Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Rollercoasterider on July 28, 2010, 08:25:26 PM
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Last week I attended a writer’s conference and met with a few publishing agents to pitch my book—The Hero’s Spouse. Basically I was looking for some advice and to test my pitch on an agent. It went well. One agent was highly interested and wants me to send my proposal once I have built my platform more.
The platform is this website. I need Newsletter Subscribers and registered forum posters in the thousands—minimum 1000, but an editor at the conference told me he will look for 2-5K.
The agent recommended that I submit articles to magazines for exposure and credentials. Another agent suggested I put an e-book on my site either for sale or I may package it with the donation button. That would likely be a long article and not a full length book. I am going to hold off on the e-book and work on researching the magazine market first. E-books through publishers are fine, but I don’t like those that are just slapped together and used as a promotion for a website because they often lack credibility and are poorly written. I prefer the check-and-balances provided through traditional publishing.
My main goal is to have The Hero’s Spouse published as a book. When that happens most of the content will be removed with a few chapter samples as teasers. Articles not included in the book will remain on the site. But I think having the information in a single text that you can carry with you, highlight and write margin notes will be a benefit. It will also encourage a person to read through all pertinent sections which may not happen when the articles are spread across the website.
The greatest help you can give is to pay it forward by passing on this site to at other online sites—where it is allowed. Word of mouth on the internet can increase traffic.
I have Amazoned several books about the magazine market and building a platform and will be reading through them over the next several weeks.
This is not a locked thread, so of anyone has ideas or feedback, please post.
So what sort of magazines…ideas?
I’m studying articles from the Modern Love column of the NY Times.
Redbook
Woman’s Day
O
I am not familiar with online magazines…any suggestions or ideas?
Magazine articles are short and since the reader will not have back story, they must include the necessary information in the short space—Modern Love is about 1700 words. Some have different styles and voices—Modern Love articles read like memoirs and are in 1st person.
What about the secondary market of counselors?
So if you have thoughts or ideas, let me know.
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Hi RCR - I have been lurking on another website that I subscribe to and telling some newbies (via PM) about your website - shhh.
I would say that Reader's Digest would be a great place to get a story into - huge exposure there.
Thanks for all you are doing about MLC, RCR. Feel free to use my story in your book!
Xoxoxo
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Hi RCR,
I think you should work backwards from your target audience to build up your on-line presence. Given that it is most likely to be 30-50 year old females who have somewhat lost themselves in their marriages, I would suggest two on line environments
- parenting websites
- how to be a stepford wife type websights.
I would target those with a very large circulation that have relationship sections in their on line forums, and allow links. I would start to answer a few questions when it sounds like MLC, real basic stuff, what MLC is, how to react etc with no jargon. Once you get established on a couple of these, word of mouth will spread amongst its members and I would suggest it could lead to quite a bit of exposure for your website.
Once you have that increased exposure, it would then be easier to become an "expert" on either those sites, or others.
Those are my thoughts, anyway.
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Set up a facebook page. One under pages as well as the people page you now have. Aren't they free too?
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RCR,
So much of what you write is from a Christian perpective. What about Christian radio stations, newsletters, magazines? I recently heard a radio spot on a Christian radio station that said, "You are alone, your spouse is gone, don't know what to do.......go to www.notreligion.com" Basically, it was a helping site. It may be an avenue that you could use.
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Not trying to rain on your parade here, but I have been on and off in the book market for years within my small industry.
Books are a changing commodity right now. At least bound, printed ones. It is quite expensive to print and publish a book.
I am sure that if you want to take all the risk then it is quite do-able. But the risk may not be worth the reward.
That is more than likely why they are pushing you towards e-books.
The expense is not as great, and there is quite a lot less risk than trying to publish your own bound book.
The printed word is becoming a thing of the past. I am not saying that this can not be done, but it is just a harder thing to do.
Newspapers, books, most printed material is becoming part of a past history.
We are in the period of a great change.
Thats my .02 for the moment
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Good point, OP.
My H is in the process of writing a textbook. His publisher has requested a hybrid book (online and print materials) as this is the future of textbooks.
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Wow, all great ideas...I actually brought home a copy of Reader's Digest from church yesterday so I could thumb through it.
OldPilot,
No rain. I have a minor in Publishing and Printing Arts and my MFA in writing. But I'm more versed in the children's publishing industry and have only been researching the adult market for a few years.
They weren't pushing me toward e-books on the sense that they would want to publich an electronic format of my book--which would be a liekly thing given the direction of things. It was a suggestion to build my platform and thus gain interest of print publishers. The e-book suggestion was more for a pamphlet which would build statistics for showing the size of my following.
The publishing industry changes in blinks these days, but for now e-books are popular for fiction, but at the conference someone said that for prescriptive nonfiction people still prefer a printed book so they can highlight and make notes. I expect that will change though. I also expect there will always be printed books, but the market will be vastly different. Perhaps there will be a return to illuminated manuscripts where printed books return to art!
Textbooks wil definitely benefit by going hybrid. But then this website and others like it can show that since a book will be enhanced by the website and vice versa.
Binding and printing a book is at the author's risk if they are self-publishing. I can and will do that if it comes to it, but my goal is to go through a traditional publisher--a changing industry though. One of the speakers--an author--told me I would almost have to self-publish to build my platform and that my book would be limited to the faith-based market.
UGH. The faith-based market is only a segment of my target audience and I am not literalist enough for strict fundamentalists who find me heretical--that is the polite way of saying it. I asked one of the agents if I should self-publish to build my platform--and then find a major publisher. She said I could, but given my pitch it did not seem necessary.
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My neighbor almost got on Dr. Phil concerning a different topic,. I think that MLC has not been explained or taught to the general public. Most people perceive it as a joke; of some old sunburned bald guy wearing a gold medallion riding around in a convertible sports car picking up or trying to pick up some young chick! I think that the root causes of MLC is increasing because the family unit has broken down so much; the compounded problems ( divorce, stress, alcohol, drugs, porn and the self gratification ( the ME generation) that the effect of these is growing. The baby boomer generation has hit the MLC period. The number is probably at epidemic levels but no one is clocking it. I know almost everyone I have come into contact with since the Bomb Drop 2 years ago has gone or is going through it as a LBS or related to a close family member that has gone/going through it or knows someone going/gone through it. The mental health providers do not have the knowledge about MLC. The general public seems to embrace and encourage the "Re-Play" portion of MLC. My point, TV would open the door and it would be something that has not been talked about. You could supply all the information and have stories from personal experiences (some people don't mind sharing what they have gone through). If the tragic story could get out there, maybe the MLCer and LBS could get better guidance from professionals, friends and family.......
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I agree with Taco-Girl. The general public needs more information on MLC and its effects. I have shared my story with friends and family and they have difficulty grasping this journey and the perception of most comes down to the stereotype. Most think that MLC is hopeless for the LBS and that divorce is the only realistic answer. I have heard this so many times in the past 10 months since bomb drop. I had every misconception until I found this site. All popular women's magazines need to offer serious articles on MLC. In addition to the ones already mentioned, I would suggest "More" magazines as it targets women over 40.
Thank you RCR!
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Huffington Post is an online newspaper with a Living section. Articles and blogs. Commentors can leave urls.
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It would be so cool to have a "Poster Child" for MLC like: Hillary Clinton ( well maybe ) but definitely Tipper Gore, Elizabeth Edwards or Sandra Bullock to push the issue out there and get the backing that MLC should have. I'm not sure if they actually are LBS, but they kinda fit the scenario. Maybe we (collectively speaking) could approach them! Their new fan club of supporters so to speak. 8) 8) 8) They would probably love the term affairing down and the idea of the MCLer projecting blame onto the LBS. That knowledge has helped me, more than I can ever say :'( Thanks to this wonderful WEBSITE. I can envision Rollercoaster answering Oprah's questions, with one of the above publicly recognized LBSs and pushing her new book, The Hero's Spouse. It seems like it would be a cause that would be dear to them and their children. They would have more reasons to be supportive because of their personal interest in MLC. I do believe in Miracles! I know I would watch the show and so would allot of others and buy the book..............
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I just submitted my story to the Tony Robbins Breakthrough series at Huffington post.
But how do I find it now?
This was my first time at Huffington Post and I don't know how to use it.
It is under Rollercoasterider.
The You-Tube video says that Tony will review this week's stories tomorrow--and I don't even know how to see mine!!! DOes anyone know how? ARGH
And I was going to post part of that story here first...but I need to make my lunch and get going...rush rush rush.
So I'm in quite a panic now!
But I think people can vote on the stories and I would like to link what I posted here. If anyone knows how to find it...or could I have messed up. It told me the first image was too small and I had to read it. I did not receive a confirmation for the submission.
I can't even figure out how to read the submitted stories. Are those the comments? Or are the comments, comments that are to the submitted stories. ARGH...I don't like feeling so confused and backwards!
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I will go look. It may be on the NBC site, so I'll look there too.
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The story is up!
You can read it here...and there is a picture of me and Sweetheart!
I think people can vote for the best story.
All that I saw were pictures with text except the first or second which was a video. Everyone of you should check out that one, it is the otherside of our story--the betraying spouse who returned. He returned within a few months rather than years, but it is still a beautiful and inspiring story.
This link should take you to it. Scroll down and my story should be the one at this specific link.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/05/share-your-breakthrough-s_n_667245.html#s123278 (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/05/share-your-breakthrough-s_n_667245.html#s123278)
Right now there are only 8 stories and I think there are actually 7 because the first may be Tony Robbins video introduction--that was why I coldn't find the stories since I thought they would be in a list that did not start with his own video. And there are only 35 comments over the last several days...so not a lot of activity.
I will put this post on facebook too...
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Awesome article! I rated it a 10, of course.
The comments are weird and don't seem to relate to anything...makes me feel like I missed something somewhere :o
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I cou;dn't figure out how to vote!
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Register with Huff post. You can do it through your FB page. Go to the home page. There is a sign in or register button in the upper right of the masthead. Then it will ask you to attach your acct to FB. Or just register regular.... 8)
What a CUTE, adorable couple!
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Thanks LGO!
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It says my story is ranked #2 right now and my average rating is 8.4 out of 10!
I think the comments don't seem to make a lot of sense because they don't seem to be referring to a specific story, or when they are they are not linked directly to taht story but all togethere. Many seem to simply be people's negative opinions about Tony Robbins. There have not been any comments put up since I posted my story.
I sent an email out to family and people from the other forum from my early and even later days their--basically to people I haven't talked to in a few years! Somenames I didn't recognize, but they looked like poster names! I posted on facebook. I don't know when voting ends, but I think maybe I will add a note to the Newsletter that goes out Sataurday morning. But so many people don't open it until Monday and I think voting will be over by then. But I'm workin' it.
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I have heard the story before, but always great to read it again.
You are just as lovely on the outside as you are on the inside, RCR!
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I just voted, 10 for you 1 for everyone else! Now lets see what happens.
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RCR,
just voted too...10 of course!! love the picture..... ;D
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eZine articles usually come up in most of my google searches for all kinds of stuff.
Here's a link to the submission page FWIW :http://ezinearticles.com/editorial-guidelines.html
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I have 10 or 11 articles up at ezine. They are versions of articles from my website. But I don't get a lot from them and am now trying to expand to credible sources too--those where a person must submit and be accepted rather than a place where anyone can be a self-proclaimed expert. Though last month did show a big spike in my ezine hits and click throughs to my site.
Ezine articles also does not allow for sources. They won't allow my infidelity article with the peer-reviewed source data to be published. They also fought me on my name--I don't use RCR but I do use my initials, K-R and they argued about it and won't allow the hyphen. They said I needed to show them a dirver's license to prove my name is K-R... it's not, but initials are common for authors. I use my initials to keep my nonfiction self-help separate from what I use as a children's writer.
So I need to participate in communities/blogs that allow me to include my web info in my post or signature and start submitting to magazines--electronic and paper.
The submission at Huffington was the participate in a community sort and I have a longer version of that for submitting to publications. Actually I have two versions.
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When I started my blog for my homestead "mini-farm" I got TONS of hits off of Twitter. It's such a quick, simple thing and I got dozens of hits the first two days, which is big for that subject.
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Dear RCR, first of all thank you for creating this site! It’s a great place, full of invaluable resources and great people who are helping me immensely to deal with h’s mlc without going mad!
I find your articles illuminating and I gather they’re going to be published in a book. I would be very much interested in translating your book in my language. I don’t know if that’s possible or if you’re interested, but I feel very lucky to understand English because it gave me the chance to find you, so it would be great to help other people in my country who haven’t got a clue about what they’re dealing with!
Hugs
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RCR - read the Huffington Post story - AWESOME!
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Very well written article -- concise, but still gets it all in there. When I read that I feel stronger again, it really hits home. Well done.
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Hello Rollercoasterider,
In just the two weeks that i have been on this site, i have gained a considerable amount of information and confidence in standing for my marriage moreso than from any other site. I am a member of another site with a chat who have recommended this site to me and iam eternally grateful for it.
I work for an International Book Festival and would be happy to help you in anyway I can. I am also a freelance writer and have been published in national magazines, on other topics. If there is anyway I can help you and most importantly help oothers in this same situation I would be more than happy to. Please do not hesitate to call me to see where I can be of help to you.
Best regards and Thank you!
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Sorry, missed the vote by about 2 mos. but honestly, it was the best written and best story there. I read it to my h and even he, who is not too crazy about getting involved with these sites as he still has a desire to not want to think about what he did, thought it was a fantastic story. He totally related with your h's confusion and was very impressed with how you handled it.
He is very grateful for sites like this, as he feels more marriages could be saved if people had the type of support and guidance that this site offers. He says, MLCrazy as he calls it, is the scariest thing he ever experienced and he is so glad I waited for him. He feels if MLC was better understood more LBS's would stand and more MLCrazies would be saved.
Thank you for creating this site.
From myself (stayed) I would like to see movies, and series depicting MLC/depression/infidelity as it truly is. Devastating, destructive and MISUNDERSTOOD. More public awareness is needed and books are great but only good for those who are actually seeking such advise. Movies, TV shows, even TV Series would reach more people and be more effective. Have you considered writing a Movie Script?
Just my thoughts...
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RCR congratu;ations to you both.I would suggest a couple of things Twitter is new social network and I am sure there is a route for you there.I also have writtren a story about my H and myself as CD wife.The story was read by a tv presenter and he loved it as it was so unique.Anyway the website www.crossdresserswives.com has a founder who is writing aa book for cd wives and hope to make it ito a film as well as a book.Perhaps its worth making contact and looking at what she did there.Like yourself she is an incredible woman who has helped others through her own life journey.
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The Blog is open!!!
Please check it out. You can sign up to receive posts in your email, follow me on Twitter and become a Fan of The Hero's Spouse at the Facebook Fan Page.
(http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/images/blog_love_anyway.png) (http://loveanyway.theherosspouse.com)
The blog is interactive--open to discussion! So please participate.
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I forgot to give you the Twitter and Facebook buttons. Here they are.
(http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/images/facebook_fan_page_button.png) (http://http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Heros-Spouse/283743315482)
(http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/images/twitter_button.png) (http://twitter.com/kendaruth)
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Whew, I'm exhausted. I have uploaded the new look and feel for the main site. The addresses of the articles have changed because I needed to be more organized!
That means that the links on the board pointing to the addresses...no good. So I will start trying to go through and edit them.
Most of the old articles--old addresses, same content--are still there beneath visibility. I wil start deleting them over the next few days.
Some of the Newsletter articles were not attached to series. For those, I plan to transition them over to the blog so that eventually everything from the old format is gone.
There is also a Store! I have added to and edited a few of the articles over the years, but not updated the site versions. Now those updated versions are available. I also removed a few of the longer more academic articles and they are only available for purchase now.
And I'm tired! But I feel good.
Sweetheart and I start an adoption class tomorrow--and continue each evening next week.!
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Almost forgot...
I created a Site-Map with a list of every article on the main site and it's full address. They are odered by section and then series within the section.
http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/site-map.html (http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/site-map.html)
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RCR,
Thank you so much for all the lessons, and the hard work you do to maintain the site.
Many of us would be lost without this forum, and the guidance we receive from it. You have a great group of warm, caring and loving people here for support.
I wish the best with the upcoming adoption!
Gratefully,
Tsunami
Okay mods, you can delete this, I just wanted to show gratitude to RCR!
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I was just reading through LearningIamok's thread and wanted to clarify some things.
The only article series that are available for purchase that are not available for free are those that cost $8.95. They are the more academic series.
- Jungian Typlogy
- Types of Men at Midlife--a review of Farrell and Rosenberg's work
- and eventually--when I finish it--Life Cycle & Development.
I will also be adding the Oct-March Coaching Archives--I think for $14.95. They are edited for typos and such, but otherwise are copy and pastes from the actual forum threads in the private Coaching Archives board. It just gives non-subscribers an opportunity to read them and subscribers can have a handy copy if they are interested. Of course, someone with access could copy and paste them into a document on their own too. I can't and wouldn't stop you.
Those that cost $4.95 are still available for free too. It is simply a way for you to download the entire series all together. AND there may be some revisions or new sections in the versions which are for sale. All I did when I built the new pages was copy and paste from the old pages and re-code them. The content is identical to what was there before. But I do add to the manuscript as well as edit and revise it and the I built the for sale versions from the revised document on my harddrive.
A few of the newsletter items are not available because I will be putting them out through the blog and I am not going to send out a bunch at once. I have told subscribers I don't plan to send several emails in a day! I also have to re-code them into the blog, so it's not quite a simple copy and paste.