Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: riverbirch on May 21, 2013, 04:06:23 AM
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Well my H is in New Jersey, not really,but that's the weird dream I had.
My BIL ,who none of us are close too was at our house eating dinner.I brought up my H(his brother) and he told me that H was in New Jersey for a month for an unknown reason.I mentioned to him,that I thought maybe the H was in the hospital for depression,finally and trying to get help.
I have no idea why New Jersey!
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Not helping your thread much but you made me realise that I am recalling no dreams at all right now..for the last probably 12 months. I used to have quite vivid dreams but now...none.
I did have a pretty obvious dream early after BD...bumped into H who was with a woman who was short, young, short dark pixie cut hair, heaps of makeup, very cutesy-pie, flat chested. I woke feeling sick to the stomach but soon realised I had dreamed up an OW who was my exact opposite. So it wasn't like a prediction or anything just my brain over thinking stuff.
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I have had dreams of other women, in the past. I always use to wake up and just lay there looking at my H while he slept. I guess just a fear in the back of my brain that came to life in a nightmare. I don't dream much at all,really, maybe cause I am a light sleeper.
Just thought it was funny that in my dream last night I said my H was in New Jersey. ::)
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I will never forget a dream I had years ago in which H came to me and told me that he was leaving me. I was initially devastated but then went back to him and said "No, I don't believe you". Essentially MLC huh?
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Dreams are funny things. They can be deliciously capricious, weird, zany, meaningless. They can reflect anxieties, hopes, and fears. There are dreams we can discard, whether good or bad, as just a dream, and others that definitely reflect our inner psyche. There are things that come out in dreams that we have repressed during waking hours, and other dreams that help us to understand our problems.
Some people, like me, have vivid dreams when they're still awake. I'm not sure why some people do, but the quality of these dreams is definitely related to the emotions we are experiencing. When H first started the pre and post BD talks, these vivid dreams were dark and ominous (I have these very vivid semi dreams while lying next to him with my eyes shut). When his talk was kinder, I saw flowers and light. All very easy to explain
I also have dreams when the dead talk to me. My grandmothers. My father in law (who I never met). This are easy to understand too, without any paranormal explanation. although perhaps I'm wrong. I don't know why I dreamed about my father in law, who shook my hand, and said he wanted to pass a message onto his family.
And yet... since I was a child I have strange dreams that come true. These are not dejá vu brain shortcuts, but strange, intense dreams of the future. They feel different to normal dreams. I'm sometimes surprised by the dream, but not surprised when they come true. I've dreamed about finding jewelry in the street, then found it, about winning money, and then winning it really, about meeting someone I've never met, and then when I do meet them, they are exactly as I'd dreamed. I've dreamed about places before I've been there, to find they are like my dream and different to photos. I dreamed about H before I met him too.
Two days ago I dreamed about (ex) OW's mother, who used to be my friend, but got angry with me for "all the harm" I did to her daughter (!) I know the family is dysfunctional, OW is a narcissist, and Ow's mother is very fragile; she can't deal with reality and keeps up pretense to the outside world about a lot of things (which fools no one).
In the dream, (ex) OW's mother was coming towards me, smiling. Then yesterday, in a shopping centre in the city, I saw her, coming towards me, and smiling. Except when she saw me, her face froze, and she pretended not to see me. I felt so sorry for her. All I could see was someone who can't deal with her pain and with the world.
I don't know why this dream came, so unexpectedly, and so accurately.
Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not really into paranormal stuff. Yes, I do the iChing, http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2652.msg165066#msg165066 (http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2652.msg165066#msg165066) but this is a way of accessing my own inner wisdom. I'm not religious, although I was brought up catholic. Although I think that everyone has the right to their own faith and choices, I prefer the self direction of Buddhism.
Yet despite my preferred rationality about the world, I have these strange dreams...
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I had a dream a few days ago that my H and I renewed our vows and then he disappeared at the reception. I sure hope that is just my brain working overtime and not a premonition of the future. :D
Micki
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I had a very vivid dream about my husband coming home and telling me he made a big mistake and us having this wild and wonderful sex. Needless to say that I woke up very very depressed and spent the day upset. I got the divorce papers 2 hrs after waking up (this sunday morning) after those vivid dreams. Um, yeah great dreams :-\
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A few weeks after BD, I took the kids on vacation. It was still a time of waking up during the night with my stomach in a knot, and that sick feeling, yet putting on a brave face for the kids, and doing the best to "enjoy" ourselves.
Had a dream about Jon Bon Jovi, which was fab, how could it not be, and quite vivid. Woohoo, lucky me ;) Then, not long after, when we got home, saw him on TV singing "It's my life", and how appropriate was that, although I sobbed thinking of H liking the words :'(.
It's my life, it's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
It's my life
My heart is like the open highway
Like Frankie said I did it my way
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life
Now, more than a year on, I would LOVE to have another dream about JBJ!! ;)
Couple of weeks ago I dreamt of H :o. Not sure if first one since BD? He was lying on the floor on the carpet as he might have, leaning on his elbow, and saying to me something like, "oh, yes, I'm going on vacation with Amanda". I have no idea about that one ::), but get the travelling part. His OW not Amanda.
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H told me a few weeks ago that sometimes he has trouble sleeping. Said the night before he kept dreaming of friends dying. Kept waking up in between. Said he had died in one of them and the last one that woke him up completely freaked out was of me stabbing him to death WTH is that about?!?
He has struggled with dreams about him dying for awhile. Sometimes it's close friends. But mostly him.
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I've posted this before but I like to use dreammoods.com to help resolve dreams.
Is has a place where you can look up the feelings you have during them also which is really important. Just type how you felt in the search.
This is EXCELLENT mirrorwork!
I don't have many..if i do I usually dismiss them.
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Interesting... On death. (This is what h has been struggling with for a long time. Even before bd. prob the past few years)
To dream that you die in your dream symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or your life. You are undergoing a transitional phase and are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Although such a dream may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm as it is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something. If you dream that someone is telling you that you are going die, then it implies that you are being pressured to make an important change or choice. You are about to embark on some new life adventure.
On a negative note, to dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation. You are desperately trying to escape from the demands of your daily life.
To see someone dying in your dream signifies that your feelings for that person are dead or that a significant change/loss is occurring in your relationship with that person. Alternatively, you may want to repress that aspect of yourself that is represented by the dying person. If you see a stranger die in your dream, then it implies that you are feeling detached from the changes that are happening around you.
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Not helping your thread much but you made me realise that I am recalling no dreams at all right now..for the last probably 12 months. I used to have quite vivid dreams but now...none.
I did have a pretty obvious dream early after BD...bumped into H who was with a woman who was short, young, short dark pixie cut hair, heaps of makeup, very cutesy-pie, flat chested. I woke feeling sick to the stomach but soon realised I had dreamed up an OW who was my exact opposite. So it wasn't like a prediction or anything just my brain over thinking stuff.
Hehehe LLL, I'm picturing a tall., blonde , buxom bombshell ;D ;D ;D..what an idiot your H is ;D ;D ;D
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LOL Fidelle! Hehehe!! Actually I am no longer blonde... ;D ;D ;D
On the subject of dreams, I have recently remembered that i had a recurring dream/nightmare as a child - of being left behind. Left on the side of the road as the car drove off, for example, forgotten. I have realised that throughout my life - school years, teenage years, even through my marriage - I always carried that fear. Of being left out, being alone, being lonely. With all I have learned about Law of Attraction, seems like maybe i manifested that situation and my "dreams" came true. Luckily, I am learning the lesson that to be alone does not have to mean lonely. Perhaps that is a purpose of this MLC journey for me.
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LOL Fidelle! Hehehe!! Actually I am no longer blonde... ;D ;D ;D
Hehehe ..did you start thinking? oops ::) :P no offence intended to all those wonderful blonde bombshells out there...I used to be blonde too ::) ;D ;D ;D
strangely enough, I posted on Phoenix' thread about one of the very few recurring dreams I've ever had and that was that I was leaving our beautiful farm in tears because H had decided to sell. I always woke up with a sense of relief thinking it was only a dream and we would never leave. I don't dream much but the few dreams I have had of H have been mostly nice ones and we are together...only time will tell
And you know LLL, you are not alone...even if we're not physically there with you, you have a FABULOUS companionship of souls xxx
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http://www.dreammoods.com/
I've used this site for quite a while now.
It includes alternative meaning for most things. I'll relate a reoccurring one that the ex had before BD.
The ex is a fairly large man..6'4" 300 lbs and one thing that scares him is something bigger than him. He doesn't encounter much of that in real life.
Anyway. He'd have this reoccurring nightmare about a huge bear chasing him..didn't matter where he went what he did. He'd run into a house and the bear would rip the door off the hinges of house trying to get to him. He'd climb up a tree the bear would be right behind him.
He finally did tell me the bear would catch him, rip his chest open and he could feel the cold air rush in.
After first BD I sat in the corner of my bedroom closet talking to him on the phone. I was so scared I was shaking and crying I said to him " Remember the bear? I think this is it"
When I went back up there he was dreaming about dinosaurs chasing him. I think I looked it up and it was old age or something like that..I don't remember.
Focus on you and what your dream might mean..this dictionary also includes feelings you might be having at the time.
Keep a dream journal and focus on how the dream made you feel. Sometimes it provides answers to what you are consciously thinking.
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Init,
I use this website OFTEN! I love it! I have had some weird a$$dreams since BD and have looked them up. All are spot on to what is happening in my life. I haven't had any interpretations that were "helpful" per say, but insightful nonetheless. I had one last week where I was driving my car across a very narrow and shaky bridge and didn't think I would make it across, but did. Interesting. I love dream interpretation. I am trying to get more adept at recalling my dream(s) when I first wake up. Thanks for starting this thread!
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I've found the site very useful also..I don't dream very much right now. I sleep like a log most of the time.
Glad this will help!
((Hugs)) :)
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Who has dreams about their MLCer and/or OW?
I'm 17 months in and still regularly dream about H and OW. At least twice a week. Often upsetting too. I don't know why as I am very focused on my life and goals, very rarely even thinking of H.
Anyway would be interested in other people's experiences and thoughts. Thanks xo
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Hi Sunny,
I am 8 months since BD but only 1 month since finding out about OW. I have just started to dream about them and I don't like it. I can block them during the day but have no control at night. It makes me wonder if I just can't detach. They are usually dreams of them in my house... I suppose I`m scared of losing my home.
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Sunny
I have dreamt (rather nicely) about my solicitor!
I have only deamt once about OW, and once last nght, where I asked her to be generous in the settlement between me and H. Funny I should contact her in my dreams just when I hear she has left H.
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Been having some strange, disturbing dreams about H. Last night in my dream: H shows up, having put up my tent in a nearby field (H in real life dislikes camping) and at first I was happy to see him then realised he and OW had been living there because they'd been evicted due to taking drugs. The baby had been put into care and H had this blank empty look, his face and body puffy and weird looking. I left, took nothing but my animals and moved into a flat, like for abused women. I knew he was beyond saving and I had to get out and save myself. Pretty grim!
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A friend of mine has been doing some dream workshop sessions and has passed on a few tips for interpreting dreams. I find it hard to recall dreams but if I start, follow a train if thought, think about how I feel, and start to write things down I can maybe gather more of those elusive dream tendrils.
My friend says we need to be aware of what has been on our kind in the las pt day or so. The first 2/3 of a dream will be about what's in your mind. The final third is a message from your soul.
Since using this basic technique I have been able to make sense out if some if my recent dreams and have found it calming and reassuring.
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I've been finding I'm having many more dreams about H and OW now. I find it very annoying as I do feel much more detached and rarely think of H now. I really find it frustrating that I'm having these dreams and have my very first thought of the day to be abut H! I'm 24 months in now.
Just having a moan as I find it so frustrating! Overall I think my level of detachment is quite good.
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I'm only 3 months in and dont dream about OW, thank goodness. That sounds horrible.
I DO dream about H, though, about 3 times a week. They are good dreams, where we adore each other, laugh, ML - all very much like the good times in our relationship. I wake up feeling a sad longing for times gone past.
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I occasionally dream of my X. Their usually good. He has no ow but I did dream one time he did. Go figure.
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dreamt : )
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Sunny, funny you would bring this subject up now. A few nights ago I did have a dream because I am on a dating site and I got a message from a guy asking if I was interested in a hook-up, saying that he was in a R but there was no passion or excitement in that R. I told him No Way, I will not hurt another woman and I will not be The OW. This must have upset me that he would even have the b@lls to ask me this. That night I had a dream with my mother, son, and XH in it...the ppl that I love the most I suppose. All I can remember is that I was yelling at H about how could he act like that and do what he did. It seems that the hook-up question bothered my subconscious. I do not recall ever having a dream with OW in it, I give her no mind space, but I have had nice dreams about my xH and did wake up the next morning missing him. Sigh!!! ;)
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Stacia, I'm 10 weeks out from BD today. No OM that I'm aware of. There was an EA but he saw her monster and RAN. They have no contact now according to someone "in the know". I also dream of the good times and agree it is quite painful. Hope is a dangerous drug.
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I also dream of the good times and agree it is quite painful. Hope is a dangerous drug.
I'm reading Buddhist teachings about letting go of hope because it's flip side is fear. You fear you wont get what you hope for. i want to learn to be content with the Now. I feel I'm making so much progress during the day. Then I have a dream so real that it feels absolutely possible. It is definitely painful. Hope does feel like a dangerous drug.
Hang in there Dji76 and I will too.
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I have dreams about my MLCer. In them, she's generally ignoring me and/or with some OM.
They're much less frequent than when I was still closer to BD, but they can still mess up my head and attitude for a day or so after having them.
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I too have started having dreams about my W. I'm almost 3 months in since BD and had the first dream two nights ago and I had another last night. In them she is cold and distant; it's as if the BD either hasn't happend yet or just did happen. What's weird is that I was driving my mustang which rarely gets driven anymore as it isn't my daily driver. I find it interesting that I too do not think about her during the day, but am having dreams about her. Could these dreams be a result of us pushing our spouse out of our minds during the day? As far as loved ones go; I had a dream right after BD that my grandad was in. He told me that everything was going to be fine and comforted me. He passed away in 2008. I loved him so much; I miss him more than I can express in words.
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I had a very symbolic dream two nights ago - when I was off the sleeping pills.
I was clinging to BF. The next room was flooded and all my possessions were floating out of the room.... H was there trying to get his gun and talking ineffectually to a policeman.
In the next dream my next door neighbour was parading his stupid teenage 'friend' in front of his lovely wife. She was sitting quietly and had her hood down.
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Topsy Turvy.
I am 8 months since BD but only 1 month since finding out about OW. I have just started to dream about them and I don't like it.... They are usually dreams of them in my house... I suppose I`m scared of losing my home.
To me, this dream Is more to do with them both 'inhabiting' your house now (ie. always there in your head wherever you go). They've both 'moved in' with you. There is no escape -ain't that the truth!!!.
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I just thought about this the other day. I haven't had a dream of any kind in months. Nothing!
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I haven't dreamt much about my husband but, a few weeks ago, I dreamed that he was with another women, who was much older then me, fat, ugly with 3 grown daughters. I woke myself up laughing.
FH