Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Synicca on November 26, 2011, 01:28:06 PM
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I thought there was another thread on here somewhere on BPD but I couldnt find it...
This is pretty scary stuff...I am 100% convinced that honey's OW is a Borderline..so I have been doing some research
to see what I may be up against....not good.
http://gettinbetter.com/fiftyways.html
It's pretty hardf to imagine that honey may very well get stuck with this woman and I am sure it makes it 10 x's worse that he is in MLC..do I even have a chance???
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you know, Syn.... I think about this a lot..... about WHY my husband can't leave OW.... he doesn't want to HEAR about her possibly having a personality disorder.... but he recognizes sometimes that she plays and manipulates him...
For instance.... yesterday, he left us to go be with her, allegedly because she was PRESSURING him.... like it's all up to her how our lives will go!! >:( >:( For the first time I did not disapprove or try and stop him or tell him how wrong it was..... I just suggested he not get all likkered up before he drove the three hours to get there, LOL!!
Anyway.... I think he was trying to "explain" (justify) why he had to go to her..... first it was her PRESSURE.... then it was "I don't know why I have to go...." then it was "I need CLOSURE!!!"
So, I'm at work today, but I left my phone on silent so I would know the exact time if he texted me or left a voice mail...... I got a very unsettled feeling near the end of my work day.... couldn't put my finger on it... then a customer with my sort of unusual name came to me.... which is ALWAYS a sign that things are leaning in my favor with him... ANYWAY..... after work, I check my phone and there is a message from him sent at 11:20 am...... "I don't know why I am here???????" and then at 3:25, minutes before I got out of work... he sent me an email saying "My middle name should be loser or mistake :( :(". Of course I did not respond..... I guess that has always been my boundary..... i will NOT have a dialogue with you while you are with OW, LOL!!
He could NOT stop himself from going to her yesterday..... left the kids in the DUST for the whole weekend as I have to work.... making his work week all that much harder.... telling me with disgust "Every time I go up there, she thinks we're back together!!" You can't reason with this craziness...
BUT, as far as them being able to break free.... I do think the whole MLC affair dynamic COUPLED with OW being a borderline type... COUPLED with the MLCer expressing Borderline traits makes it harder. However, because they are MLC, and replaying parts of their lives that didn't work..... learning eventually to face themselves and rebuild their character...... I believe they actually have a BETTER chance at ending it eventually and NOT being attracted to that any more.... like understanding ONCE AND FOR ALL that the y will get BURNED if they are in contact and to run and never look back.... I believe it is their NEW personality that "gets" this in a mature way... remember..... as the author writes.... the attraction for a borderline EXISTS in undealt with childhood abandonment issues.... if MLC is all about facing these issues and putting them to rest, then the borderline is the perfect mate.... though I hate her guts, LOL!!
My two cents worth... 8)
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It does make me wonder WHY he chose her...or SHE chose him...but I know there is lessons in everything...but the scary part is what if they cant break it off?? what IF they do get stuck, like it says in this article?? If they can never look INSIDE of themselves to see their issue...then they CAN get stuck in a R with a Borderline.
It would seem easy to do when your riddled with guilt...or that you feel like you deserve this kind of treatment...at what point do they say to themselves..I cant do this anymore and run for the hills...???
I am just at a complete loss over this one...Honey's OW is a Queen manipulator and uses it WELL to get what she wants from him..I tell you what though, this must be a sign for me...I was TOLD to unpack and STAY put..maybe this is the true REASON why?? I can prevent her coming into OUR lives physically atleast.
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My H ow is the same a class manipulator.She gets him to do things I never believed he was ever capable.These people seekout the weakness in our partners and continues to knaw away so it remains a weakness.I visited a medium and she told me that the OW would bring my H to his knees and there relationship is soul destroying.He will still marry her but it will collapse like a house of cards. I have been waiting 2 years but she feeds a sickness in him that keeps that hold strong and not even ther love of his children can break the spell..its scary..really scary....we just have to wait and hope that at some point the relationship is exposed for what it is a complete and utther farce...x
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Bowser's Dad abandoned her and her H. So now what? Sabotage Sam to the rescue. :o :o
He'll either get sick of not having my extra cash and sweetness to play with or he'll sleep face down on her couch until she breaks something over his head. ::)
As a Newbie I could never wrap my brain around someone even holding hands with someone else's husband. Who or what would knowingly do that?
A scarey question in itself. Low worth and character. If Bowsie cant hold up her end of a discussion about d!ck Cheney or the Main Stream Media she's sunk anyway. So sad for her. I do forgive her bc if I had a life like hers and my Nutzo H approached I'd think I'd won powerball!!! :) :o
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Let me just clarify my position... I don't think the borderline is the perfect mate for an MLCer..... I DO think that because the MLCer is trying to rebuild himself.... do over and put to rest childhood issues... that he eventually has a BETTER chance at leaving the borderline..... simply BECAUSE he has eventually addressed those issues that make the borderline so attractive to him.... once those issues are laid to rest, she's no longer attractive.... at least I hope, because my husband has brought home every loser in town before and held them up to me as being SOOOO SMART or whatever, as I looked on at trailer trash in horror.... he just COULD NOT SEE the difference in people.... so I'm hoping he will come out of this with an actual GOOD sense of judging character... something he has never had before. :(
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Syn, LG ~ I love this subject that you two are talking about. How are we supposed to know what OW is like if we have never met her, don't live near her and
H doesn't ever bring her up. Except once when he said she is a really nice person and a great mom. :o :o I said to him, she is not a nice person because she is having an affair with you, a married man and while you were still with me and she lost custody of her son so H, please tell me how she is a good mom.
I read those articles BPD and OMG I learned so much. Like my H is a conflict avoider and it says they get that because of how they were treated as a child and
they have abandonment issues. Well H's father abandoned him and his mom numerous times to go live his girlfriends. My H never told me he was unhappy or anything. He hates being yelled at. I never yelled, I would get a tone to my voice but to him that is yelling. His mother told me he has issues with yelling because of her and H's dad fighting when he was a kid. If H gets yelled at, it's like it destroys him for the day. He will be totally down, like a child sulking.
LG- My H's OW is total trailer trash too and he just does not see it. How can that be? I mean even their houses are shacks. H's OW owns a house. It is
640 sq. ft. and it is a shack, super dumpy. Her parents house is the same way. Dumpy and absolutely filthy inside. OW's parents are obese also. OW works for my H so I'm assuming she started flirting with him at work and he loved the attention. I and everyone that knows us are in shock at who he is with. It is actually embarrassing to me. The thing is, is that I really don't have a clue as to what her personality is because I don't know her. I know when my H is down here for the day seeing our son she doesn't call him or text him so she doesn't seem possesive or controlling. Wondering if maybe she isn't showing her true self yet being my H has said I was controlling ::) so she is still on her best behavior. Everyone tells including my PI and my Therapist that she is never going to leave my H
because he truly has given her a better life, a beautiful home to live in, trips ect.. They said when he ditches her, she will sue the company he works for
with sexual harrassment against my H. I can see her doing that. Maybe that will be when he finally hits rock bottom. Or what if she threatens him with that, he will never leave her because of that. Ugh, so depressing to think about that. :(
What happens when H's and OW's are both BPD?
NB
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All I can tell you Synicca is this: your husband will need to find the strength to break this off, and ride out the after effects of having dumped his affair partner. He has to be emotionally ready to do this or it won't work.
Even after he breaks it off, if SHE is not ready, he will find her pestering him to death, UNLESS he takes the total steps necessary to end it for good...permanent NO CONTACT is one of the most important aspects once an affair is broken down, and NO staying "friends" with the affair friends....refer back to NO CONTACT.
As I recall, my husband's OW suffered from MPD(Multiple Personality Disorder). As long as she pestered him, she played on his sense of guilt; but when he took the steps to put her in permanent NO CONTACT; she was unable to contact him....oh, wait a minute, LOL, I refused to change our phone number, but he wasn't answering the home phone, either...and I watched him sweat it out until those calls stopped; and these continued for at least two more weeks.
He went to the extreme of changing jobs, cell phone numbers in order to get rid of her completely...he was DONE, and I knew he was done; but I had a mean streak down my back at that time when I refused to change our home number; I figured that if he was truly done he would not answer the phone, and he didn't.
It does make me wonder WHY he chose her...or SHE chose him...but I know there is lessons in everything...but the scary part is what if they cant break it off?? what IF they do get stuck, like it says in this article?? If they can never look INSIDE of themselves to see their issue...then they CAN get stuck in a R with a Borderline.
Synnica,
The typical MLC'er can get deeply stuck in a relationship with ANY kind of person suffering from a psychological disorder; and it really doesn't matter WHAT KIND of disorder the affair partner might suffer from.
For some, the more sick and twisted the affair partner is, the better they seem to like it. For one thing they seem to think they deserve this kind of treatment; for others, some are "reliving" or "replaying" a time in their lives with maybe a figure of authority or even their mothers or fathers.
It's not always about sex; it's usually about an emotional connection that may or may not lead to sex. And the affair partner is not always "better" or "better looking" ...looks play NO part in what the MLC'er may be looking for in their sick affair/game.
And for some, they really don't mean for it to go as far as it does, but the affair partner, when they perceive they might "lose" them, will use sex as a last ditch attempt to try and "keep" them; so the "using" game will continue to their benefit...at least until they get tired of them, and dump them completely.
The fact is, because the MLC'er is different they choose someone who is more LIKE them; they take the "opposites attract, and likes repel" rule and turn it the opposite way. They are both ALIKE rather than opposite; being drawn in this way, and they entangle themselves together...at least UNTIL there's a change in one or both that brings about the beginning of the breakdown.
Remember your MLC spouse has choices; and you can only hope they exercise the RIGHT choices, and get rid of the affair given some time.
The last point I will make is that they are BOTH in a crazy state of mind; and one mirrors the other in the way of behavior; I think this is to prevent accountability from taking place; and we KNOW the OP is not one for making their affair partner accountable for anything...this is truly teenage behavior within both people.
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Thank you HB- I do see honey and OW exactly alike..I have said before they are mirror images of eachother.
I see him getting more and more tired of the consant fight to keep it going..she is demanding and then so is he.
But he is slowly trying to break away from it now...I worry though after yesterday he might get sucked back in deeper.
She tried to cut out her tatto of his name wrapped around her wrist...not sure if it was an attempt to kill herself...but it
was surly a way to suck him back in..
I am not sure what this R is playing out for him...I have thought that it was him playing out his teenage years, maybe with his dad...but then I dont know..guess I wont either.
honey says all the time " I know I dont deserve this" and when he says this...I think to myself...why are you even saying this?? must mean something.
Thanks again!!
((hugs))
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Just thought I would ad this little tid bit from this article....This sounds like what honey and I were talking about the other day...since he is a recovering addict...kinda fits...ugh
WHO ARE YOU--AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND?
If you've dabbled in drugs, loving a Borderline is like chasing after your first hit of Cocaine, and trying to recapture that initial 'rush' the rest of the night. In the early stages of this relationship (the Honeymoon), you felt hopelessly captivated, and intrigued with her intensity. A novel sense of contentment, wholeness or 'finally arriving,' became part of your everyday experience. The sensations she engendered in you, had only existed in vague fantasies--no matter how many close encounters there had been with other females. This might be the first time you'd gotten really intimate with someone, and felt like you were worthy of such a prize--especially if you struggled with self-esteem issues, earlier in life. Did you learn to love pain as a boy, in order to adapt to and survive it? Abuse by a Borderline is literally a heart attack.
Self-worth difficulties could have drawn you to this type of woman, and kept you ensnared beyond all instinct and reason. They could have allowed you to tolerate/accept her abusive or distancing behaviors, way beyond what you've known was reasonable or right for you. She's irresistibly seductive, and may be the most exquisitely beautiful creature you have ever been with--so any notion of walking away when the going got tough, seemed inconceivable. If you're relatively inexperienced in the realm of ongoing, intimate relations, you might naturally assume "all women are like that," but they're not!!!
In direct contrast to the instability you've observed in this woman, there are times you've glimpsed what appears to be her wisdom, her spirituality and her incredible knack for stating things that make her sound like an absolute authority on health/well-being. Borderlines are often plagiarists or copycats. They may have read a plethora of self-help books along their way, that have helped them assemble their broken shards of ceramic into a mosaic of sorts, that resembles a whole/definable image. They have the remarkable capacity to mimic or parrot information they've read or heard--which helps you regard them as healthy and sane. This characteristic is particularly common among Borderlines in the "helping" professions--which amps up the volume on your ambivalence and confusion about these women. The primary issue with their Guru Complex, is they can talk the talk--but there's no way they can walk it! That would require integrity, which is a by-product of moral development.
Borderlines have an uncanny ability to paint themselves into corners legally, financially, professionally or interpersonally--and then attempt to make You responsible for the consequences of those choices! It's impossible to make them see that their impulsivity brought about this peril, and it's payback for their short-sighted behavior. Allow them to enter adulthood. Resist the urge to bail them out.
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Synicca,
Bear in mind that all affairs are addictive; and hard to break down. Your husband seems to be still addicted to this woman; and how she makes him feel...yet, she seems to be keeping him on edge all of time, and this is NOT good at all.
honey says all the time " I know I dont deserve this" and when he says this...I think to myself...why are you even saying this?? must mean something.
It comes to me to advise you to ask him if he knows he doesn't deserve this(I'm assuming he's talking about HIMSELF?), WHY is he still in the situation HE'S created for himself? Remind him that he can get out at ANY time; that he's NOT tied to her, and that he DOES have choices; he just needs to make the right one.
With this, you're not offering yourself as any kind of solution; just giving him some food for thought; he seems to be receptive to what you say at this point.
Let me know what he tells you on that..you may get some insight from his answer. :)
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HB---several months ago, when he said this the first time...I did ask him..all he could say was that he KNEW he didn't.
That he WAS better then that...
Now, we have talked about his first girlfriend...he was 15-16 years old..his first sexual partner, long term R..SHE was abusive towards him, he said that she belittled him, hit him and ran him into the ground daily. He stayed with her off and on for several years, until he met his second g/f which turned out to be someone he felt madly in love with....BUT, he says because of the first g/f it changed him and he didn't trust women from then on...he became abusive himself and hit this second girlfriend one night and her parents kept him from ever seeing her again...He told me that he never was able to apologise to her for treating her that way....He said that the first g/f made him into the man he is today....or was when WE met...for the first 5-7 years of OUR r...he was abusive and mean...treated me like dirt...he FEELS horrible about ALL of this NOW...
I have believed that he IS working this time out with this OW..I do wonder IF he believes he does deserve this...he has mentioned times when he had done something TO ME...in the past that he STILL feels horrible about..I had NO clue he felt this way...
I still think he believes on some level he DOES deserve this...because he says things that make me think he is working it out..but goes back for more beatings from OW..
I hope all this made sense?? LOL!!
((hugs))
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HB---several months ago, when he said this the first time...I did ask him..all he could say was that he KNEW he didn't.
That he WAS better then that...
Ask him again, see if his answer changes this time. :)
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HB- another thing I have asked him...is to look at the sitch with OW and to leave me out of it..
I have told him, This isnt about me, this is about you..You need to decide for yourself IF this is the kind of R you deserve or want..I have told him many times..That I wanted him to be happy...and I dont see him happy with her.
All he can say is first..."he doesnt know why he stays" but then says.."its the sex" but they arent living together and she is 3000 miles away...I have told him this doesnt make sense since they arent having sex..
he says, he has tiny moments of happiness with her...and the rest is sh**...He said the other day..That there has been no moments of happiness at all in the last 2 weeks..he has tried to pull away..but cant.
She continues to beat him down..I assume alot like his first girlfriend did when he was young..I can only hope he finds resolve...I was prompted to STAY put.
I had a dream....I didnt want to mention it here...but oh well, If LG can talk about her angels..LOL!! I might as well tell my dream...Thursday night..I was shown a box in my kitchen...( I had packed everything in there) I walked to the box and on it read "unpack" When I went to open the box...It had a armor shield in it...printed on the shield said "Save him" and when I went to lift the shield out of the box....underneath was a picture of honey.
Needless to say...I unpacked everything Friday after honey left on his trip...Then I had a urge to read up on BPD and have done so most of the day..I feel like I was prompted to find out what I am up against and HOW to protect my family....By staying here, I can prevent her from entering MY home...at ALL cost. I will comply. :)
Now...since I have read a ton of stuff today..I am exhausted and going to head off to rest...Be Blessed
and thank you soo much HB...
( I will ask him again, ;) ((hugs))
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He said that the first g/f made him into the man he is today
I heard a version of this the other day..... when my husband/Monster was telling me how "all of those experiences have shaped who I am.... including YOU when you dumped me at 18.... that's why I'm so hard-hearted... it's just who I am...."
he says, he has tiny moments of happiness with her...and the rest is sh**...
Heard this also.... but the affair is not about OW..... she could be anyone that fits the bill of abusive and stupid and maipulative BPD or whatever..... it is about YOUR HUSBAND and HIS feelings about HIMSELF and his MOMMY and a little about his DAD..... that's what this is about in my opinion and you can't stop it with logic... with "showing" him the obvious!
As long as we are going into the realm of "woo woo" talk...... how about this? I used to pray all sorts of complicated prayers for my husband to only think of me, for OW to find someone else... for them to be able to heal from their affair... blah, blah, blah....NOW I only pray that the SCALES BE LIFTED FROM THEIR EYES. That's all it will take. It will be a series of "light bulb moments" that come together to SHOW them the way.... or a "fall on your knees" moment of misery and begging God for help to SHOW them the way..... at least that is what it took for me.
I do my part with the truth darts, but at this point, I've fired them all.... the information is out there any time he wants to OPEN HIS EYES to see.... just as his MLC snapped me out of my transition so that I could SEE, and it didn't happen overnight, either.... something will possibly have to happen for him to SEE it..... so many things are possible...
Synicca... it must be horrible to hear him tell you it's all about the sex..... she's just a woman.... no special powers there..... I wonder if it is just that OW never says "no" or that she is MAINLY AVAILABLE as a sex object and he doesn't have to talk to her... like the appeal of a call girl is that you pay for the sex, and after it's over she goes home... you never have to call her, send her flowers or take her out.... I know that my husband CLAIMS to NEVER give his OW presents or take her anywhere on dates... I'm sure he is rewriting history, as he even claims "she pays her own way" when they go out to eat...... I'm skeptical about that comment as it sounds like something he would say so as not to hurt me, knowing it GRIPES me that he pays for her with OUR money!! Oh, and he claims that $2000 bed "was a total wasted of money... it's the most uncomfortable bed ever!!" which was said under his breath so maybe that is true... or MAYBE it's the fact that he is with his HO in it that makes it so uncomfortable, LOL!!
I'd say to give yourself a break on the reading up on OW.... it means you are attached to her..... remember my story? Better to be rid of that attachment somehow.... it will SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF YOU.... besides... it really doesn't matter... when HE is ready, HE will get rid of her... ask St. Michael to fight this battle for you.
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MLCer's are incapable of judging character in anyone. Mine has a relative who has serious and deep psychological issues. My H met up with this person last year and told me that the person "seemed great and was doing really well!".
Less than a week after they met up the person was re-admitted to a long-term psychiatric unit due to being incapable of looking after themselves and being a danger to themselves. It was relatively soon after BD and I remember thinking, takes one person in denial about their psychological condition to believe another person in denial. Like two alcholics telling each other that they are just fine...
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LG- you know I dont give OW much of anything...but something kept nagging at me about the BPD..I tried to ignore the constant feelings...but I finally did it. It was like I needed to know exactly what type of person SHE really is.
I dont know why I needed to know this...not yet anyway, but It is what it is..:)
S&D- Thats what was scary...you have a BPD woman and a MLC man...sheesh! That combo is pretty scary in itself.
((hugs))
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hmmmmm another interesting article..
Being the wife when your husband cheats with a borderline...
http://gettinbetter.com/goodwife.html
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OK, for some reason...I have continued reading up on BPD relationships...
I am finding ALOT of info...and to be honest, it has helped me tons to see where my next move is going to be..
not in reference to my MLCer...but the fact that...IF he wants to truly be with her, he will need to move to NY.
I will not allow this woman ANYWHERE near my daughter or myself. Turns out these women are pretty flippen
dangerous.
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Syn, I think her website is fantastic. Really informative.
Can I just say 'Yahoo!'. You have had a lightbulb moment. Do not let this woman have anything to do with you or your D.
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OK, the article on being married to a man cheating with a borderline is EXCELLENT, though a bit depressing..... The explanation that their attraction to the borderline has to do with their childhood issues confirms what I suspect.... pointing this info out to your MLCer is probably a huge waste of time, as they think there is nothing really wrong with them that they can't handle. Also, they think they "fell in love" out of the blue and have NO idea how they are a magnet for this type of damaged human being.... The fact that the OW hangs on is the MAJOR FRIKKIN' CLUE that she is borderline.... MAJOR, but he might not EVER be able to see it, and I HATE that it puts the focus on HER and her role in our lives, but she DOES infect our lives, unfortunately...
I STILL believe that BECAUSE THEY ARE IN A CRISIS OF DEVELOPMENT, probably resulting in a GROWTH and SHEDDING of the OLD issues and personality traits, that they can overcome the BPD OW...... even if she weren't BPD, he would still be addicted. I say, time will HEAL ALL WOUNDS... his and yours. DO AS SHE ADVISES, and don't make yourself available to their drama... especially HERS.
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LG - I agree - depressing as anything!
I too am scratching my head, wondering why, after breaking up, this OW would still cling. How can people be this mucked up and still manage to function?
But they seem to ........
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OK, for some reason...I have continued reading up on BPD relationships...
You're doing RESEARCH for the same reason I was sent into a OW/OM board many years ago; to LEARN what you need to learn about woman such as these, Synicca.
It doesn't mean that you're sucked into the drama; it simply means you need to learn some things for later use; some of it for your own knowledge, some of it is for you to help others in this type aspect; and there are MANY aspects and affair partner types.
My research was to learn about OWs as a whole; and I even read about MPD....these were real eye openers as I'd never really known about these kinds of people before who are predators, users, and the problems within are horrific.
Of course, my research didn't stop there; it encompassed all types of psychological problems, and I absorbed much more than I ever thought I did from all of the reading/researching I did for a long period of time.
I often find knowledge coming back that I read about so long ago; so it is stored somewhere in my poor excuse for a brain. :)
Synnica, your Intuition is leading you down this path for reason; and you'll need to learn all you can so you can deal with what's happening....I'd almost bet your Intuition will instruct you to throw truth darts in the form of various truths this researching is giving you...and the time for these to be thrown is not that far away.
Pay strict attention and learn all you can in this area...you're walking the right way; doing the right thing. :)
Love,
HB
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Thank you soooo much HB
Synnica, your Intuition is leading you down this path for reason; and you'll need to learn all you can so you can deal with what's happening....I'd almost bet your Intuition will instruct you to throw truth darts in the form of various truths this researching is giving you...and the time for these to be thrown is not that far away.
I completely agree here...It was nagging at me for a while,but got really strong after the OW cut her wrists, and the funny thing is...I was ignoring it yesterday..then I felt liek I got yelled at! LOL!! I do believe this is where I am headed...I am going to need ALL the tools here. and truth darts? You betcha! ;)
(((hugs)))
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I am going to need ALL the tools here. and truth darts? You betcha! ;)
Remember.. darts.. not throwing stars :o
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Listen to HB..... forget what I said, LOL!!
Wish HB would give me a word or two... no pressure, hahahaha!! But I thank you for directing me when I needed it most..... ;)
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I completely agree here...It was nagging at me for a while,but got really strong after the OW cut her wrists, and the funny thing is...I was ignoring it yesterday..then I felt liek I got yelled at! LOL!!
The Lord said that He hit you hard enough to make you jump! LOL!! It felt like your head had been literally "filled" with ONE voice that "blanked" everything else out. I've had that experience; and when He needs to, He WILL get your attention in this way. :)
It's important to obey Him the FIRST time; don't let it get to the point He seems SO loud your head feels like it's coming off....Synnica, you're one of the few I knew that gets done this way; so you can feel REALLY special in that aspect....He is really on the ball when it comes to you and helping you with your situation; even if some things He tells you to do don't make a whole lot of sense, sometimes. :)
Carry on and keep me posted. :)
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LG, Honey. :)
Listen to HB..... forget what I said, LOL!!
Wish HB would give me a word or two... no pressure, hahahaha!! But I thank you for directing me when I needed it most..... ;)
I saw what you had written, and wondered about it; thought that MIGHT be possible; then read on; and as I got to the current end of the thread, Lord literally turned me around, showing me what Synnica was doing; and what His instructions for her were/are.
I wasn't going to post anything; as nothing required an answer...but you see what happened; I gave her a word or two to CONFIRM what she already knew. :)
Watch out, LG; when you least expect it, I'll be sent in to see what you are up to, LOL!! For now, however, you have all that you need; and you're open to your signs, Angels, and Intuition; and you have no need of me at this time. :) He continues to work within your situation, though; and if anything needs changing; you will know; just as you've always known. :)
There's your word, Sweetie. :)
Love,
HB
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I hear your words ALL THE TIME, HB... I really do!! I pay attention to ALL of my guidance and I learned how to PRAY..... my best weapon and protection, LOL!! I no longer fret over the outcome... I know my life is GOOD and I have much to be grateful for... but thanks for your words of encouragement!! I sure hope you are feeling better... I sure do.... ;) XO LG
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Thank you AGAIN HB....That helped ALOT!! :D
I will keep doing what I'm doing...;)
Many hugs!!
LG, You know your allready there...I believe it, so should you!!
(hugs)
:D
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Honey and I have been going over BPD articles..He see's all the traits...hmmm
HB- I asked honey the question...he said again " I dont deserve this" and I asked this point blank.
"please tell me WHY you do not deserve this?"
He at first came up with an entirely off the wall answer, which made NO sense, then I said "That is not what I asked, I didnt ask you WHY you wont commit to her fully" ( this was the crazy answer he was trying to give) I said again.."Tell me WHY YOU do NOT deserve this?"
He thought about it briefly...and could only come up with this " I have not done anything to HER to deserve the things she has done, atleast not when SHE first HURT me" ( in otherwards, when she first HURT him which was VERY early in the R, he hadnt done anything to hurt her, but has since) But he could not give me a full detailed answer...I then said..Then this is where MAYBE your answers lie...
Also, we talked some about the FIRST g/f issue...and he said that OW reminds him of HER...Hmmm thats one to ponder. I would guess, since he has had NO coping skills...and her being his first, I assume she had alot to do with what type of man he would be, couple that with his fathers physical abuse..makes for a VERY messed up BOY.
We are doing well along this convo about BPD..I also made it clear..I would NOT allow OW near our D..period.
and left it at that.
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Syn - I think that's fantastic. How else do these guys make sense of all of this? Fingers crossed he does some thinking about it - I'm sure he will
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I think it was a great idea for me to go there tonight...it feels right. Like a calm has come over everything.
wierd really...I feel totally different about my own sitch..Maybe HB can tell me why?? ;)
Honey is really thinking...I'll leave time for him to process what he has learned today and see where it leads..
never know..:)
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Syn - glad to hear you feel so calm. I agree - when they take the information on board, we then need to back off. They'll bring it up when they're ready.
After me sending the link to the addiction article, my H didn't say a word about it. But did make some excuse to turn up on our doorstep last night. The boys went to the door and handed him what he'd come to pick up, but he insisted on coming in to talk to me. Big grin on his face. We talked about nothing of importance. Think he just wanted to touch base. I hope he has read it.
I hope even more that he reads some more of the articles one day.
Borderline waif is his mother. OW def BPD - not sure which one. Think prob a waif too.
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Here is something I found enteresting....
Rings pretty correct concerning honey and his childhood issues...could be why he is with a BPD partner,
http://gettinbetter.com/key.html