Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: wondering on May 31, 2012, 10:52:30 AM
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I thought I would start this thread as I am working on my self esteem issues and doing some mirror work. I think it can be helpful to all LBS's if we make out similar lists to remind ourselves of our strengths in the mist of this storm. Hope some of you will join me as I'm interested in what everyone else has discovered about themselves.
Here goes....What I admire about myself
1. That MLC did not break me though I thought it would
2. That I am learning what "Wondering" is all about instead of what Mr. & Mrs. Wondering is/was
3. That I learned to hold my head in the middle of the most hurtful, humiliating, embarrassing experience
4. That I held onto my beliefs and my stand despite the overwhelming push not to do so
5. That I can be quite self reliant when I have to.
6. That I have plenty of handyman/woman skills and that doing things can be quite empowering
7. That I am stronger than I ever thought possible
8. That I have learned my lesson that people love me for me
9. That I became a great example to my two nieces of what your marriage vows mean and how divorce is not the only option after infidelity. They are 17 and 25 and I know this had a huge impact on them.
10. That I am beautiful inside and out because I am uniquely me....I admit I'm still working on this one ;D
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Here here!
What a fantastic idea.....to make a list of our qualities and what we like about ourselves, sometimes we all to easily forget what our best points are in all this!
Good luck on the rest of your journey and hope its brings you the best you deserve. :)
What I amire about me....
1. So far I am surviving this journey when I never thought I had the strength to do it!
2. I now have more confidence and no longer worry about what other people think of me or my sitch......I am me!
3. I am capable of so much more than I thought possible.
4. I can accept things as they are more easily.....still work in progress!
5. I feel I am a good role model for my kids in that I can forgive and hold no grudges
Not quite as long as yours W but it's a start nonetheless!
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I love this!! Is it ok if I share on this thread (can move it to mine if you prefer)?
What I admire about me:
1. That I let myself learn that giving up trying to control situations actually gave me more control of myself.
2. That I am owning up to my own shortcomings while being in for the long haul.
3. That I now know that I am capable of unconditional love.
4. That I learned from MLC that I don't have to ever take others' words and actions personally.
5. That I allowed MLC to be one heck of a fitness plan!
6. That honor and integrity really are the foundations of my life, and anyone who I choose to allow into it will have to agree.
7. That I can reconcile my family, even if it means I don't have to be right.
8. That I gain my power from surrendering to God in ALL areas of my life, not just the convenient ones.
9. That I accept myself for who I am today, no matter what.
10. That I strive everyday to be the person my dogs and cats think I am!
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Oh, what a lovely exercise! Good job Wondering!
Ready...lol....cats and dogs...my new go-to species for unconditional love....but I digress....
What I admire about me:
1. I have far more strength than I knew.
2. That I am able to stick up for myself and others when push comes to shove.
3. That I like to help people, pay it forward and know life is larger than me and my sitch.
4. That I know I will survive any heartbreak that's put in front of me.
5. That I have likes and dislikes and that I don't have to go with the crowd
6. That I rarely care anymore what people think of me.
7. That I have no problem at all with being alone.
8. That I don't NEED anyone. I may want them but I don't NEED them. That includes friends.
9. That I can use my negatives (stubborness etc) in a positive way.
10. That I never had a midlife crisis.
Bon
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Great Idea -
what I like about me
1. My sense of humor
2. My intelligence
3. My kindness to others
4. My sense of adventure
5. My smile
6. My self reliance
7. My ability to roll with the punches and come up fighting.
8. My determination
9. Being true to myself and my values
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Wondering what a wonderful way to keep the focus on us.
I admire:
1. That I have more strength and resilience than I knew I had.
2. That my kids are proud of how I have bounced back.
3. That I have made new and wonderful friends. :)
4. That I know I can handle whatever life sends my way.
5. That I realized I was a control freak and have let go of it and let things unfold naturally.
6. That I have rediscovered activities that I love.
7. That I don't have to accept the conditions that others put on me for me to be worthy.
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Awesome thread Wondering:
I admire:
1. That I am WAY stronger that I ever knew I could be.
2. I am able to admit my mistakes now and make appropriate changes for me.
3. I see more positive than negative.
4. I have developed compassion.
5. I stood up for what I believed in even though it was the most humiliating, embarassing situation I have ever been in.
6. I like to exercise and be healthy.
7. I took control of my own depression and sought treatment. I was able to admit I needed help.
8. I am still open to learning and changing for the better.
9. I can say I am sorry and I can truly forgive and not hold grudges.
10. I like that I am more independent than dependent.
11. I like me.
12. I like helping others.
Wow, the list could go on, but a year a go, I probably couldn't have even written this list.
There are positives of this diffidcult journey.
Sassy
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I'm so glad people are responding. I love everyone's list. It is so important for us to concentrate are strengths. This list and a gratitude list can help us daily focus on us and the positive things in our life. The power and therapeutic value of this forum is enormous.
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My list is so similar to the others.
But who would have thought that this mess of mlc would actually BOOST self-esteem.
I feel better about myself than I did before BD!!!!!
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Wow Wondering! I have been going over this list in my head for the last few weeks. Dealing with H moving back home but into the basement has had me off balance and cycling like crazy. I have been trying to keep myself balanced by reviewing the progress I have made for me since this started.
I really like the following:
I have learned that releasing control of everyone but myself was the best thing I could have done for myself. That the control I thought I had was merely an illusion anyway.
I have rediscovered myself. I had not realized just how deep I had buried the real me. I am now enjoying things that I have not enjoyed in years - for no reason that I can fathom. One of the best of these is plants in my house. I have always loved plants but stopped having them in the house when my kids were young because I was afraid they would eat them or pull them off their stands. For whatever reason I never added them back when the kids were older.
I really am the strong woman that I have always believed myself to be. I no longer need to prove this - I know it to be true.
I now know what unconditional love really is. This in addition to letting go of control has created unbelievable relationships in my life with my children as well as my other family members. Maybe one day my H will be included in that - that is out of my control and his loss if it does not come to pass.
I am actually comfortable with who I am. I am not perfect, never will be, but I am pretty dang awesome!
I am confident with myself. I no longer second guess myself every time I make a choice. If it turns out like expected that is great - if it doesn't then I just back up and punt - no more beating myself up.
I try to live each day as if I won't have the chance of tomorrow. Not to be morbid but to help me be honest with and about my feelings. If things bother me I discuss them today. Notice I said discuss - this means that I stop and think and decide if this issue is actually important to me or if it is just something that I would try to control in the past - if it is a control button i just let it go. (this particular trait seems to cause my H much confusion)
I have learned is how to be happy. Happy by myself and with myself. I still have days that I cycle but try to recognize this and not get derailed for long.
The most important thing I have learned is how to have an open honest relationship with the Lord. He has helped me through some really tough times and continues to bless me and my children everyday. I believe he is also working on my H. Twice I have gone downstairs and he has been watching television preachers. H has not gone to church since before he left.
I also know that I will be okay without my H. I want my marriage to work but if it doesn't I will be okay.
Sorry, I got a little carried away there. LOL!! It is hard to deal with the multiple blows receive when our spouses decide to turn our lives upside down. We all learn so many lessons. Listing these I hope will help keep the positives we have found front and center.
STC