Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: moc on February 23, 2012, 01:53:58 PM
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So I have been posting and perusing the threads and am starting to see something a bit common. So I pose the question to you all...
How many of you are losing your homes due to decisions that you believe are from your MLC spouse?
I have read that some are working on negotiating new contracts with banks. Some who are packing their things and preparing for the local law enforcement to take over the house. Let me know if this is most likely due to the decision making on the part of your MLC spouse and their self medication techniques.
I will start:
Just about lost the home at the end of Dec. 2011. We are in financial ruin (pretty much) which I believe is one of the major triggers for my wife's 2nd bout of MLC. She feels like a failure as an oldest child, good job (which has cut her hours unfortunately), and upstanding person. We tried the bankruptcy route and the lawyer took us for a trip and we got nothing out of it. We tried another negotiating lawyer in another state that sat back on their laurels until the house was about to be sold from underneath us and we had to do the work. Mind you, my wife did barely anything but run back and forth to home town schlepping it with pos dirtbag OM for 3 months every week after she worked 2 nights. So I was stuck doing all the bills, chores, etc. while she was blowing money on gas and partying the whole time. Then accusing me of mismanaging money as I had taken the checkbook away from her and only gave her a couple of checks to keep her under control.
Now she has the checkbook as she b*tched that it was out of control and she still can't pay the bills on time. I will let her fall on her face. But not sure right now whether we can stay in this house under the new payment agreement for long as she is starting to run again and self medicate with shopping and such. Its hard to feed 4 boys (living with us) and us on what we make while she blows money on stupid sh*t she can't afford. Couple that with car repairs (last month $2500), stupid older kids bailouts from law issues, etc.
Peace to you all and hi-fives...
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moc:
My X accused me of mismanagement but still ended up with over a 100k in the divorce.
Mac
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moc ;D im so sorry that you may be loosing your home. i know exactly how it feels as i have had to fight for our home twice now. not sure where youre from but im uk and managed to change to interest only mortgage. thank god or the kids and me would have been homeless. our kids go through enough and the last thing we want is to lose there home. is there any way you can hang on the the house. i understand what you are going through and hope you get more replies and advice coming through soon ;D
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Mine is not quite as dramatic as that.
My wife moved out about a year and a half ago and our finances have been pretty much separate ever since. We do still share auto insurance and a phone bill, but if she ever starts missing her half of the payments, I'll get her removed ASAP.
Back in January I started using an online site called Mint (http://mint.com) to track my finances. It's got some easy tools for tracking expenses and making budgets; I figure that if I have to be self-sufficient financially, I might as well start off 2012 right.
I transferred my credit-card balance to a new card that gives me 0% APR until…July of 2013, I think? I don't remember offhand. I'm making double minimum payments until then, and holding onto things like my tax refunds (and hopefully soon a full house payment) in savings until the 0% period ends or I owe less on the card than I have set aside.
Fortunately, I make enough on my own that her moving out wasn't completely financially devastating. I got a small raise last summer, and I've been working on refinancing the house since December; If I can get that done I hope to be a couple hundred dollars up each month. I've been getting the garage cleaned up and doing some small work on the house; when the refi comes through, I might spend a little bit to get things repainted, repaired, or replaced.
As for my wife?
I know she used her tax refund to pay off her credit card, but has also put some money back onto it. She's looking at losing about $3/hour in pay if her job goes away and she gets transferred to a new department (or worse, if they just lay her off altogether). She said she was going to try to set aside the difference in pay, to see if she can make it on less money.
I don't mind that she's moved out; until the past year or so, she's never really lived on her own. She moved out of state from her parents' home to her own apartment here in Oregon, but we sorta-kinda lived together after a couple of months. (Technically I still had my own apartment, but it was almost literally a hole in the wall and I had a roommate.) So this is probably the first time she's really had to be 100% responsible for herself.
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we bought the house I live in now at the peak of the uk housing boom Feb 2008.
By Sept 2009 it was clear that we were struggling financially.
H's business folded May 2010 late Oct 2010 h found a job.
H filed for bankruptcy Nov 2011
Dec 2010 H asked to work less hours on job in order to do acting course in evenings, and mentioned an exit strategy. h was immediately put on gardening leave. he has not really worked since, by which I mean supporting his family.
I work part time and am paying a mortgage on a house 17 times my annual income. I pay for all the costs of the house and food for children etc etc etc (very very proud of this actually)
I can afford this because interest rates are bonkers low. I pay interest only.
h currently gets jobseekers allowance and because I went to the CSA I get £5 towards our two resident children sometimes £10 in a week.
If/ when interest rates go up I will NOT be able to afford payments .
I will probably lose the house.
Last summer H (oh in full blown replay. working on a theatre piece eraning Jack.) suggested I stop paying in the house and we live on a commune .
so yes possible that I will lose my home.
I am a teacher. he WAS an IT contractor and could bring home £500 plus for a days work.
it simply sucks. I have told the children I will keep the house as long as I can. I need to see if I can get put into social housing should I lose our home.
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Well the main house is paid for. And the apt house still has a small mortgage but the pressure for the main house is the property taxes soooo if things don't shape up soon we'll lose that. Hopefully I can talk him into selling it before that happens. We aren't back on the taxes yet so it's just hand to mouth at the moment. It doesn't help the stress.
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Yes, I will be. I won't be able to afford the repayments past the end of the year.
Just hanging on so I can paint and make it look better for sale.
I owned a house when we got married. H had nothing but debt. A month after he left he told me he didn't legally have to pay any of the mortgage so he was stopping. Thanks H. ::) He had NO trouble racking up the debt for new toys.........
My 4 children and I will have to rent.
It's ok though, as we're looking forward to getting a house with a garage so we can set up a table tennis table in it and the kids like that idea.
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hmmm...been thinking a lot about destruction recently.
I am very likely to lose my home which I've only been in for a couple of years when this was a "we" sitch. I was, until recently very anxious, upset, angry, insecure about it all. Now, I'm just sad as I really like where I live. It has a good feel about it. However, I'm not so hung up on it. It certainly has come with masses of problems too (2 per week at the going rate!! None cheap or easy to solve) so, that gets me thinking about life...maybe it's time to let things go and not get so hung up on them. In fact, I have no idea really, where things will end up. I would prefer none of this to have happened but in the long run....I have my health (kinda ;) ) My family are good support and I'm not homeless or penniless as those I've seen in places such as India.
Not saying I agree with this distorted mess but I will not let it take me over or pull me down. For my sake and the sake of my d. Read Viktor Frankl's Meaning of Life. I am on a road to OK-ness (not quite the Joy road yet which RCR talks of). And....I'll be b**ching and seeking guidance as usual on my own thread when things get me down...so it isn't all forgiveness and acceptance yet!!!!!!!
I think it comes down to...OW ain't gonna have any importance in my life. H was essentially a good bloke or I wouldn't been with him all these years. I've got aspirations and they keep me alive.
Sil x