Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Buggy31 on July 19, 2010, 11:23:01 AM
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I don't know if I learned an appropriate strategy yesterday when interacting with my MLCer but I discovered how I could "hold up the mirror" for him to peak at himself. He was spewing during a text and I wrote
M: It's funny how you are feeling fearful of being betrayed by me lately. I wondered what that could be about.? You know how sad this makes me. You know I have always been trustworthy with finances and truth.
I have done this a few time with my MLCer. I pose a question of wonderment and not one I necessarily want the answer too. I feel this could be working with him because it shifts the responsibility. I have an MLCER that wants me to solve his problems so maybe this is why. He thinks I'm his therapist and wants me to do his emotional work. Any experiences or thoughts on holding up the mirror to the MLCER.
Buggy
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It's a useful technique, one I use often with my Ds and H.
"You seem angry/ tense/ withdrawn.... is everything OK?" "You seem really happy/ relaxed. Did your weekend help you?"
"You seem upset by (this situation); what upset you about this?" "that must be hard for you"
But I don't tell him what to do, I allow him not to answer, and I leave silence gaps in the conversation that he can fill with more information if he wants.
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I'm going to use some of those Mermaid. It's funny you responded. After reading some of your posts I feel like our husbands have similiar personalities.
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There's a few of these; workaholic perfectionists (my H is also an introvert). A recipe for MLC; building up problems inside without voicing them, while trying to be perfect and in control of all aspects of their life (including us).
My H really identifies with Sisyphus, a figure from Greek mythology who is condemed by the gods to roll a huge rock up the hill, but it always rolls down again and he has to start this useless work without hope once again. It's exactly how H feels. There's even a book about Sisyphus and the midlife crisis.