Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Ready2Transform on April 03, 2012, 11:42:45 AM
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So I noticed my MIL had accepted a friend request from the MOW my H is seeing. I've been dark with his FOO since December, since he's living with them and communication between my MIL and I has been touch and go ever since our separation anyway. It just seemed easier and less confusing. She is still listing me as her DIL, which I feel is a good sign she's standing with me (even though it still burns a little to see this first interaction). My H has friended none of the OW's family, including her children, which is consistent with his statements of not wanting *any* relationship right now (even though I know they're having a sexual one when they see each other every few months, and they talk and text all the time).
The OW seems like a real "pressure" person, which my H cannot take. Their relationship would have probably burned out by now if they lived in the same city (heck, same STATE - she's two away!). The "fantasy" element has been kept alive by the limited contact and shared hobby being their means of growing their bond.
But...it could be that they're moving forward, and I need to accept that. I'm honestly trying to be happy for him - I'm clearly not the right person for him right now, nor him for me. Is that weird?
I feel like the faster things progress, the faster they'll burn out, OR...the faster I can get over it all. I've done a great job at GAL'ing, I have to say, and the high school element to this is almost getting to be enough for me to just shake everybody's hand and call it a day.
At the same time, some of his recent behaviors have been less touch-and-go, and more reconnection oriented (way more eye contact, connecting with the house and pets, wanting things left in the closet, and even having his NEW car insurance sent to my house, not his mother's where he resides).
So confusing. I deserve so much more than this! But so does he. The *real* him. Am I reading too much into things? Anyone else's experience lean this one toward a good sign, or a more definite "time to move on" sign?
M 38
H 40
M 11
T 21
BD #1 8 Aug 11
BD #2 OW confirmed 27 Nov 11
So many signs in the two years before - for both of us.
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Hi Ready2Transform,
I'm in the same boat as you so I really can't say if it's a good sign. I'll be reading to see what others say. My H lives with OW and her 2 kids. My D2 came home this morning from a visit with her dad with all her fingernails painted a different color. I told her how pretty they looked and asked who painted them. She said that grandma came over and did them for her. I really didn't know until now how much MIL has accepted their relationship. Her and I weren't really close and it seems like she has welcomed OW to the family with open arms enough to go to their house to visit D2. She doesn't call me at all to come see her. H has major FOO issues as well that involve his mom so this all baffles me. He wasn't really close with her until we separated. It actually really hurts still when I hear things like this, but I'm trying to move forward.
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My H had FOO issues, too! He and his father had a major blowout in his teens (where I think he's replaying back to), and his mother has always been indifferent, but this has been the catalyst for at least he and his mother to bond much deeper. It's not that she's been awful to me, but it was hard to gauge even when we were speaking and before either of us knew of OW whether or not she was actually upset we were separated. She's pretty passive/aggressive in general, so I can see her feeling obligated to accept the friendship on Facebook when the OW requested, but it's just...wow. After all of the years I feel I put in, it's a blow either way. You just wish someone would stick up for you.