleaned and painted and all the things. Next Saturday we are going to have a going away party for S20 at xH's house together.
M continues to be up and down in levels of craziness. Today I did not react well and got upset when she again accused me of doing things that I am not doing. I was already sensitive as my friend just lost her 14 year old son who was wheel-chair bound and the funeral was today. Thankfully I was still able to go to the funeral and I wasn't late, but it was a pretty emotional day between all the things.
Tomorrow my M's cousin and her husband come to stay the night with us overnight as a stopping off point on their trip to break up the drive time. When I wasn't attending the funeral or trying to reason with M (I know, doesn't do any good), I was deep cleaning for their visit. I took Monday off also as one last hurrah before my co-worker goes out for her brain surgery. I figured, if anything, I could at least offer to make them breakfast before they get on the road. It will be nice to have one extra day off after the busy weekend. I have another 13 days that I need to try to take off before the middle of January or I'll have to write to my boss and ask her if it will be okay to carry them over, otherwise I will lose them. Given the circumstances of this year, she would definitely allow me to carry them over, but then I run into even more issues next year trying to use all the time, so I am going to try my best to use them. We are only allowed to carry over 280 hours each year and I have about 330 hours in built up vacation not counting the 50+ more that I will earn between Sep and Dec. I will definitely use a few days to go out to S20's graduation from Basic Training in Georgia. I just need to figure out who I can get to come and stay with M. Probably I will ask one of her sister's.
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My friend who lost her son split up from her H a few years ago. He took the 10 year old boy and split basically turning the kid away from her by calling her a wh*re and other despicable things. He left the son in the wheelchair and the two younger kids they adopted together and has had nothing to do with them. He also was a huge part of her 3 daughter's lives and even adopted the youngest of the 3 daughters and walked away from them as well. Before the funeral we were told by friend to wear bright colors to celebrate her son's life. Her xH had gotten the message as well but chose to show up with the other son both in all black suits that were newly purchased and then preceded to not say a word to any of us the whole time they were, not a single word, to anyone. Not her, not the rest of us, not his adopted kids, not her girls. It was extremely awkward. It really made me grateful about my own life and my choice I made to be brave when it came to my dealings with my xH and the grace that I extended him. It just feels very natural now when we are together and I'm sure our kids are so much more at ease because of it.
xH called a few days after the funeral to let me know what to bring to his house for the party for S20 and I was telling him about the funeral and my friend and her xh (who he knew from our married life) and just how awkward it was and how glad that I was that we are not that way.
The party was great and it was nice to see my BOL and SOL (remember, out-law, not in-law lol - xh's brother and his wife), FOL and MOL and xh's aunt. xH's wife and I sat together at the dinner table and we get along well. My BFF was there also but she'd already eaten so she just pulled a chair up to the side of the dining room and chatted while we ate.
I was amused by several things and thought I'd share. The house was relatively clean but there was clutter - it permeated the kitchen counters and some of the surfaces around the dining room, like the buffet and the top of the china cabinet. The office was a mess. It's just the two of them there now since S20 had moved out and one of her daughter's had moved out. S20 and her daughter that is around D's age lived in the basement for a while. Anyway, when we were married and the kids were younger we also had trouble with clutter. He hated it, but sometimes with young kids, that's just the way it goes. He complained a lot during BD about these issues. Just goes to show that the things they say really are not valid and have no bearing on the state of chaos in their minds as that's where the true clutter lies.
Another thing that amused me was his wife's snarky comments slipped in here and there. It was a little like deja vu, new wife, same sayings. I used to say all the time that his horns were holding up his halo. She used that phrase too. She of course has no clue that I used to say that to him. But I knew and he knew lol. I'm pretty sure she was joking, as was I when I used to say it, but this time, when hearing her say it, I actually found myself wondering if it stung him a little. I've learned over the last few years, especially with my kids that sarcasm and snark can be hurtful and I have learned to be more careful with my words, focusing more on building the other person up rather than tearing them down.
But then there are some families, that sarcasm is genuinely used as banter. The teacher I used to work for, you knew you were liked by her H and her kids if they bantered with you like that, because they didn't just tear anyone down. Only those that they genuinely liked. It was kind of like an initiation into their inner circle lol. And they loved it when anyone was quick with the sarcasm and banter right back.
I think there is a time and place for it, but I also do think that it's good to be sensitive to the other person's thoughts and feelings on the manner and I genuinely feel bad that I may have ever hurt anyone I loved "all in good fun".
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My "baby" S20 shipped out to Basic Training and I had to say goodbye on Sunday. I miss him already. These things are tough on a mama! I'm so glad he and Nephew 21 are doing it together.
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I’m a sarcastic snarky gal in fun at times and you’re right. You definitely have to know your audience!!
Awwwww, I know you miss your son. I say all the time that I griped about tripping over backpacks on the floor and tripping over them and now I would love to trip over those backpacks. It goes to quick!!
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Yeah, I miss him so much and haven't gotten my phone call yet. I've already decided I'll forgive him if he calls his F for his 10 second phone call as he probably knows I'll be a sobbing mess and it sounds like he will be shaken during that call to see how he deals with stress. If he does end up calling me, I know how to respond and I'll try and hold it together until he hangs up.
I've been talking to xH a bit more since S20 has shipped out. Grateful to him for sharing some info with me that he could have kept to himself. Nothing like coming together over our kids. A different type of reconciliation happens sometimes and I am pretty sure that's what we have. Not a get back together type of reconciliation by any means and I'm just really feeling blessed for where we are now and what that looks like. Not an invitation back into my inner circle but a good relationship seeing as we have kids together.
So, I started a going to a new Bible Study this week and the leader ended up being out of town so only 2 others showed up. They were interested in hearing my story and it turns out that one of them just got totally devastated by a BD and cheating spouse after a 23 year marriage. She had to sit in front of them at her child's sports game and he apologized to his AP that she was sitting there. Yeah, he's totally following the script we all know about. Apparently he's a school counselor for us and she works at one of the Admin buildings. Not sure if it's my admin building or another as we have 3 others besides mine but I'm hoping it's not someone I have to have dealings with on a daily basis.
Thankfully I think I was able to help her some with my story and example of someone 10 years on.
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I got to hear from S20 today and talk to him for 45 minutes! He's still in reception and most likely will start his training on Friday. We will see! He has hives. He's not sure if from the inoculations or from something in the food. He says it's been happening after breakfast so he was thinking maybe the oil they cook the potatoes with. He was able to take a nap and they went away after he slept. MOL is hoping that he didn't get her issues with hives, which is that she gets them when she's anxious or nervous. I'm hoping that he won't have to deal with that much longer. Poor kiddo.
Nephew21 sent a snap to D23 with S20 in the background. It was so strange seeing them with shaved heads, even though I knew it was happening. S20 has a distinctive tattoo on his arm so if he's in short sleeves, I should hopefully be able to find him in any snapshots that they share as the boys are training. Sounds like they are forming some friendships with the other boys in their group so far. Not sure if these same ones will be in the same Troop or not.
He mentioned that he was multi-tasking during our call and texting D23, S25 and his F. He was trying to feed each of us a little bit of different info so that we could then all share with each other.
I probably won't get to hear from him again for a while except for the quick call that he's started training, unless he gets stuck in reception for a bit longer than expected.
I had to chuckle today when I woke up. We warned him about the humidity at his Ft. We don't have that type of humidity here generally. We are usually dry, dry, dry here. But today when I pulled up the weather app we had 83% humidity. He only had 63%.
Crazy humidity, but then, everything has been crazy lately. We had a storm Saturday with tons of marble sized hail. I guess there was a tornado in Utah and it sent some crazy weather our way. I had never heard of a tornado there before. That's just crazy!
I hope everyone is safe and well. Lots going on in this crazy world right now.
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Just a small update. S20 got picked up by a battalion last Friday and his BCT has begun. I probably won't get to hear from him for a couple weeks unless he earns a phone call by winning a competition or something. I miss him so much! I sent of a letter Saturday once he called with the 10 second phone call to give me the information I needed to do that. Then Saturday night I had a letter from him in my box! Then I felt bad for nephew21 as his parents are out of the Country and won't be able to shoot off any letters to him until they get back. So I sent him one Tuesday and then S20 another one at the same time as well, lol. It will probably be a few more weeks before they will actually get to read them though, from what it sounds like the mail moves very slowly on base.
Nothing like having your kiddo go off to do something like this to draw his parents together a little bit. More conversation with xH in the last few weeks than in a while. The focus is of course on the kiddo and just a little bit of light and airy conversation on the side about each other. Like talking to an acquaintance. I will mention that he calls me and if I'm able I pick up the call or he will text me and ask me to call him when I am free to do so. We are in a good place. Which is nice as we will be drawn together, all of us a lot as we go to S20's ceremonies and such. As of now, his parents and he and his wife and I are all planning to go out together to see S20's first ceremony (between Basic Training and AIT).
Not much else to update. I worry about S20 constantly and he's not far from my thoughts. This is hard on a mama! D23 and S25 and I are planning on getting together this weekend as it's been a little bit since we've connected. I think we will drive up Sunday and tour the fall colors happening around us and take a small hike in the beautiful mountains near us. Today is S25's 2 year anniversary of dating his GF. That went quick!
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Wow, it's been a bit since I've posted and lots to update but it will have to wait. I'm reeling from reading about xyzcf's loss and need to process.
I did want to mention that I lost my Lucy kitty December 11th, had to make the tough decision to have her put to sleep. She brought me so much joy after MLC, it was hard to say goodbye and much too soon, I should have had another 10 years with her! :'(
For those who followed me from the early years, you know how much joy she brought to our household post divorce.
Thinking of you all as this new year 2026 rolls in. I have hit the official 10 year mark since BD as it happened December of 2015 and April will mark 10 years divorced. Hard to believe it's been that long!
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Hello,
Yes the years do go by quickly. I am coming up on 16 years since bomb drop and I would have never ever imagined my journey to where I am right now.
Yes, Xyzcf's loss is great and I needed a lot of time to process as well. She is a remarkable person and like you, I was glad that she was able to be with him and support him in the his final months. Such a powerful story of both love and faith.
I am so sorry for the loss of your kitty as they really do bring joy to our lives.
I hope S20 is doing fine as well as the rest of your family. Please keep posting so we can all follow your fabulous journey through life.
(((Ready)))
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Wow, it's been a bit since I've posted and lots to update but it will have to wait. I'm reeling from reading about xyzcf's loss and need to process.
I did want to mention that I lost my Lucy kitty December 11th, had to make the tough decision to have her put to sleep. She brought me so much joy after MLC, it was hard to say goodbye and much too soon, I should have had another 10 years with her! :'(
For those who followed me from the early years, you know how much joy she brought to our household post divorce.
Thinking of you all as this new year 2026 rolls in. I have hit the official 10 year mark since BD as it happened December of 2015 and April will mark 10 years divorced. Hard to believe it's been that long!
It HAS been a few years, hasn't it? our timelines are nearly identical.... BD in December 2015, D in April a few years later (for me) ... My dog will be 13 in July and is slowly fading with age so I know what you mean about the loss of the kitty as I am staring that one in the face .....
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Hello Ready and UM.
S20 is back. I got a text from nephew21 a few weeks into training saying that they decided not to stay and were working on Chaptering out. 2 harrowing months with little information and contact and the biggest worries about how this decision was impacting them, they made it home just before Thanksgiving with an uncharacterized discharge. This mama cried, prayed, paced the floor, aged a few years in a few months and then have run the gamut from disappointment of reversing their oath, to relief, and then guilt for that relief. There was a lot that went on plus with the government shutdown that didn't help matters either. They are now figuring out what's next and I am praying that they won't keep floundering. The plus side was that I got to spend a lot of time with S20 at Christmas since he was home and I was off work. I had some vacation days to "use or lose".
Mom is still home with me and she has some really good weeks and then she will have an off week, but seems to bounce back. I've started really having to pay attention to solar storms and moon cycles as it's crazy, but those things do seem to effect her dementia. More and more of the burden of managing all the things seems to fall to me, but will eventually show the need to either have someone in the home, send her to daytime care some of the time, or look into assisted living. I am taking a vacation in April and have been arranging for some of my brothers and/or sister-in-laws to come stay with her while I'm gone. I had a non-refundable, but transferrable ticket that I had planned on using to go to see S20's ceremonies but since he returned home, I changed it into a ticket elsewhere for fun.
S25 and his gf of 2 years moved back into his house. He took it off the market briefly and will return it to the market this Spring, hoping to have a better time of selling. Unfortunately, it's hard to sell lately as no one can afford the cost of housing.
I am looking forward to my vacation in April, but my life has fallen into a pretty predictable routine right now. Until my burden of caring for M changes, this seems to be a period of buckling down and doing the things that need doing. I do feel somewhat that I am setting aside my own hopes and dreams right now, but we do those things out of love for our loved ones, don't we? That is why we are who WE are, and MLCers are who they are. Not to say that somedays I don't feel like running away, but I am never in any real danger of doing so. ;D
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"Chaptering out?" Things have changed a LOT since I was in then. Once you signed the contract you were in unless you a) had a medical issue that popped up, b) failed a drug test, c) proved yourself as incapable, or d) committed some sort of major infraction (i. e. crime under the UCMJ). One couldn't just "decide" they wanted out... I can see that this would have benefits in that the people that stay in are those that really WANT to stay in and potentially have a career.....
Being a primary caregiver for someone with emerging dementia must be a real challenge. My partner's mom was already in a care home when we met and, having spent significant amounts of time visiting before she passed on, I can not imagine what it would be like having to deal with that without significant help. That is one of those where those of us on the outside say "Take care of yourself too!" while only seeing what is on the edges, not the day-to-day work behind the scenes. Tip of the hat to you for keeping going!
Routines can be comforting for a while too. It gives time to regroup a bit and plan for future activities (like April!)
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UM
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Thank you UM.
Well, I do have some life changes to update on. One of my coworkers turned in her notice and I decided to go for her job. It's a Coordinator position and comes with more responsibility, earlier hours (and possibly more hours as it's salary and you know what they say about that), it's own office and the occasional potential to work from home. I'm hoping to keep it to 6am-3:30pm instead of my now 8-5er, that would be just a few extra hours a week, but we will see how it goes. And I got the job! I started training this last week but don't officially move into it for a while. I get lots of training with the current Coordinator first and we still have to post my position so there will be some cross-training. The other technician is out for another surgery here soon also so of course I will need to cover the front office while she is out. Before I ever interviewed, I started transitioning to an earlier morning as far as going to bed earlier and getting up earlier so I would say that's going relatively well.
S20 met last week with a potential new boss in his grandparents (my outlaws) town an hour away. It looks like he's going to go work on a ranch down there for a Seasonal job that will take him through the Summer. He will stay the week with his grandparents and then come home to our town on the weekends. I figure he will spread his weekend visits between myself, xH and his friends and siblings. I'm glad he's doing that, as it will get him outdoors into the sunshine and fresh air. Since he's been back he's been up all night and sleeping mainly during the day. I don't like that. I feel like it perpetuates any seasonal depression that genetically he probably can't run away from. We need sunlight and fresh air! That's why we live in a place that gets a ton of sunshine annually! ;D
And here we are merely 2 months out from the passing of Lucy and the cat distribution system already spoke as the CDS seems to have a way of doing that sometimes. It might be temporary, but Mom and I will be keeping D's kitty at least until her lease is up in July. I may have written about this when it happened, but D and my 2nd D (xH's niece) lived together back Feb of 2023-Feb of 2024 in their first apartment and decided in September of 2023 to get a kitten before getting permission to keep said kitten in their apartment. So he ended up living with M, Lucy and I for about 2 months. At first I didn't think it was going to be that long so I kept him and Lucy apart with him residing in my guest room. But, he figured out how to open the door and escaped quite frequently to follow her around adoringly in month 2 and then they finally got their ducks in a row and took him to their apartment in late November, early December. Anyway, in February of 2024 they moved to a new place with a 3rd roommate and took him with them to the 2nd place. In December of 2024 niece and 3rd roommate invited 2 more people to live with them all and D really struggled as the 2 new ones were basically squatters for 2 months plus the other roommate was a terrible roommate to D so in February of 2025 D moved back in with me until July and kitty stayed with niece who signed a new lease with the 3 other roommates for a year and then D moved into a new place with different roommates and not one allowing cats in July of 2025 and signed a year lease. Well, now niece's lease is up and 2 of her roommates decided to get their own place and the other terrible roommate (to D) is moving in with her boyfriend so niece is moving in with her grandma for a while and grandma has multiple cats already, so D's options were to sneak kitty into her place risking getting caught or begging me to take him. I opted to take him for now as a favor to both D and niece as I don't want D to get caught with him and ruin her rental credit. M is thrilled with having a cat around the place again. She loves kitties. I essentially raised him his first 2 months after he was old enough to be adopted out and we gave him breaks out of the guest room locked in M's room with her where Lucy stayed out of mostly so I bet those relationships with us reside somewhere in his core memories. I think he will find himself at peace here and we are prepared to keep him as long as we need to.
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Hello everyone, just thinking of you all on this beautiful Saturday in June. Things are good here. Mom turned 80 yesterday and we had a lovely time up on the Mesa, fishing, eating lunch at a lodge and enjoying nature. There were about 10 of us able to celebrate with more celebrating to come with other family throughout the Summer. Mom was able to catch 4 fish! We had to all keep encouraging her to reel it in because she would stop lol and she had a little trouble casting at first, but she did really well! Better than I expected and a good reminder that I need to get her out there more often.
I started officially in my new position April 20th, after taking a week in the Caribbean first. I cruised with my B and SIL and a married couple friend of ours. One of my other B and SIL's came and stayed at the house with Mom. I had no trouble being the 5th wheel on the trip. We did Grand Bahama, Dominican Republic and Grand Turk. Realized while I was in the Caribbean that it was the 10 year anniversary of my Divorce. Wow, time flies!
Turned 48 in May (I was 37 at MLC Bomb Drop) and have been really disturbed by my weight and the effects of aging and pre-menopause so I started the 75 hard. I've only made it to day 2 once since I started the day before my birthday but that's okay, I'm out there trying lol. I'm going to continue to go after it and hopefully at some point there will be some pay-off.
D turned 24 and S turned 26. And my 30 year HS reunion is in July.
I hope everyone is well! Let me know how you're doing and what's new with you. :)
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How IS the new job going? You were saying that it was salaried so you expected to be working additional hours (I know EXACTLY what that means.... more hours, no additional pay....) Hopefully, there is at least some form of Comp Time rule in place.
Your fishing trip sounds wonderful. Where did you go? My parents would go to Trappers Lake or one other close to them when they were at their cabin near Meeker but since they moved to Nevada, that is all in the past. My mom turned 90 in December so my partner and I took a trip to Vegas to surprise her. We had said that we were not going to be able to make it as the flights were SO expensive (they were when we looked) a getting the time off was a challenge but, we looked again a couple weeks before the date and the prices were WAY down so we told my dad that we were coming as a surprise, booked the flights, a hotel, rental car, the works and the day before her birthday, showed up at their door. I thought I might have to perform CPR when mom came to the door and saw us there. Ironically, I had ordered flowers to be delivered that same day with the note that we wished her a happy birthday and that we were sorry that we woudldn't be able to make it to the party. They were delivered about an hour before we arrived..... ;D
What is the 75 hard? It sounds..... difficult? I'm hitting the gym twice weekly, going to cardio/aerobic classes a couple times a week and commute by bicycle (about 8 miles round trip) so that is keeping me from becoming a couch potato. I turned 63 a week ago so sedentary life is an issue I do my best to avoid, lest I start to rust and rot from the inside.....
UM
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Hello,
I am so glad that you are doing well. It has been a busy and hot summer for me. We spent a few days in Idyllwild, CA and then off to Sacramento for a week to visit our new niece. Came back for the Fourth of July, and the next week was a couple of weddings. Very busy to say the least. Now I am back to work getting ready for another school year.
I hope you are enjoying your new position and time really does fly. But, at 48, you are still a baby!!
Enjoy a great weekend,
(((Ready)))
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Hello UM, the new job is going great, but yes, I have been working some long hours and have not used enough vacation time. I will try to use a couple days in October and then some longer breaks in November and December, but I might have to write my boss and ask for her to allow it to be carried over. I did that last year and she approved, but at the last minute, I was able to take the last couple days I needed carried over and didn't lose any.
I think I pushed myself too hard the last couple weeks and now am sick for it, so I need to gain back some work/life balance. Next week is pre-payroll craziness for my position so I'm laying low this weekend trying to recover so that I can get done what is needed next week to get everything ready for Payroll.
We fished up on the Grand Mesa, first lake was across from the Visitor Center, at Cobbett Lake, but didn't catch anything there. Then we went and ate lunch at Mesa Lakes Lodge and I brought some cheesecake in and a little cake with pearls for Mom and we sang her happy birthday and she had some free ice-cream compliments of the Lodge. And then went over to Ward Creek Reservoir. They had recently stocked that one so the fishing was good.
How fun that you got to surprise your Mom for her birthday! Vegas in December seems like a great time to go! Although I do like going when the outdoor pools and lazy rivers are still going.
The 75 hard is 75 days of 2 45 minute workouts a day, one of which has to be outdoors no matter the weather; a gallon of water a day; find a diet program and stick to it, no cheat days; no alcohol; read 10 pages of a non-fiction book every day; and take a progress photo every day. If you miss any of it, you start over at day 1. I figured, any progress was good and it didn't bother me when I had to start over lol! I did have to keep resetting my streak, but sometimes it was for the silliest things. One day, I forgot to take a progress photo! Another day, I had everything in and then went to do my 2nd workout and 30 minutes in, I really had to go to the bathroom! hahaha. So I drove home and didn't go back out for the last 15 minutes because it was dark out. Other times, the smoke from the fires made it hard to workout outside. And then silly me started working 10 hour days the following week in so I would go home on my lunch break and do my first workout for 45 minutes of the hour lunch break and then eat lunch at my desk.
I kept it up pretty good all through summer until school started in August, the last 3 weeks have been a slump, probably why I'm sick! I do want to get back to it but I might do the 75 soft, which is the same thing, except only 6 days a week of exercising instead of 7 and only 1 45 minute workout a day. I knew it was extreme and that I probably couldn't carry it out, but just trying to do it was giving me results. Failing at it was still producing results! I've been upping my protein and fiber intake and trying to limit added sugars. I was following the IIFYM diet (If It Fits Your Macros) and was doing pretty good with that and the water intake. Some double work-out days I was sore and so the first work-out I picked, I did something fairly mild, like vinyasa yoga or pilates, knowing my body needed some stretching. During the fires, my friend gave me a little Deer Run treadmill and I would find a 3k video on YouTube of some great footage, like walking through Switzerland or Hawaii or Scotland and pretended I was outside. But the hill by my house is a wonderful place to go every evening and hike up. I take the whole hill, then loop around into the neighborhood that comes out halfway down and go up the steep part again and then cross and go down into the other neighborhood and loop back up that steep hill, sometimes looping in a 4th steep incline."
I also added in 3 days of weight training with kettlebells and dumbbells at home here. And have been using a vibration plate to help with lymphatic drainage. I've also joined an active singles group that is more about getting out there and doing things together than meeting to find a partner. If it happens organically, great! We've been playing pickleball every Thursday for the last 3 weeks and I'm having fun learning that!
I really tried to mix up my workouts without joining a gym. So the hill climbing was one of them, but I've also been doing things on YouTube, like cardio boxing, different types of yoga, pilates, etc. I've slid backwards a bit so just talking about it is getting me psyched up to get back into it after letting it slip since mid-August.
Hey Ready! Sounds like you had some great trips! I had my 30 year H.S. Reunion over the 4th of July. I did take a few extra days off to make almost a week long vacation. We had some paid holidays in there which helped. It was nice to get back to my hometown and reconnect with some people. We were in the parade and got drenched by the firetrucks and threw candy to the kids and just had a great time and then met a classmates house for a big BBQ later that night. The only thing that put a damper on things was some smoke in the air from Ouray and no fireworks allowed. The fires this year were really brutal and now we've been having lots of bears. I encountered one a few weeks ago at 5:45 am when leaving for work. I live in a townhome community in the middle of town! I looked over and under the streetlight I thought to myself "wow, that's a big fluffy dog" and then I realized it was a bear. I followed it and called dispatch (from my car, I'm not crazy!) but they weren't in a hurry to respond and told me to go to work. 3 weeks later I'm pretty sure he's still wandering around neighborhoods above me. Probably has been a good thing I HAVEN'T been walking the hill much lately!
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Good Grief!
A fitness program like that and you'll be looking like....
(https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExbnYwaDI5YnBweG8yZDU1ZWl1NGllYWVhaGkxYnlrYjd1dGZzdmt0aCZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/SoVj0B45860pRJYupp/giphy.gif)
before long. I mean I consider myself in pretty decent shape for an old guy with 37% skeletal muscle and 16% body fat according to my doc but your workout sounds insane!
The birthday party sounds wonderful though...
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LOL - No, I'm still pretty soft and squishy! Definitely made progress but have a lot of squishiness and probably will always have some squishiness, even at my most fit, which I definitely am not there yet. I like food and wine and coffee and London Fogs so they say you can't really out-run a bad diet. And I don't really run anyway, so...
I will always have ups and downs, because...life! I can eat really healthy for a season, but then my brain says...live a little! ;D
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I have had such a good week. Although I was sick last weekend and worked a lot of hours this week, it was still such a great week. Last weekend was the last weekend I worked the HOA job, so this weekend I had an entire weekend back! So nice!
Monday, I was still feeling puny so I skipped my ladies group so I'm looking to get back with my peeps this week. It's been such a great group of gals. We've bonded over happiness and heartbreak. We've lost one of our own and we've all had ups and downs. It's a great mix of ladies, some going through D's, some married, some blended marriages, etc. I feel that I can be a voice of wisdom based on my journey here.
Tuesday I went with a couple friends and met some of their friends for dinner and Marg's at a Mexican Restaurant. I stuck with a virgin pina colada that night. I've been off my program but planning on starting it again soon. We then went to the movies together and had a great time, even though the movie got out close to my bedtime.
Wednesday I drove 45 minutes and met up with a friend of mine for a Paint and Sip night. We had hard ciders and a cheese and fruit platter and had a lovely time, even though my Fall painting is pretty elementary! I still hung it up in the hall upstairs.
Thursday I was going to go play pickleball again with the singles group, but the rain and thunderstorms kept me away, especially with my recent sickness. Plus I needed to finish a report so I ended up just working from the couch all evening.
Friday was a little bit long at work but then came home and made dinner for Mom and I.
Saturday worked on the house some and then went to a tailgate party for a college football game with the singles group and then went and picked up groceries and came home and put them away and finished laundry.
Today my SIL picked up my M for Church so I had a few hours to myself. I enjoyed having the house to myself. Then I went and got a pedicure and upgraded to the 25 minute calf massage, hot stone, wax, all the details. Very much needed! Decorated for Fall around the house and it's very cozy. Cleaned up the patio and started winterizing a little bit. Tried to get the Broncos game on with no luck, just to hear football in the background and peek in on the score. So I found a ambient video on youtube of a little coffee shop in the Fall and ambient jazz music. Making some lasagne and going to have a glass of wine. Not diet friendly, but have a plan to get back to it. Celebrating the arrival of Fall today! ;D
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Well, here's a detail of my job that's not so great. When we lose a student, I'm one of the first to know as I need to send folks for the Crisis response team. This means I sometimes sit with some pretty heavy things over my weekends off, as the Security team, my boss, or the Crisis Coordinator gets a hold of me when it happens.
The weekend before school started we lost 4 of our young men to a car accident (they went off a precipice and weren't discovered until the next morning - I didn't know them, but I did know one of their Moms) and when school started that next Tuesday, our whole community was reeling from the loss. A few weekends ago, a Senior was hit by a drunk driver and ejected from his vehicle. He is still in Denver in a coma. This weekend, one of our middle schoolers was hit by a car while riding his e-bike or scooter (not sure which) and he didn't make it. :'(
My heart immediately goes out to their families, friends, teachers, anyone who knew them. I'm also not really able to share details with anyone so the time that I have to keep it confidential feels so heavy for me. I spend a lot of time talking to the good Lord about it. Yesterday, I just laid on my floor in my bedroom and carried it to Him, crying out with the pain of a loss that isn't even mine. Today I had to make some calls and get things set in motion for Monday.
Friday night, I went to my first massage that I've had in a very long time, and I've never had a massage like this. It was a 90 minute Immersive Vibroacoustic massage and it was amazing. I decided to cut out Netflix, and Audiobooks and anything else that I've been frivolously frittering my money away over so that I can afford one every month. I think given the nature of the grief I carry, the stress, and you know, the caregiving, etc. that it would be a good gift to my body.
Thursday night after pickleball - I've been playing every week with a singles group I joined - I hit my face on a board sticking out of the back of a truck. It was very clutzy of me, but also, who backs a truck up against a walking path? He would have been better off parking the correct way with the flag on the end of the board sticking out for drivers to see, instead of parking it where the flag was in the shade of the tree and with it being twilight, I was watching the pavers I was walking on so that I didn't fall off the curb in the dark, not looking for something protruding out the back of a truck in my path! My face was pretty bruised up Friday and I had some light sensitivity Friday for about half the day before it let up. No issues laying facedown for the massage though and by then my headache was gone (I did take a grandiose tylenol earlier that day though). The puffiness was down by Saturday but I have a nice bruise on the bridge of my nose and the space between my eyes is still very tender. It was a 1x6 I think so who can see 1 inches of board in that kind of light?!?! Definitely not me, given my peripheral vision issues. I will heal though.
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I hope that you heal quickly!
And the massage plan sounds like a good idea. From your description, you are often carrying a heavy load until things start to move and that can be very draining on a body.