Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: superdog on December 25, 2012, 12:16:57 PM
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merry christmas everyone !
Bit sad to be asing a questionabout mlc on christmas day, but just relaxing and thinking at the same time.
What does RCR mean when she says " they need energy to get to that rock bottom place" in liminality.
It seems like a contradiction in real life terms. My h has zero energy, what energy is needed to hit bottom and why?
Would love to hear your thoughts to see if i can understand a bit .
SD
xx
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Hi and Merry Christmas back.
I think what she means would be the same as when someone is depressed. If they are suicidal, they cannot comitt suicide until they have enough energy to implement their plan. So in a way, the depression keeps them somewhat safe.
But in MLC, even though it seems terribly slow, there are changes that occur that push them along....I would think a time is reached, perhaps when they first get a glimpse of what they have done, that energy is needed to push them deeper into their inner world so they can finally face what it is that they need to face ( or hit rock bottom) and only then can they start climbing their way out.
Depression clouds all their feelings and abilities to do ore than just survive...with that energy, somehow they will be pushed to a different level..it may be what they need to get to rock bottom because if they do not get there, they will continue to circle in an holding pattern and never progress
just my two cents worth.
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Thanks xyzcf,
yeah i think i get that. The analogy of having enough energy to carry out a plan made sense and was a good one. Thanks a lot.
My h has been steadilt getting worse for the past 4/5 months now, been worse since he moved out. I often wonder what it will take to get his deression made worse. Hope it's nothing i do !
Wow, this is a mind bender. Replay was easier by far (kinda)
SD
x
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Hi there
What xyzcf was interesting..not sure if i can add anything except an observation (must re read the articles)..it's been nearly 3 years since BD (OW2)..over 3 years since h started affair..Nov 2011 we met (been a semi vanisher/on off) and it was like he had a mini breakdown in front of me, in that, he opened up, told me it wasn't long term with OW, he was going to leave (but not before that Christmas)..and other things he seemed to want to tell me..anyway, there was such an energy between us..but off he went, and back to how it was, hardly seeing him, he would text from time to time wanted to meet up but didn't talk like he had again. Whatever happened between Nov 2011 and Nov of this year within himself i don't know, but in mid November he moved out from OW. Left her it seems. So maybe somewhere in that time, he got to a place or could face more of what he's done and found the energy he needed to leave her. I don't know...i wondered why it took the time it did after his declaration in 2011. Sometimes i think he hoped she would kick him out, but in order to really really face his own stuff, he had to leave her. He probably felt bad for her 'she will be sad' he told me last year ??? I hope in time to come, we have the conversations where i can hear from him what was going on inside his head! :)
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What does RCR mean when she says " they need energy to get to that rock bottom place" in liminality.
It seems like a contradiction in real life terms. My h has zero energy, what energy is needed to hit bottom and why?
One thing to keep in mind is that life is not static; there are events—large and small, day in and day out—that shape our lives.
That's pretty much the heart of the midlife crisis; MLCers want to stop the clock and relive past glories (or explore things they think they have missed). But no one can stop the clock and they need time to realize that and come to terms with it. Your husband may be low-energy but there are things that can and will push him through the tunnel.
Heck, every anniversary/birthday/BD anniversary is a reminder that life goes on. Then, add the inevitable changes in life: kids growing up and moving out; organizational changes at work (hirings, promotions, and layoffs); new friendships and changes in old friendships; and even death of friends/family/loved ones.
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I think what she means would be the same as when someone is depressed. If they are suicidal, they cannot comitt suicide until they have enough energy to implement their plan. So in a way, the depression keeps them somewhat safe.
I think it is something like this. They need to have the energy to carry the plan. Just like they need the fog to prevent them from seeing what they've done until they’re capable of facing it. But I think the required energy can be minimal.