Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Rollercoasterider on July 09, 2012, 08:55:57 PM
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Original Thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=218.0;all (http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=218.0;all)
Continue the discussion here.
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So I just asked the I Ching 2 Questions. The first question was when would my husband want to come home? The second was would I ever remarry? I got the same answer for both. Hexagon 28. I forget the exact words but it was related to doing so in a position of strength.
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Now the is almost creepy. I tried a few different questions but didn't quite understand the meaning to a couple of them.
But, then I asked if my husband and I will find our love for each other again and it gave me Hexagram 25.
Here is what the transformed said. I apologize if ts takes too much space.
Transformed Hexagram:
25 - Twenty-Five
Wu Wang / Remaining Blameless
Thunder rolls beneath Heaven, as is its nature and place:
Sage rulers aligned themselves with the changing seasons, nurturing and guiding their subjects to do the same.
Exceptional Progress if you are mindful to keep out of the way of the natural Flow.
It would be a fatal error to try to alter its course.
This is a time of Being, not Doing.
SITUATION ANALYSIS:
This is thoroughly a matter of the heart.
If everything you attempt, no matter how carefully planned, ends in disarray, then examine your motives.
They are the cause of your predicament.
It isn't that your motives aren't pure -- even the best intentions will fail under these circumstances.
What stymies you in this situation is that you have a motive at all.
Free yourself of all expectations, release any tenuous grip you may have, and roll with it.
This is totally out of your control.
There are higher powers and more elements affecting the outcome of this situation than you can imagine.
Get out of their way.
Amazing!!! :)
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Okay but I just kept re-phrasing the questions until I got the answer I wanted. I cheat at solitaire.
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Very interesting RH. It's the first time I've tried this.Now to make sure I don't become an addict haha.
CJ lol. I don't think it's meant to work that way. But then again who knows haha.
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Don't forget that this works on the principle of synchronicty (meaningful coincidence). It works best when you let the symbolism talk to your unconscious mind and let ideas come up.
If you play with this, you will get playful answers. If you sincerely seek to know, it will help you look within yourself for the wisest answers.
It is better to use it to reflect on the best attitude to take rather than to predict the future.
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Why did I not find this before! It would have solved all my problems.. ...at least answered what I should do in each case.
I think of I Ching as perrennial Self- Help Book. Whoever came up with was a genius!
My Question...What should be my strategy in next 30 days (as it related to MLC enchilada)?
Here is what I Ching wisdom has to say. ;)
Cast Hexagram:
42 - Forty-Two
I / Expansion
Whirlwinds and Thunder:
When the Superior Person encounters saintly behavior, he adopts it; when he encounters a fault within, he transforms it.
Progress in every endeavor.
You may cross to the far shore.
SITUATION ANALYSIS:
Get ready to ride a tide of accelerated growth toward self-actualization.
A joyful awareness of the best within you, coupled with an acceptance of your Shadow, will provide a greater repertoire, a much bolder vision, and new depth and clarity that will compel you to expand your horizons.
..........................Analysis complete
I am thrilled.
Dr. NO
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The Beauty that I Ching (Yu Jing) is.. (from brief desciption of online version)
Its longevity isn't the only wonder the I Ching holds claim to.
It also possesses the uncanny ability to actually communicate with anyone who chooses to use it.
This is no fortune-telling gimmick -- in fact, the I Ching often frustrates attempts to divine the future from its pages.
This oracle is solely concerned with the present -- YOUR present.
It takes you past the tunnel vision and gives you a 360 degree view of your situation.
It goes beyond the realm of your five senses and picks up the subliminal signals that sailed right past your conscious awareness to become filed away in your subconscious.
When you are obsessed with a desire, intent on an outcome, the I Ching gently nudges you and says, "Yes, but have you considered this ...?"
This classic's ability to accurately gauge a situation probably seemed like a gift from the gods to the sages who discovered it -- and in a sense, it is.
But modern science is progressively removing the layers of superstition from its legend and replacing it with new understanding that is no less magical.
Like all oracles of the ancient world, the I Ching's message is cloaked in ambiguity.
What makes this oracle ingenious, though, is that its symbols spark the universal archetypes embedded within the Collective Unconscious we all share.
The books of C.G. Jung, the father of modern psychoanalysis, shed light on these archetypes -- a subject much too complex to address here.
Read his foreword in Richard Wilhelm's I Ching or Book of Changes (Arkana).
For a quick study, try the entertaining and enlightening writings of Joseph Campbell, for example The Power of Myth.
Another secret of the I Ching's accuracy is its division into 64 sections, representing every situation in life that one might find oneself in.
What is truly brilliant about this classic's formula is that every one of these 64 situations can change into any one of the other 63!
Thus the classic's name, Change.
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Thanks, mermaid! I tried the online version and I love it! Question: I didn't save my first few searches and when I lost the answers I asked the same questions again moments later and got different answers! Why is that? And which answer to believe?
Bird
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Thanks, mermaid! I tried the online version and I love it! Question: I didn't save my first few searches and when I lost the answers I asked the same questions again moments later and got different answers! Why is that? And which answer to believe?
Bird
I-Ching answer to your last question is : "Yes" :)
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And which answer to believe?
The one you want to believe.
honour
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And which answer to believe?
The one you want to believe.
honour
No... this is not about finding the truth you want to hear.
The different answers can give meaning in different ways; life is a cycle, even if the questions are asked in quick succession, life does not stand still. Use the answers to find the truth within.
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Use the answers to find the truth within.
Within what?
honour
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Use the answers to find the truth within.
Within what?
honour
leave out what?
i.e. within YOU
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i.e. within YOU
I don't need an Oracle for that.
honour
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i.e. within YOU
I don't need an Oracle for that.
honour
Well done. But some of us need clues.
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i.e. within YOU
I don't need an Oracle for that.
honour
Well done. But some of us need clues.
My apologies Mermaid, that was rather clumsy of me. I guess what I'm thinking, but articulating rather baldly and abruptly (again :(::) ), is that if this dreadful experience has taught me anything, it is that the only thing I can trust is the "Oracle" between my own ears. The truth is in there and not anywhere external. The reasons why I was attracted to someone with the potential to do what she did and the reasons why it hurt so much are all in there, my own head, but so are the solutions. I believe the "clues" are everything that has happened in our lives to get us to this point; everything from childhood to the present day that has made our emotional construction what it is.
I mean well (I promise :) ), I just don't say it very well.
honour
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i.e. within YOU
I don't need an Oracle for that.
honour
Well done. But some of us need clues.
My apologies Mermaid, that was rather clumsy of me. I guess what I'm thinking, but articulating rather baldly and abruptly (again :(::) ), is that if this dreadful experience has taught me anything, it is that the only thing I can trust is the "Oracle" between my own ears. The truth is in there and not anywhere external. The reasons why I was attracted to someone with the potential to do what she did and the reasons why it hurt so much are all in there, my own head, but so are the solutions. I believe the "clues" are everything that has happened in our lives to get us to this point; everything from childhood to the present day that has made our emotional construction what it is.
I mean well (I promise :) ), I just don't say it very well.
honour
I'm seriously not offended. But thank you for your kindness in thinking I may be.
You got me thinking about the subject. You are right, we need to use our intuition, and our own inner understanding, and oracles can distract us from that job.
When we focus on rational and practical aspects of our responses, our emotions become more controlled. So, in part, the iChing can start off that process when we are overcome with emotion. Second, when we get a response in imagery, it draws on our creative responses. For example, 2 years ago, in the middle of Hs MLC, I asked "How can I deal with the challenges of today?"I used the answer (see below) to try and think about the problem in a different way. What rigid expectations do I have? What do I need to accept, and how can I do it?
Then there are the strange coincidences, which never fail to surprise me. I was spying on H, in his email/ phone, etc. and this caused me unhappiness, and made H feel controlled. The iching said to stop policing him!!!!
Finally, the iching is underpinned by a taoist philosphy, which promotes harmony, internal balance, (not control of others) and respect for the cyclical nature of life (and influenced the development of Buddhism). There is, I believe, an undercurrent of this philosophy in this site. (Taoism isn't incompatible with Christianity, althought the impersonal Tao is replaced by a personal God in the latter).
40 - Forty Hsieh / Liberation
A Thunderous Cloudburst shatters the oppressive humidity: The Superior Person knows the release in forgiveness, pardoning the faults of others and dealing gently with those who sin against him. It pays to accept things as they are for now. If there is nothing else to be gained, a return brings good fortune. If there is something yet to be gained, act on it at once.
SITUATION ANALYSIS:
The relief you experience here is not your own personal pardon, but the release of others from your rigid expectations. Like a hot air balloon, you will rise to new heights as you cast the heavy sandbags of resentments and restrictions away from you. Feel the lightness of being that results from forgiving others and accepting them as they are. Free yourself of the endless vigil of policing the behaviour of others. See them for who they are, not what they can or can't do for you
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Well, all this conversation about the I Ching, I had to see how it worked. So many times, the questions I asked led to answers about being patient, holding myself above the bad circumstances, being compassionate, things aren't always as they appear. So that all helped, kept me a bit optimistic even tho I never hear from my H.
So the last question I asked is what to do about my marriage- the answer actually came up as "loveless marriage" - so I guess that's my answer. Don't have to ask anymore. He's done, he told me he was done, but I felt there could be hope. Guess not.
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In the IChing, nothing is forever. It's a synchronous reflection on the current time.
Time changes everything.
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Chickpea, I also get a lot of the same you do. I asked what you've asked about my marriage and got: 33 - Thirty-Three
Tun / Retreat - The tranquil Mountain towers overhead, yet remains this side of Heaven:
The Superior Person avoids the petty and superficial by keeping shallow men at a distance, not in anger but with dignity.
Such a retreat sweeps the path clear to Success.
Occupy yourself with minute detail.
SITUATION ANALYSIS:
Retreat in this instance is not a desperate flight in disarray, but a conscious choice to distance yourself from forces that would rob you of your peace.
It is not a surrender, but a regrouping.
Retreat from this conflict is actually an advance toward your own center.
You move toward balance, and thus a much stronger position.
This makes a lot of sense to me. As for your loveless marriage, like Mermaid said, it reflects current time, everything changes with time. And in a way, currently your marriage is loveless. That does not mean it will always be that way.
Mermaid, agree with you, there is an undercurrent of this Taoist philosophy in this site.
In addiction to the site Mermaid used I tend to use http://www.ichingreading.net/ (http://www.ichingreading.net/). it will give to hexagrams, one for instructions and the other for references.
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Great bumping op, I have recently discovered I Ching online and it's pretty weird the answers I've been getting!
Here's one answer:
You must now endure this Dangling -- either a carrot before your nose, or a sword above your head.
This strange mix of apprehension and anticipation is a Purgatory.
There is nothing more you can do to affect the outcome.
You must now submit to the Fates.
Now another asking when my h might return:
Transformed Hexagram:
58 - Fifty-Eight
Tui / Empowering
The joyous Lake spans on and on to the horizon:
The Superior Person renews and expands his Spirit through heart-to-heart exchanges with others.
Success if you stay on course.
SITUATION ANALYSIS:
This is the sign of true companionship.
The principals in this situation exchange energy, ideas and feelings, constantly invigorating and encouraging each other to new heights of Spiritual achievement and Self-discovery.
This exchange is not for the glory of the Team, but for furthering the process of each individual's 'Te', or pure potentiality.
Changing Lines:
There is One Changing Line.
Hexagram Forty-Seven/Line One:
He rests beneath a dead tree, trying to make sense of this dark, desolate valley he has strayed into.
These lost wanderings will last three years.
Can anyone explain to me whether the transformed hexagram takes precedence over the cast hexagram?
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Just yesterday, I googled 'what is I ching' and today the discussion appears before me (having been bumped ) :D. Yesterday I was confused and not sure if I was reading it right or what I was supposed to be reading. It might have been the website I went to. Is there any website that anyone would recommend for a complete novice like myself?
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Did you try the one from the original thread?
http://www.ichingonline.net/
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OK this is intriguing to me. I tried yesterday, without knowing a lot (other than what i read on the website) about the i ching. i got the "loveless marriage" answer when i asked something about my H. I didn't login, so my question was not saved.
today, i asked the "what strategy should i use for the next 30 days"--shamelessly purloined from one of the posts here--and here's what i got:
The Flood rises above the tallest Tree:
Amidst a rising tide of human folly, the Superior Person retires to higher ground, renouncing his world without looking back.
Any direction is better than where you now stand.
wow! good to know that the i ching is in the moment...kind of makes me question my stand, though.
within the next 30 days, i am set to close on a new house, move out of the "matrimonial domicile"--to use the legalese--finish up the school year and start planning for the next, so I do have a lot going on. i am in hurry-up mode so that i can legally use some of my money to put toward a downpayment for this new house; my attorneys are filing motions, etc., and i am pushing this through.
to explain: i currently live in the house where my h grew up. H moved in here when he was 7, i think. H's father affaired around on H's mother, H's parents fought constantly--knock down drag outs, apparently, with potential physical abuse and definite verbal abuse, and dish-throwing, and H and his sister (who is just as messed up as H) sat on the stairs and listened and probably feared for their lives. so, we bought this house from H's mother (she got the house in her divorce) and moved in, bag and baggage, and at the time one small child. now, 11 years later--history has repeated itself and i'm getting the hell out of this amityville horror of a house.
i found a house that i LOVE, several blocks away from where i currently live with my 3D--so no change of neighborhood but a definite step up in terms of neighbors and surrounding homes. i walked into this house and just knew right away that this was the place for me. i was not even actively looking for a new home, just happened to drive by, saw the for sale sign, ran into a realtor acquaintance...it was kind of like the stars lined up for me to find this house, scrape money together, and make an offer that was accepted. so i am set to close on july 1.
so that's my story. maybe the "where i now stand" part refers to me living in the matrimonial domicile, across the street from OW's exH and OW's former home, where she and H got it on...i could vomit. rather than vomit, though, i think i'll just move.
Keepin' on the sunny side...
onlyjo
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Tried this tonight...asked a question about my partner and the ow/ their marriage/is he happy? (they got married Dec. 28th)
Here was answer:
- Warmth and light are swallowed by darkness
- Stay true to your course despite visible obstacles ahead
-This time calls for a saintly effort to turn the other cheek
- You have been deliberately injured, abstain from vengeance, show all watching that you are above it
- Sidestep the aggressor's headlong charge, giving him the opportunity to fall on his face
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Oh it's so cool! Broke hearted I love it!
The fact this thread got bumped is pure synchronicity for me!
Last night i asked, will h and i love again? I got:
Transformed Hexagram:
18 - Eighteen
Ku / Repairing the Damage
Winds sweep through the Mountain valley:
The Superior Person sweeps away corruption and stagnation by stirring up the people and strengthening their spirit.
Supreme success.
Before crossing to the far shore, consider the move for three days.
After crossing, devote three days of hard labor to damage control.
SITUATION ANALYSIS:
You are blessed with an opportunity to resuscitate that which others have abandoned as beyond repair.
This ruin wasn't caused by evil intention, but by indifference to decay.
Just by addressing yourself to the problem, you exhibit a new awareness, a fresh perspective.
This is a time of recovery, renewal, regeneration.