Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Synicca on October 19, 2011, 03:51:51 PM
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I was kind of curious..
Who here is seeing their MLCer moving towards them or have your MLCer home now????
As for myself...I am seeing lots of movement for my MLCer's return, saying once he returns HOME from NY and staying with OW
while working he is going to end it....my H will be home Saturday!
It would be nice to know...that way it might be easier to get or give advice?? :)
((((hugs))))
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ermmmmm ,me :)
or me in Portugal 8) he he xx
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I think there are incremental signs of progress on my wife's part.
She found out that her BFF, our next-door neighbor, is going to be moving soon, and it's really bothering her. (This would be the woman who lives across the street from ME, not her. My wife lives almost 45 minutes away.)
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Syn,
So glad to see something positive!
About a month ago, I seemed to get THE apology...
My husband commented that he cant stand thinking of me with someone else, that he wants to be married and apologized for everything that has gone on in the last several years...
he is now in therapy, and on an Ad...working through issues while living with his brother. All at his own doing.
Things seem better, and continue to be positive.
I dont know what to expect, but I did let him know, that it would take a lot of work from both of us, but if this is what we wanted that we could make it through it together...
Time and patience is the key...
keep posting!!
hugs,
L
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Congratulations Synicca. So very happy for you. Definitely a big step in the right direction.
RCR, HB and Stayed loved ones for sure. Others, please chime in. Definitely want to hear from those that have had vanishers. Are there any others with vanishers that have returned?
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I agree. It's nice to know where people are. I was thinking we should have a running scoreboard to see all the movement.
Anyway, my H is not currently home, but I have had 2 major (as well as other minor) returns. As I watch what is going on in people's situations it's hard to know which of these will "take" - which is really a final return. I'd like to think all of them, but I'm not sure. RCR's H left 8 times!
I'd like to think that these returns, even if they aren't for good, are practice returns like RCR talks about and help the situation in the long run - pave the way back. I'd also like to believe that once a MLCer has shown a desire to return, it means he eventually will, even if it's not this time...
SiP, my H's last return was after I hadn't seen him for 5 months, with only 1 conversation in the last 4 of that.
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Thanks everyone...:) I am seeing lots of positive movement my way...yay! lol
LIW, My H returned 5 times before he actually moved back home....even though the moving back home was more about
ME moving out at the time....but he never truly ever wanted me to leave...;)
I believe in my case...he secretly wanted me to stay so that he could "end it" with her easier...not that I think OW will give up, but
its a start anyway.
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Oh LIW, my h lives on the West Coast and I am on the East Coast. I hope that we will be together sometime again. I pray for him daily and think of him many, many times a day. Even though there is a OW, do you think they think of us at least once in a while? He does call the children now and then to speak with them for a few minutes.
I know, I know, detach...
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I believe they think of us all the time.
My H went on a weekend with OW1 (EA) to a concert and an amusement park like 600 miles away and came rushing back to stop the D because he couldn't stop thinking of me and how much I like amusement parks...
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I don't get here often to report in, but I am very HAPPY to say that it will be ONE year this week since his return! It's been a year of ups and downs, good and bad, lots of growth, and lots of love. It's not always been easy, but it has always been worth it to work on making things better with the person you love and stood to spend your life with.
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My husband and I are in the process of buying a house together.... he has "ended it for good" with OW AGAIN, LOL!! The house was not PLANNED, but when it came across our paths, our partnership KICKED IN... real estate is where we are really good together... and he wants the house for the KIDS... he feels they are distant from him... He's still dealing with OW... but SHE is the residual pain in the arse.... not sure if he will RUN to her again... if he does, it is just dying embers of guilt and emotional blackmail...
The more I validate him and his FRUSTRASTIONS!!!!!!!, the more he opens up to me... says he "likes talking to me".... told me today that he hoped I wouldn't look at the six months of bank account statements I have to give to mortgage company..... afraid it will hurt me.... I admitted that what I saw "without looking" was triggering me.... it hurt... but that I could take it... and move forward. The fact that he acknowledged the OBVIOUS.. that his actions in the past six months would hurt me, was HUGE!! Doesn't take the hurt or the past away, but six months ago, he was all over OW and trying to make a life with her.... I will NOT let it destroy me or determine my future.
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I love hearing stories of returning MLCers....gives us LBS lots of hope!!!
Keep the stories coming- need all the hope I can get right now
:) :)
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Congratulations Patience!!
I hope I'm able to post on here one day (not like now, of course).
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Not sure if these are true signs H is thinking of returning someday, but he made arrangements for the 2 of us to visit his aunt and uncle on Oct 30. He said he felt Auntie wouldn't give him the time of day if he went alone.
Also, he said that the holidays would be weird this year because it was probably only going to be S26 here. I didn't invite him for anything. He is also extremely affectionate with me. Lots of hugs and kisses.
Just thought I'd chime in with this in case anyone is seeing something similar.
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My H seems to be making progress. He lives at home, broke off PA in July, she still calls but he said he is phasing that out ::). He has been sleeping next to me every night instead of his third floor "Man Cave" ML about once a week. Last week he said he doesn't want a divorce and that I'm his best friend, even put his arm around me. We are leaving for a three week vacation together on our boat in the Caribbean with some of our neighbors. We are planning a halloween party together next week. We go out every Friday night together with friends. I'm hopeful but know things could change. He appears tired everyday, sleeeping alot and is slowing down replay behaviors.
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bumping this up for anyone else that is seeing signs of reconnections...:D
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Congrats Syn! Yay!
As you know, my H never left physically but he surely was mentally gone. He returned mentally some time ago though is still in MLC. This phase is actually harder...or maybe its just different....
so happy for you!
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Well last week my h told me that he's been constantly having second thoughts and that its driving him crazier then he already is... He wants to talk face to face this week. On Saturday... Yes an actual weekend night we met for a few hours to enjoy some time with each other. It was splendid... We decided to leave the issues for that night and just have some fun. The talk that he scheduled was originally for today but he hurt his back and the car engine blew... So it will be either Thursday or Friday. We talk all day long every day. Things seem to be different then the other touch and goes... Fingers crossed
OMR
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ExH asked me to move back home ( in a round about way) and I've offically been living here simce Oct 1st. But have been here since the end of June.
ExOW has been over with as the PA and EA since the end of Jan. Totally gone since mid Sept when legal and criminal entanglements of hers have now been settled and he will not be needed to testify at trial.
He is very affectionate and we both try to say encouraging kind things to each other when the opportunity presents itself. Both of us still really scared and lack a lot of confidence. I think I admit to that more than he does. I still carry a lot of anger but am trying to work through it.
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Congrats OMR!!!
There seems to be a wave of success stories here lately, or at least positive movement stories. I hope this thread goes on forever!!
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Just wanted to say that there are several of us on here in a similar position..... husband may be home... OW may be lingering or finally gone after a LOT of lingering, LOL!! Both parties still trying to find their way. MLCer still not themselves.... some triggers going on.... but day to day life is resuming.
I wanted to paint the REAL picture of what a homecoming is like.... it is some sort of reconnection period in a holding pattern. I think there is a misconception that the MCLer suddenly wakes up, give a big "I'm begging you to take me back" speech and now you're at marriage counseling every week. That's not what I'm hearing or experiencing in my own situation, yet these are real returns happening in front of us....
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I'm with you LG. It's complicated. I'm not really sure what we are doing. But yes, it's a everyday new normal. They are home living with us, OW is either gone or still trying to contact. We have resumed a lot of things together...but they are not through their MLC. I have had no R talk that we are even trying, although he has told others that he is.. He will never go to MC. I don't think it would help anyway. He seems to be trying to work through some things but I can see it is a long strange road ahead with a lot of twists and turns. I really don't know what the outcome will be but I'm OK with it. Someday we will be able to discuss some things but for now its day by day, trial and error.
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This is great!!
I love coming to this thread... AlthoughI can see it is hard, it is very encouraging to read about it, especially for me, whose h. is in the darkest part of the tunnel, no signs of ever wanting to reconnect... :'(
I am so glad for you :)
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LG is right...There has been no down on his knees begging for forgiveness...It's more like a knowing that everything will be ok.
We start doing things together, talking about the future....as in "what will be do for Christmas" Or "when this or that happens"
Honey said lastnight..." I wonder how much it will cost to send OW's things back, I need to do that"
Yesterday morning, he said.." I need to take OW's picture off my screen saver on my cell" Now, Its gone. :D
You cant expect the MLCer to "beg" for anything...I am sorry, but for me..."no one NEEDS to get down and beg" I am not a queen here, so no need to treat me as such. I am his wife. and I do deserve respect. but not this idea that I deserve to be put on a pedistal
just for Standing...That was MY choice. :)
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I'm with you, Wondering... yesterday, as we came back from an interview for a Township Grant to help us with closing costs on our new home, I was thinking how NORMAL the day was!! We woke up, ML, got ready to go.... he waved his hand around to show he was wearing his wedding ring :o and off we went as a married couple! All throughout the interview, you would NEVER know what has been going on in our lives.. NEVER!! It was the "old" us... laughing... on the same page...joking with the counselor...talking politics and real estate....
She kept remarking how much we reminded her of her husband and herself! ;D ;D For a whole day, it felt like I had woken up to discover IT WAS ONLY A NIGHTMARE!!! :o :o
It did propel us forward... but my husband left immediately cuz he had to get to Vermont for a job this morning.... he texted me last night to let me know he was there. This morning, he sent a text and then called right away... very cheery! He didn't want to talk, but I know he did these things specifically to let me know he was NOT at OW's. He's trying.
It looks like we will be celebrating Christmas in our new home with my MIL and niece visiting.... a stark contrast to last year, when he stopped by two days before Christmas to open presents with the kids... he celebrated Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and New Years with OW and her family in THEIR new apartment in CT. House trumps apartment, right? I thought so... 8)
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Letting Go ~ I am very happy for you! ;D Sounds like things are going really well for you.
NB
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There is definitely no BEGGING hehehe! Heck, if I recall, I actually got the feeling it was my husband who wasn't sure he could trust me :o ! Honestly, it felt like I was the one that was here on a "trial bases" not him. Whenever we would have a discussion about this, he would use the old "YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO GET OVER THIS" ploy.
He was very manipulative. I realized very quickly what he was doing. He knew I would not want to RUB this in, or LORD this over him. He knows me very well. What he didn't realize was that I had grown a backbone and also had figured out some of his games. Once he realized I was not going to be "played" and put off, he slowly began to play fair. Participated, albeit reluctantly in sorting through the damage done.
I'm not sure if my h was more stubborn then most, but it took a good 18 months before we really began to function as a happily married couple. A couple that were confident enough with each other, that we could actually DISAGREE about something. Could discuss uncomfortable topics, etc.
Two year point, we could talk about anything. He would even bring up the topic. Could joke about the stupidity of it. It's quite the adventure, to be honest.
hugs Stayed
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Stayed Thanks so much for that post!!!!! Geez I'll tell you this is some kind of experience to go through!!
We haven't ML yet. That part gives me a lot of anxiety thinking it will never happen. I did express to him that it needs to at some point so I can get rid of the ghost of the OW entirely.
I told him I cannot imagine me in this relationship with him and HER being the last person he was ever with; and if the shoe was on the other foot he would feel the same way.
I told him it doesn't have to happen tomorrow or next week or anything like that- but it's something I need and this time around I have to express what I need in all aspects of a relationship. Even if it only happens once- it needs to happen.
BTW this was really scary for me to do and I cried when I tried to say it- he was very understanding and just kept saying "It's all going to be OK"
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Stayed, I am glad you posted that also. I'm not even sure I'm in a reconnection/reconciling phase but it sort of feels that way. Something is different. Although I feel like his heart is not 100 percent into it, his heart is not out of it either. His trying seems genuine. It's not just me. I can feel he is comfortable with me too. I'm really looking forward to this trip in two weeks to make new memories and not have all this anxiety and OW stuff between us like last year. I sort of like the newness of this. A possibility to make a better partnership that is more equal and less dependant.
With a Clinging Bommerang there is not so much need to discuss things because I had the "joy" of seeing and knowing all along ::) Most other details, I have no interest in knowing. Someday I hope we both find peace with it or some sort of feeling that it won't likely happen again. I only want to see, someday, that he has some undersanding of what he went through or what he worked through and that I can wait a long time to hear. I don't want it swept under the the rug but I can see why you have to wait for quite a while to get some sort of awareness.
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I would like to think that once an MLCer has shown a desire to return over and over that it is just a matter of time before he figures it out. But I have no evidence of that.
My opinion is that it really IS just a matter of time... my husband asked me yesterday to grant him a little more time... that he knows I have NO reason to believe him, but HE can "see the light at the end of the tunnel", and if I can just find a way to have faith in him, he will clean up his mess and restore our family. I do think that they will manipulate "for time" in a panic... knowing it will take longer than you think, but just trying to buy some more time to move along...
"See, every time I'm thinking of coming home, you do something like that."
Heard this a few times myself..... the way I see it is.... it IS a manipulation, but they are also telling you the truth... that JUST as they are about to feel they CAN come home.... be safe.... you SCARE THEM OFF. Now, it's not fair.... but they are very fearful they have done TOO MUCH DAMAGE. We aren't nuts, so we can't imagine WTH. SO I pay attention to what it was that I did that scared him off, and learn my lesson. After all, you can't get anywhere if they're not able to relax around you! In the beginning, this point is MOOT and it's all about controlling you.... later, it's just them asking for you to go slowly on the truth darts...
His line is "I can't keep doing this and neither can you." Well, don't tell me what I can do...
I see this as "fishing" to see if you haven any more patience left in you... we've been at the end of our ropes many times... both the MLCer AND the LBS look for REASONS to keep going another day... we look for signs of HOPE and so do they...
Oh, and the other thing he has said a lot - and it usually comes out with a bit of a pained expression - is that he's "trying."
I particularly HATE when they say that.... I want to add "AND FAILING!!"
One interesting thing, Wondering, is that my H feels comfortable around me. Even during this when I feel like the whole thing is nails on a chalkboard, he will say that he has enjoyed the weekend or that he has found the time fulfilling.
Compared to what is going on in his head and messed up social life, it IS fun and fulfilling... my husband told me recently that "believe it or not... I really enjoy our conversations... I love talking to you!" :o :o :o :o Coulda fooled ME, hahaha!!
If I had to bet money, I'd say your husband shows all the signs of coming home.... he keeps dipping his toe in the water, but he's not done yet! I think you might actually get a mea culpa speech.... ;)
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I think it's really hard to know when its going to "take."
What I want to know is what people think about MLCers who return even if it doesn't "take." Can we predict who might be back for good?
There are people on here whose H's have been consistent throughout that they don't want a relationship and have never really returned - although they also haven't divorced. What to make of that? Then there are people whose H's seem to keep coming back. RCR had an MLCer that came and went 8 times.
I would like to think that once an MLCer has shown a desire to return over and over that it is just a matter of time before he figures it out. But I have no evidence of that.
One thing he has said a lot - and it usually comes out with a bit of a pained expression - is that he's "trying."
One interesting thing, Wondering, is that my H feels comfortable around me. Even during this when I feel like the whole thing is nails on a chalkboard, he will say that he has enjoyed the weekend or that he has found the time fulfilling. ???
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As you know, my H never left physically but he surely was mentally gone. He returned mentally some time ago though is still in MLC. This phase is actually harder...or maybe its just different...
This is what I'm dealing with. My H only left physically on "trips" and just hinted at never coming back but did both times. I know that he has returned mentally because he is not denying he was a different person. Part of Monster was him insisting that "this is him so either accept him or stay away" blah blah blah. But yes he is still in a crisis. I see him go running from one idea of "happiness" to another at full speed. He will not look inward at truth. He won't get back into church and he hasn't put his wedding band back on. I just wait to see every day whether progress is made or regression takes hold. I've got hope!
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I'm not even sure I'm in a reconnection/reconciling phase but it sort of feels that way. Something is different.
Quite honestly Wondering, I didn't know for sure either. He said he wanted to be there, he wanted our marriage, I had to go with that and see where it led, if anywhere.
Although I feel like his heart is not 100 percent into it, his heart is not out of it either. His trying seems genuine.
I felt the same way. It was so hard to tell if his HEART was in it. I actually think, he just couldn't believe I could ever truly get over this. That he had caused too much damage. Strangely though, I think he was prepared to take "whatever" I would give him. He just didn't want me to leave. If all I could do is be with him but never give him my heart and love again... it was like that was ok with him... Just don't leave him. Not sure that is very clear, but that is how it felt... like he didn't care just as long as I stayed near him, that was enough. Felt sort of desperate.
It's not just me. I can feel he is comfortable with me too. My husband too. Strangely, so was I. I felt calm although I found it confusing and sort of contradicting. But both of us, loved being together.
I'm really looking forward to this trip in two weeks to make new memories and not have all this anxiety and OW stuff between us like last year. I sort of like the newness of this. A possibility to make a better partnership that is more equal and less dependant.
Good for you, I expect that is what will happen too.
Someday I hope we both find peace with it or some sort of feeling that it won't likely happen again. I only want to see, someday, that he has some undersanding of what he went through or what he worked through and that I can wait a long time to hear. I don't want it swept under the the rug but I can see why you have to wait for quite a while to get some sort of awareness.
Somehow, I doubt it will be swept under the carpet. There is something extremely BONDING about surviving this Wondering... I would be surprised if you don't find out exactly what I mean. Please though, keep your expectations exactly where they are now. I never let my guard down for 2 full years. I was just too scared. He knew it too which I think kept him gently persisting and continuing to win me over.
hugs Stayed
I hate to admit this Wondering and initforthelonghual, I am not sure I will EVER be able to give ALL OF MYSELF to my husband again (or anybody actually). He has worked very hard to have all of me, but somehow I feel it is truly best to NEVER give ANYBODY that much of myself. Does that make sense?
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Stayed, I get that. I will never give all of me again..I think the lesson is we were never supposed to.
I also feel very comfortable around him and it does sort of confuse me. I mean, I certainly don't trust him yet but I trust our time together if that makes any sense. I will keep my expectations at zero. But I have hope that we have a chance to explore the possibilities. I sense that hope in him also. I think that I can live with it if it doesn't work, knowing that we tried, we changed , grew emotional, maybe that no stone was left unturned.
LIW, I don't know if one can know if this time it will take, if he or I are ready. It's a chance we take. I guess I want to live my life without regrets. If that means a take a chance and get hurt again so be it. I feel like no matter what I'll come out stronger in the end. I've learned alot and I have you guys to vent to. It's worth it to trying and I have more tools in my toolbelt this time. ;D
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Stayed, I get that. I will never give all of me again..I think the lesson is we were never supposed to.
Wondering, that was one of the lesson I felt I was suppose to learn as well. hugs Stayed
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I hate to admit this Wondering and initforthelonghual, I am not sure I will EVER be able to give ALL OF MYSELF to my husband again (or anybody actually). He has worked very hard to have all of me, but somehow I feel it is truly best to NEVER give ANYBODY that much of myself. Does that make sense?
Yep makes perfect sense and it SUCKS!!!!
And I was truly hoping that wouldn't be the case.
The physical trust I had in him is soooooo totally devastated; it may get better but will never ever be the same and that is the loss I suffer greater than anything.
I was NEVER (even having been through two previous marriages and other relationships) as giving of myself physically as I was with him and it makes me SICK to think he did those things with a skank like her and I know he did because of how he is that way.
Now I know for me the esctasy I felt once upon a time will never return.
Trust him? -yes I trust he will never ever get involved with someone else again so I'm very confident in that respect; but the damage is done. And no amount of whatever he could ever do or say will bring me back to that level again.
We struggled so hard with that part of our relationship to begin with THEN for him to get involved with a prostitute turned ow is just so humiliating and makes me feel so inadaquate I can't see where any amount of time will get me to feel that uninhibited again.
I know I'll wonder if he said the same things to her or my biggest nightmare is I'll say things or do something that makes him think how much better she did it. I guess maybe if I'd been spared a few of his remarks like" The sex was incredible!!" and "She really knows her way around a mans body!!" (and a few other's I can't bear to type) I may not have been wounded so badly.
He does that puppy dog thing with me too- I'll hear him ask the girls "Where's your mother?" Like he has to know where I am every minute- and it's sweet but it doesn't cut it.
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in this for the long haul, I actually wasn't talking about the PHYSICAL side of our relationship. I honestly don't ever think about OW in regards to what she might or might not have done with my h. Can't say I really care, to be completely honest.
I was talking about emotionally. I don't think I will ever allow myself to give the trust and love I gave my h. I definitely know, I will never ever trust anybody like I did before this happened. That poor little angel got slayed good. Love, well I love him a lot but I have learned that love without mutual respect is meaningless. There is nothing more disrespectful then infidelity and betrayal. My h has had his one and only MLC/infidelity/betrayal/deceitful/lying/cheating episode with me.
I now know, Love is a choice and if anything like this ever happens again, then I shall exercise my right to choose and it will be to walk. Everybody is entitled to one MAJOR screw up... but two... no way.
hugs Stayed
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in this for the long haul, I actually wasn't talking about the PHYSICAL side of our relationship. I honestly don't ever think about OW in regards to what she might or might not have done with my h. Can't say I really care, to be completely honest.
Well I can hope I can reach that level.
I have no problem trusting him again emotionally. I can love him the same as before and I'm not worried one bit about it ever happening again.
There is nothing more disrespectful then infidelity and betrayal. My h has had his one and only MLC/infidelity/betrayal/deceitful/lying/cheating episode with me.
And I have a HUGE AMEN to that statement; he'll suffer worse than he did with her if he ever does something as profoundly stupid as this again and I have promised him that.
I know he's where he is with me because he wants to be and so am I with him.
Only time tells if it's going to work. Right now honestly nothing feels right for me; even being with him. It's just that being without him feels worse. ::)
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I hope to be on this thread too soon! Well, at least eventually... :)
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You will WP....I just know it...:)
I think we need to bring more positive energy into our lives...:) Be aware of our moods...
I am finding that I have alot of calmness in me....even dealing with OW way off in the background..I don't feel any bad energy
from this...I am seeing more forward movement from Honey....but I also know that he may get Leary of things and back off
some. I am so in tune with him right now...I can practically read him moment to moment..:D
Tomorrow he is supposed to be going for a bike run with some friends...and I am waiting to see if there will be an invite for me to go with him. If not, I know he will need some time to himself. and I will go do something else for me.
he called me by his pet name for me this morning.... ;) That was nice.
One thing that I have noticed....is he is starting to SEE that he is HERE...I had unpacked everything and he is noticing it..LOL
its taken him 4 days to notice I have clothes in our dresser...hahaha and Then said..."oh I see you have moved in" I got this meaning moved into the MB...I had my things somewhere else before. anyway.....Then he said "where is OW's things?" and I said in a box...he said " oh ok, gotta make sure I send everything back to her" ;D
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You will WP....I just know it...:)
I think we need to bring more positive energy into our lives...:) Be aware of our moods...
Thanks Syn. I want it, I do!
I agree with you about the positive energy. Like attracts like after all.
Love that he called you by your pet name!!! Keep it up girl. :D
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I know I'll wonder if he said the same things to her or my biggest nightmare is I'll say things or do something that makes him think how much better she did it. I guess maybe if I'd been spared a few of his remarks like" The sex was incredible!!" and "She really knows her way around a mans body!!" (and a few other's I can't bear to type) I may not have been wounded so badly.
Sounds like the Enemy was talking. I know my H's words hurt me worse than his actions.
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I'm still catching up after being away and found my way back to this thread...reading what was written the past week or so is SO illuminating and makes me feel SO much better in that I realize I am not alone in aspects of this.
As Stayed said about the angel being slayed, I think that way too and it makes me sad. I feel like I'm going to live the rest of my life with one part of my heart closed, shut down, shut off. I can't ever give myslef, trust and unabashed love the way I did prior to all this. Even if I felt it, I would not allow myself that. I think that is sad but I can't take that chance again. I guess it is good to feel more "individual" but I loved feeling so much a part of him, as us, as a couple. I'm sorry that however close we may become again, there will always be part of me that has to hold back.
I too think that it is now he that worries more than I do and I think its because he is aware of the above. I notice him watching me for reactions and signs that I am drifting away or something. I can see it and feel it. I think he knows I have grown, I have taken some measure of mental independence and I think it is sad and frightening for him. But what to do.
But I don't want to sound all negative. I'm hoping for some sort of deeper meaning to our romance in the future. I don't know...it's all still "out" there in terms of how we will be together as an eventual post MLC couple.
Syn, I'm delighted you are seeing so many positive things!
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I feel like I'm going to live the rest of my life with one part of my heart closed, shut down, shut off. I can't ever give myslef, trust and unabashed love the way I did prior to all this.
I feel that way too Bon. The sad thing is I was always naturally that way in all my relationships up until H. Then I finally felt like I had found the person that I could trust enough to drop those defenses with. Now I'm back where I started from, only now it feels like those original tendencies towards self protection and defensiveness have just been thoroughly validated. After working so hard to overcome them the first time, I kinda feel like why did I even bother, ya know?
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Oh WP, I DO know....exactly!
My H and I even discussed that prior to marrying! I'm an open book, heart on the sleeve type but previous relationships taught me to pull in the heartstrings and hold back. H knew this and knew I was afraid to be hurt again...and of course promised I never would be and stupid me believed he could know that.
I was telling this to my sister a few weeks ago and she sounded disapointed in me, as if perhaps I was being extreme or strident when I said I would never fully give of myself romantically again, meaning to my H, and I asked her, "WHAT OTHER LESSON IS THERE FOR ME???"
sorry for the written "scream" but honestly, I can't take rose colored glasses any more...that's what got me into this mess in some ways...
Bon
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Don't be sorry. I totally get it.
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WP and BonBon, that makes me feel so sad. It's not that old, rather childish trust, that is a trust that only a parent can supply. I didn't realize that until this happened to me. My trust for my h is far more realistic, attainable, doable. In many ways I look back on the trust I imposed on my husband and I can see what a horrible BURDEN it really was. Nobody should have to live up to that.
Now, of course, that does not mean that I think that one should expect that their partner will NOT cheat and betray them. Actually, if anything, I feel even stronger about that. I will not do this again. I don't care if he returns to another CRISIS or not, I will not go through another one with him. That is not a threat... that is a promise.
Trust isn't the issue at the moment my dear friends. At the moment it is hard to ever imagine being able to TRUST anybody, ever again. For now, you want to get out of the tunnel. See what is left. Once you see what sort of a partner you are going to be sharing your life with, then is the time to worry about TRUST.
Until then, put your trust concerns in a box, label it "to be brought forward" and for now, just take each day as it comes.
hugs Stayed
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Good point Stayed...you're right...I'm jumping ahead.
Thanks for the reminder!!!
Bon
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Thanks Stayed. H's MLC has brought my personal issues around trust and abandonment to the forefront of my awareness. They are long dormant wounds that had apparently scabbed over but never fully healed. They have been gouged open again, and need to be lanced and cleaned for me to be whole.
Perhaps the lesson in this is that before I thought that H had been the one to heal my wounds. That was probably not something I should ever have put on him in the first place. I need to heal myself.
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Perhaps the lesson in this is that before I thought that H had been the one to heal my wounds. That was probably not something I should ever have put on him in the first place. I need to heal myself.
BINGO WP! Those were your issues. Nobody else should have to carry your old baggage, as you should not have to carry theirs. Now, you know what you need to address dear... get busy... fixy, fixy.... quicky... quick. ;D
hugs Stayed
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I think that is exactly it WP. I thought I had put my issues in the past and then H leaves and whomp I am faced with issues but this time I faced them head on and I truly believe this has all happened for a reason. Maybe it's not just H that needs to go on his journey but me as well. That is the whole eye opening experience- what do WE have to do to fix ourselves too!!
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That being said, the trust issues that are solely to do with H and our relationship, I will take your advice Stayed, and put in a box for later.
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WP, worrying about it now, is only distracting you from what you should be doing. There will come a time for dealing with the h trust. Later!
;) hugs Stayed
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Now, of course, that does not mean that I think that one should expect that their partner will NOT cheat and betray them. Actually, if anything, I feel even stronger about that. I will not do this again. I don't care if he returns to another CRISIS or not, I will not go through another one with him. That is not a threat... that is a promise.
I have never had any hard evidence that H cheated. I didn't go out of my way to look for it though. I just treated him with the assumption that he was being faithful at all times. I told him ONCE at BD that if he ever did cheat I WOULD WALK. And I meant it.
For awhile I worried that maybe he was just fooling around behind my back, but then a good friend pointed out that if he really wanted to get rid of me, he wouldn't even have to do that. He could just SAY there was someone else and that would be my limit- I would be outta there. And if he was doing anything unfaithful, then he was making a point to hide from me, so he obviously didn't want to lose me. That reassured me a lot.
So I've (mostly) just stopped worrying about it. All of those issues can be dealt with down the road in reconciliation. As you say Stayed, "Later!"
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Oh yeah... ***HUGS*** :)
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I've looked at this thread and thought I would love to be on here too.
I will be one day but not quite yet. Things are changing but with MLC i see it as 2 steps forward 4 back, then eventually it's 2 forward one back and then finally forward with the occasional trip up.
I like to think of myself at 2 steps forwar one back but really who knows. keep documenting and see if there are patterns emerging with them all. Vanishers are harder to read of course as there is nothing to see but I would love to know if 20 years down the track they turn up. Don't laugh a friend of mine is now dating her ex huband after he ran off 20 years ago. She seems totally smitten althoguh taking it carefully. He pursued her.
maybe Dearheart is moving toward me but i hae no expectations other than I am alive and he is crazy as a loon and not to expect any sense from him yet.
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WP,
You make a point that I have pondered as well. I have always told my W that if she ever takes another man then I will never touch her again. She has denied adamantly ever doing anything with anyone else even after BD. Now, she filed for D BEFORE telling me she didn't love me and then acted as if she was hell-bent on getting it over with ASAP and threatened me if I tried to stop it or slow it down. Now she has not mentioned it in about six weeks and we are 3 months past the time it could have been finalized. As much as she has said she wants to be rid of me, all she would have to do is tell me there is someone else and (as far as she knows) I would be gone forever with no regrets or looking back. Like you said, she could even lie about it if she really wanted rid of me so badly. Something to ponder on....
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OMG Shantilly, I can't wait 20 years...
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Oh she didn't wait. Married, divorced other boyfriends.
Hang on that doesn't sound any better then waiting sheesh.
Think I will remain happily single.
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I've loved reading this thread. So many positive possibilities happening and it's great to have it all down in one place. Gives me hope!
It's been a tough week for me. At 10 months post BD, I'm still a newbie and get discouraged, anxious and fearful about what's ahead. H and I have limited contact. Gets more limited as the weeks go by. I know this reflects that he's going deeper into the tunnel, but I still miss the more frequent interactions we had in the initial months post BD.
It's hard to act as though he's never returning, yet keep hope "running in the background." I've been the queen of GAL, my calendar is so chock full of activities and social stuff I barely have room to add anything for the next two months. The GALing distracts me and, believe me, I've done some very interesting and fun things since BD. But the emptiness that is always there runs under the surface like a river, threatening to overrun its banks and swamp me.
I have serious doubts sometimes that I'll ever again experience true happiness, the kind I felt frequently pre-BD. Truly happy. When I start to think like that it's hard not to spiral into despondency.
So a thread like this is a great help. Thanks Syn, for starting it!
I'm at the point in my journey that I understand I can live without my H, that I'll survive, maybe even thrive. But I'm not at the "take him or leave him" place that many here talk about.
I still pray for reconciliation and restoration--not of the old marriage (I know that's over and done with) but for a new relationship that retains all that was good in the old one, adds all that H & I are learning through our respective journeys, and creates a more mature, respectful, intimate, joyous and equal partnership. Oh I really want that. I want to put into practice what I've learned and what I'm continuing to learn by the time H's ready to return (if that day ever comes!)
So keep these stories of reconciliation coming! They're MY lighthouse.
TMHP
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WP, I don't have hard evidence of physical cheating either. And if you ask me if I think he did, most days I will say no, I don't think so. Some days I will say, yes, perhaps, maybe a kiss or makeout session...and on rare days I wonder if there is even more I don't know and have been kidding myself.
In the beginning of our relationship when it became exclusive, I told him, one cheat and I'm out...no second chances. Funny how you say these things and believe them fully at the time. Once I discovered the EA though, I wondered if a PA would have been so much worse than I would have walked...but to my surprise, I think I still may have "stood". I don't really know. Betrayal is betrayal. There are degrees but it all ends up in the same pile of poop once push comes to shove. Some of the cruel things said to me might have even been worse than the betrayal.
TMHP, you will find that you too cycle, and that includes when they begin to reconcile with you. There are days when its as if nothing ever went wrong with my marriage and there are other days that I wonder what the heck I'm doing here. Its as though the minute I feel comfortable, I get a big, fat dose of his MLC in my face. And the days when I feel that I just don't care anymore, he acts like his old self, the one I fell for. The "hoping" part doesn't come in to play so much at this stage...it's more the "what do I want and how long am I willing to wait for it" is more of the issue I think.
Good for you for GALing...that is a big and wonderful step....
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WP, I don't have hard evidence of physical cheating either. And if you ask me if I think he did, most days I will say no, I don't think so. Some days I will say, yes, perhaps, maybe a kiss or makeout session...and on rare days I wonder if there is even more I don't know and have been kidding myself.
In the beginning of our relationship when it became exclusive, I told him, one cheat and I'm out...no second chances. Funny how you say these things and believe them fully at the time. Once I discovered the EA though, I wondered if a PA would have been so much worse than I would have walked...but to my surprise, I think I still may have "stood". I don't really know. Betrayal is betrayal. There are degrees but it all ends up in the same pile of poop once push comes to shove. Some of the cruel things said to me might have even been worse than the betrayal.
WP, BB,
My H had an EA 3 years before BD. I call it an EA because H was totally disconnected with me and our S. All his actions showed that he wanted to get out, but when confronting him H stated in anger that he would never go. We got through that episode but I was a mess at the time. MLC never crossed my mind. Only 3 years later with the PA I started analysing from another angle and found MLC and this website
For me the EA was harder than the PA now. Not sure why, maybe because I have more knowledge of what is going on and I was in total ignorance during the EA
Maybe because during the EA H was at home and I got a lot of monster, and I was neglected emotionally. it was as I did not exist. H hated me and the things I did for him
After I found out about the PA, H left physically but not emotionally. We are still connected emotionally now.
Haven't we said that all "1cheat and out you go"
If only we knew....
I am +13 months past BD and this sure takes a lot more time than I ever imagined
The thing about never giving yourself for the 100% again is bothering me. This is not how I see myself in a R. i know this new R has to grow again but never having that feeling of belonging together and feeling 100% secure... This is not how I picture this new R
My colleague at work whose H had an affair is saying the same thing: He destroyed that marvellous feeling for her. The rose coloured glasses fell off. i understand that and my god understand about the raw pain but I just wonder if she did not let him distroy that marvellous feeling and whether she wraps herself in it now?
Wishing you all a lot of patience and faith
E
For me the EA was as much betrayal as the PA now
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Forgot to say something:
H returned once way to soon (4 months after BD), left again in panic after 10 days
So, no reconnection/reconciliation but increased touch and goes
I try to have no expectations
I hope one day
E
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My colleague at work whose H had an affair is saying the same thing: He destroyed that marvellous feeling for her. The rose coloured glasses fell off. i understand that and my god understand about the raw pain but I just wonder if she did not let him distroy that marvellous feeling and whether she wraps herself in it now?
I must be like your friend Eternity. I am somewhat perplexed that you are wondering about if your friend is doing this do herself though. I am actually questioning how YOU could ever possibly trust your h ever again, he has not betrayed just this ONCE but TWICE. :o
Perhaps, I am misunderstanding you but I don't know how anybody can just carry on TRUSTING 100%, not only the person who is responsible for destroying that blind trust but now thanks to being betrayed by somebody I SO trusted, I find it IMPOSSIBLE to completely trust ANYBODY now.
I feel a little foolish about trusting anybody as much as I had trusted my h. Looking back, it was an unrealistic, blind, burdensome type of trust. I still miss it though. I can and am living without it, but it actually was one of the few "illusions or perhaps delusions" I allowed myself. hehehe. Really, I did pride myself on being a realist, mind you, that should concern me as my h also considered himself to be a realist, hehehe... mmmmmmmmm ::)
hugs Stayed
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Stayed,
It is a strange feeling I have for a while now. and kind of confirmed by my H on several occasions.
How contradictory this may seem our foundation has been rocked severely, but has not been destroyed, love and trust is still in place. I know and H knows. H said his moving out was not about love. i had to let that sink in. h clarified later that he would always love me and that nobody would ever be able to take my place. I know this is contradictory with his actions. It may sound foolish, but this is the feeling
I am picturing here a reconciled committed R, this means OW gone and no contact whatsoever. if there is still contact there is no reconciled R for me
And my colleague, well she is hurt so much that it affects her R now. So tell me what is the point of standing and wanting to keep your marriage if afterwards you can not let go of this mess. i see her still in tears when we talk about it. She can not get over it. It is more than 3 years. Maybe this just needs more time, but the way I know her she will never be able to let go. Her H destroyed it for her, so why do you stay????. it is like she wants him to be punished from now on because he did this to her.
For me it is clear that if I ever want this to work that also I will need to let go some day. Sure you will
not ever forget, but it needs to become less important as time moves forward
In my sitch it is clear that H wants to live alone. He wanted out of the Marriage but did not know how.
OW offered him that opportunity and now it is even worse because he is stuck with her. On top of that he starts to realize what I mean for him. He can not cut the rope. The only thing he does right now is avoiding. For me the broken trust is a symptom as Ow is a symptom. H his internal identity crisis is the real issue with all known consequences... I know... I know
E
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Wow, that is some AMAZING rationalization Eternity. Good luck with that honey!
hugs Stayed
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wow. there is more couples getting back together than i thought. wishing you all the happyness and love with your marriages.
thundarr i think you and me are too new for our returns yet lol.
sl i think your hubby will be back fully with you and the girls one day.
stayed i love the advice you give people. did your hubby move out after BD and was there an ow.
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My H never left physically, but emotionally it was zero. Even when he said he wanted to stay married, as it was the right thing to do, he felt condemned to a life of misery because he did not love me anymore.
Well, we went to retrouvaille last weekend, and it was a trunaround.
He said he now does want to work on the M, and wants to understand love as a choice.
I don't know how we are going to be like, as he was gone the whole week after Retro, and I am picking him up today. I am nervous, but I guess, I ewill just act like nothing happened. Reading all your posts is helping me understand what to expect.
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There are days when its as if nothing ever went wrong with my marriage and there are other days that I wonder what the heck I'm doing here. Its as though the minute I feel comfortable, I get a big, fat dose of his MLC in my face. And the days when I feel that I just don't care anymore, he acts like his old self, the one I fell for.
This is exactly how I feel right now. I for one night decidied not to be the one to roll over and hug him or pay attention to him for the first time in 3 1/2 months of me non-stop trying to develope more intimacy and closeness. I'm tired.
Talking to him the other night about how I'm feeling gets no where except him throwing stuff in my face. Like if he'd gotten just a little more attention at home this never would have happened.
Maybe this was all too soon..maybe it was a mistake to try. I can't do this by myself and it feels the same way it always did.
I'm not intersted in being miserable or making him miserable anymore. It feels to me like everyone just wants me "to get over it" so they don't have to feel bad.
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Wow, that is some AMAZING rationalization Eternity. Good luck with that honey!
hugs Stayed
Stayed,
I know that another kind of journey starts once they decide to return. This journey has not started for me, so maybe I will talk differently then. i know there will be a transition period, but I also know for myself that I can not live as my colleague does right now:living with the feeling the he destroyed everything for her. Those things happened and there is nothing that you change about that anymore. In this situation you have 2 choices: quit the R or stand. For me standing means healing, growing, but also letting go of the past.
I can not imagine a R without trust. if I hear you correctly your H's actions also changed the way you trust others, not only him?
For me it did not change my trust. It changed the way I look at the world around me, a more mature view.
But as said I this journey did not start for me yet
And I am not as though as you, I am a softer 8)
E
Ps : by letting go of the past I do not mean I will let him sweep anything under the carpet.
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Hi E,
I think what you are writing is interesting because in essence I agree with you. Standing or otherwise I do not want to take anger, bitterness, blame, hurt and other negative feelings (that if we are honest most of us feel after betrayal, infidelity and abandonment) into my future. Even if my H and I never reunite, I don't want to be that woman in your office either, feeling that my life is ruined. That is one of the reasons that I need to keep working on myself in terms of being honest about my own failings in the marriage (of course leaving me and making no effort to save the marriage is on him, but I do want to analyse my dynamic in the relationship to see where I need to develop healthier reactions and ways of being) It is also the reason that I spend as much time as I can focusing on the things that I am learnign about myself in a positive way - my independance, my competence, my sense of humour, my amazing friends, how fortunate I am despite everything that happened with H (I have a nice home, with careful budgeting I can still manage to eat well and buy my kids the things they need, and even manage to save for holidays if I choose to do things that are not to expensive). My life is not ruined, I have an opportunity to build a life that is more satisfying than the lifestyle I had with H (although I would have preferred to do this with his support and encouragement, but now I wonder - would that ever have even been possible? Maybe that is what I needed to learn as well, that waiting to change my life until H was "ready" to support me the way I had supported his career over the years would have meant waiting forever and doing nothing." I think standing, learning about MLC and this site has given me the chance that your colleague seems to have failed to use: the chance for space to analyse and grow. This is something I want to continue for the rest of my life and if H ever wants a relationship with me (friendship, romantic or otherwise) he is going to have a lot of serious catching up to do before he is able to meet me where I am going. I still get angry from time to time (usually when I have an interaction with him where his MLC selfish does something with NO consideration for the kids or for me) but I don't want to be an "angry person" like the lady you work with.
So, although I am not able to be quite as forgiving as you are, I do feel that your reasoning is in the same direction as mine. Personally, trust for my H (and for others) has been diminished. I wonder if ciricumstances may affect that though. My H (like Stayed's) basically left me stranded in a foreign country (must be the water down there or something eh, Stayed?) with no job, no income, no family and two small children and at one point even threatened to cut me off financially in that circumstance. Aside from the infidelity and the fact that this was previously a "best friend" behaving like this, those threats seriously undermined my ability to "trust" his intentions, his motives and basically him. If I had been in my own country, with a good job, a house that we owned, and with my family and friends closer (and this was just a case of H sleeping with someone else and being undecided about his life in the midst of the confusion) the trust element may have been less damaged. Now, crisis or otherwise, I have seen a good man behave in a manner I would never have believed possible. It has affected trust for me, in that I now truly believe that anyone is capable of being much more horrible than you might have thought - my innocence and naivity is definitely gone, which is maybe as it should be but I do miss the safety of having faith in the intentions of another person!
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;D You might be right about the water S&D, I drink ONLY bottled "fizzy" water now, hehehe! I also think being left in a foreign country albeit without 2 youngsters like yourself S&D (omg, how did you get through that), just does something to our WHOLE BEING, that can never be undone. I am not making our situation worse then anybody elses, it's just the FEAR at that moment.... oh man, even now, just makes my heart feel tight in my chest.
Oh yea S&D, I get u honey. I too refuse to be bitter and angry but "cautious", yep, that's my new middle name.
hugs you sound great girlie, any word on when we are going to be able to meet up in Brussels. I leave for Canada on Dec. 10th. would love to meet up before Xmas if possible.
hugs Stayed
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Stayed- where are you going in Canada?
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S&D,
I can understand that your H's capability of leaving you in those circumstances are undermining your trust. My H never threathened me with anything. He still has the key of our house, we have each other's paswords for internet, online bankaccount access, did not change his address, mail is sentot our home address. The only thing I did after he left the second time was opening a bank and savingsaccount on my own name. Even this would not have been necessary as he gave me his bankcard to our joint account.
I know at the start everyone in the real world tells you to change your locks blablabla and my intuition told me not to... I took it from there and he has not broken the trust.
E
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Hey E,
My H did go total monster on me. I quickly figured out that I needed to deal with him differently than the way I had been - partly thanks to finding this site and partly because I was literally losing it. But the shock of finding myself betrayed and stranded in a country that I would never have found myself in had it not been for H's job, did result in some panic behaviour from me (I never banned him from the house or changed the locks, but I did lay down a boundary that if he was living with OW he could not just walk in and out of the house).
I don't blame H. I wonder if I was just stupid to lay all my eggs in one basket (when I was younger I swore I would never do this, but over the years I gave up a lot of what I believed for a variety of reasons - not least that H's parents had undue influence over us (maybe because they were young, and EVERY time we tried to develop our own ways of doing things, they would step in, disagree, and send H the message that he should always come first - that I should be flexible) . I did not have a job, I was a SAHM. I trusted that it was a partnership - that I was at home raising children and remaining flexible so that he could have his international career AND a family, and in exchange he would provide the income. I wanted to return to work, but then got pregnant with D and decided to wait another year or two with her (it took us a long time to get pg and she was a long awaited blessing - for me anyway) before trying to find something (he said he agreed with that, I now have no idea whether he felt it was a burden or not, but he didn't have a problem with me not working when it meant he was able to pick up our lives and relocate without considering anyone else's career).
One thing i have learned is that I must never allow myself to become so utterly dependant on someone (not just emotionally, but financially). I also have learned that H is right about 1 thing in this MLC - he has to learn to cut the apron strings from his parents. He told them they were over involved in our lives. I think it is too bad he waited until we had separated to do it (it was something we had argued over in the past). Nonetheless he remains hypocritical - he accepts large sums of money from them to bail him out of financial problems and has even "told on me" to them since this all started, yet he maintains that his life is his business :o :o :o.
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S&D,
You know what? My S told me a couple of months ago "you see that's why you should always have your own life, if you had done this before , you would not be feeling sad having to do things on your own" He was not even 18 and figured this out already. Well I am 44 and I know now, better later than never I suppose ::)
E
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S&D,
You know what? My S told me a couple of months ago "you see that's why you should always have your own life, if you had done this before , you would not be feeling sad having to do things on your own" He was not even 18 and figured this out already. Well I am 44 and I know now, better later than never I suppose ::)
E
Weird.. my S19 said almost the same thing (he was 18 at the time). He started creating boundaries in his R with his GF (her dad is in MLC land too). He said that they need to do things independently of each other. He said she was too dependent on him to make her happy. He said he needed time for himself and time with his own friends. He said she needed the same. He said he will NOT allow them to go down the path of their parents.
Out of the mouths of babes...
Summer
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I've read a lot of threads here, but hone stay try to stay away because I feel many threads focus so heavily on where the MLC'er is in the journey, whether or not MLC'er will ever "wake up" and come home, etc, etc.
In light of the dawning of another new year, I would rather see stories of personal strength and growth of the LBS. You can include a general background of where you started and where you are at in this journey. The point of this is to show how we've not just plodded thru this and let these wayward spouses steal our joy and zest for life. Share your mindset that got you moving, your successes, and your feelings of how you've grown since being on your own again.
I'll go first. I was married a little over 16 years at BD, which my 1 year anniversary is fast approaching, January 17. I spent the 6 weeks trying to figure out what the heck was happening. My xh seemed to follow the script that is mentioned here so much, but even almost a year later, I am still skeptical about MLC in general.
At the 6 week point, my xh seemed to further lose his mind and begged me for a D. At that point, I really just was done. It was clear he wasn't the man I had married, so I just saw no reason to keep a man like that in a place he seemed to want to escape so desperately. I certainly had no use for a relationship like that.
I started taking my life back, reconnectin with the spunky, go-getter, take-no-$h!te woman my xh fell for. Somewhere in those years, my own esteem, worth and respect took a hit and the best part for me has been falling in love with me. I am in a new relationship with a truly loving and caring man, who treats me the way I now realize is how I should've always insisted on being treated. Being with someone just for the sake of history, sharing of children, or just to have a companion would never be enough for me. The connection I've found with my new partner was just another blessing to come from what I thought was the end of the world a year ago.
I continue to read and expand my understanding of healthy and strong relationships and the things and qualities that go into making a lasting and true love. I have contact with my xh at a bare minimum and honestly never want any further contact with him. I feel he was never the person I mistook and idealized him to be, and his true personality finally revealed itself after many years of being hidden and exposed ever so slowly.
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Beyond--you've given me and many others some good advice. Bottom line, we need to focus on our own journey which is what I plan on doing. I know for me, when I focus solely on my H, I am sad. So I am going to do my best.
Glad you are in such a good place. Gives me hope.
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Great new thread! I too am taking back my life for myself. I worked the last couple months of 2016 trying to figure out what was best for ME and with about 1 month to go in 2016 I put my plan in place and I am moving full speed ahead. I am no longer trying to take care of things or make things work for others. I was a loving supportive spouse that got lost in the chaos of what other people wanted me to be or do or worse what I thought was right for others. No more - it is about me and what and who makes me feel good. I have given my H a deadline that scared me at first, but now each day the date moves closer I find more peace in MY journey.
I have taken the focus off of him and put it on ME where it needs to be to keep me happy. This journey is now about my happiness and who knows what that looks like tomorrow, but today I like where I am in my journey and actually thank H for putting me here - yes thank him because without his meltdown I might have gone through the rest of my life trying to make others happy and never would truly find happiness that I now feel most days!
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Attaching.....
LOVE IT.....
That's what we should be doing.... At the beginning, we do everything BUT..
Seize it sister.. We only get one life, we have to live it to the fullest! :)
Hugs and kisses!
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Wow....for a moment there, I didn't think anyone was going to comment that were actually moving forward and getting busy living their lives. I hope people who are viewing this thread, but not commenting are really taking strides to grow and expand their horizons. As much as this sucks for all us, there is a lesson (or for some, a few lessons) to be learned from it. It would be a shame to spend this time in a stationary position and not using it to our advantage and using it to propel us all to live life to its fullest potential.
So, come on LBS.....let's hear the things you've achieved since BD!! Your success story may just be the one that encourages another LBS to take those important steps forward to take his or her life back.
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Oh, and obviously I need to learn to start a discussion on this board because that is what this is meant to be. It is NOT meant as my personal thread. Just not sure how or if it can be changed to a discussion icon! ::)
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Oh, and obviously I need to learn to start a discussion on this board because that is what this is meant to be. It is NOT meant as my personal thread. Just not sure how or if it can be changed to a discussion icon! ::)
I think we have discussion threads on this subject - I will need to look for them.
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Thank you! I just want to be more encouraging as we all navigate our way thru this hellish time.