Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: ForeverHopefulOne on July 13, 2010, 01:03:44 PM
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My H has an "all or nothing" attitude; when he gets his mind on to something, he is ALL IN! Well, in his late twenties, he was in to doing speed; so much so, that he got scared and joined a church (good for him!). It dawned on me, that this is a perfect storm for picking up a drug habit.
Was wondering if any of you have had experience with your spouse getting into drugs during their MLC; or, suspect that they are on drugs.
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Drugs no, but definitely major drinking. My H has always been a drinker, but its excessive now. Sorry not much help with this one.
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Hey Baxter - in the beginning, my H was drinking heavily as well; that has subsided tremendously in the past couple of months.
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I can only hope...It was so refreshing to see him on Saturday..sober b/c it was the morning. I got a glimpse of the real him.
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No. Excessive drinking, any liquor will do, mostly vodka. Beer wine and margaritas when out socially.
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Excessive drinking but not drugs. At least not what I know... OW may be introducing him to drugs that I'm not aware of.
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I think that the signs of MLC and drug abuse are very similar - secretive, losing weight, acting weird, withdrawl from family. I don't know if my H is doing drugs, but, like you, don't know what OW is exposing him to.
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People have asked me whether my MLC husband could be into drugs based on his appearance. (lost weight, drawn face, weird eyes). He has had moments of excessive drinking. However, isn't the OW like a drug and maybe that would result in these same physical symptoms manifesting on top of everything else they're dealing with. I too cannot say for sure if he is exposed to something. I can't say anything for sure. However, he did start chewing but I believe that is a habit of one of the "children" showing up whose is very adolescent in nature.
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In my opinion, the other woman is like a drug simply because of the very real chemicals that are released in the brain during an affair, especially if it's an emotionally bonded affair.
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My H doesn't drink or do drugs, though he used to when he was younger, but his "drugs" are the EA and the adrenaline releasing sports activities.
Yes, I agree about the similarities of MLC and drug abuse.
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Mine too Mermaid! Our husband's sound alot alike.
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Mine has openly started chewing tobacco again and drinking again but thinks it's hidden from me, and maybe smoking marijuana again. Anything that he used to do back in his carefree bachelor days of youth. My H's "other woman" is no woman, but a bad lifestyle.
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Many people have asked me if my H is on 'P' (Methamphetamine) because of the way he looks and acts at times.
I'm pretty certain he isn't. He has always hated chemicals. He is smoking marijuana again though (back to his youth).
I think it's the effects of the depression/crisis itself that makes them look so dreadful ........
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I agree that the OW affair is like a drug. My H was obsessed with it and afraid to let it go. Everyone asked if he was on drugs. His personality was so different. He had no drug addiction before that, and in fact, he SHOULD have been taking an antidepressant for seasonal depression, but didn't. He used OW instead. Also, he was taking some blood-pressure med that can increase depression as well.
angelgirl
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My H had a bad drug habit in the mid 80's (cocaine). Got sober (drugs and alcohol) in '86.
I'm surprised that he isn't back to doing this. Since I don't see him...it is possible...who knows?
I think when someone has an addictive personality - drugs, alchohol, spending, gambling, other woman - it is merely substituting one drug for another.
L
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Does a workaholic count? Smoking like a chimney? My H. always was a serious worker, but never smoked cigarettes.
Ah well, it probably works in the short run to avoid feeling numb and alienated.
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My H went through phases where he would drink when he got home. He would have one or two drinks in a tall glass but made them very strong. I don't know how much he is drinking now. I don't think it's every night but who knows. One thing I do know is I feel like I want to start drinking, LOL. :o :o
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Only your pharmacist knows for sure....LOL Oh yeah vicodin, possibly methadone (trying to stop vicodin) vodka and gatorade according to the Ds (the trailer park trash drink of champions)
They also said he drinks yellow wine and red wine. :o :o :o
L, In the 80s he did cocaine,heroine snorted it, anything not nailed down. But this implosion is Mamma Bear's fault. OK? I get it!
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Does a workaholic count? Smoking like a chimney? My H. always was a serious worker, but never smoked cigarettes.
Yip, it sure does.
All part of the covert depression - covering up with addictions so they don't look inwards and FEEL their hurt or pain........
Work (the most socially acceptable addiction there is), substances, people, shopping and sports can all be addictions
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Well my H is a workholic too. Always has been always will be. He works more now than he ever has. He's hardly spending anytime with OW. ;D
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Yea, and look at us, we're the ones taking sedatives to make it through all this crazy crap they have brought into our lives.
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Yea, and look at us, we're the ones taking sedatives to make it through all this crazy crap they have brought into our lives.
So true.
Husband did not drink not has ever taken drugs. Now he drinks too much (sometimes to the point of not remembering what had happened), don't know about drugs. He become an workaholic and makes sure he does not have a single minute on his own. Think he is also on OW high.
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Excessive drinking.... EXCESSIVE!!! Also, pot use... always offering me a valium for a headache and such.... claims "they're only 5 mg... no biggie!" a lot of TUMS in his suitcase...
We were talking the other day and I said "and you know how difficult it is to break an addiction..." referring to him leaving OW that night.... and he said "What addictions do you think I have? I mean, other than my alcohol addiction?" :o :o
I suspect it was a slip of the tongue and he meant to say "What addictions do you think I have? I mean, other than alcohol..." as I used to tell him he was an alcoholic... again, pretty sure it was just a slip of the tongue... but MAYBE he has been thinking about how he IS an alcoholic....fingers crossed....
Drinks morning noon and night most of the time he's here.... but has some days where he almost SOBER, LOL!! Other days when there's been NO alcohol in the house, and he didn't smoke any pot... didn't seem to be on valium.... seemed FINE!! No DT's or anything... :o
He has told me when he was at OW's, he stayed "not sober" all of the time.... "just to stand being around her" :o :o :o Geeze.... ever consider just coming home, dude?
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I knew my H smoked Marijuana in his 20's while married to his first wife but since BD I have found out that he also smoked it at 17 when introduced to it by his rich girlfriend from school. he began hearing 'voices' and his parents wanted to get him into treatment but he wouldn't go.
He was drinking a lot before he left but i was joining him in that on the Friday nights. he would fill my glass quite often without me realising and also finish the bottle before I finished a second glass. Said I drove him to drink!
He is vocalising his money troubles but he is not spending it on furniture or a fancy place. Rent is $140 a week and he hasn't bought any obvious expensive item. His mum is concerned it's on drugs again but I don't know how to tell. He sure is blowing a lot of cash though. We end up with the same amount and I'm caring for 4 kids and can manage with the mortgage payment also. Where oh where has it gone???? Up in smoke?
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H was drinking heavily before he left; I think he still was for the first year or two afterwards, although he claims not.
I don't think he ever did drugs, but he did tell me once that some colleagues thought he was doing so, because of his erratic behaviour. That was at about the 2.5 year mark.
He is a lot calmer now, although nowhere near through his tunnel.
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I forgot to add that he was taking quite a lot of paracetamol. Always seemed to have a headache. I'd buy a box of 100 for the medicine cabinet and just keep one strip in my bag but when I finally took the last one, the other's were all gone?
I believe he is still drinking heavily with OW. Credit card statements after he left showed a bit spent at the bottle shop and the kids have been with them when they were drinking red wine (2 bottles) in front of the kids.
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My H was a big drinker when we met...at night, out...not sitting around drinking but definitely a big partier. Then no partying at all for about 15 years. He started drinking again around BD, but this time at home, at night. Not excessively by some standards but surely a change. Then he started going out drinking afterwork and defintely drove drunk though he tried to hide the buzz he had.
One day I found Extenz pills in his drawer. That REALLY flipped me out. So I don't know if I would call that a drug per se but certainly something. He stopped taking those (I think) when I told him if he wasn't having an affair, then why would he need those?
Then he got into all kinds of body building supplements. Ones that could interact with his blood pressure issues. Thank God those stopped. At the time, he didn't care what harm they might cause as long as his muscles got big. Again, not a drug in the sense of addiction but surely a dangerous substance.
Now, the drinking is very rare though I do see it on occassion. However, he has started taking a prescription, non addictive anti depressant, prescribed by his doctor for sleep issues. I forget the name..trazadone? Something like that. This is finally the drug that I am in favor of. I am actually glad to have him on something that is not addictive, and is a low grade helper for his sleep and depression.