Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Thundarr on August 29, 2012, 07:06:13 PM
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http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/cf/slideshows/5-rules-for-bipolar-relationships/never-engage-in-a-dialogue-with-the-other-person-s-amygdala/?ap=825
Key phrase to remember: Don't argue with your partner's amygdala. Very true.
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Yep, very true but there are medicines who leave bipolar people leveled. So far there are none for MLC.
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It's funny - the business coaching program H and I were part of was the first place I studied the amygdala. They pushed us to gain control of it so we could deal with high pressure situations. :o ::) And here we are - both in varying states of coming out of and being in MLC (him actually diagnosed bipolar), because we cracked under the pressure while trying to control it instead of listening to our brains when they sent us the signals of where our boundaries were. A life with no boundaries is no life, let me tell ya. Only God has no boundaries, and that's for a reason.
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Any decision we make is based on whether it “feels right” or “feels wrong” to us. As counter-intuitive as it seems, the thinking parts of the brain can be tricked into making terrible choices.
Well this is what my H went on and on about when he told me about OW, "it just 'feels right' and that is what I am going with. Everything I do from now will be based upon honesty and whether it 'feels right'!" It all seemed so justified, so real and so honest when he told me this that I could do nothing but shrug and think "so be it, you can't deny how you feel and you can't deny your honest feelings and beliefs."
I went to see my counsellor and I was describing some of my most recent conversations with my H and she asked me if he was Bipolar! She said he sounds like he is in a manic episode. R2T, so interesting your H was diagnosed bipolar, did he get treatment? did it make any difference?
Oh, I'm so new to all this, it's discovery after discovery every day!
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I went to see my counsellor and I was describing some of my most recent conversations with my H and she asked me if he was Bipolar! She said he sounds like he is in a manic episode. R2T, so interesting your H was diagnosed bipolar, did he get treatment? did it make any difference?
He did, but it was brief and incomplete. He was initially put on some serious meds (SeroquelXR). They scared him because they also are used to treat schizophrenia (family history), and he started to resist treatment. He the went to a psychiatrist and was told he'd been misdiagnosed (I think H changed up his story to do this) and was then pulled off the Seroquel and treated for Generalized Anxiety with an array of SSRI's. He went cold turkey off of those a few months later, and everything went into high energy Monster crazy from there for probably close to a year and a half before the place we're at now, which is more controlled with me, but other people are seeing the acting out. He was asked by a former job to go back on his meds (even though he was never on them when he worked there).
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Hello all,
I have recently finished a book called 'Uncoupling' by D Vaughan (I think) - anyway - the book was written in 1986 (before the www!!) and it has stopped me dead in my tracks a few times.
The book documents the mental process which someone who initiates a break up in a relationship goes through and then the partners as the news sinks in and their new reality takes hold. In the book she talks about a 'crisis' being the reason people run from relationships BUT all leavers experience a 'euphoric' time when they first leave the relationships (she said it can be quite manic).
It is a fascinating book and helped me understand the 'process' that my relationship with my exH has gone through in the last 5 years or so - it also helped me see that there are various elements of my exH behaviour which is 'typical uncoupling' and also 'typical MLC'.
My exH is definitely in MLC and there have been times I have believed he is mentally ill but I think this is his MLC showing itself and I am at a safe enough distance to watch it play out but am no longer affected by his behaviour.
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Oh good grief, I thought this was going to be some sort of joke about the Natalie Portman character in the Star Wars films. Realizing what a geek I am, very quickly.
:-[
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Yes, when running from a relationship the leaver can go through euphoria but normally it does not last long. MLCers and their escaping, rush providing, tactics, manage to make it last more years than some marriages.
My cousin, before he hit rock bottom, has been diagnosed OCD, histrionic, psychotic, borderline and bipolar. He spend a couple of years jumping from psychiatrist to psychiatrist and from psychologist to psychologist. Only the bipolar medication (lamotrigine, that is also used to epilepsy and is a medicine psychiatrists took from neurologist) combined with zoloft plus a high dosage of alprazolan worked. He gradually dropped the zoloft and the alprazolan, had kept the lamotrigine for a little longer. He has been without it for a few months and is again oscilating. His anxiety levels are hitting the roof, one day he is fine the next he is angry and enervated. Think he will have to go back to lamotrigine and alprazolan soon.
After rock bottom, when he “waked up”, at first he was fine and balanced. Soon the frantic begin and he was buying tons of expensive unneeded stuff, changing everything in his home from linen to glasses. He was also being very aggressive with everyone. He had to be taken to hospital again (he was still taking all the meds). My cousin was a wallower, he had “wake up” a years and a few days ago and, so far, it remains a rollercoaster. Especially to his live-in girlfriend and her parents (they live near each other and often dine together). They spend vacations together and my cousin has been showing signs of excess in everything, from food to verbally abusing people.
He and his girlfriend had not had a sex life for years so I doubt most of our MLCers are capable of a regular, healthy intimate relationship with their OM/OW. Maybe in the beginning, from then on, as they become more erratic and instable I think that side of the relationship decrease abruptly, may even end.
As for my husband, when I was still around he was totally bipolar and was not taking any meds. It has been years I'm not close eneough to him to know if is on meds but, even on the distance I notice he oscilates a lot.
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;D ;D ;D @ Wed! I always think that too, don't feel bad!
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Oh good grief, I thought this was going to be some sort of joke about the Natalie Portman character in the Star Wars films. Realizing what a geek I am, very quickly.
:-[
Think it would be funny if is was about Natalie Portman character in the Star Wars films. Is the character bipolar? Never noticed...
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Oh good grief, I thought this was going to be some sort of joke about the Natalie Portman character in the Star Wars films. Realizing what a geek I am, very quickly.
:-[
What? I'm a Star Wars nut AND a mental health professional and I don't get it. I must turn in my membership card to both groups. :(
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You guys! Queen Amidala. ;) Whenever I see 'a MYG dala', I always think "a myg DA la" first (Wed does too. ;) ).
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Good heavens. You've gotta be kidding me. LOL
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We must really be the ultimate nerds, though, and this proves it. We found a way to combine neuroscience AND Star Wars! SCORE!!
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You guys! Queen Amidala. ;) Whenever I see 'a MYG dala', I always think "a myg DA la" first (Wed does too. ;) ).
Oh boy, the rest of us were kind of dumb/too slow... ;D ;D ;D
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Hi there,
Thundarr and ready2transform you are both incredibly knowledgeable and experienced of MLC and I wonder if you have any handy links to info that explains what's happening neurologically and biologically during MLC? I have read a few things but am interested to learn more. I will keep researching but thought I would ask you guys too.
Thanks
TT
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TT, I'm humbled you asked. :) Though there are many here that are far more knowledgable than I am I'm sure. AnneJ had posted this fantastic link with the effects of low serotonin that many of us suspect our spouses are experiencing. It's about halfway down the page: http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/Chemical%20Imbalance.html
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Thanks r2t, this is brilliant, so accessible. Thanks very much.
Hope you're having a good weekend.
TT