Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: Ready2Transform on February 08, 2013, 04:38:05 PM
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We've seen various statistics about how successful our MLCers can be at their jobs during crisis, but let's see how it actually ranks for all of us.
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Well I voted for lol "unstable and changed jobs at least once" but it didn't register. It's like Diebold machines in presidential elections :o
H is always late for work and always too self occupied to notice what he's doing. His bosses finally get fed up and stop calling him.
He claims to not know why. ::) Then he wants to sue them for badmouthing him to future employers. ::) Small claims court of course ::) He was never like this before his lead in to MLC and replay.
He can go 3 weeks without working and then work 5 days in a row overnights. Not sure how he pays his bills. :P
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I voted for "They have changed careers during MLC, but still continue to be successful." Overall we may have more unstable and not capable of holding jobs ones.
It is just that some MLCers manage to change jobs and remaisn successful. But those may, especially in the mid and long run, be the minority.
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I voted still stable but I really do not know. H still has the same job and I believe he is able to compatmentalize and get through his day. The nights and weekends are different.
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Their job is one of the "four enemies" of the MLCer as identified by Jim Conway.....job, spouse, God and body. Not all MLCers have issues with all four "enemies", but some do.
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H tells me he hates his job, but he owns the business. He can run it and his schedule any way he chooses, but seems to feel it runs him.
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From word of mouth he lost his job because he was getting to weird. He was losing longtime customers because he was always arguing. He got another job doing what he likes to do but I'm unsure if he still has that job. I never see him driving to work anymore.
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Thanks for the reminder, DGU. What do you think the non religious ones have in the place of God?
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I voted for stable because I am running the show.
I am in no doubt that it would be limping along financially without me - plus he would have spent all the profits on himself and impressing the OW if I hadn't managed to reign him in.
Needless to say he has thought getting rid of me out of the Company was the way around that. Luckily this has proved more difficult than either of them anticipated, and he seems to be seeing a small glimmer of light at 3years post BD.
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Got fired 3 years ago, still no job that I know of.
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Far as I know, same well-paying respectful job with slightly modified responsibilities when he'd finally had enough of certain projects. He complained bitterly about his job before he left, didn't see how he could possibly work another 10 or 15 years because his back hurt so much. And that new guy--why, he thinks his $hit doesn't stink, always so critical, etc. He thought about getting licensed in the state that OW was living in, but realized he'd give up seniority and vacation time (not sure how much he thought about leaving the kids--he didn't mention them in his reasons for not moving.) So OW moved here, instead, since she has no real career, no kids, nothing.
The dude is grouchy, I do know that. Miserable, humorless, and all.
Would not be good to be him.
He used to get angry when I'd tell the kids to respect him for working at a job he doesn't like--shows how responsible he is. (HAH!)
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This time three years ago He was a full time contractor in IT. then his business failed. he took a full time job around his bankruptcy and then after 3 months had to leave. he then immersed himself in an acting course no pay , training, making theatre. did the odd job minimum wage. came to a realisation that the acting industry means that to have any money you have to do a lot of commercial work get an agent etc etc.
He has started working in IT and last week took a permanent job in the city.
I say unstable because my h has a lot of issues around money/work/providing.
we have lived together as man and wife for only two months in the last two years (bd1 was two years ago today) after a brief reconciliation in Summer 2011.
this is interesting !
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My h left his job, his well paid job, to do 'something he has always wanted to do'. He has had four jobs since he left 2.5 years ago, 3 self/employed and 1 employed. Now he has done a course to go back to the one he left 2 1/2 years ago. So I chose the many jobs and still unstable.
I do think his job thing is an ongoing thing as when he was 16 his dad made him go to do that job and he did not want to do it, so I think until he goes back and does what he actually wanted to do then, I don't think ge will change. Hexwas like that when we were together. Over 13 years before BD, he had had 8 different changes in jobs, some similar, 2 s/emoployed and one complete change and at least three different types of courses for career change. Defo not happy with his job but I don't think he has been since he was 16, parents fault there.
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I didn't vote. Nothing really "fit."
My H is still at the job he had before he left. The job he hated. The job he hates still.
Occasionally, he will send me an email complaining about the current conditions there. One of the last times we spoke on the phone...he went on and on about how awful it is there.
I have no idea how he is doing at his job. He did mention a while back that he had asked for a raise (the company does NOT give increases, unless pressured by the employee) - and his boss had responded that he would not get any more $$ until he started getting more work done. I'm surprised that he even shared that with me....but I guess he thought it was another example of how crappy his job was. I think it was an example of what type of employee he has turned into, during his crisis.
None of the options on the poll really fit.
Limitless
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My H is similar to Limitless - still at the job he has been complaining about since not too long pre-BD. I don't think things are going swimmingly though as far as how well he is able to do the job though.
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I voted that my wife's job was stable, but she was actually laid off at the end of November. But it had nothing to do with her: her company had plans to move customer service and shipping out-of-state, and they finally laid off the people who worked here (some of them for 15+ years; my wife was one of the most recent hires in her department, and she'd been there for 12).
Now she's unemployed and looking for work. She is doing short-term jobs like pet sitting and babysitting for extra money, and she has to apply for work in order to stay on unemployment, but she's had no luck so far.
She was unhappy with her job for a while, though; but that was even pre-MLC.
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Limitless et al. my h hated his job. (he said) for years I carried guilt about it, for years I tempered my own creative path, for years there was this elephant in the room that my h "should" be acting.
and this mlc has given him the chance to explore that. in conversation before Christmas this year he mentioned he was looking at going back into full time work.
I said please please don't do a job you hate. I now know that if that is what he has done, walked into a job he hates then that is his choice. and if the reverse is true that he likes/wants to do it then that is who he is.
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Interesting topic Ready2
Mr B was fired from his permanent job back in 2005. He hated this job but, in true passive-aggressive style, would not just leave. He was given a disciplinary hearing and he argued over it - it became his life. It was kind of embarrassing how long he drew it out - recording meetings with HR until he finally got frog-marched off the premises. I think this was the start of his MLC.
Then he went contracting. As his most recent contract was coming to an end, in summer 2012, his timekeeping was exceptionally poor, he often would "work from home" (pinning stuff on Pinterest), he couldn't concentrate and he was getting irritated with one female colleague in particular (a poor creature who follows him around on FB - it would not surprise me to learn that he's slept with her).
Mr B has ideas for an alternate career, and is capable from a position of having the skills and knowledge, but I think the brain fog will make it difficult for him. I mean even I'm finding it difficult to get my business moving and I'm not having an MLC.....
:) x
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Mr J remained on his pre-MLC job untill Autumn 2007. Have no idea why he left. Fired? Resigned? Don’t know. When I asked why he was leaving the job all I got was “It is none of your business”.
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I didn't vote either as he's not quite on shaky ground either. Having said that, he was on a specialized unit with at least six months left to go before his term was up not too long after BD. He was moved back to the "road" saying that they wanted the more senior guys back on the road ::). His partner, also a senior guy remained and went onto other units and has recently been accepted onto a unit that husband had wanted to join. During a recent "moment of clarity" or whatever, husband had admitted that he was struggling a bit due to his bad attitude at work. I can only imagine that he was called on it as he wouldn't have that kind of insight all on his own. At least he didn't blame the bosses for it - at least not to me. Also heard in that same conversation that he really hasn't been in much contact with his good friend and partner, mentioned above, as he had led me to believe. Friend had also distanced himself and husband started to make attempts to reconnect. Don't know what, if anything has come of that.
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My H is a lawyer working for himself together with some co-workers. He always was the once responsible getting new business. But since his MC his office suffers severe losses. H says that's due to the economical crisis. I think it is due to an other kind of crisis. One of the other lawyers got fired a few months ago cause there was no work for him anymore.
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My exH retired from a city job with full benefits and started a new job with the county that was going to be his next retirement. He was thrilled and excited to be taking this next step. Well, he immediately became very unhappy and negative about this new job. In his old job........he was his own boss.....more or less........he ran the entire department. In his new job........well........he was just another employee even though in a supervisory position. He felt like his talents and abilities were being stuffed down and wasn't feeling very challenged. So within 6 months of this new job......he started really changing.......I was noticing the difference in him and constantly asked if he was alright and most of the time he would say he was fine. At other times, he would say he didn't like his new job....but that suddenly changed close to the end of the 6th month.........and within two months I received the ILYBNILWY speech..........then two months later he abandoned me......our marriage and within a few weeks I discovered the OW at his new job. The dam burst open and EVERYBODY at his job knew. It began to crumble rapidly and all kinds of problems developed.........and about a year and a half later he was fired..........then he attempted suicide. He later found part time employment at a sporting goods store.........this was so beneath him......blah, blah, blah. Finally, about a 6 to 8 months later he landed a job in a private attorney's office. He has been there a little over a year now. My exH is a lawyer and he expells when challenged.....since his MLC started he acts as though he is so much better than everybody else.......He is not the same man I met, fell in love with and married. So sad how MLC is so destructive.......and the MLC'er is so blinded by their own selfishness that they do not see how they hurt and destroy so many in their lives. Enough to make one sick!
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August 20, my H emailed to say he was "currently looking to change jobs because I am not making nearly enough... I love the job and the people I work for and with but it is everything I can do to not starve... I hope you're doing better than I am..."
January 21, my H emailed to say he no longer worked at that job, since "it became just too slow so I have been forced to try and find another job. If you need me, you can reach me via email or you can call or text me. The number's still the same."
(Then he gave his #, in case I'd forgotten it? LOL.) What's funny is he was lookin' to change jobs in August, five months later he calls it being "forced to." Um, what?
Who forced you to go pay rent somewhere leaving your wife to pay the mortgage?
Nobody's even been forcing you to pay spousal support! Where's your money go?
He wanted his freedom, but he's only been set free from cash, and common sense.
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My H was fired from his job that he had worked for 15 years in February 2009. I firmly believe this was the beginning of MLC, but he didn't leave us until November 2012. After he lost his job, he went to nursing school. He immediately began an EA with a woman who he went to school with and he insisted on having a variety of female friendships even though our MC told him these were not appropriate. In fact my H still blames me for controlling him, micromanaging him and not allowing him to have friends. Even though he wanted to mainly be friends with females. I can't believe that I am the "ONLY" woman in the world who would have an issue with this. I am anxious to see what happens with the OW. I doubt she will be comfortable with these friendships either, but only time will tell.