Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: LCinMD on October 09, 2012, 05:04:00 PM
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Just wondering what types of arrangements have been made once MLCer leaves. Mine is pressuring me to discuss this but he is giving no suggestions and he has always handled our money/bills etc.
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In my case, my MLCer moved in with his family, and rebuked all responsibilities. Said he would pay "when he could" at random times, which was idle talk. Any arrangements you settle on, it wouldn't hurt to get something in writing, even if it's just a separation. I know that doesn't sound like paving the way, and there ARE some MLCers who are solid with making sure their share is taken care of...but they are few, and the nature of MLC has them changing their minds on a whim, so for your own security, do what you need to do.
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Mine is taking the minimum--his cheque goes into joint account & he hasn't changed anything except to open his own chequing. Me too. I make very little & he is totally obliged to keep me. So far he hasn't tried to dodge that responsibility! He threatens. I tell him to do what he will, but he never does.
Here we don't need a written separation agreement. He is pretty much stuck doing what he's been doing all along until he takes action & settlement is made [however that will come about...]
I did see a lawyer when h left so I did know what I was entitled to, approximately. You need to find out, on-line & with lawyer. You usually get a 1st visit at a reduced rate.
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We still have a joint a/c for costs relating to the house / mortgage.
H still pays 1/2 mortgage but not for phone bills or electricity anymore.
He sent a 'separation agreement' in September 2011 which we still haven't signed.
Since June 2011 he is 'wanting to sell the house' - again, nothing to this day. Same as cj's I guess:
He threatens. I tell him to do what he will, but he never does.
::)
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Hello LCinMD,
I am not sure what your question behind this question is. No two stories are the same here yet they are all scarily similiar.
I have some very blunt advice for you which is get up to speed with finances right away. Make a note, somewhere safe, of your assets and liabilities as they stand today. Start to keep a journal of your spending - cover everything including groceries, treats, holidays, utilities, coffee's out etc - it is different in the UK but if you are financially dependent on your H you have a duty to your future self to ensure you are protected and maintain your lifestyle.
MLCers are notoriously bad with finances - it is part of their entitlement and running away from responsibility mentality - my exH started out saying he would always pay his way and never hurt me or our 2 children financially. When he left I had £42k worth of company debts (now paid off) and uncovered another £40k worth of loans and credit cards he had taken to live the highlife in the year prior to BD. I sorted out my financial future via the divorce so I am not liable for his debt but I had a scary few months.
I have really enjoyed getting to grips with my finances and realising the power I have to change my fiscal future. I am not out of the woods yet but every single day I get closer. It was something concrete that I could focus on when my life was nebulous in the post BD months.
Take good care of you,
((hugs))