Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Midlife Crisis => Our Community => Topic started by: Pivoine on July 23, 2026, 08:17:19 AM
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Hello,
It’s been a long time since I last posted an update.
The situation is difficult.
As a reminder, my husband left in November 2023;
AP has been around since September 2022… that’s when they first started seeing each other.
They moved in together in January 2024,
and AP kicked my husband out in November 2025.
As for me, there were times when there was pressure to sell the house, then nothing, then the divorce… still nothing.
When AP kicked him out, he switched lawyers. According to my lawyer—the nex one is more proactive—“you’ll be divorced within three months.”
Still nothing.
I should point out that I’m letting him do as he pleases; I’m not standing in the way of anything.
He found a furnished temporary place that he was supposed to vacate by March 31. He started looking for another place 15 days before… well, yeah, AP didn’t want him to come back.
So we had to rush to separate the furniture… He suggested he’d clear out the house, but I had to defend my interests through my lawyer.
Since then, AP and he have been together without actually being together.
We’re seeing a mediator to work things out, because he feels a strong sense of injustice: “You have everything, I have nothing,” “You’re keeping the house, you have everything, I’m going to lose money,” “You’re giving me the worst stuff”.... And the usual accusations: “I wasn’t allowed to spend my own money,” “You didn’t respect me in front of the kids,” “You bought lots of dresses”.... So I tried in vain to set the record straight.... We know it’s impossible—they won’t listen to a word.
He has no empathy; he only cares about his own material survival, and my emotional well-being means nothing to him. He refuses to bring the dog back to me, saying that he has to make the round trip and that it costs him money (we live 15 km apart), and when I tell him, “It’s your choice; I don’t have to take responsibility for a choice that isn’t mine,” he replies, “Don’t confuse emotional ties with shared property. We have to divide the furniture fairly...” He says his request to the mediator will be non-negotiable.....
I admit I don’t know how to interact with him anymore..... I’m not standing in the way of the separation; I’m letting him do what he wants and standing up for myself—that’s all. No matter what I do, say, or don’t say, it’s never good enough. I asked him not to contact me until the next mediation session.
I’m doing fine; I’ve found activities I enjoy, and I have my friends. He, on the other hand, is losing all his friends in our local community, and his old friends aren’t around much anymore either. His local friends don’t recognize him anymore; they make fun of him and criticize AP.
I should point out that I don’t talk about this… It saddens me for him, but that’s his path, not mine.
When will all this end?
As soon as he contacts me, he drains my energy.
What advice do you have for me?
I feel like he’s not making any progress.... It’s always the same complaints, over and over again. And he tells the mediator that, as he mourns the end of our relationship, he’s in a phase of renewal.... All I get is anger.
need support please....