Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Mermaid on June 30, 2011, 10:22:09 AM
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We've been talking for sometime about having a LBS visit to Porto, the major city in Northern Portugal.
It's famous for Port wine, but there are other famous regional and national wines, cheeses, and excellent cuisine. It's not expensive by British/ American standards (count with hotel prices around €50 to €80 a night) and is usually nicely warm in September/October, but as unpredictable as an English summer too.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Porto (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Porto)
I'd like to know who would be interested in a trip out here, and when. As usual, I won't put details online, but contact those interested by PM/ email.
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I may be interested, but I don't really know which weekends my children are with their Dad yet...
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I'd love to come! Have to work around school break and free flight miles.
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Bumping this up.
More names, times?
Wonder if a moderator could temporarily sticky this?
BTW nearest airport is Porto. Lisbon airport is 3 hours train ride away, and The Algarve is a long way South.
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M
I will not miss this trip :) :) :)
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If there is another time/ place that you would prefer, please tell me.
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I'd love to come - mid-October for me would be best...x
Fox
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So sorry mermaid can attend too busy with kids and work and other commitments have fun!!
B
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I love to do this, but my finances!!!!!
S is going to start a new education and needs to buy a Mac Book pro (2300 EUR). I need to finish the new house. So it is probably not wise to spend my money on a city trip. But I felt so good in LUX...
I could probalby fly lowbudget from Brussels to Porto with Ryanair
X
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I checked out prices on a search engine, http://momondo.com/ (http://momondo.com/).
There are cheap mid October flights to Porto from:
Ryanair: Brussels €126
Ryanair: London (Stansted) €46
Easyjet : London Gatwick €69
TAP (Air Portugal): Liverpool €210
TAP (Air Portugal): Edinburgh €190
TAP (Air Portugal): Luxembourg €230
There are luxury 5 star spa hotels from €69 a night (and a really nice one at €105 per night). See
http://www.booking.com/ (http://www.booking.com/)
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I live a long ways away but it could be something to dream of with more details. Thanks
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Hi,
Unfortunately I cannot get leave from work mid-October......mums with children are on leave for half-term :-(
Maybe text time.....
Love and hugs
Foxy xx
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I would love to do a trip, but could only do early in the new year - too many work commitments for the next few month. Also travelling from South Africa, so a weekend is rather short :D
Thanks
Tiff
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I would like very much to come, but worry about being the only guy. I am in Switzerland. Did you decide on what date for the weekend?
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What about 14, 15, 16 of October?
I don't want to put the name of the hotel here, in case we get lurkers or stalkers, so please leave your forum name here, or PM me for details.
Freddygone, don't worry about being the only man, we're all in the same situation, which is what counts. Male perspectives on things can be very enlightening, too!
Love, Mermaid
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Hi M
I'm good for those dates, can't wait. :) :) :)
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Very, very interested Mermaid... mid Oct. looks pretty good for me. Haven't looked at any flight stuff yet, only returned to Europe yesterday... so will take a closer look sometime this week.
Hope all is going well... hugs Stayed
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M
Are we definitely on for those dates??? Just want to book my flight as early as possible :) :)
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Yes, let's go for 14-16 October. If anyone wants to spend more time, they can (but I don't know my timetable yet, so can only guarentee that I'll be around at the weekend).
Hotel prices at this time of year will be cheap; A five star spa hotel in the BOAVISTA area of Porto, such as Porto Palácio Congress Hotel & Spa, or the Sheraton Porto Hotel & Spa is €210/ €228 for two nights on Bookings.com. Non-spa four-star hotels in the same BOAVISTA area are €110 for two nights.
Eating out is quite cheap too; €20/ €25 per person on average.
There are metros / buses/ taxis from the airport.
Weather in October can be rainy, but it's unpredictable. It's not usually too cold, with an average temperature of around 21ºc, but bring a raincoat, umbrella and something warmer for evenings. http://www.porto.world-guides.com/porto_weather.html (http://www.porto.world-guides.com/porto_weather.html)
The old parts of town are interesting to walk around. There are some beautiful old cafés to see, Clerigos tower, Sé Cathedral, Serralves modern Art museum, city tours, old bridges, beach restaurants, and of course, on the other side of the river in Gaia, many Port wine caves with tours and tasting sessions.
http://www.tripadvisor.com/Attractions-g189180-Activities-Porto_Northern_Portugal.html (http://www.tripadvisor.com/Attractions-g189180-Activities-Porto_Northern_Portugal.html)
Can you all PM me to tell me what type of hotel/ budget you are aiming for? I don't think it matters too much if some people go for cheaper hotels in the same area (Boavista), because it's not very big.
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I am in as long as it is mid october. Love to meet you.
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I would want to stay on longer, would anyone be interested in staying , and seeing some of the country?
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I need to be in Toronto for my daughter's graduation that weekend...but, when I went to Lux, I was able to book my flight Colorado, Toronto then Brussels...sooooo if there were any chance of making it the following weekend (Oct 21-23) I think I might be able to swing it and Valsie, I'd take you up on your offer to meet up before and do some travelling..and anybody else for that matter.
Just throwing it out..may not work..I would so love to meet you Mermaid and Voyager and to see Stayed again would be perfect. It would be my legal separtion gift to myself! Let me know.
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I don't know if anyone has booked their flights/ hotels yet, as I said 14-16 yesterday????
Opinions???
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Hi M
I'm ok to move it back a bit, especially if that means we get to meet XY and valsie xxx
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OK, let's make it the following weekend, 21-23 October.
Mermaid
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Are you serious????? I shall start looking into using points to fly over....but please do not change this unless it works for the others that wished to come as I can always come another time.
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Would anybody object if I brought husband along. Neither of us have ever been to Portugal before... plus I have found an amazing Ryanair Cheap flight for 27.99 euro each way... like how can I turn that down... ::) ! Not sure though about the dates... will have to check, as we have a convention in Canada sometime in October to attend.... thought I would make sure nobody minds hubby coming first...
hugs Stayed
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OK by me... he has insights for all of us, too!
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I would love to come and hear some stories, at least to know it is not just me who is crazy. Once you all firm up on when and where I will organise myself a Flight from Switzerland. I think it may be a little wet in late October maybe? But does it matter? I dont think so.
Where are all the men in this situation or do we all just sit in a corner?
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:'( :'( :'( Sorry I am going to have to give this a miss - cheapest flight I can get is R 9,900.00 (about 990 pounds), just not affordable. Hope you have a great time, think of me.
Thanks
Tiff
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Ouch Tiffany.... !!! I'd want to be coming for a couple of months if I had to pay that much.
Too bad... it would have been lovely to meet you.
hugs... Stayed
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Tifanny, have you looked at flights to Lisbon? They may be cheaper. The train ride up to the North is 3 hours.
On the other hand, if you find cheap flights to the Algarve (Faro), the train ride is rather long, but there are cheap Ryan air flights up to Porto.
If not.... a pity, would have loved to have met you.
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Some very good deals with Ryanair... h and I can travel together, return for 112 euro total... not each... it is 56 euro each return... that is cheap!!!!
hugs
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Hi
Ryanair does not fly out of South Africa - I wish they did
I will keep watching for any other specials though
Thanks
Tiff
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I would so LOVE to come! It is too far for me, with the girls being in school then :(
hugs,
L
ps sure it will be a GREAT time!
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ok Ryanair have a flight Thurs-return Oct 20th Sun from Liverpool for £42 all in, how far is it from the airport to the hotels etc ?
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I heard it was very close hyper... h and I are considering it as well. Just waiting to hear if he is going to be doing a convention in Canada at that time... if so, we will both go to Canada, if not, we will come to Oporto, Portugal... heeeeeeehaww... sounds like a win win to me...
hugs Stayed...
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Porto airport is about 20 minutes from the hotels mentioned above, and there are good transports (metro, taxis, even buses).
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Stayed hope you and h can make it , it will be good to see you both again. :) Ryanair prices stay low for a bit so as soon as I know its that date i will book the flights :)
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OK, let's make it DEFINATELY the weekend of 21-23 October. OK? There are good deals for hotels at that time.
Mermaid
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I will have to fly on the 20th Thurs no flights on the fri...but no worries one more night is ok :)
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Hi Mermaid:
Just booked our flight for Porto. Will arrive Friday Oct. 21st. leaving Sun. Oct.23. Could you please send me Hotel options?
Looking forward to seeing you all.
hugs Stayed
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Trying to make a plan to join, will keep you posted
I really want to do this - even if it is expensive. Not only do I want to meet everyone, but I thin an overseas trip on my own could be very therapeutic for a co-dependant LBS like me ;D
Hugs
Tiff
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I've sent hotel details and my email to : Voyager, Stayed, Tiffany Dee, possibly Standanddeliver, lifegoeson, Freddygone, brokenhearted, eternity, trustandlove, CrazyStuff, hyperglad, justasking.
Is there anyone I've missed? Please PM me.
Mermaid
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Tiffany, I totally agree. There is something incredibly liberating about making a SOLO trip out of home country. Do it if you can possibly swing it honey....
Going to be a fun experience...
hugs Stayed...
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just a quick update:
I've also sent info to the following who may come: justasking, painterman, xyzcf, journeytoself, Valsie, Chrysalis
If you want some information about Porto, Portugal, it's cuisine, and culture (including the Port wine cellars), can I suggest the following:
http://www.taste-portugal.com/ (http://www.taste-portugal.com/)
http://www.portotours.com/indexen.php?op=catalog&method=list&idCategory=18 (http://www.portotours.com/indexen.php?op=catalog&method=list&idCategory=18)
http://www.visitportugal.com/Cultures/en-US/default.html (http://www.visitportugal.com/Cultures/en-US/default.html)
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1841571881/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_d0_i1?pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=0DE9CK6TPCHJPHS9SG1N&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=467128533&pf_rd_i=468294 (http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1841571881/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_d0_i1?pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=0DE9CK6TPCHJPHS9SG1N&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=467128533&pf_rd_i=468294) (book: Lisbon and Porto (Thomas Cook Travellers))
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Wow Mermaid, this could be the mother of all LBS MEETS... yahooooooooo! Looking forward to it...
hugs Stayed
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I wrote this last evening but somehow it didn't get posted. Just wondering if there is anybody who would like to "play " a bit. If I can get airline points to get me there, I should arrive Oct. 17 and I don't have a date really when I need to be back home.
I was thinking of travelling in Portugal and perhaps Spain...Mermaid suggested either taking the train or perhaps renting a car.
If anyone else is interested in doing some touring please let me know as I shall try and get this booked soon.
Looking forward to this!
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Hi
I can probably stay an extra few days as it is a really long trip to get there. Let me know what you are thinking as I will need visa's
Thanks
Tiff
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Would it be crazy to consider some combination of Porto, Lisbon, Madrid, Barcelona and back to Porto?
I really want to go to Barcelona
There are really cheap flights from Toronto to Porto but usually you have to start and end at the same destination.
I'd love to arrange some kind of bus tour to do this type of trip. Any of you Europeans knowledgable about what might work? Or a specific tour compnay?
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Not so crazy. Travelling between these cities in Spain and Portugal is like travelling round the US, but smaller. It depends if you like driving, or prefer to fly.
You can catch a train to Lisbon (2 hours 43 minutes on the fast train).
(see: http://www.cp.pt/cp/displayPage.do?vgnextoid=87cbd5abe2a74010VgnVCM1000007b01a8c0RCRD&lang=en) (http://www.cp.pt/cp/displayPage.do?vgnextoid=87cbd5abe2a74010VgnVCM1000007b01a8c0RCRD&lang=en))
You can fly cheaply to both Madrid and Barcelona, both about an hour's flight, and there are buses/ mini buses/ taxis to the centre (see: www.ryanair.com (http://www.ryanair.com)).
Hope this helps.
Mermaid
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Hi
You probably think that I am in MLC with all the backwards and forwards, but I have now looked at all the costs put together and I just can't afford to take this trip at the moment. I hope you all have a great time and hopefully I will be able to join in the next one.
Hugs
Tiff
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WE all understand Tiffany. Nope you are not MLC... just have to be sensible... that we understand.
hugs and until the next time... maybe we need to consider where are you girl... did you say Africa... ?
Stayed...
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Yes - South Africa
Maybe everyone can come visit me - you get ZAR 11 to every 1 pound ;D
Hugs
Tiff
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Tiffany, I'm sorry you can't come but it doesn't surprise me. It's a long way and a big expense!
What a good idea... next LBS meeting in S. Africa...
Mermaid
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Sorry but I will not be able to make it.I have too many things on my plate financially. s needs to get installed to start a new education and I really need to finish my house ???
So it is not that I don't want to, it is more that it is not wise just right now
Take care
E
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I'm sorry too, but I understand.
Mermaid x
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Darn Eternity, I was looking forward to seeing you again. Seriously... there is no excuse for you and I not to see each other. The next time we go to Brussels, I will send you a message. Even a short meet up would be fantastic...
hugs Stayed...
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And if I came with you? My issue is that my english is better written than...understood. Flights from Paris to Porto arent too expensive with Easyjet. Is it too late to rejoin your plan? Hugs,
Hopenoexpectation
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Not at all! I'll send you more details.
Hugs, Mermaid
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Stayed,
You have to know that I would so love to come, but it is really all about finances. i need to finish that new house.
i am planning to give S&D a call today. really I am 1 hour away from S&D and 3 hours from you
Hopenoexpectation, can I just ask were you are from?
Take care
E
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Eternity, bonjour. I live in Paris, and I am french. Pleased to have you in contact. Tell me where you are too....Hope
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Bonjour Hopenoexpectation,
moi J'habite en Belgique, pres de Gand[/glow]
So, this is not far, only 3 hours drive by car
This is nice. sorry I did not read your thread. I will check and say hello later
Take care
E
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OK Flight booked....will book Hotel soon...Wooooooo can't wait...do you think I should tell H...No i'll surprise him ha 8)
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Yeee yeee, I will join you! I have it all organized at home. Ryanair is very gentle to LBSérs with their airfare. Eternity, S&D and others in the Benelux, one way from Eindhoven is 18 euros, they also fly from Maastricht en Dussseldorf Weeze (NRN) to Porto. This is Ryanair, so if you like to bring more luggage then only a change of underwear, you need to pay extra...
Rivoli Cinema Hostel and Oporto Poets Hostel are in the TOP 10 of the best small hostels in the world, and very cheap. I will try to book something affordable. Need to go now, but I'm sooooo looking forward!!!
Love, Dragonfly
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Yahhhhhhhhhooooooooo, this is going to be like "old home" weekend... hehehe! It will be so good to see you dragonfly again. Eternity I understand completely. I know you would be there if you could. Hyper can't wait. Going to be a great weekend.
I wouldn't tell him Hyper. Your kids are old enough to stay on their own. Cut the rope Hyper.
Must book the hotel too.
hugs Stayed...
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Dragonfly..really!!!!!!! I am so pumped!!!!
Hyperglad...tell him you are meeting some of your LUX friends..let him wonder!
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Hi dragonfly,
I've PM'd you with the details. I've been away for a week, and I'm going away again tomorrow for another week, but I'll catch up when I arrive.
The only bad news is that I've got my timetable for next semester, and I'm working every night till 8pm, including Friday, so that means I can't pick people up from the airport unless it's morning/ early afternoon or later evening.
Mermaid
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I am booked..it took some convincing myself..don't know why..LBSer brain I think. Looking forward to seeing the sights and especially my friends
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Playing with coming too... 21st -23rd October eh?
I can stay with my sister so I have no hotel probs - she lives just across the Douro, in Vila Nova de Gaia (Mafamude?? or something like that?)
I just have to get my passport renewed - never actually used it!
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That would be amazing, Mitzpah! Gaia is so close by.
Mermaid xxxx
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Just checked how to renew passport... yuck, another cost!
Hope it can be renewed in time.
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I hope it will all work out Mitzpah!! Very excited that you might be there as wel!!
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Mizpah..I am praying that you shall be able to come! Oh how wonderful would that be!!!!!
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Mitzpah, that would be incredible... hope it all works out.
hugs Stayed...
How many are coming Mermaid? Are you going to send us a list and where we can all meet up. I saw where Freddygone will be coming in on Saturday and leaving monday morning. Gotta make sure we can all find each other...
I am getting excited now... hugs Stayed
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Nine people are definately booked. There are another three that may still book at last minute.
It's still a month away, so I was planning on waiting another week or two before sending out lists to everyone.
Meanwhile, I would like a PM or email with everyone's email/ cell phone/ real name/ flight arrival time. I've only got full details for Stayed, Freddygone and Voyager.
Possible activities: visit to the town centre/ Serralves foundation/ city park/ Port wine caves. Lunches/ dinners in interesting places, depending on the weather and individual finances (it's possible to eat very cheaply, but there are also some fabulous, more expensive places.
Love Mermaid
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Sounding good Mermaid... getting excited as I said. Hope you didn't think I was being pushy, hehehe... just really looking forward to seeing you and Voyager again.
hugs, hugs and more hugs... Stayed
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Have a great time, I'll be thinking of you all!! My girls and I will be in Cyprus, I'll raise a glass of wine to the brilliant LBS group. xx
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Cyprus, I love Cyprus. I'll will raise a glass to you as well lpxpe.
hugs Stayed...
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Wish I was going...Hopefully there will be other venues and I'll be able to attend them :D Only wish I was coming....
Think about the rest of us whilst enjoying everything that Portugal has to offer...
Love and hugs
Foxy xxx
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Fox..wish you were coming too!!! I wish everyone would be able to be together..we shall be thinking of all of you and posting so you will all be with us is spirit..and yes, let's try and make several times and places avaiable for us to meet one another, to share, to support, to show care and love for each other...
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Ok I need to book my Hotel room...where has everyone booked, I am arriving Thursday so need to book three nights ? xx
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Everyone's in the Porto Palacio Hotel, so far!
Transport from the airport: The AeroBus is an STCP bus route that rapidly connects the main hotels of the city, the city centre and the airport, with fixed stops at Boavista and in Av. dos Aliados.
The Aerobus takes the shortest and most direct route, using main throughfares; it is of particular advantage to those who wish to travel to and from the airport on the same day, using the same ticket. Reserve your seat online http://www.stcp.pt/en/alugueres/aerobus.htm (http://www.stcp.pt/en/alugueres/aerobus.htm)
See also
http://www.stcp.pt/en/home/principal.htm (http://www.stcp.pt/en/home/principal.htm)
I would like to pick people up, but can't manage everyone, due to work andalso because I live out of town.
I might book myself into the Porto Palacio for one or two nights, though!
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I must say that hotel is expensive its £340 for 3 nights single ...it is a lot for bed and breakfast ..is everyone staying there ?
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You should be able to get it for £310 from bookings.com. So far everyone is staying there (it's got a pool/ spa, and is highly rated etc.) But there are other places nearby that are cheaper.
If you go to bookings.com, and choose Porto, the Boavista area, you'll find that well rated cheaper hotels include the Sheraton (£266), The Bessa (£177), or the Quality Inn (£166)
Hope this helps.
Or perhaps someone will suggest sharing?
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The time is drawing closer... anyone else planning on coming?
I'm still waiting for some emails addresses of those who are coming, if possible,
It's very hot in Portugal at the moment, unseasonably so. I'm still in summer frocks, but usually it's mid-season weather in October. I'll update you nearer the time.
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Fantastic! I could do with some more unseasonably "warm weather" hehehe. Really gotten spoiled this year, an unusually hot fall... been lovely. Was really sorry to see that high pressure "lift" :-[
See you in a couple of weeks Mermaid... hugs Stayed...
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Ok hotel booked (palacio) i didnt realise it was a week today wayyyy heyyyyy I just hope the nice weather stays....
Cant wait now :)
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Not long to go... the weather has been unseasonably hot (30ºc most days), but the forecasts are mixed. The best forecast says we'll start getting a few more clouds, slightly cooler, but the worst promises rain specifically for that weekend.
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Mermaid, it wouldn't dare rain on that weekend..... hehehe. Could you tell me how many people are actually attending? Looking forward to it both my hubby and I... see you all soon.
Hugs Stayed...
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I'll send you a list later today...
It will be fun!
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it's going to be fantastic Mermaid... hugs Stayed...
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i am jealous, just you all know.
wishing you all a good time
E
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Dear Eternity,
We will miss you. I'm sure I will!!!!
I think we really need to come up with a plan for a BeNeLux meet-up (budget style) soon.
Love, Dragonfly
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Name the location Dragonfly and I am there....
hugs Stayed...
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Sadly, things are too hectic for me this autumn - off to London for my mother's birthday, job interview (YAY!!), so I can't make Porto, either. So jealous!
Totally up for a Benelux weekend though - I can offer my house for a few people to stay if we wanted to meet in Brussels, especially if it is a time when my kids are with their father!
Have a fab time in Portugal!!
xxxx
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Then name the date S&D... I'm sure you will have several takers. If you get a lot, I for one have no problem with staying in a hotel.
hugs Stayed
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Tomorrow some of you will be arriving. We'll be a cozy group of seven, which means we can all talk to each other at the same time.
I'll be at the airport waiting for dragonfly, voyager and hyperglad... look out for a sign with your name.
The weather will be mostly sunny; 19ºc during the day and 12ºc at night; it may rain on Sunday, so bring a cardigan and a raincoat.
I may have to abandon my fish-tail and shell bra because it tends to attract attention, so I'll look normal (ish).
Love, Mermaid.
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Hi you lucky people!!! ;D
Wish I was coming too.... safe journey, enjoy yourselves and have a glass for me will you? Hopefully I can make the next one. Have fun I know you will...everyone around you will know what a splendid group of women you are...
Love and hugs ;)
Anne xxxx
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Thanks Foxy, we will try! Heheheh! Wish you were joining us, next time for sure...
hugs Stayed
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Can't wait to get hug in person!
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Have a wonderful, wonderful time, enjoy each and every moment, wish I was with you!
Hugs x
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Heck Niff naff, I thought you were with us... gosh, going to miss you lass.
hugs Stayed
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Just had a lovely lunch by the beach with dragonfly, after picking her up at the airport.
;D
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Mermaid,
I met with a few of our LBS friends a few weeks ago as part of a private celebration and I came away feeling tired (too much singing, talking, eating and drinking) yet renewed. It is good to be around people who understand instinctively where we are and are just there for us. I hope you and everyone else get to enjoy the weekend and comes away with the same sense of not being alone that I carry with me after meeting people through this forum. Every now and then we need a top up so I hope to see you at a future event.
Be good!
CrazyStuff
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Well I need to get my act together and get packing..Fox,Niff Naff, Eternity. Crazy and all the others...I wish you could join us, but I know there will be many times in the future for us to get together for a sing song ;)
See you all soon....some sooner than others :)
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Hope you all have a fabulous time - just sorry I can't join you! Hopefully next time.
C
xx
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have a fab time all of you. have to say im looking forward to meeting up with some lbs quite soon. this site is a god send. any one just browsing around please join in. you get so much support on here xxx ;D ;D ;D
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Now voyager and hyperglad are here, as well as xyzcf and dragonfly. Last night we spend many happy hours on the rooftop terrace of the hotel, in the still warm night air, drinking wines from the Alentejo and Douro valley until 1 a.m. We laughed and talked so much! I only got home at 2 a.m., as I live in the countryside not the city.
It's still sunny today, and we're looking forward to Stayed and her husband arriving at lunchtime.
Fun and games to come....
Mermaid
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Oooh, I so wish I could have come...
Have fun my friends!!
Love and hugs
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I wish you were here too, Mitzpah!!! But we'll be thinking of you.
xx
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Have a WONDERFUL time everyone! :)
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Have a great time everyone!
M x
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I picked up Stayed and her H just after lunch, and found the rest of the LBS still on the hotel's rooftop terrace, in the sun, talking, where they seemed to stay most of the day. I caught up with them again after classes in the city centre.
We went to an old café with life music, and at least three of us danced (although we were pursued by a smelly man with a huge hairy beard who kept on wanting to dance with us. First he caught Stayed, then Voyager, but I every time he tried to grab me, I turned and shimmied away...
To the Port wine caves and the beach today, if the weather holds up...
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I have EXPECTATIONS of pictures!!!!!!!
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OP
I have EXPECTATIONS of pictures!!!!!!!
Do you mean of the smelly man with the hairy beard ? :-\ :-[ ???
xx
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I have pictures but not of the smelly bearded one..but shall to wait until I return to the US to post.
It has been wonderful..thank you Mermaid!!!!!!!
Being with this group is an awesome experience with memories that shall remain with me forever.
Portugal is beautiful and the food and wine is wonderful.
Missing you all on the site...a little too busy to catch up these days.
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Another great day, although it didn't go as planned.
I drove into Porto in my H's 9-seater Defender jeep (aka bone shaker), but by the time I got there it was almost lunchtime, so we had a coastal tour of Porto and Gaia, before stopping for a Sangria-soaked lunch. This was followed by a walk on the beach, with the Viking Voyager and Mermaid skipping waves and getting soaked in the process.
Hours sitting on rocks deep in conversation followed, until we realised that the Port wine caves had closed. So it was time another city tour in the bone shaker before returning to the hotel for more wine, and a dinner served rather too slowly.
Home again, the weekend almost over... it's flown by, and this group is full of the most amazing, wonderful, funny individuals. If only we could realise more deeply that we need men like fish need bicycles...
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If only we could realise more deeply that we need men like fish need bicycles...
What do you mean by this, Mermaid?
Glad to know all went well and that you guys had a good time.
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I would like to thank Mermaid for a wonderful time, it is a beautiful city and of course the company was second to none. As it was a small group it was great as we all got to chat and listen to each other and it was fantastic to see Dragon Fly, Stayed and XZYZ from our Lux trip and to meet V & Mermaid for the first time, although I was a bit worried about the two of them so near the sea 8)
Our Jeep safari yesterday was great and as our flight is later this evening we have another day to explore some unseen sights. It is so good that us LBS can come together and support each other in these meets, I think this is what makes this site so special :)
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If only we could realise more deeply that we need men like fish need bicycles...
What do you mean by this, Mermaid?
Do fish need bicycles?
The point is that we attach ourselves so deeply to our partners that we think we are incomplete without them. The greatest journey we can do within ourselves is to find ourselves, whole and beautiful, and not as shadows or parts of our partners. It sounds an easy, even trite thing to say, but becoming whole is not so easy. We regard ourselves in relation to others, a mother, sister, friend, wife, and put ourselves in second place. It's not that we have to be selfish, but we have to be able to step back and let the others find their own wholeness, not do so much that none of us can grow.
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It feels a bit surreal.....being in "Europe" with people I have met over the internet who feel more like family than family......thank you Mermaid for these
very special few days.
Being with the others gives me hope.....hope for myself...hope that my life can be wonderful...my choice.
Wonder where I will next meet some of you? Wherever it may be, I know it will be incredible!
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Our wonderful weekend has come to an end; I learnt a lot from my visiting forum friends, and it was also great fun. Today we visited the Port wine cellars and had a traditional (and cheap) meal in a local café. Much better service than the five star gourmet restaurant that we went to last night!
I suppose someone can unsticky this now...
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Hello Mermaid
I have unstickied this with a sad heart. I think we have all watched as the planning unfolded and the updates you gave when everyone met. It gave us all a feeling of happiness at the good time you were all having but sadness we couldn't be there.
Here's to the next one ;) :D :D
xx
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WELCOME HOME EVERYONE !!!!!
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Thanks for an amazing weekend Mermaid. We loved Portugal and will certainly add it to our list of COUNTRIES that must be revisited. The food was mazing, the sites were sensational, the drive.... bone-jarring hehehe but most of all the company was BEST.
Great to see you all again and Mermaid, again, thank you from the bottom of my heart... hugs Stayed..
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The point is that we attach ourselves so deeply to our partners that we think we are incomplete without them. The greatest journey we can do within ourselves is to find ourselves, whole and beautiful, and not as shadows or parts of our partners. It sounds an easy, even trite thing to say, but becoming whole is not so easy. We regard ourselves in relation to others, a mother, sister, friend, wife, and put ourselves in second place. It's not that we have to be selfish, but we have to be able to step back and let the others find their own wholeness, not do so much that none of us can grow.
You've said men so I thought that you may be dismisive of males. I get what you've wrote above. Thought many times about the fact that, maybe, at times husband and I were so much One that it was hard to say where one begin and the other end. And we both loved it that way. Still, a couple must be One and, of course, we need our spouses.
It is a pity that to find individual wholeness so much damage and pain has to be caused. On that sense, finding our individual wholeness while we are young and before marriage/long term relashionship is better, is may avoid a lot. But it would had made no sense to break with husband because we were teenagers and maybe, one day, something like this would happen.
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Thought many times about the fact that, maybe, at times husband and I were so much One that it was hard to say where one begin and the other end. And we both loved it that way. Still, a couple must be One and, of course, we need our spouses.
This is how we feel at the beginning of a relationship, but as psychologists often point out, this is a mistake. Maturity in a relationship somes after this fusion phase, when each person begins to find their individual paths. The role of the relationship changes, and it's important that each partner feels supported in their own projects.
Neediness or dependence in a relationship is not healthy. It means the needy partner has not grown. Sometimes it is inadvertent; in my case, H was always working so hard that I took over all the financial, house and child management. He felt, as he said "like a fly without wings".
It is a pity that to find individual wholeness so much damage and pain has to be caused. On that sense, finding our individual wholeness while we are young and before marriage/long term relashionship is better, is may avoid a lot. But it would had made no sense to break with husband because we were teenagers and maybe, one day, something like this would happen.
It doesn't have to be this way. For many couples it is not. And over dependency is not the only "cause" of MLC. MLC is a deep personal crisis of feeling and identity, which may have had the lid on for so long so that when it emerges, it is like an explosion.
But, as OP says, this is a gift of time to find ourselves. We can use it to grow stronger, to become whole, and find our direction in life. If we fail in this task at this time, we are in danger of becoming bitter, focussing too much on them and how they have hurt us instead of on ourselves and our growth.
It's not easy; this weekend, we discussed that the most difficult thing to overcome is the hurt, resentment and anger. But we know we have to.
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But, as OP says, this is a gift of time to find ourselves. We can use it to grow stronger, to become whole, and find our direction in life. If we fail in this task at this time, we are in danger of becoming bitter, focussing too much on them and how they have hurt us instead of on ourselves and our growth.
It's not easy; this weekend, we discussed that the most difficult thing to overcome is the hurt, resentment and anger. But we know we have to.
We have focused way too much on our SPOUSES. Probably way too much most of our married lives. That's ok though, we honestly didn't know any better and had no reason to question the sense of it. Now is different, we have experienced up close and personal what our desire to PLEASE and be NEEDED by our spouses, has created. Spouses that took us completely for granted and even resentful of that we did these things, as if in some way it PREVENTED them from having something THEY wanted/needed. quite bazaar actually.
As difficult as it is to find out the person you really are, especially when we are experiencing such intense rejection and abandonment, once able to work around these things and actually overcome and go through it... all begins to become clear. We don't have to change everything about ourselves but I believe in our hearts we know what needs to be changed about ourselves. As time moves on, slowly we see the changes within ourselves, joy and pride over simple achievements are felt.
At that point, there really is no turning back.
hugs Stayed...
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I would just like to thank Mermaid for a wonderful time in a beautiful country. It was great meeting the other LBS's and a former , now reformed MLC's, Aka stayeds H.
It is so nice to take time for ourselves, to eat drink and laugh and watching everyone support each other, even whilst going through their own tumoil, made it apparent what a special group of people we all are. :)
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I am glad to hear that everyone had a great time in Porto and that it provided a place where, as expressed by XYZ.
Being with the others gives me hope.....hope for myself...hope that my life can be wonderful...my choice
I was not able to join you this time; however, I recently had a private get together with some of the people I met on this forum. It was very self indulgent of me as I wanted to gather myself in advance of a number of milestone birthdays and other family occasions in the next few months. I specifically did not want it to be about MLC or being an LBS. I wanted the focus to be on the good things ahead, especially my own 50th birthday. In fact I look back and apart from one late night conversation I did not talk about my own situation nor my husband. I had a wonderful weekend amongst people that kindly give their time & support to me, and who respected my wishes that we forget the world of MLC for a few days. In a very selfish way I got what I wanted and what I needed. The next few months are going to be very tough for me and I hope you can all forgive me my self indulgence here.
As is normal at milestones in our life I have been reflecting a lot recently and I have no doubt that meeting people from this forum back in January was important to my own recovery from the trauma after BD. It was good to be surrounded by people who just understood what was happening and allowed me to grieve openly. I jumped at the chance to catch up with some old friends and meet new people in Luxembourg in April. That trip reinforced that someone else's crisis is not about me and that there is nothing I can or should do except make the most of my life as it is now. Oh, and no-one seemed to bat an eyelid when a bit of crying was called for.
I am conscious of the power and value of of these open occasions so I would like to volunteer to help organise the next one here in Europe in the Spring. It isn't something I want to do on my own - I am not that organised plus I like working with people - so if there are a few people out there willing to help please let me know. Actually I hope a few people do volunteer to help as this should make it a lot of fun.
As for other private occasions I hope these continue to flourish as well as another thing I have learnt is that once we get out from under the cloud of MLC we really are a fun loving and kind group of people who have a lot to give and learn from each other.
So if anyone is interested in helping please let me know through this thread or by PM.
And Mermaid, I am sorry I did not get to Porto as it sounds like you made it very special for everyone. I am not sure if I ever mentioned to you that I love white port.
CrazyStuff
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First of all, thank you to voyager, xyzcf, stayed, stayed's H, hyperglad and dragonfly for coming. You made it very special. Thank you for your kind comments here and in person, and for tolerating being bumped around in the jeep safari tour with such good grace.
Thank you to everyone who has commented here, and those who wanted to come and couldn't. You were in our hearts and minds.
It was truly cathartic, in a positive karma way. I hope you all benefitted as much as I did.
Crazystuff... yes, please! A UK meet up!
BTW, if you like white Port, just hop on a plane and come over!!! I perhaps shouldn't tell you that our (free) guided tour of Taylor's Port cellars included a free sample of white Port (and a Ruby port to follow).
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lol a little visit each day, eh Mermaid... hehehe... hugs Stayed
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Mermaid,
It sounds like you all had a great time 8) Wish I could have come and most definitely want to be at the next one... White Port sounds lovely and very unusual..I hope you all came away strengthed by the confidence of each other's stories and what wonderful friends we have in each other..
Love and hugs
Foxy xxx
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Mermaid thank you for a wonderful time :)
It was inspiring, funny, happy and thought provoking in equal measures. The mix of people meant that everything just seemed to flow, from one drink to another, from one story to another and we each listened to each other, a rare thing to find in a group of people who hadn't all met each other before.
It has made me think and reflect more on a lot of things, lots to process and lots to ponder on.
I wonder if the next time we meet I will be showing you my new house in Skipton ;) ;)
Much love to you. xxxxxxxxxxx
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New house in Skipton??? Sounds good, V!
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;D
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Sounds lovely V xxx
;)