Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Standing in Patience on September 13, 2011, 02:08:47 PM
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Question of the Day:
How do we know if our mlcer is having an affair with an OW or OM that is another mlcer?
I simply can't tell. Other than the fact that the OW also left her job, ran and moved to the West Coast with my h. And her age is within the potential range for a mlc. Or is just a plain ole skanky woman?
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It's hard to tell. You would need to know a lot more about the OW to figure that one out...and most of the time, we only know what we hear about OW. Some of it is true....some of it isn't.
The articles go over the signs and potential triggers. Did she leave her family? Or was she already single? Does she have a history of going from man to man? Is she in the age bracket (although the age span is pretty big).
Recent (with 2-3 years) deaths in her family? Recent divorce? Illness? Those types of things.
I would think that two MLCers could very easily be drawn to each other....but, I would imagine that the "relationship" could blow up quickly (relative terms) as they both would be so selfish and self centered.....don't know if they would be able to put up with each other. 'Cause you know....It is all about THEM!
Interesting topic...I am curious to see what others think and write.
L
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A divorce within the last three years. Hmmmm. Comes from a broken home. She worked for my h. Acts helpless to get men to do stuff for her. Very dramatic - overly. Histrionic personality. Yes, has a history of going from men to men. Think of the germs. H should be tested. A definite affair down at the minimum. She affaired up.
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My MLCer is with a MLCer. She dumped her husband for mine. She has said goodbye to all her girlfriends and her relationship with her parents was very fragile in the beginning. Now, they're accepting it. I know because her ex-husband called me a few days after bomb drop and we called each other from time to time and once he came for dinner and I visited him with christmas the first year on my way to a friend. His ex-wife became a completely different person so he did not understand what was happening. Her parents didn't recognize their daughter. Her ex-husband and I had regular contact, later he remarried and went on with his life. He doesn't want anything to do with her. He sold the house and moved to another town. He is co-parenting and once he visited her and my mlc'er to talk about their kids. He said to me that she falls for men to who she can look up to, from which she can learn. My husband was her mentor so to speak. At first he didn't like her at all, he didn't want to hire her but two others did, suddenly after a holiday she sat in his office and 6 months later she was his girlfriend.
The first period of their relationship, she was always crying and sitting on my ex-husbands lap, him comforting her. The first year he had a rental right next to my girlfriend so she saw them. Very pathetic she said. He was her knight in shining armor probably. They are collegues and working and living together 24/7 for three year now. They first had each a rental but after a year they were living together. But he said to a friend a couple months ago that he is as free as a bird, he can do whatever he wants. She doesn't complain. She stays at home with her kids, much younger than mine. According to him she is just there for s.x. He is still not happy and searching according to the wife of the friend.
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I'm pretty sure the OW in my ex's case is also an MLCer. She is 59 (nearly two years older than him), a mother of four over two marriages and a grandmother of three. They are trying to recreate their original relationship when they were at art school together thirty years ago and hate the idea of getting old. According to my ex's D, they spend all their time moaning over and over about people from their past who they don't like who have upset them in some way.
At New Year, when they had been together four months, his D felt that she was keener than him. Eight months later it sounds like she is calling all the shots. He has to have the same opinions as her, they are buying the house that she wants, holidaying where she wants, etc, etc.
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I know very little about the OW in my h.'s life except that her h. left her 4-5 years ago, that she was the one who told my h. she loved him, that it was her idea to move into neighbourhood when h. said he couldn't be away from his kids, that she moved her 2 children away from their schools, friends and family to live with my h., that she told my h. to get a court order against me a few months ago (I laughed at that), that she brazenly attends events with his family and has introduced him to her family despite the fact he is married.
She also pulled the usual one of telling him to stay with his family - post BD and before he left - as she did not want to break up another family.
And on, and on it goes.
RCR says she is a typical affair down.
To me she is much more of a mate predator and dangerous. In fact a friend who has met her warned me to be careful. She said that OW is 'determined'.
Instinctively I knew all of this. It seems so obvious. Yet my h. recently told our D17 that she needed to accept that OW is now his 'life partner'. Yuck....
Is she in MLC? Sometimes I think so when I am feeling charitable; however, when I put things in writing, as I have done above, I see a woman who is selfish, who will stop at nothing to get what she wants and who has no morals.
The reason I don't think she is in MLC is that she has given up so much to catch & capture my h. and I honetly can't see what she is getting out of it. Since MLC is all about the MLCer then why would she be prepared to put someone else first.
I actually know a couple, now married, and I can see more clearly now that the women is a mate predator. She knew what she wanted and she kept going until she found someone weak enough to fall for her charms. Along the way his wife and 5 children were collateral damage. They are still together.
In a way I hope it is MLC as this seems more hopeful than the alternatives.
Just rambling.
CrazyStuff
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unless we knew the OW/OM well is hard to tell.
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I actually think my exH's wife is an LBS. My guess is her H cheated on her, but when she found my H, she initiated D. And she tried the whole stay with your family thing, too, but that was ridiculous. I also strongly suspect that her first H cheated on his first wife with her since they were married less than a year after his divorce was final. With my H she waited three days, so she definitely did better the second time ;-)! But of course I don't know, just my suspicion.
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My D11 just told me she thinks Bowser is in MLC bc the apt is a mess and she was laughing at Daddy's stupid jokes. Ds only met her once in March but the stories keep coming. LOL They said she's childlike and doesn't talk. Just laughs at Daddy's stupid jokes. LOL When D11 said "Mom loves Dad and wants him to come home." D11 says She didn't care. :o :o D11 also said "Who in their right mind wouldn't care???" Out of the mouths of Babes.
Also they saw them drinking vodka and gatorade in the afternoon. Chain smoking..... :o Trailer Park MLC
Also everyone over at that cramped apt needs rescuing. Why?
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Limitless said:
"but, I would imagine that the "relationship" could blow up quickly (relative terms) as they both would be so selfish and self centered.....don't know if they would be able to put up with each other. 'Cause you know....It is all about THEM!"
This is SO true...I'm not sure whether this would be hilarious or scary...either way, it's probably Karma!