Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: misdiz on February 22, 2013, 01:41:36 PM
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In conjuction with the bothersome thread, how about the things we LIKE about our situation......
So, these are the things I like:
That I have proven to myself that I am stronger than I ever thought.
That no matter what, I still have my self-respect in tact.
That I am learning so many things.
That I am practicing self restraint and getting pretty darn good at it.
That I am FINALLY starting to GAL.
That my world does not revolve around HIM and never will again!!
That I alone hold the key to my happiness. (well, working on this one)
That I have the whole bed to myself without listening to snoring!!!!
That I am meeting new people both online and in person.
That I have realized what a wonderful mother I am. And this shows in the words and actions of my kids.
That I will walk away from this journey with my head held high, no matter what the outcome, I know I did the best I could and held myself to a higher standard.
OK all, please add
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Oh, I LIKE the idea of this thread! :)
I like that I found my way to healing and wholeness.
I like that I stayed true to myself throughout this (with a few minor glitches)
I like that I found this forum, and some amazing friends because of it.
I also like having the bed to myself with no snoring!
I like that I have handled so many difficult problems on my own, and learned to do things I didn’t think I could do.
I like being myself. I have realized that most criticisms that xh threw at me were not true, and were only projections of himself or attempts to deflect his own actions. I am not perfect but I am okay.
I like the freedom that I have now to be able to “like” so many things. XH’s negativity used to bring me down.
On that note, I like : the sunshine, the beach, all the beauty that nature has to offer, babies and children, conversations with friends, time with my family, a good book, being creative, and of course….chocolate! and many more……
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Jumping in.... ;)
Theres absolutely nothing wrong with me. In fact im a better person then ever! ;D
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I like that I focused on me and changed my life.
I like that I found God again.
I like that I've found this community and don't feel so alone.
I like that I've learned to listen.
I like that the world is wide open again.
I like that I can deal with anything that comes my way.
I like that nothing scares me like it used to.
I like that this didn't ruin me.
I like that I'm rediscovering things I loved in the past, and discovering new things now to love.
I like all of you! :)
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Not sure I'm in a headspace to count my blessings right now... should be though... so here goes:
I like that - right now, at this instant (can't speak for the next one!) - I don't feel anger or hate or pain. A kind of melancholy, perhaps; the scent and memory of beautiful moments fled. But I know in my life I'm going to make new memories, and they WILL be better.
I like that my house is a mess and a foodless desert, my hair is a witchy mess and I'm in sweats writing a research proposal... and I don't have to care. There's no one to see; no one to complain. I can focus on just thinking, without one lobe of the brain worrying about making dinner (...yeah yeah, eventually I'll clean up and get groceries... but when I need them ;) )
I like that the house is completely quiet... and outside, it's white, still and calm. Even the deer are sleeping. I feel like a part of this hibernating world. Things grow in the dark under the snow, awaiting spring. I do too.
I actually like that my H is visibly balanced on a knife's edge - can't leave, can't stay, can't touch, can't let go - because now, even he sees it for the ridiculousness it is. Whichever way he tumbles in the coming months, I'll be ok with that. ...I think I like knowing that a calm place exists inside myself, after all.
...There, that wasn't so bad, was it? Should go through this exercise every time I feel like making a voodoo doll and hunting for pins... :o ???
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I like that there is less stress in our house right now. I didn't realize how bad it had gotten.
I like that I'm not running around trying to make sure H isn't annoyed about something.
I like that I don't have to check in and go along with what someone else wants to do all of the time.
I like that I'm in control of my life.
I like that I can paint, put up blinds and move furniture without thought about who will like it or not.
I like that I can fix dinner or not; my choice.
I like that I have the whole walk in closet to myself.
I like that there is now a part of me that says, even if the worst happens, I will be ok. I will be me. I will become stronger. I will survive.
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...There, that wasn't so bad, was it? Should go through this exercise every time I feel like making a voodoo doll and hunting for pins...
That was kind of my point in this. We get so consumed with all the bad that we tend to forget the good we are getting out of this. I have been in an angry phase lately and I needed something to get me out of it, so now I'm trying to focus on the good. I feel a whole lot better when I do.
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...There, that wasn't so bad, was it? Should go through this exercise every time I feel like making a voodoo doll and hunting for pins...
That was kind of my point in this. We get so consumed with all the bad that we tend to forget the good we are getting out of this. I have been in an angry phase lately and I needed something to get me out of it, so now I'm trying to focus on the good. I feel a whole lot better when I do.
And thank you for it! This is what separates this forum from any other MLC/divorce/break up forum - it's not about getting STUCK in our story and keeping those events that have happened to us alive forever.
We can't control the things that happen to us, but we can control our mindset about them. A lot has been healed for me by 're-thinking' the MLC experiences. I accept that my H felt compelled to do the things that he's done, and that I can't "logic" him out of believing that. So rather than be depressed still by the fact that he moved out at a bad financial time and stopped paying his share, I am grateful that my business increased right at that time (thanks, God!), and that I've been able to be independent throughout this, showing me more of what I CAN do than what I can't. If he had been here, he wouldn't have been contributing and he would have plowed through any penny we had, so there is a lot to be grateful for in his distance.
And I believe we attract more good the more we focus on good, and if bad things happen, we're more rehearsed in finding the upside.
It is sad this happened, but it makes it no better to hold on to it. Make it a game - two positives for every negative. You will heal so much faster that way! :)
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Lovely idea. Always a good thing to count your blessings every once in a while. They almost ALWAYS outweigh the bad.
I love the fact that I can relate to all the wonderful things everybody has mentioned...
And I believe we attract more good the more we focus on good, and if bad things happen, we're more rehearsed in finding the upside.
so true... and I do agree about thinking POSITIVE... I really believe if you expect the worse... SURE ENOUGH, you will get it!
Great thread!
hugs Stayed
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I like that I now automatically say "thank you" for everything good, rather than noticing what isn't good
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I like that I don't have to walk on egg shells anymore ::)
I like that I arrive on time for things (we were always running late for church, social gatherings, events)
I like that I don't get nervous in the car (h. had 'road rage')
I like the time I spend with the Lord.
This is hard, but I feel I had to make an effort to record the good things that have come out of this, on the other hand, there are many things I continue to like!
I like the sunshine, I like being with my children, parents and pets, I like food, especially curries, japanese food, vegetables, cheese, pizza, soup - actually I like most food :D
I like the beach, flowers, swimming, walking.
I like sewing, reading, watching Tv, going to the movies, home decorating, research, working...
There are still many other things I like doing that involve a partner ;) - those will have to wait ::) :P
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I like that you could list so many things Mitzpah. I also love the beach, sun, flowers, sewing, painting, horse riding... chatting with friends. Nights out with the girls.. playing with my grandchildren, chatting with my children.
Quite frankly, I LOVE LIFE... I always have. I truly believe, we won the biggest lottery EVER the day we were conceived. This is a bit of a "stall out", might need a boost, but no problem... life is too wonderful to let slip away.
hugs Stayed
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I like that I can come here when I'm feeling down and read all the positives that everyone came up with in these horrible times. It is very uplifting for me. Keep them coming!!!!!
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I like that I do appreciate people in my life and the things I have more than ever.
I like the added closet space.
I like eating what I want when I want.
I like that my D19 and i are closer than ever and that S22 and i are working on communication.
I like that I feel younger and more vivacious than I did two years ago.
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It's a shame that a positive thread like this received so few posts......while others.....WAIT!
I'm supposed to post about what I like.
I like that I now do things for myself. I used to put myself behind so many things.
I like, no I LOVE, that I have my kids...my family...and our two doggies.
I like that I have so many friends here to support....
I like that I survived.
L
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My list is too long to post..so I may make a trip back here from time to time
#1 thing I like is my FREEDOM!!!!
I like that I can clean my house, put things in a bag for the Thrift shop to send and sing dance and CRY and have any behavior I like and not have to worry about SOMEONE calling the TROOPERS to escort me to a "Wellness Center" ::)
I like that if I wake up at 2AM for some reason I can GET UP and do whatever I want without some one asking me why.
I like my car
I like my apartment
I like BREATHING
I like I can walk to church and anyplace else where I might need things
I like that I'm crafting again
I like that I can GO OUT if I want.
I like my cat.
I like that I have reconnected with music that gives ME strength.
I like my friends..without them? I don't know where I'd be.
I like that I'm trying to do things I've always been too afraid to do.
My core person remained: honest and open..maybe a few trust issues but little by little I'm working on those.