Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: LisaLives on September 11, 2011, 11:32:09 AM
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I would help. There should be a LBS convention or several, all around the world. I can't think of a better way to raise awareness and help others. We could have speakers, workshops, and of course social events.
How many of us do you think there are? I know a lot of older women who have moved on who would love to know someone of theirown generation who went through it because it was just never talked about and they didn't have the internet...
I am in fantasy mode today, trying to create my PERFECT life and what I would need, besides a reliable custody schedule from my H, I would love for others to "get" MLC...
Just a thought, but a good one, I think! And I promise I would help!
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I've often thought this, I agree!
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Me too
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How many of us do you think there are?
Well with a 50% divorce rate in the US, I would think that the number is rather large in terms of raw numbers.
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Great idea - I've also been thinking about this for a very long time too.
Would love to help.
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It is a wondeful idea. Lisa, world round may be many, many of us. Enough for world wide conventions.
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I was wondering that if Oprah was still around on the regular networks...
if someone would write a book based on a compilation of the threads here... it could make it on her "recommended" list.
Or be a featured author at the convention...
Is there a book in the works, RCR? Maybe HB? Or would any of a number of the eloquent posters be an author?
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I agree that a book of these stories would be powerful. RCR has a lot of threads here to work with. I think the most powerful stories would be those that have traveled the length of the crisis or LBS journey...so I believe RCR has the beginnings of some really good stories but there would need to be more time as some of these stories move along and people would need to continue to document even when MLCer comes out of replay so we could see and learn more about the other stages. I know this is tricky for an LBSer because it seems that as they start to move forward they are detached from the situation more and not as inclined to document...anyway interesting topic. I do so long to bring MLC out of the closet so to speak because it breaks my heart to think that people are going through this alone with no understanding of the crisism
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I'd like to see an MLC database. A template that we all work to, where we can add living information that we sometimes have our polls about, and a place for us to write our stories, add birth order, lat/long etc.
It's the geeky engineer in me at play. I've actually been working on a time-line application that was inspired by all of this.
bnw
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NO I agree BNW....RCR has the potential for quantitative data here...and she could have a lot but also the stories themselves could serve as a form of qualitative data which may reveal more about the MLC process....can you imagine if there are psychologists out there studying this stuff what I site like this would provide...I don't know if it would be taken seriously as data from experts but it certainly should there is tons of information in these stories....especially the ones that document frequently.
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For sure, Buggy. I like your distinction between qualitative and quantitative. Big words for this time of night!:) Also I think the psychologists could cut in both directions profiling LBS behaviour as well as MLC behaviour. These are real stories, and sadly so many cases - so I'd have to believe there is substance to them that should be taken seriously.
Time for bed.
bnw
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Hey BNW,
I can speak to this due to being in the field.
MLC doesn't exist. It's an excuse for bad behavior. It's just something that advertising companies and comedy writers dreamed up to sell red sports cars and gym memberships and to make funny movies about.
No one really believes it exists - until they see it.
'Nuff said.
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I've thought for a long while that RCR should send out email surveys every 6 months or so checking on each of the people who have registered for this site even the ones who no longer visit to see what has been going on in their situations. Of course not everyone will respond, but if they did it would be very powerful over time. The questionnaire would have to be very in depth. Actually there would probably be one for the first time and then a different one for follow up. Wonder if there is some research institute that would like to tap into this resource and develop the questionnaire - great job for grad students. Wonder if Conway or Gottman or MWD would like to be involved.
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I can speak to this due to being in the field.
MLC doesn't exist. It's an excuse for bad behavior. It's just something that advertising companies and comedy writers dreamed up to sell red sports cars and gym memberships and to make funny movies about.
No one really believes it exists - until they see it.
So T - I guess then (due to the denial and not being interested in therapy during the crisis, or because of the compartmentalisation and the 'mask' that they so firmly pull on if they are ever able to be dragged kicking and screaming to a therapy appointment) - would you say this would be why the profession doesn't recognise it?
They simply don't come across it unless it hits them personally, such as it has for you???
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I would, Kikki. I don't thnk many know what they're seeing as they only get the perspectivf of the MLCer, and we all know how convincing they can be.
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Regarding a convention/conference/retreat...
A couple of the meet-up groups have asked me to attend--one informally and another to turn the meet-up into a retreat.
I'd love to do that and conferences has always been a goal of mine. But it did surprise me early this year when I was asked--since the site is barely over a year old! That request came just before the shut down and migration and I'm still working on things around here--the site is growin so rapidly that I anticipate another upgrade in hosting programs soon--with the same host though.
I am unable to attend anything on my own--finances. Right now it may be best to keep anything to the informatl style meet-ups and progress to formalized and fee-based retreats. I am willing to attend meet-ups if you guys can get me there--airfair and a place to stay. Sorry, but I think that is fair and given finances fair or not it's really the only way! ;)
Of course given the adoption...once we are in the pool of available paretns we could get a baby or two (we're trying for a sibling group or single infant) at any time.
Eventually I do want to plan formal larger conferences and retreats that take place at a Motel or convention site over a weekend. But I think it is just too soon as a business plan--I don't want the business to outgrow itself.
Now a few of you mentioned a book and a book from the site.
How to Survive Your Husband's Midlife Crisis is the flagship book for the forum the Midlife Wive's Vlub--some of you came from that forum. That book was an outgrowth of the forum.
The main website is my book and I am marketing it to agents. The order of the book follows the order I present it on the site. My brain thinks of it in order as a book because I see it that way in my manuscript and so I often forget you guys don't see it like that. The book is divided into 3 sections with the Standing section being considered a pre-section--it's chapter 1--or it may be the introduction. Details like that are often changed or determined later by editors.
Book:
The Hero's Spouse
Midlife Crisis for Those Left Behind
Introduction
Chapter 1: Standing Isn't Still
Section I: MLC & Infidelity
Each Article Series is actually a Chapter
Section II: Self-Focus & Paving the Way
Section III: Standing Actions
So you can read most of the book by navigating the website starting with the Standing articles and just following the order. I don't put my revisions up anymore because it got too tedious to make changes in multiple places. So the pdfs that are for sale contain more revised versions and the longer pdfs were the more technical or academic artcles that were just not as popular and they are not the first articles I recommend--they are simply additional information.
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I was hoping the convention would be a book signing party that we were all honored guests of!