Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Midlife Crisis => Our Community => Topic started by: xyzcf on December 23, 2025, 05:14:44 PM
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Today was my Beloved husband’s funeral. I was going to carefully write about "us" but have decided to just let it out as it flows on the page.
I was a stander, for 16 1/2 years. We were married for 32 years before BD in 2009. My beliefs about the sacrament and permanency of marriage come from my earliest childhood teachings. Vows we made before God, could never ever be broken.
I am also convinced that MLC is a real thing and that the man I knew and loved changed completely 16 1/2 years ago.
I have often encouraged people not to write their spouse out of their lives completely. He would spend time with us, as a family..I did everything I could to preserve our family.
He became ill 6 months ago, came home and I took care of him….we resolved so much and indeed, a few weeks ago he asked me if I would ever consider marrying him again..I smiled…explained gently that according to the Catholic Church, we always have been married…for we did not have our marriage annulled and the Church does not recognize a civil divorce, and neither of us remarried others.
And, in my heart, the bond that we share had never been broken.
There is much much more, but I have always been very private and protective of our love. And although our stories here are all different, there are also so many similarities.
Hero’s spouse, and the friends I made here helped me so much for many years, to be able to talk to others who were experiencing the same thing, heard the same words, this had somehow allowed me to heal.
I thank RCR, Heartsblessings, Stayed, Dontgivup, Trusting, Limitless, Old Pilot, Voyager, Theheartknows , hearttoheart, Calamity, Baxster1, readytofixmyself and so many many others for all the time they took to help me along the way.
I am and have been well, healed, content, living a very good life. I will grieve deeply for this man I have always loved….and be grateful for all the good years that we had together and the realization that no matter how far away he strayed, I was always close to his heart as he was to mine. Rest in peace, forever loved, xyzcf
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XY,
Im so sorry for your loss. There is never a good time to lose a loved one but at this time of year it must be especially hard for you and the family.
Thank you for help in my stand, you’ve definitely helped me get this far.
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Oh no... I'm sorry. I'm absolutely stunned to hear. I can only imagine what you must be feeling. I'll be thinking of you in the coming days. Sorry for your loss.
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I'm so sorry to hear that... You have been a huge help to so many of us. <hugs>
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I’m truly sorry for this loss for you, your daughter and family.
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I an so sorry for your loss. It seems that although you and your Beloved seemed far apart, he was always near, even when it might not have felt like it at the time. Your Stand was a good one and it had a good resolution, IMHO.
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Hi, xy,
I'm very sorry for your loss, your unshakeable conviction has always been inspirational.
T&L
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XY,
I’m so sorry to hear this news. I’m glad you 2 got to spend his last days together.
Much love B x
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I also am sorry to hear about your loss, and your husband was very lucky to have someone like you who gave him the grace despite his actions, specially in his final days. That is indeed a very special and rare gift. I also hope despite the difficult situation you got a chance to find something in these last days to offer more peace and calm about what happened.
I hope you try to focus on yourself a bit now as it is very likely things will come up after the funeral.
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Like others, I am so very sorry for your and your daughter’s loss. You are both in all of our thoughts and prayers.
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Oh, xyzcf…. I’m truly sorry for your loss. My heart is with you at this difficult time.
May God surround you with his infinite love and grace.
(((((HUGS)))))
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I'm so sorry XYZCF,
I hope you and D are able to spend some good time together.
-SS
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I am so sorry for your loss.
Not your husband, and of the life you lost together.
It is just so hard.
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I’m so sorry for your loss <3 I always have admired you and the love you carried for your family and that you did everything to preserve that, even in the difficult MLc-times. I’m sending you all my love!
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Hi im so sad to read this I came on to give an update, ive not posted in a long time, I do come on now and then to read... sending my prayers to you at this sad time big hugs🙏❤️xxx
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Oh xyz, I send you love during this time of transition. But seeing how you two came full circle at the time it was most important leaves me in awe (I hope that does not make light of your loss). Thank you for coming back to share this with us, as you always said you would.
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I’m so sorry, xyzcf. My thoughts are with you and your daughter during this very challenging time. I’m very glad you were able to have those months together, and I hope the memories offer comfort and a sense of peace.
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X, my sincere condolences for your and your family's loss. I came back here after months away and this was not what I was hoping to see. Thank you for all you did for me back in the day and you and yours will be in my prayers. Peace to you.
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Dear Friend,
I was saddened to read the news of your beloved passing. I have been on the site for years and your consistent support for all of us as we each dealt with our own crisis has been enormous. I have always admired your commitment to your family and your faith. It really makes you such a noble person that I truly admire and respect. I know your daughter and son-in-law appreciate have you as part of their lives. I do hope that you continue to support others on the site as we know that there will be more that come to our site seeking support and guidance as they deal with the terrible ramifications of MLC. You are in my prayers and please reach out if you need anything.
(((Ready)))
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Oh my heart dropped so so much when I saw the title of your post! It also soared when I read that you spent this last time together! Battles and blessings, battles and blessings. Seems that is our lot in life on this earth. I looked to see if I still have your number in my phone to send a quick message that way but it's after 10 and I'm afraid that's really late for most folks even though I'm still awake if it's even still your number! My dear, I am thinking of you and praying for you and your beautiful D in the days ahead. Please reach out to me if you need someone to talk to! This is a big loss. I'm so sorry that you didn't have more time! :'(
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XY,
I came across your FB post today and realized that something very sad had happened.
I returned to this forum and read your post.
I am so very sorry to read such sad news.
My condolences to you, your daughter, son in law, and other family/friends. It is very good to read that you were all together with him during this very tough time.
Much love,
L
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I’m not on here much anymore, but something made me come and I saw your posting. Although you had hoped for full reconciliation I do think he showed you love in small ways after your divorce in the only way he was capable of. I’m so sorry for your loss, but what a lovely send off he received by you with you taking care of him in his final days. In the end it appears you both got some closure and also some acknowledgment that the love was real.
Wishing you and your daughter love and support and thank you for all your support you have given for decades to those who followed behind you with many different versions of MLC.
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Dear XYZ,
Despite our sometimes quite differing perspectives, I always admire(d) your strength and devotedness to your Beloved and your faith. I am so sorry to read this. I have been on vacation for the last few weeks and had taken a "leave of absence" from FB, HS, and the Internet in general only to come back and read this. I saw the title and knew it was rom you.
Your beloved was a lucky man to have you in his life, right through to the end.
May he rest in peace and rise again to glory. My prayers are with you and your family as you traverse the halls of mourning and grief.
UM