Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: TrustingMyHP on May 12, 2012, 11:26:21 AM
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This may not be an appropriate question. It's encouraging "expectations."
But I'm curious!
Will your MLCer acknowledge Mother's Day? If so, how will he do it?
Do you expect a gift, a card, a letter, an email or text? Will he take you out for dinner, drop by the house to see you, take you to a family gathering, help your children buy presents for you?
If you're living together, will he do something special or treat it like any other day?
How many MDs have you lived through since BD?
This will be my second Mother's Day since BD. Last year my H wrote me a lovely, long email, just like he would have written if we'd been together. He'd been living with OW for 4 months at that point.
This year I expect nothing. He's still living with OW, 16 months now. I went NC, except for occasional admin stuff, three months ago. Trying to walk the tightrope of "detached yet loving" from a distance.
How 'bout you?
TMHP
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Hi TrustingmyHP - a relevant question today :)
The first MD was four months post BD, my H was still living at home (just). He made me a card (family tradition), and organised present buying with the boys. It was weird though, because nothing happened until late in the day.
The second one, he organised present buying with the boys, phoned me. Had a long conversation about what a wonderful mother I was, and then a couple of hours later I heard his vespa scooter pull up, and the door of his old landrover slam shut. He then sent me a txt saying there was something in there for the boys to organise.
I sent the eldest out to have a look. It was a cake that H had made and he left a note for the boys, asking them to ice it????
This year - he's away with work, and was meant to be back yesterday, but extended the trip. I don't know if he has organised presents with the boys (I don't think so, but he may have tried. I think they would have fobbed him off this year. They are so 'over' his tokenism).
He has also been trying to phone the boys the past couple of nights, but none of us picked up.
I did check S14's ph, and he tried to phone their cell as well. Later sent a txt asking if any of them had MADE me a card. (There's that family tradition again). S14 didn't respond to that question, but did respond to the txt.
He MIGHT send me a txt or give me a call, but I won't be talking to him as I am DIM. I am not 100% certain of this though.
It's early here now. I can hear the boys in the kitchen cooking up a storm. Special MD breakfast by the sounds of it. Happy Mothers Day everyone.
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Last year, H moved out the day before Mother's Day. The next day, he texted me to wish me a happy day as he was moving his belongings into a fabulous new and large apartment. He said that he hoped I had a good day because I deserved to, that I was a good mother. He'd not been able to tell me I was a good mother while we were married, for some reason. I think it's because I am so different from his mother.
This year I expect no acknowledgement--just as I received none for our wedding anniversary, for my birthday, and lately no replies to my outreach texts.
H typically works on Mother's Day. If he doesn't work, I hope he'll spend it with his mother, who worked her tail off to keep her kids clothed and fed when H's father left the family and refused to pay child support. As unhappy as I am with H's mother, I know she did the best she could and was really a very good mother and grandmother. I disagree with how she's handling our separation, but I recognize she lacks a lot of information about MLC and may not even recognize it.
Regardless, I hope H will give his mother some love.
I used to arrange to have flowers delivered to her house with a note from H telling her he loves her. I don't do that for him any more. I'm sure she knew that her son's wife was handling this for him.
Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers and fathers who are standing for their children, and to anyone who has a mother.
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Last year was my first mother's day and, now that I think about it, my H didn't do anything...I guess i should have realized something was up...even though it isn't really like him to do something...
So, this year, with my second mother's day and now 2 kids....I know I will not get any acknowledgment for sure!
Doesn't matter....I don't need his well wishes...I know I am a good mom and all I need to celebrate are my kiddies (and my own mom)!
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I admit, I am curious as to whether he will acknowledge it this year after Monster spew earlier n the week about how bad a mother I am :-\
He never made a great thing of Mother's Day, so unless he does a 180 (commom for MLCers) and celebrates it in top form with OW, I have no expectation at all that I will hear a peep out of him.
What really concerns me is whether my middle s18 will come home - he just texted saying that he might sleep over at his Dad's again :o...
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Mitzpah--
Totally out of character for me, but I am learning to ask for what I want instead of watching and then being disappointed.
Is it ok to tell your children that you're expecting them for Mother's Day because as their mother you want to spend the day with the children who blessed your life?
If you can't do it for you (and you should) then do it for them. God forbid anything happen to you one day and they have to live with the guilt of disregarding you on, of all days, Mother's Day! That is your day!
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Cali,
I have sent him a text in reply to his announcing that he might be staying over: Are you not going to spend Mother's Day with me?, as this did not elicit a response, I sent another one - half an hour later : Son?
So far, no response...
This is so out of character for this particular son... ???
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Mitzpah - I am sorry for this latest hurt you must be feeling. Last MD, I had a horrible day. My kids, even though their Father arranged presents with them, didn't get around to giving me anything until the next day. The youngest two had done the presents, and the agreement was that S17 (then 16) make the card. They didn't know what to do, as he kept stalling. I had no idea what was going on, and the younger two were equally upset, but didn't say anything.
By the end of it, we were all upset. I think, it is a difficult transition for them to make. Brings up all sorts of abandonment issues for them (usually their Dad would be around to guide them), which mine obviously weren't ready to face that year.
This year - what a change. S17 has just gone off to his Sunday job, but got up two hours early to make me poached eggs, bacon, lemon hollandaise sauce on wholegrain toast. Plus coffee.
S16 made the card. S14 wrote me a poem, and they all gave me a 'voucher' for 6 horseriding sessions.
Just lovely!
The funny thing is - apparently they bailed their Dad up a couple of weeks ago to pitch in some money for the riding. They decided to split it four ways. S17 apparently took on the job of organising it all.
I wonder how the MLCer felt about that.
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Ok
This is my 3rd MD.
1st MD was pretty good really, we were hyper bonding, I didn’t know what I was going to face, he was here, lovely gift, flowers and spent the day with him, the girls and his mum. Buying things and meals. It was slightly annoying I remember as ow texted like a mad woman the whole time as her kids had gone away.
2nd MD he wasn’t here, but he had taken the girls shopping and provided them money to buy bacon for breakfast in bed.
This year once again not here.
As far as I know he will be at his mum’s (with or without ow who knows) house but I won’t see him at all. He took the girls shopping for gifts and guided their choices. He also turned up yesterday and took them to buy food, not just for Mothers day breakfast but also for the picnic I planned today. The girls also asked to buy me flowers which he agreed to. It is very generous of him. He also asked what was planned for tea. As I am broke I had just planned to have a home cooked meal. The way he was asking I suspect he would have supplied money to help. Just a feeling.
I will say that we have an agreement to purchase gifts to a certain amount.
When he’s upset with me it is always, always spot on or under (like with my birthday lol) and when he’s ok he allows them to go over lol.
I don’t expect anything really, but I was surprised with what I did get and how generous he has been this year. More a throwback to the man I used to know lol. Oh and I hope this thing with his family keeps going. He seems to be wanting to spend time with his family. Something I really haven’t seen since this began.
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First Mother's Day was right around BD.... I still didn't know what was going on... maybe I really DID think he was working all the time so he could get "space"... hard to remember... BUT, I got flowers with a card that said "To the best Mom two kids could ever have!!". :-\
Last year, he was with ow on Mother's Day, but had taken the kids shopping for cards and crap gifts for me at the card store next to the grocery.... pretty sure it was their idea. He also bought them stuff to make me breakfast in bed and then promptly took off for ow's for the weekend.
He has told me several times what a BAD Mother he thinks she is... but that she probably thinks she's a good one, LOL!!
He was home A LOT for the past couple of weeks..... maybe they broke up... not sure.... seemed like he was going cold turkey, but who knows? Anyway..... I got the coward's text last night that he was "Trying to make it home, but probably wouldn't make it tonight...." which is MLC speak for "I'm going to ow's for the weekend, but lying to myself that it will only be for one night to break up with her" or some such garbage. My boss gave me a three day weekend off.... the weather has been beautiful, and he is MIA. He hasn't helped the kids at all.... I went to the store earlier to get eggs and sausage so they could at least make me breakfast in bed like last year... then, I am taking them to see "The Avengers" at their request, even though husband took them last weekend while I had to work. My kids want me to "treat" myself by taking us all to the movies...
FWIW, he had mentioned taking all of us to see it this weekend "Maybe that will be your Mother's Day present!!" and I just said "You don't have to do anything..." guess that was what he was hoping to hear, LOL!!
What's sad is that ow must feel very, very powerful to be able to get him away from his wife and kids on birthdays and holidays..... these are years he will never get back... we haven't had a photo of the two of us since the summer before BD.... about 3 years now. We both have changed a lot.... definitely grown old from the stress... the kids have grown up.... not sure we will be here for him if he ever does wake up....I mean, life goes on, doesn't it? Kids grow up and move out..... he has missed so many milestones in their lives....not sure I feel sad for him any more..... I feel sad for us.
Pity party over.... have a wonderful Mother's Day everyone, and remember.... you really ARE great Moms and Dads..... holding down the fort and nurturing your kids as best you can with no help from your spouse... at this point, I see the REASONS for their abandonment.... but it's not much of an excuse, is it? The damage is done.
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This is my 5th Mother's Day since H moved out in March of 2008. He was with us for the first one, but has not been for any of them since. I know he is away - probably rock climbing. S18 and I are going over to D20's university campus, attending church with D20 and her boyfriend and then going out to lunch. I will be with my two children who love me very much and who stand with me for the healing of our family, for the restoration of my marriage, and for their Dad to start acting like a man instead of a thirteen year old.
I would love a call or a text from H, but certainly have no expectations. If God wills it, then it will happen.
Happy Mother's Day to all of the amazing mothers on this forum!
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CFL,
If he's rock climbing in my state as he usually does, I'll drive down and conveniently knock him off a low one if you want. It would be my present to you for this day. Or, better yet, I could make him think I was some kind of psychic or angel and tell him things there's no way a stranger in another state should know such as "You need to get your butt home and man up to your responsibilities to your loving W and family!!" That would be fun, oh yes. Or I could just wish you all a Happy Mothers Day and leave it at that......
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Wow Thundarr.
Thanks for the offer. Unfortunately, H is in Wisconsin this time. I think he was in Kentucky at the end of April and will certainly be back as he just loves to climb those rocks by you. Are you seeing your W for Mother's Day?
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Yes I am. S7 is with me tonight and D11 is with her, and S7 and I are going to meet her at her parents' house after church tomorrow. For the last 15-20 years or so I've always taken her and my Mom out to eat on Mothers Day and last year it was just a few days before BD and "I'm divorcing your ass." I still have the pics of W from that day as well as the dress she wore. She looked terrible and I didn't realize it until I looked back on it. S7 told her I was taking Mom out to eat tomorrow but to my knowledge she hasn't mentioned going with us or me taking her out. I am going to pick up a card and candy for S7 to give her as that's what he said he wanted to do. He's a sweet little guy even though she has hurt him so much.
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I cannot imagine doing anything for a walk-away mother on Mother's Day.
Don't listen to me, I'm not being graceful. I just cannot imagine.
Oh, I suppose it'd be like me going out of my way to tell H he's a good father on Father's Day, and I don't think he IS a good father for walking away from his sons. Sailing/hiking/backpacking with OW instead of being there for your kids, however mundane and boring you think their life is, is just beyond horrible in my book.
To all of you who can look beyond MLC and maybe celebrate the parent (s)he used to be, or the parent they should be, or the parent they might be once again some day--you have my admiration. What you have is just not in me.
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Hi TMHP
Bomb drop was around a week after last years Mother's Day (2011), so won't count that, however this year was almost a year to the day and guess what? Nothing!!!! Didn't expect any response from him to be honest. He would be thinking our older children would organise flowers etc. and of course he is correct. Still stings though thinking did he awknowledge o/w.
(((())))
SYBG
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Happy mothers day to all!
Thank goodness for pur children.
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I spent my second mother's day as a 'single' mum. I had a lovely time with my kids and visiting Mum and H's mum. She didn't hear from him. He still will not reconcile with her. She tried to contact him by text last week and asked if they could meet for coffee. She got a few pages of Text in return. All blaming and false accusastions and full of hate, bitterness and unforgiveness. He said she didn't love him unconditionally becuase she didn't want him to be 'happy'. ??? ??? ??? ???
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Mother's Day here was in March nothing from H in fact nothing last year even though BD was not until July,I guess he was already on his way into the tunnel full steam ahead, he just assumed D23 would sort it like he always does,really really hurtful..........come to think of it nothing on my Birthday or at Christmas luckily I had no expectations but my kids did me proud x
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My exH and I don't have children together. His mom died in 2007 right around Mother's Day. She was in the hospital about a week or so before she passed. I believe this is what set his MLC in motion even though BD was two years later (2009). He even told me a few months after BD that he had been fighting his thoughts to leave me for two years. I'm sure he is thinking of his mom today but I have no expectations or reason that I would hear from him. I have been thinking about sending him am email later today just to let him know that I've been thinking of his mom.
I hope and pray every mom here has a wonderful and Blessed day!
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I got a hug and a kiss and a "Happy Mothers Day" from exh and the girls picked me some wildflowers :)
No money this year to go out for dinner or buy anything- no biggie.
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Much to my surprise I did hear from my H today.
It was a short email, not like last year's longer, mushier letter but sweet nonetheless.
Here's what he wrote:
Dear TMHP,
I remember that day, many years ago, when after seeing you interact with D in some way (I forget now what it was,) your father turned to you and said with great sincerity, "TMHP, you are a good mother." I know that it pleased you greatly. It pleased me too. You are a good mother. Thank you for being such a good mother to D.
H
A little stilted perhaps but I did appreciate it. I was pleased H remembered the comment my Dad (who passed away 12 years ago) made, and that H remembered how much it meant to me.
As a "reward," I eased up my current NC status and replied, thanking him for remembering my father's long ago comment and sharing with him a bit about what's going on in my life right now (I'm actually traveling, which he didn't know.)
It felt right.
Happy Mom's Day everyone!
TMHP
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In my case, the MLCer is a mother. Son and daughter, D22 and S19 do not acknowledge their mother on Mothers Day.
In fact D22 hasn't had any contact with her mother since Sept 2010.
honour
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Well knock me over with a feather! I'm not a mom, and we never really did the "Pet Mother's Day" thing even though we have a lot of pets, so I had no expectation today whatsoever. I haven't purposely been NC with the in-laws, but I was planning on just saying I hope my MIL had a nice day the next time I saw H, since he had mail to pick up soon.
But this afternoon I get a call from H (actually 2 calls - I guess I didn't return the first one fast enough, so he called back 3 minutes later) wanting to bring his mom over to pick up some lawn stuff at the house I suggested they use for their garden. I told him I'd leave stuff outside and he got all offended, "I can't come in? Well fine, if you've got something going on I don't want to ruin your day." Ah, passive-aggressive MLC, you are so predictable! I very sweetly said I'd come out and say hi. I haven't seen my MIL since pre-BD #2, and I have no clue how I've been portrayed by him, so I was up for anything.
Lo and behold, she was so happy to see me! I don't think in my whole relationship she has ever been that nice to me. Invited me over in front of him - at a time when he's not at their house (he's living there). Kept reiterating that she loves me, loves what I'm doing with the yard, etc.
And wouldn't you know, the thing he came to get, he didn't take! Same routine as the last 2 visits. Basically here for no reason, but gives him a reason to come back if he wants one. Filled me in on his job and gave me a big hug when he left (I'd been hands off for a few months, he just creeps me out. Can I admit that? Not the guy I love, and the thought of being near OW's cooties skeeves me). MIL did too, with more ILY's and invites.
The whole thing was very bizarre and unexpected. It's almost like this was my MIL's present from him, to see me, which is something I never would have imagined. She's friends with OW on FB, but clearly, still sees me in the picture, and I have no clue what to thing of that. H seemed healthy and upbeat, but still not himself. No expectations.
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As i had predicted...no email, no text, no call....I am not even disappointed because I had no expectation of it....but again....I don't need any of it because I already have the best presents in the world...two little angels that bless me each and every day...and underneath it all, even on my darkest days, I have him to thank for that...and it is for that reason that even after all he has done to me...I can still be civil towards him. Every day I will get a little stronger...and a little wiser!
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I got a lame text! That was actually more than I got last year though!!
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As expected stbxH did nothing for me, no call, no text, nothing. Of course not.
I think the man is severely lacking in decency with regard to the way he treats the mother of his children. Nothing new. I must remind myself that this has a lot to do with his shame.
In fact, my sons did nothing for me, either. I had to call and text my oldest son late in the afternoon to make sure he was ok, as I'd expected some sort of acknowledgement by then. My younger two sons accompanied my parents and me to a nice lunch, paid for by my father.
I took these two sons round to get flowers for the mothers of their girlfriends. S16's mother was thrilled, apparently. I see this as my duty as their mother, but I did it happily and light-heartedly. It was fun. They are husbands in training.
My middle son did deliver a mother's bracelet that his girlfriend's mother made for me (beautiful--with their names and birthstone beads), but there was no card, no flowers, no breakfast--nothing thought up by any of my sons. Unfortunately, by the end of the day, I was deeply hurt by a lack of acknowledgement.
After all I've done for them--clearly I've done something wrong.
All I could think was that I'd coddled and babied them perhaps too much. I was close to tears by the end of the day after my parents had left. This is not the first time this has happened, either. I felt terrible about asking them for some recognition, that I'd make Mother's Day ugly. I also could just imagine how smug my H would be if he knew that my sons thought so little of me. But I had to take responsibility for this outcome, and do something about it. I also feel strongly that my H failed at his job as a father in that he clearly did not teach my sons to honor me--he was a terrible example. And his father was, too.
I really did not know what to do, but going to bed full of passive resentment was certainly not a good option. I thought about calling my father to get on his grandsons properly, but decided against it.
I feared that I was raising self-centered young men, caught in a cycle started by their father's father, unable or unwilling to honor the women in their life. I do think this is one aspect of H's failure that he feels but may not fully understand or see clearly, but that has crippled him nonetheless, and I don't want this for my sons. I want them to be confident husbands and fathers one day. And it is clearly up to me to bring them up on it.
So I called my first son last night to explain that I was very disappointed, and that in the future I expect a call or text early in the day, or that he would send me a card with something written in it, unless he really did not feel like it. He said that he'd waited to phone me because he wasn't sure if I'd be busy in the morning, "Ok, I WAS going to call you!" but it all sounded very passive, and like excuses and defensiveness. H used to act like that. I was disgusted. I told him that I was not interested in arguing with him, and I told him to have a nice day and I hung up. He called me back--that took guts, and I was impressed. He apologized and tried to assure me that he loves me. I told him that this is not about me but about him, that when he is a husband and father he will need to do better for his family than he had done for me today, and be a better example than his father had been. Right or wrong--I said it. And I said that we were going to break this cycle--he could expect a phone call from me a couple of days before Mother's Day every year to remind him to do something nice for the mother of his children, something WITH his children FOR their mother. I told him that I need to hear from him more often anyway. He could call to tell me how he is feeling from time to time. It ended up being a really nice conversation, actually. He was quite sweet and charming. He said that he is nervous about his date coming up. So I asked him what he had planned and gave him encouragement. I told him I would send him some spending money for that date. We talked about me coming to help him move his things and clean up his apartment. He admitted he'd been texting his brothers--"What's up with mom???" type texts. They were having a laugh. The second time I hung up, I felt satisfied that we were in agreement.
S18 returned home shortly after that from his girlfriend's house with beautiful flowers--hydrangeas and a vase. He said he felt terrible--he said he told his girlfriend that he'd not done anything for me. I told him this embarrassed me--what could she possibly think of me, that my own sons didn't care? S18 was clearly very ashamed, and that disturbed me. He said, "Mom! You're a GREAT mom! Look at us--we're turning out great, and it's because of you!" True. They are my reward for being a good mother--but a little tenderness can be expected. S16, with his lack of impulse control, compensated by being very loud and making boisterous jokes and trying to provoke his brother into laughing, but I was not amused. (Well, he did get me to laugh by scribbling a home-made card in the middle of our conversation, "Dear Mom, I made this weeks ago. Love, S.") The three of us had a long talk about the importance of honoring the mother in the family. I told them, too, that I want them to feel confident as fathers and husbands. I asked S18 if his girlfriend's father was at home with his wife and children, and he said he was. I said that I think it is the father's responsibility to help his sons honor the mother of his children, and that I was very disappointed that their father hadn't done his job. S18 insisted that he was old enough to know better and that it was NOT his father's responsibility any more, that he just had been so busy--not that it's an excuse and he felt terrible. S16 balked and asked me if I was trying to make him feel guilty. I asked him if he thought it was appropriate for him to feel guilty? He said that he did feel badly, that he knows I am a good mom, that he and his classmates were talking about me in English class one day, defending me as an atypical mother, in that I was really especially nice and fun. That felt good, but it's not the same as being special for one day. So, again, I reviewed what would be expected--a card, some flowers, a text, or a phone call--something. I again said that we were going to break the cycle, that I very much want them to feel confident as fathers and husbands. I was fairly depressed and said that I only wanted the very best for them--that I don't want them to give up on love and marriage forever. It was sad.
Sometimes it is hard to be a good mother.
This is hard.
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I bought my W a box of candy and a card, which was given to her from S7 as that's what he said he wanted to give her. D11 took the trouble of making her a card at school. Strangely, I found out that when W took D11 to get her mother a card she also had D11 get a card for her!! She had D11 and S7 sign it at her parents' house before I had S7 give her his card and candy. Un-f'in-believable. I guess she wanted to make sure she had something to hang up in her little cubicle at work to show her co-workers what a great mom she is. For my part, I wished her happy Mothers Day and thanked her for the beautiful children she gave me. For her part, she told the kids to wish my mom a Happy Mothers Day because without her I wouldn't be here and if I wasn't they wouldn't be. That was after she had told D11 that my mom was no longer anything to her since she wasn't her MIL any more. Oh well. Just another "worst ___ ____ ever" to go along with all the others over the past year.
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Cali - TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE FROM YOUR CHILDREN NOT TO DO ANYTHING!!! Now that I shouted that out, and I know there are a few friends on the L2 site who would state to me: "she isn't my mother" but I know that Thundarr and others would be more: she did give me some of the most beautiful babies and I thank her and appreciate my wife for Mothers Day.
NOTICE - I say MOTHERS DAY...NOT MOMMY or MOMMA or MOMs DAY. Any woman can birth a child. It takes that extra special person to sacrifice and be a mom. Just like men, any one of them can be a father (or sperm donor in some cases) but it takes a man to make a Dad! (OK, off of soapbox now).
Told wifey on thursday and friday to contact me when she wanted me to bring the kids by (s5 and s9). She contacted me at 1030am on sunday/mothers day. We figured out a time and I dropped the kids off with a card and a pizza hut gift card attached (soooo unromantic...he he he). She said she didn't know what they were doing as she didnt have any money (ohh...so sad little teenager money spender partier). I said OK, and left (I was wearing new clothes again...got to make her wonder). Spent the day moping around as I am really their mother and father and texted a some L2 LBS friends. S18 has nearly nothing to do with his mother so he and I had a late lunch while he complained about his job over and over and over again (but he told me Happy Mothers Day anyway). Sheesh, if it is not one teenager it is another self absorbed entitled person. Picked up the kids from wifeys by 8p and they had made cookies. She encouraged them to give "daddy" some and I got 1 of each kind. After I left the parking lot with the kids which made me feel tons better because they were with me. I did make a nice text to wifey saying thank you for the cookies and they were delicious. She responded properly with niceness. Just a bit of lighthouse work I guess.
Last year just after BD I made a home cooked steak dinner with potatoes (sweet potato for wifey), broccoli and the works. Gave her a statue of a mom holding a baby and a wonderful card and flowers. NOT THIS YEAR!
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I'm late to the party on this thread. :) Mother's Day 2010 was the last holiday before BD. In addition to gifts, brunch and a movie, H had given me a card that said,
"In every way a mother is incredible you are. In everyway a woman is amazing you are. In every way a man could love a woman, I do."
He should have added a line that said: In everyway I could be hurting and deceiving you, I am...
The following year, he did email an offer (to me ::) )to give D money for Mother's Day. She declined telling him that she had saved her babysitting money and would do something for me on her own and have someone who loved and respected me like she did, drive her to a store if she needed help. I did not hear from him otherwise on Mother's Day. This year, there was no word from him to either of us in any regard. I still sent his sisters Mother's Day cards from me and D (his mother is deceased).
D made the day special on her own and we had a lovely time. I think some of these MLCers enjoy not acknowledging the LBS/single parent on days such as this, because they resent--are threatened by--our strength and commitment in the face of their actions and disregard. It infuriates Monster that we have not been broken and that we have kept on keeping on in the eyes of our children and others.
I'm sending belated respect and well wishes to all Moms (and Dads who are also mom) and commend the LBS men who helped their children remember their mothers regardless.
Phoenix
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MD in Europe was on May 13th. Both my D's wanted to buy me a present and asked H to join. But then.... he start to text them. It was too expensive, were they really sure they wanted to pay so much money (40 euro's pp) for a present, 'your mother is worth a billion' he said but there is a financial crisis going on. He didn't stop trying to convince them and finally D21 said she didn't want him to participate anymore. When I heard the whole story I told him I didn't want that present anymore. He texted me something like that I for sure was angry cause I wasn't going to get an expensive present. Since his MLC he is very avaricious. He never was before. On the contrary he always paid everything for everybody.
MD. He walked into the house. Very very angry. Didn't even say hello to D19. Changed some bulbs and left. Both my daughters received a text half an hour later in which he explained why he thought 40 euro's was a lot of money. 'And now your mother is angry with me cause you told her the whole story'.
Haven't seen him since. Guess he is back in his tunnel or something.