Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: kikki on May 22, 2013, 02:07:58 PM
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Previous thread:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3528.0
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My favorite was when my H told me to go find a boyfriend, so I would have someone else to bother.
Yeah, just what I need another man.
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I got that a week or so after BD/he left...that he couldn't wait for me to come to him and tell him I'd met someone else...
Later once monster had really settled in, he included in a very punitive separation agreement proposal that he should be notified immediately if I get involved with a "third party"...so he can get involved and take kids to see her without notifying me - while we're still married!! - but he thinks I should have some kind of legal obligation to tell him if I ever get involved with someone once separated?! :o Nuts...
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XW originally tried to have put into the Separation Agreement that she could come by the house any time she wanted to but that I had to schedule visiting at her place. Seriously! She said she didn't want to "find me on her doorstep." LOL!!
She also told me shortly after BD that I should find someone else to "put up with me."
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Oh dear, I got a version of that too...he should have a key to this house - meanwhile we don't even know his address.
I wasn't sure if this was a MLC but I'm starting to doubt there could be this many similarities and it NOT be MLC! :P
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I also heard the same thing from H. "I hope you find a boyfriend soon so that you can be happy AND be okay with me and OW". ???
He also said a time later: "Trust me, in a year from now you and your b/f and me and OW will be standing in the kitchen talking and drinking wine." :o
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Lol, Duthla! I was told we would have one large Christmas celebration and be like one big happy extended family. Heh, no.
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It's truly ridiculous isn't it?
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How about the gross criticism that monster used to hurl at me from my clinger, as though his actions were somehow my fault - 'I've left, but I've never really left!'
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..or mine, who when I said I thought there had always been such a strong connection between us, said "but, in my mind that connection has never been broken"!!! I sometimes wonder if I'm making this up!
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At BD I reminded my H that we had promised each other before we got married that divorce was NEVER going to be an option.
He said "I know, but this is different." :o :o :o :o
(You can't make this up......)
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That would be like my H saying that we needed to tell our D that relationship issues or problems could always be talked through.....
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My H offered to give me some tips on online dating, since that's how he'd found OW. But, since OW turned out to be a Catfish I'm glad I declined the offer ;D
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We have a rental property two doors away... It was empty at the time H was hitting Rick bottom with huge anxiety attacks...
He said, I guess that wouldn't work.
Me: what?
H: if I moved into the rental
me: you mean with OW?
H: yes.
Me: what, would we all have French toast together on Saturday morning?
H: no, I guess that wouldn't work...
Trying to keep a foot in both relationships. Ridiculous :/
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Oh! I got one! An "original" from H's script.
H: At least you have the kids. I have no one except her (ow) to talk to about my problems.
Yea...because I share our marital problems and concerns with our young kids. He's the one that isolated himself from his friends and family.
Some of these are hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing about "you controlled me with your face." Hahaha! I think we'd like that superpower.
I've heard much of the script... mlc, no doubt!
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More MLC script:
I need to start my life over
I am never returning
I feel like I am homeless...
(Well yes I suppose if you abandon your family you are homeless...)
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Yeah, I got "I feel like I have no home" before he even left. Since we were behind on mortgage payments, it was nearly truth!
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Did anyone add this one yet. I know it's a favourite:
Just draw a line & move on. I go 'huh' :o :o ? [This 2 weeks after he moved, 4 months after BD]. Married 35 y, tog. 37
You just draw a line & move on.
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XW WAS homeless when she left as the "mansion in the ghetto" wasn't yet livable and she had to move into her old bedroom at her parents' house. Somehow, she managed to save no money in the six weeks she stayed there......
And moving two doors down? Why not just rent a duplex and live next door to each other? Maybe even have an interior door leading from one side to the other. LOL
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Yeah, I got "I feel like I have no home" before he even left.
Wow! i got this exact same thing except just after BD. He says "i feel like i have no home"... Weird ???
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A while before BD I did hear him say that he felt he had no identity; at the time I had no idea that this would blow up into such a crisis, I thought I understood the context in which he said it, and thought that it was something that would just be worked through.
That's not meant to be one of those odd MLC things -- more just confirmation that MLC really is a crisis of identity, and that yes, they do have moments of clarity. Mine has had those several times during this mess, more earlier on than more recently.
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I think someone mentioned these.
It is what it is.
It just happened.
You can't turn back the clock. [I said, you're having a damn good try.]
I wish it had never happened but it did.
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I too got
'I have no home' as well as
these two already mentioned -
It is what it is.
It just happened.
+ 'You painted the study and this is because you don't want me at home'
-(6 months after BD and my study, which he hated the colour of it)
To daughter - 'I am all alone in this world' (12 months ago when his mother died)
He is still terrified of our home wont come near but his post still comes here and he just joined a new gym 300 miles away and used this address ::)
The best one i get fro him is "You are so mean to me" even get it when I have not done/said anything - usually said by him witin seconds into a conversation ....
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I am still laughing about the french toast thing...
It sounded like my H was proposing something similar just two days ago...
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More from my H:
We just didn't connect. We couldn't read each other's mind.
You bought furniture we both don't like just to prove you could buy it.
You didn't love me.
I left our marriage and home so because we were separated, this is not an affair.
(When asking him about items he took from our home while I was at work and not telling me about it)
I took it a while ago so it's not stealing.
You and S were slobs. Things lying around all over the house.
(Note: one cannot see the wood on H's desk for all the paperwork strewn everywhere. And under the desk. And around it. And migrating over to S's art table.)
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Calamity my H also gave me the
"It just happened" line
As if it was something totally out of his control, like the weather outside.
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After BD I put a lot of H's books and other things in his wardrobe because I couldn't bear to look at them. I'd also pinned some positive affirmations in the bathroom and kitchen - to help me through each day
His first visit home after BD I wasn't there initially but when I arrived home he'd ripped down my affirmations, thrown them in the bin and demanded that I put all his books back on the bookshelf. I refused and he said:
You're so disrespectful :o ::) :o
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At BD I reminded my H that we had promised each other before we got married that divorce was NEVER going to be an option.
He said "I know, but this is different." :o :o :o :o
(You can't make this up......)
I asked my H why he Divorced his first wife because I wanted to know as I didn't want him leaving me after ten years :-[ :-[. He replied "That was different" Still haunts me.
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My exH accused me of not even being a member of a book club! ::)
The only thing he could recall that he loved me for was that I made good salads.
I hadn't encouraged him to get a holiday home or a boat.
He had been forced to sleep with another woman as I hadn't "nurtured him properly", and I had spent too much time with the kids,
I hadn't booked a table at a restaurant for us to have supper seven years ago, and lastly, I could not drive a project through from start to finish and our marriage ( 25 years) had never been a partnership, it was always 80/20 power to him.
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You and S were slobs. Things lying around all over the house.
(Note: one cannot see the wood on H's desk for all the paperwork strewn everywhere. And under the desk. And around it. And migrating over to S's art table.)
Oh I'm glad I'm not the only one who got this! H was same way, he was the clutterbug in the family. Now his house looks like an army barracks; Spartan and cold. No pictures, no mementos, no reminders. And that is better???
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Wait.....so, maybe if we had all belonged to book clubs then....nah!
Lottie, those are very unique!!
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In the early days my H said he wished he could hate me. It would make things easier for him.
Also when he was with OW1, he said 'Wouldn't it be great if you could meet someone. Then we could all go out together as friends. :o :o :o
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I have some new ones from just this weekend.
"you brought this all on yourself", for being a bad wife.
"Ask yourself why I like OW, you need to take a good hard look at yourself"
"are you actually questioning my fidelity and my morals, you're insane"
" you bullied me, the emotional blackmail was unreal"
No wonder I throw myself out of planes and off bridges !!!!
SD
x
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Throwing himself off bridges and out of planes, controlling someone with your face, not joining a bookclub....lol, I know this is so sad for all of us, but it is all soooooooo crazy you have to laugh at this.
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While knowing he was driving me to an appointment at the doctors to get a full STD work up...
"I really do care about you, you know..."
:o
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While knowing he was driving me to an appointment at the doctors to get a full STD work up...
"I really do care about you, you know..."
:o
The notion of what "care" is, is stretched by the MLC-er.
In terms of STD tests my H told me that he'd had one because OW wanted to have unprotected sex with him.
I said so I should get one too
He said, no, you don't need to :o ::)
I got one anyway...
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One of my favourites was the comment that it was difficult for him as I was being too nice and kind!!
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One of my favourites was the comment that it was difficult for him as I was being too nice and kind!!
I heard that one too. My reply was simply "good"
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Hi All! Some from Genius when we were still in contact.
Genius: I'm not in MLC. I didn't buy a car. I bought a $200,000 house. God are you stupid. ::)
(Purchased the largest most expensive home in a town of 1,000 far from any city, at 40% of his income monthly for payments) -and later in the same conversation:
Me: So I guess you're planning to stay in Tiny College Town USA then?
Genius: Why do you say that? You know I'm going to move next year! Buying a house has nothing to do with that. I want the tax break for a year. I deserve it.
Me: I see. ??? ???
Genius: The bank will be sending you papers to fill out for the house.
Me: Ummm why is that? >:(
Genius: To release the money for the down payment, and so you can finish the paperwork while I am out of the country (with OW). And you'll need it to get house insurance for me.
Me: So let me understand, you want me to help you buy the house, give you money, cosign the loan, get insurance for you, but we are not together and I will not be living there, all the while you party and travel the world with OW? :-\ ??? :o :o :o
Genius: God D**n it!!! I'd do it for you if you weren't such a B**CH!!! I expect it to be done when I come back.
Me: Yeah, no I don't think so. 8)
(Response: He unfriended me from FB for 4 minutes.)
Genius: I'm going to get a motorcycle.
Me: Really? Sounds great. When did you learn to ride?
Genius: I didn't, don't even know how to ride a bicycle. Why?? Will this be a problem?
Me: Nope I guess not. Did you pay the life insurance bill by the way?
Genius: Of course. Why??
Me: No reason. 8) 8) ;D
As to clothes, Genius went from wearing suits and ties to baggy shorts, tennis shoes, and tank tops to teach in, oh and all had to have holes in them. Beginning speech to college kids on first day of class-"As you can all see I am an avid weight-lifter" while doing the arm flex muscle man pose. Very professional. I'm sure the college kids were very impressed.
Oh, and yes, an oldie from the middle of the monster phase in relation to the possibility of my dating:
Genius: I hate, loathe, detest that baby killing monster. Don't ever defend him to me again. I am about peace and he is an animal. You WILL unfriend him and never speak to him again or I will kick your a$$ and his too when I come home.
Me: I see. >:(
Genius: I hope he dies!!!! I hope the Taliban insurgents kill him and behead him and hang him and cut off his C***. (Friend from childhood who was being deployed to Middle East.)
Me: So you're all about peace huh? ::)
Genius: I'll bet at least he can F*** huh? :o
I think he tipped me off that the new young girl can't fix his problem with performance either. Must be a curse I put on him like he told his mother.
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Genius: I'm going to get a motorcycle.
Me: Really? Sounds great. When did you learn to ride?
Genius: I didn't, don't even know how to ride a bicycle. Why?? Will this be a problem?
Me: Nope I guess not. Did you pay the life insurance bill by the way?
Genius: Of course. Why??
Me: No reason.
Haha....
Did he figure out why you want him to have the life insurance paid? Should have asked him if he was going to wear a helmet ;)
Mine bought an off/on road bike, doesn't wear a helmet and when he first got it he was doing some stupid stunt in a parking lot and dumped it on himself! He hurt his foot ,leg and his rib are pretty bad.The rib thing was because he had his ipod charger in his pocket and it jabbed him in the rib..... Too bad. A few weeks later he managed to do something once again. How does that saying go? Third times a charm? I never said that to him though and he has driven a bike in the past.
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Hahaha, nope, he never figured it out about the life insurance. Still pays the bill regularly and I'm still the beneficiary. 8) Can't understand that as it's been months since we spoke thankfully. My name is still on a bank account with a few thousand in it too. Shopping or traveling anyone?? ;D ;D
I should have asked him about the helmet, and can't believe that never occured to me. ;D
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Seriously though, I am sorry if I am bring up a topic that you all have spoken of, but I am just floored with the language/speech differences.
Genius started saying things like:
1. That's cool man.
2. What's up Dude?
3. Beginning sentences with "D**n, Dawg"
4. It's like...
Lots of swearing. Not just at me, but using it almost as though it were punctuation.
"D**n dude, these are some F***ing bad a$$ Batman shows."
Yep, started watching the old Batman shows because "Current sitcoms are too predictable."
And holding up his hand with the "talk to the hand" gesture. I must say that one was pretty annoying, but not quite as annoying as him calling me man and dude.
Oh, and the counting-"you have 5 seconds to tell me what's for dinner-1, 2, 3, 4, 5-too late, times up, don't have time to wait for you dude. If you can't tell me, I will just starve." Ok by me big boy! I know I won't.
All this from a man with a doctorate. Boggles the mind. >:( ::) :-\
I don't miss that at all. ;D 8)
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Yup, mine too with the language differences. The running joke between D and I now is "Cool." The closing for pretty much every conversation is "Have fun!" To D: "I hope you have fun at school this week." Me to D: Huh, I thought school was for learning ...
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Lots of swearing. Not just at me, but using it almost as though it were punctuation.
"D**n dude, these are some F***ing bad a$$ Batman shows."
Oh mine too! My S10 chastised me the other day when I said cr*p. He told me he wanted me to be different from Daddy and that Daddy swore all the time. H never used to swear! It was something he abhored. Go figure!
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Lawprofessor: you had me laughing so LOUD!! Your comebacks were brilliant. :)
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Mine bought an off/on road bike, doesn't wear a helmet and when he first got it he was doing some stupid stunt in a parking lot and dumped it on himself! He hurt his foot ,leg and his rib are pretty bad.The rib thing was because he had his ipod charger in his pocket and it jabbed him in the rib..... Too bad. A few weeks later he managed to do something once again. How does that saying go? Third times a charm? I never said that to him though and he has driven a bike in the past.
I can't stop laughing, he got jabbed in the ribs with the ipod charger ;D ;D ;D, omg, steve jobs has so much to answer for (my H thinks he is Steve Jobs reincarnated).
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On the language thing, my h swears a lot anyway so no change there, but he started to say stuff like instead of goodbye or see you he would say "laters" like the kids say. I would cringe every time I heard it.
Then he told my D9 that he was "really effin random", smoked in the car and told her to hang her head out the window if she didn't like it.
Their parenting skills in replay remind me of when you see kids taking their little brothers or sisters out to play with them and being all show off in front of their pals. :o :o :o
SD
x
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We don't like same kind of movies. 8)
Funniest thing that she very very rarely watch whole movie.
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Anybody ever get "accused" of something that was actually a positive thing? I will always remember my H telling me I was "too loyal." Wait... what? I am TOO loyal?
That was May 2012 when he announced he'd be looking into a divorce. This came after his (August 2011) accusation I was cheating. Ya just can't make this stuff up.
???
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Anybody ever get "accused" of something that was actually a positive thing?
I got told that I loved him too much, that maybe that was my problem! This was soon after BD...
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A few months after BD, actually on the way back from MGC, W told me that I was too good looking, and next time she wanted a 'odd' looking person, she told me this with a big smile on her face while bobbing up and down her seat like a fourteen year old..... You can't make this stuff up.
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Is not normal that someone live with one spouse 25 years.
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Got told I was too good.
Law professor- the motorcycle exchange brought tears to my eyes. Oh my, thank you- what a release of emotion. Still have tears in the corners of my eyes.
FTT
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Anybody ever get "accused" of something that was actually a positive thing? I will always remember my H telling me I was "too loyal." Wait... what? I am TOO loyal?
Yep. I was told I was too smart, too deep, too clean and healthy ???, liked to read (my bad) and connect with people. I asked him if he was criticizing me or giving me ideas for a dating ad? He just looked confused and said that he and the other woman just wanted to eat fast food, drink beer, and watch funny TV shows and I would prefer to save the world (I assume this is about my humanitarian work). Yep. He was spot on there: I confess that I would rather save the world than eat nachos. Then he said affection was also a problem. I was shocked and said, "What are you talking about D and I have great affection for you and you and I have a great sex life (sorry TMI). He said, Yes. That's the problem. I don't know what to do with that. Huh? All I could say was, "Well, congratulations. You seem to have found what you want--a dumb, shallow, dirty, unhealthy woman who doesn't read, can't connect with people, doesn't want to improve the world around her, isn't affectionate and cheats on her spouse. Wow. You must be so proud.
Then he said that he resented having to follow me after Graduate School. I was confused. I never asked him to follow me and said so. Then he said, I know, but I would have done anything to be with you and wanted to follow you. :o
This is all while my once well-dressed professional husband stood there in a graphic T-shirt that said, "Size Does Matter," wearing macramé necklaces and bracelets with skull and Fleur de lis charms and a hat like the one Justin Beiber wore. NO APPEAL TO ME whatsoever. Good thing he wasn't into affection, because I could not have summoned any...
Phoenix
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Phoenix what contrast your H describes! MLC is the dis-ease of all dis-eases! you trump us all in your description of MLC attire!
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Phoenix what contrast your H describes! MLC is the dis-ease of all dis-eases! you trump us all in your description of MLC attire!
And this is omitting the hip hop plaid shorts he showed up in one day that he had hanging off his rear end. Poor D who was 13 was mortified, and this does not include his musical taste change from Jazz to such ditties as "Sexy and I Know It" and "Lick You." ::) D was so upset by it all, she said, "He is just beneath being Satan. If you look at the back of his head, I bet you would see 665." (Get it? Just beneath being Satan) As I type this I realize my standup comedy act is writing itself. Who needs to worry about rebuilding a career from scratch. H is providing all I need to make beaucoup bucks on stage. I say we go on tour in a big LBS bus.
P.
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665! Now that's funny!! :)
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Phoenix - thats really funny!!!!! :D
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When youngest son had not met ow yet and he was meeting him to exchange a key or something son asked if she would be there and h said if he didnt want to see her to close his eyes, I had forgot about that one.
Strangely before BD drop my h had started saying mate to me, like see you later mate if he was going somewhere but he would correct himself when he saw the look on my face, and I do remember saying back MATE???.
He had been using language in front of me that he never would normally and I would pull him up and he would say oops sorry or words to that effect.
How weird is all of it, it is just so off the wall, the whole thing.
x
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Phoenix - I shouldn't laugh really at your sitch but your descriptions are so wonderful and full of humour. And your D is clearly a chip off the new you block.
I'll pay to come and see you on tour with you stand up routine. Maybe it should be called the 665 show!!
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"Your love is unquestionable, but for me destructive. Why ? I don't know."
WTF ?
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I confess that I would rather save the world than eat nachos.
Just one snippet Phoenix ... I could copy and paste all of your posts ... I would also pay to come to the 665 show!! You and your D a great double act!!
xxx
Keep them coming !! CJ ... if he didnt want to see her to close his eyes,
hilarious!!
xxxx
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A few months after BD, XW was talking to lawyer boy's W and started the conversation with "What's the plan, Stan?" I felt like I had warped back to 1960! XW has also become fond of "Cool Beans!" Needless to say, I am not.
LP, in reference to your post about your doctorate-level H and his new language, uhh.....
Phoenix, please take pictures!! We should start an MLC fashion catalog. Can you imagine the money we'd make if we marketed to MLCers? On a related note, I read a few months ago that most Ford Mustang GT owners are over 45 and they're worried about losing their customer base. Unless a cure is found, I don't think I'd be worrying too much....
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Thanks you all! In the last year my comedic repertoire has grown by leaps and bounds. I guess I can count that as a positive that came out of the MLC he11. ;)
So nice to know I am not alone with the change in language and dress so thank you. Too bad all of you cannot see my FB. I could show you some of my Ex's lovely MLC fashion and before and after pictures, as well as ones of him with the dead crazy eyes and ones of the OW girl. You know, a picture is worth a thousand words! ;D
Sorry to have made you speechless Stan, I mean Thundarr! ;) THat was so funny!
As to what Ex has accused me of (that could be positive), disregarding all the nonsense about hexing him and such, and the swear words, Ex said I was naive, innocent, too trusting, too honest, and a "big shot" as well as "loyal as an old dog". Really appreciated that one I must say >:(
Also thanked me for a lovely time the last time we saw each other. That must have meant something really awful as within two weeks, he unfriended me for the fifth time saying I was evil and worse than the devil himself.
High school anyone?
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XW "accused" me of being someone who helps people and tries to make it a better place. She said it with a great deal of spite and disgust. Yeah, what woman would want someone like THAT?!?
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Hi, I am new here and have not yet interacted with many people. I do find that putting things down ( as in posting) helps me to recollect and gather my own info. I am still not sure whether my ex is a WAS or a MLC'er but here are some of the things that were said:
BD:'' I don't love you anymore. I have tried (thanks for letting me know you did!!!!). I had to be sure and now I am''
''I don't have any feelings for you, I don't even fancy you''
''I still like you, you are a nice persona and I want us to be friends''
''I need my own space, I know it sounds selfish and drastic but it's what I need to do'' (in my mind: so you do realise it is drastic and that there could be another way?!!!!!!!)
ME:'' Could we at least try for a bit''
Him: '' I suppose we have to, and obviously I still have some feelings for you'' (in my more so confused mind: eh? thought you didn't?!!!!!).......When I challenged him about it after REAL breakup ( 2 weeks down the line , he denied saying those things)
AT BD: me: ''What have I done wrong''
him: ''Nothing, you've done nothing wrong, you do everything for me!!
''Maybe you can find someone that will make you happy''
ME: so you don't fancy me?
him: I do, but my head is effed up at the moment. I'm not like you. Doctor thinks I'm depressed but I don't think I am.
''the kids will be alright, it's not like I am abandoning them''
me:''I'm telling you now, I don't think the kids will enjoy staying with you in your empty flat, no tv, no x-box?!!!
Him: cries:
me:'' but, it is what you want, this situation''
him: I know but not like this......(What the.....?!!!)
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"Our marriage was good until year 2008."
"I was think about having second child." - Year 1997.
"We was great before we had kid." - 1994.
"It was never good for me. We had only at start romance, but there no passion... Now I am much mature then before, I wanna passion, we never had that." LOL With 47 years she finally get it ! OMG ! :D
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''We have nothing in common anymore'' ( oh right....we don't enjoy camping, the same music, the same films, tv programs, our kids, our dogs, ingenuity, similar childhood, gardening, good food, sharing a beer together.....nah, you're right, NOTHING!!!!)
''Maybe we've been together too long''.........Oh that must be it, I mean, I have never heard of until death do us part!!!
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''We have nothing in common anymore'
I got a variation of that...
"We have nothing common, we don't do any of the same things or like the same stuff...and [list of stuff we did have in common/did share] doesn't count!"
:o[/list]
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Hahaha,
It's like talking to children who have no clue about what having a good life is about.
My ex is not much of talker anyway, keeps things short and sweet and he just gave me a bunch of old clichés.
I even got: '' It's not just you, it's me as well. I've changed''
YOU DON'T SAY!!!!!
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''We have nothing in common anymore'' ( oh right....we don't enjoy camping, the same music, the same films, tv programs, our kids, our dogs, ingenuity, similar childhood, gardening, good food, sharing a beer together.....nah, you're right, NOTHING!!!!)
''Maybe we've been together too long''.........Oh that must be it, I mean, I have never heard of until death do us part!!!
I could have written this exactly...............
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''Maybe we've been together too long''.........Oh that must be it, I mean, I have never heard of until death do us part!!!
I got ' there was nothing in our marriage vows that mentions being happy!' when in our vows we had the the phrase 'in happiness and sadness' ::) (in Portuguese!) - oh well...
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''Maybe we've been together too long''.........Oh that must be it, I mean, I have never heard of until death do us part!!!
I got ' there was nothing in our marriage vows that mentions being happy!' when in our vows we had the the phrase 'in happiness and sadness' ::) (in Portuguese!) - oh well...
Oh dear, I didn't realise one should state the OBVIOUS when writing up vows or before making a promise... ::)
We really shouldn't take any notice, but boy, words can be mightier than the sword :-\
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Our Pastor reminded my H that our vows said "for better or for worse" NOT "for better or forget about it".
Of course it went right over his head.
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I got " I can understand how men of other faiths are happy living with more than one wife - makes perfect sense to me." this was right after he told me that OW was a complete mess!!!
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I got " I can understand how men of other faiths are happy living with more than one wife - makes perfect sense to me." this was right after he told me that OW was a complete mess!!!
Pffff, did he not hear himself say that, then? LOL, He could barely handle being married to one woman at the time what makes him think he could handle being tied to several at once hahaha
And as you said, right after telling you the OW was a complete mess
Another thing my ex said to me when I blew him a kiss goodbye on BD when he led me to believe we could maybe try again First he cringed then said: ''You're being pushy again''............. ???
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Ah BB64
My H is still at home but is the stereotypical Knight in Shining Armour to her Damsel in distress! of course he can handle more than one woman!!!! Yeah right!
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Mr CB's oldest friend - from school - told me that Mr CB had called him up a few months ago.
He told our friend that he was sorry he hadn't been in touch for a while (months, possibly even a year) but he'd been drunk for 4 days. Then he said:
"I need to know if you're for me or against me. I just don't have time in my life for people who aren't on my side" :o
True story! x
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Sounds like a line out of a gangster movie a bit like ''Follow me if you want to live!'' 8)
One word I kept getting from my ex while he is in monster was: 'WHY?!!'' in such a bizarre tone. Not quite an angry tone but not quite sure of himself either kinda tone.
I have recently discussed that with his mother and she said she was so sick of him saying that four letter word all the time, she felt like slapping him every time it came out of his mouth.(that would have been a whole load of slaps because he said it a lot!) We concluded that it was the teenage monster in him talking.
He's dropped that now.
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Hi All,
For what its worth, I got, "We have fundamental differences."
Like what you ask?
There were five that outweighed all else positive in his pea brain that I heard repeatedly each time we got closer and spent enjoyable time together. Within days I would get spewing swearing monster yelling these things at me.
1. I don't like horror movies???
2. I drink milk.
3. I enjoy other people and am friendly.
4. I "made" him watch one episode of Everybody Loves Raymond several years before the BD.
5. I am kind and believe the best in people.
Now the complaints with J in his depression that I am getting are mainly:
1. I am too friendly and open with other people.
2. I think everyone has something good in them.
3. I eat too healthy. (LBS diet anyone?)
4. I shower too often. (Daily is too much, really????) ::)
5. I am too successful at my job and make too much money. ;D
I really have some kind of luck. :o If you don't learn your lesson the first time around, you might get the lightening bolt I got...Maybe I was Typhoid Mary or Lizzy Borden in another life. ;D
This morning a conversation with J:
Me-Good Morning, would you help me move these things into the backyard?
J-No. I don't feel like it and I don't have to if I don't want to.
Me-Please help me move these things of yours into the backyard before I am cited by the housing authority for having junk in my front yard.
J-Why are you so negative? Why do you nag, nag, nag? First you want me to shower, now to move these things. What's next? Take out the garbage?
M-Now that you mention it, it is garbage day. Please take out the recycling bin as well.
J-I'm only doing one or the other. Which do you want me to do?
M-I see. Well do the first then.
J-What was the first thing?
(And start all over with the conversation.) I ended up taking out the recycling and garbage and moving the things to the back. The only thing he did was help me move the heavy things. I think I have just become the mother of a teenager without the pregnancy. ???
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Sometimes I think we could just play along and just repeat what they've just said, like children do. I reckon they'd up saying: ''Stop picking on me or I'll tell on you!!'' ::) ;D
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I am too friendly and open with other people
Mine said I try to hard to fit in with other people and be friendly with them........
As opposed to being a total jerk I guess......... ::)
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Here's one of the interesting things my wife told me about 20 minutes into the BD:
W: You should get a girlfriend , in fact now that were friends , I should find one for you ( with a smile on her face )
Me: Whaaaa...????
Me: Really? a girlfriend?? ... let me ask you this , let's say that I told you that I cheated on you , what would you say? ( I was testing her sanity with this question)
W: I would be so happy for you ! ( smile )
Me: Whaaa...?????
W: well yeah , I mean if you're cheating on me , then it must make you happy , so I would be happy for you .
Me: Huh...?????
Yeah, after that , I knew I wasn't dealing with the person I knew for the past 15 years , but something else, that's when the research began.
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That, must have hurt though, Phantom.
None of it is funny at the time, when you just don't know or understand where it is all coming from. It's only in hindsight that we really realise how irrational it all sounds. Some of the things that were said to me were going round and round in my head for months and keeping me awake at night with pain and anxiety :(
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Jag , yes , that really did hurt, it still does . I'm in that phase now , where I keep replaying words said to me in my head. I sleep way better though than I did a month ago. I wake up in the morning everyday and check text messages I received from her about all this a month or so back and the reason I check them is just to see if all of this is real. It really could drive a person insane if he cares enough to "Stand" not knowing about MLC.
My W seems to sometimes make it easy on me a little, by being completely insulting and selfishly uncaring with some of the things she says to me, where I start to think to myself " Man, I don't need this , it would be really easy to let her go right this minute , because I have more respect for myself , than to be treated like this ! " , but fortunately I care for my family and want to Stand , I just hope I can find patience to last a really long time , as I am new to all of this and I hear it lasts a very long time and endures a lot of pain.
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First, I should just clarify that I am Booboo, not JAG. ;) I am not a mentor but a newbie myself although I am 9 months after BD.
I can't give you advice, but I know what you are going through. The words replaying in my head started to fade away after a while, now I don't hear them anymore. I had to use a mental tool for this, every time the words played round and round in my head like a broken record I virtually replied out loud with: '' I'm not buying it''. I also found that letting the feelings take over, and I mean really letting them consume me until they exhausted themselves and not fighting them helped a great deal. After a short while there was nothing more my extreme emotions could hit me with. Of course I still get sad at times, but it soon passes.
But the one thing that really, really helped was to read everything I could on this website, over and over again. All the articles, the blogs, people's stories and you will find that not only you are not alone in this 'hell' but there are some great tips that will help you become a bit more whole again.
It will get better, I know it sounds cliché and hard to believe right now, but it's true. If someone had told me a few months ago that I would be going swimming 3 times a week, starting a new business, liking myself again and fighting for what I believe in, I wouldn't have believed them. I was a MESS!!!
You'll be OK. The very fact that you are here sharing your story and feeling is an amazing step taken forward!
I spend a lot of time online due to my work so if you ever need a chat, gives me a shout, you are not alone x
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So many amazing people here, and sadly new ones every day. All bring a great deal to the table but it still sucks that we all find ourselves at it.
Now, back to the script. XW and I were sitting together in our swing a few days/ weeks after BD and she told me to get a girlfriend. I decided to play coy and inquired about a woman she works with that she had once been jealous of my friendship with. She actually encouraged me to pursue her and said she thought she was single. I asked her if she would put in a good word for me (being sarcastic), and XW actually said,"What in the world could I tell her is good about you?" And she was serious. That's around the time I started suspecting a brain tumor.
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Sometimes I think we could just play along and just repeat what they've just said, like children do. I reckon they'd up saying: ''Stop picking on me or I'll tell on you!!'' ::) ;D
Well I did just that a few months after H left and boy did I get monster. My Counsellor just laughed.
The last week H was still here but we knew he was leaving, he slept in the bedroom and I was on the couch. I think I'd had one night in the bed. So we are in the hall way and H asks me calmly if I mind sleeping back on the couch and he in the bed as he has to work the next day. I calmly replied "I didn't get to sleep in the bed the night before I had to work??" Then H just stuck out his tongue and did a 'raspberry' Don't know how to 'write' it but I think you get my drift. I was so shocked! What a KID!! I really did find that response childish and VERY insensitive as I was crying on and off that week while dealing with him about to leave.
So a few months later when he texted me in anger about having bought pizza (frozen) on my way home from work before coming home to the kids so he could leave, I replied "Sook, sook, sook." I hesitated to press send but all I could think off was that stupid time he did that raspberry to me so it was a great feeling to act childish and get it off my chest. And guess what his response was? "You are so childish"!!! ::) ::) ::)
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Yes, I find that the hypocrisy which seems to come hand in hand with MLC and what they have berated us for is outstanding.
Mine hated me going out with my friends to party, now he's doing it himself. I've stopped, not to impress him but because I've realised that it wasn't doing me any good. I don't like hangovers, losing sleep, wasting money and to be perfectly honest, I don't like drunk people much either.
One thing that really is still riling me is that for the past couple of years, he has been obsessed with making money, and he is making money. I always used to say to him that money doesn't buy happiness.
A few weeks ago, what does he tell his mother?: ''Money doesn't buy happiness''........Pfff. I wish he would now practice what he preaches, because IMO , spending hundreds of £££ on motorbikes, clothes, tattoos etc...is not exactly reflecting his supposedly newfound philosophy!!!! ::)
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Had to share this from Snowdrop:
aren't you going to wish me congratulations", as he told me he'd just gotten married and had "moved on".
Previous: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3528.0;all
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Classic isnt it.
I got, after just been told he was in physical relationship.
I cant believe you dont want me to be happy, you should be happy for me ?????
x
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My h said this to my DAUGHTER! You should be happy for me.
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I got, not long after BD:
Me:''So we're never going to be a family ever again?''
Him:''Don't try to guilt trip me. You're saying that I should stay and be unhappy so that every one else can be happy?''.....
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Booboo -
I got almost the exact same line :). Except it was "you can't shame me into staying." and "I am so unhappy I am willing to give up my family and house, that's how unhappy I am."
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During one of h's 3 visits in a year, he was talking, and called me sweetheart, which he'd done for years. As soon as he said it, he shouted, "Don't know why I called you that, because you are NOT", while looking at me as if I'd done something wrong that he didn't approve of.
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Booboo -
I got almost the exact same line :). Except it was "you can't shame me into staying." and "I am so unhappy I am willing to give up my family and house, that's how unhappy I am."
I got, and all his friends got too, "this is killing me not seeing the kids, this is the hardest decision I have ever made but I have to do something now this situation is making me ill. It's a crime to the universe to be this unhappy."
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My H asked me how I could expect him to live "in torment in that house" ever again.
Really H? Torment? Rather strong word don't ya think?
I'm sure having your lunches made, dinner on the table each night, laundry done, yard work done and bills paid on time qualifies as being "tormented"! Idiot!
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I had to chuckle, my H said all of the above to me! I spoilt him wrotten and he said it was like being in prison and he had to leave or he'd die! :0/
Gosh if that were true - wouldn't prisons be cozey!
X
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They all seem to think they will die if they dont run, mlc madness.
x
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I don't think I have heard of anyone dying from being spoilt. He he!
X
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I never really heard this particular statement come of of ExH but he declared he wanted to "do it himself" Like a two year old. Claims he never lived by himself in his life. Which really he didn't.
Well he still hasn't achieved that yet that I know. He's got both of the D's and his mother.
So I guess I'm the one who gets to live by myself which is working out just fine.
They say they want to live by themselves then grab a band-aid in the form of the ow thinking that will stop the hemorrhaging. Exh already tried that in the first go-around. ::)
He really isn't one to live alone I don't think. Too much of a baby. BUT it will never be me again he lives with again.
At one point he exclaimed his life was in the toilet.... I didn't remark but what I thought was;
That would have been fine if you hadn't taken us all with you ::)
My mistake was the same I did too much for him but he pretty much let me. We become mothers to them instead of what they need which is shared responsibility for agreed upon things.
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I heard "I need to fix myself. I thought I had built myself back up in this R but I realised I built myself wrong. I need to go and fix myself on my own, I don't want to do it with you." That last bit was spat at me.
I didn't know at the time he was having an affair and that he would be fixing himself in her flat!
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My conclusion is that they have no sense of themselves. So they are searching for that. and l honestly believe they do need to do it by themselves. Become self made somehow.
It's just they say that they want to do it alone then run to ow who really can't help other than providing another mask to hide behind and then the MLCer can pretend they have a "clean slate" to start over with. We've got the history.
That's what exh said about his infidelity. She was his "clean slate". WOW
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Mine made many similar comments but one that really got me was it's my fault he will have to go live with his mom who lives about 1 1/2 hours away, because I wouldn't sign document for him to build new house while we're still legally married. I did go back and forth on whether to sign, but my attorney told me definitely not. So now it's my fault he'll be 1 1/2 hours away from his work and his children. But of course he'll be with OW. Really!
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It's a crime to the universe to be this unhappy
I burst out laughing every time I read this. I love this stuff, keeps me giggling away. I know it isn't funny at the time, or any of this, but when you read it later, you have to laugh.
I remember H saying to me in an email, "I didn't abandon anyone, I just removed myself from a dysfunctional relationship!" Coming from him, that's hysterical!
God bless than man of mine, or hers, or whos?
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Just last week h said to my Ds. ... you make me feel unloved and unwanted ... mmm he left! How did that make them feel? He has no idea.
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Get this...
At BD, My MLC'er said to me:
''While I have been away working, I didn't miss you all week. Even my stomach was better, I had no heartburn-no stomach aches.''
I said:'' So I make you ill? It couldn't be the beers you drink every night upsetting your stomach?''
Him:'' No. I was drinking red wine over there, and that didn't give me heartburn. So no it's not the alcohol that makes me ill, and anyway, I don't drink that much!!!!!!!!!''
Two Sundays ago, I offered him a glass of wine with lunch:
''Oh, no, no, thanks. Urgh, red wine gives me terrible heartburn''...said he, looking absolutely disgusted by the thought of drinking a glass of wine.
Me: ''Oh right....ok'' sniggering inside ;D
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Mentioned to H that we made a promise to each other "for better or worse.' He said, You don't have to remind me of our vows... I don't think this means I should have to live so unhappy. God wouldn't be so cruel!" Cruel?? Really H...you sure didn't look like you were suffering on our vacation the week before BD! Didn't act like it in bed, either!
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How about this one.
During his first visit with the kids in almost a year since he walked out, and when all he spoke of was himself and his new wife, he said with pride about how they met (in a bar on the first night of his vacation and they married not long after):
"Before she went to sleep the night before, she made a wish that she would meet a guy to fall in love with the next day........AND THERE I WAS"
Okay, I'm not sure why I find this so funny. I even laughed at the time when he said it, and reminded him to maybe never say that out loud in front of adults EVER again as he sounded "*&*%i"ng ridiculous!
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Snowdrop - I have read your post a few times and each time i find it so funny!!!! ;D
Me: ' Do you have any feelings left for me?'
H: 'I would not want you to die'
And my H also was jumping around saying how happy he was that he was now doing 'things himself' - he was happy to be in control of washing his own pants - whatever makes you happy H..........
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Panda. I do tend to repeat don't I? Sorry. Yes, though, it is comical, and if it makes any of us laugh, it was well worth it.
Can you imagine the kids and I watching him as he said it. This was the day after he told me on the phone that he'd married, and his first time seeing the children, and that's what they had to sit through. Who would do such a thing, never mind a husband and father. My goodness, imagine his and OWs conversations if that is anything to go by.
He also added that OW's brother in law passed away who had the same first name as H, and as Hs sister recently passed away, they connected in heaven and made this happen. The fact that herOW's deceased BIL and H had the same first name was a "sign" that they were meant to be together, according to H. What? Is he 9 years old or something?
Now if only someone could tell me why I actually missed this man? Not so much anymore. Miss the guy he used to be, but not this version, AT ALL.
Wow, so many "coincidences", they really SHOULD be together, and I'm the first one in line to suggest it, and add to that, send them off on a remote uninhabited island somewhere. How scary to think both these people have jobs, as well as drivers licences!!! That's criminal. ;)
Me: ' Do you have any feelings left for me?'
H: 'I would not want you to die'
That got me laughing too, what the heck does one have to do with the other? Soooo funny.
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Snowdrop - when I said I read it a few times, I mean I re-read it a few times because I found it amazing/funny he actually said this! not that you repeated it - his comment must be one of the funniest/mad I have seen.
Don't worry about his conversations with OW - maybe they chat all night and neither remember what they said afterwards ;D And as for fate.... well, we shall see how that one plays out! Its really all crazy to me!
My H's comment about not wanting me to die is basically telling me the level he cares for me, ie, you would not want some stranger in the street to die.... thats how he sees me now... thanks H, lovely 14 years together....I would not want you H, to die either. x
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Panda.
Thank you. I do repeat alot though, and it's all good! :) If you think that one is funny, check out the one at the beginning of this thread. Unbelievable! He's all heart, that H of mine.
Well thats an added bonus if your H doesn't want you to die; how lovely of him to say so. What a huge comfort that is; he sounds so caring! I think my H might say the same, but simply because if I did, he'd have to have the kids. Then again, in some sort of creepy way, I often wonder if he and OW want the kids so they could all be one "big happy family"!! Both kids said if anything happened to me, they want to go into Foster Care. How awful.
One thing H has done, and always did, but which makes my blood boil even more so now, is telling the kids, "come over here and give your dad a hug". What? COME OVER HERE???????? After all the pain he has inflicted and how he has ignored the kids, for him to stand still, and tell the kids to go over to him so they can give HIM a hug!!!
Just the thought of that makes my skin crawl. I need to put the kettle on.
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He also added that OW's brother in law passed away who had the same first name as H, and as Hs sister recently passed away, they connected in heaven and made this happen. The fact that herOW's deceased BIL and H had the same first namfe was a "sign" that they were meant to be together, according to H. What? Is he 9 years old or something?
If that isn't the most outrageous grasping for straws rationalization I've ever heard! I'm astounded. The comfort is that it screams MLC.
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He also added that OW's brother in law passed away who had the same first name as H, and as Hs sister recently passed away, they connected in heaven and made this happen. The fact that herOW's deceased BIL and H had the same first namfe was a "sign" that they were meant to be together, according to H. What? Is he 9 years old or something?
If that isn't the most outrageous grasping for straws rationalization I've ever heard! I'm astounded. The comfort is that it screams MLC.
I think that's why the detachment is maybe a little easier than expected. This is what we are dealing with! ::)
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Me: ' Do you have any feelings left for me?'
H: 'I would not want you to die'
[/quote]Wow Snowdrop. That quote is really creepy and pure MLC script. Not only is it creepy but it reminds of something my H kept saying over and over...
"I will not allow you to perish...."
Gee whiz, thanks H. Your generosity is boundless.
They are amazingly brutal....
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You're saying that I should stay and be unhappy so that every one else can be happy?''.....
Crikey, I've heard this more times in the past four months, it should be his epitaph!! ;D
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You're saying that I should stay and be unhappy so that every one else can be happy?''.....
Oh gosh...he throws that at me every time he thinks I want him to move home. I don't even have to say a word in that direction and he will yell a variation of that. He usually says that me and my one son can be happy. I guess the other two kids don't deserve happiness.
Lol
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LOTH
"I will not allow you to perish...."
Gee whiz, thanks H. Your generosity is boundless.
Phew, thats a relief! So nice to know he is "there" for you!!! ha ha First thing that came to mind was the scene from Titanic with Jack and Rose in the water close to the end of the movie. The other thing was a vision of a little bird in snowstorm trying to survive, as that's the only other time I can think of using the word perish since poetry was written in the early 1800s!!!
Your H probably thought he was some gallant soul making that statement. Everything under control and everyone is safe now that LOTH's H is in charge!! ha ha
God bless them all because they need it, and God bless us because we deserve it!!!
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I also had 'I have seen a glimpse of happiness and I now know what it is like'...and 'the children will just want me to be happy'........yeah, great.
LOTH - 'I will not allow you to perish' - now I am really jealous because that's one step up from my H not wanting me to die! I feel as if I am missing out now ;)
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You're saying that I should stay and be unhappy so that every one else can be happy?''.....
Next time, maybe you should say, "Er, yes, that is EXACTLY what I'm saying!" ha ha
At least he might take a moment to figure out what you just said. Mind you, that much thought might put him into a tailspin.
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LOTH - 'I will not allow you to perish' - now I am really jealous because that's one step up from my H not wanting me to die! I feel as if I am missing out now
Me too! Maybe one day we will be so lucky?
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Snowdrop - at least its a kind of 'positive' statement..!
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Yes it is, Panda.
Maybe we will be lucky enough to have our H's say something as great as that!! ha ha
Just had a quick thought about the sanity of our other halves, and laughing to myself as I type a note from Snowdrop to Panda!!
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I only wish my Ex had said he didn't want me to die. Mine told me he wanted me to die and had a plan for how to kill me. Later, of course, he tried to apologize but that was only after explaining to me for several hours how he planned to do it and having a discussion with the police, who had to explain to him that I taped the threats and it was not generally a good idea to kill a spouse.
Genius told me he was sincerely sorry for saying that much later. In the next breathe he said it was just like me to not want to die and involve the police in the discussion. He followed that up by saying that it was just another example of how unreasonable I was when he had an idea, that I always say no to his ideas while he always agrees to my ideas.
Yep, I said no to him killing me, and he said yes to pizza for supper. How unreasonable of me not to accommodate him.
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Ah, the one I like is, "I still want to be friends."
After he received the order of protection, I got the following call-
Genius-I still want to be friends.
Me-NO.
Genius-"Why not? I don't understand."
Me-I don't want to be friends with you. You want to kill me. I don't like how angry you are and the things you are doing in this new personality you've adopted.
Genius-What new personality? You mean because I won't put up with your nasty tough b!tc#y crap any longer? The one where I tell people that I'm not putting up with anybody's crap any longer. Most of the world needs to die. Besides if I stayed with you I was going to suffocate.
Me-That is a new personality to me. You were not like that before.
Genius-So what? What are you gonna do about it?
Me-Nothing. I just don't want to be friends with someone like that.
Genius-Why not?
Me-I'm sorry. Personal choice.
Genius-So you don't want to be friends with me? Not even on FB? How will we talk?
Me-I'm sorry, no I don't want to be friends with you. We were friends on FB but you have unfriended me seven times now. I am done. So we won't talk.
Genius-You deserved it. You didn't treat me like a friend. You made me mad. You didn't talk about what I wanted. You were mean to me. I showed you what I could do. Learn from that. But I want you for a friend.
Me-Sorry about that. Did you get the order of protection?
Genius-Yes. I still don't see why we can't be friends.
Me-It says so on the order of protection.
Genius-But I still need your help.
Me-I guess you can ask OW.
Genius-I never thought of that. Hmmmm...Won't work. I have to help her. She doesn't have her own credit card. She has her dad's until she gets her first job and establishes some credit. And she doesn't have her own car yet, its her dad's, so she can't carry my car insurance.
Genius-HEY! Are you still there!!!!????
Me-I guess you should have thought of that.
Genius-THIS IS NOT WHAT I HAVE PLANNED!!! You have to listen!!! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU!!
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Ah, yes '' We can still be friends''
BD day, 0ctober 2012:
''We can still be friends. I still like you. You are a nice person''
4 weeks after BD:
I was literally brainwashed with that one, intimidated if I'm honest, the conversation was heated on his part. Aggressive. I was distraught and crying.
HIM: ''We have to be friends!!!!! We have kids together!!!!!'' Said he, shouting down the phone at me.
Me:''No, we don't. We can just be civil''
HIM:''No, that's just childish''
Me:'' You can't have it all your way''
HIM:'' Are you giving me an ultimatum?''
Me:'' Straw man. I am not not friends with any of my exes''
HIM:'' That's because they were all pr*cks!''
Me:'' Right, so you REALLY want to be friends''
HIM: ''Well of course I do, I don't want you out of my life completely''
Me:'' OK, OK, I'll try, but no promises''
HIM:''Good. catch you later''
:o :o :o :o
To other people:
''Oh yeah, yeah, we are friends. We get on well!'' :o
Then in March 2013:
ME:
''I'm not sure I should keep seeing you. Seeing you hurts me''
Him:his face: :o :-\ '' I can imagine. But...but, what about what we have now?''
Me:'' What's that then?''
Him: ''We are friends, aren't we?''
Me:'' If that's what you want to call it, I'll be your friend but only because I believe we can rebuild our relationship from starting as friends again''
Him: Head in hands- rubbing his forehead- mumbles something or other.
At that point I dropped it. I had the last word.
I really don't think he understands the concept of friendship, or even the difference between love and care and how the two can work together. Not while he's in MLC anyway.
When someone 'dumps' you, the last thing you want to hear is that you have been demoted to just friend.
And it's a bit like a thief coming to your house, taking everything you own and leaving a note saying:'' Here's my phone number, give me a call sometime. You could come round mine to watch a film with me on your TV, I'll let you pick the DVD seeing as they are yours. You have good taste by the way!''
::)
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Ah yes...the lets be friends thing.
I am not sure what to call my current relationship with H but it is certainly not "friendship"
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When H came to get some things, and the first time we saw or spoke since he first left, he grabbed an armful of items and said how he had to go. He then went on to say how we should be friends, and when I said, "no, it doesn't work that way", he looked baffled and quickly drove away, never to be heard from again for ages!
H mentioned in some response to an unrelated email from me, how "we need to communicate better if we are to co-parent!", and then totally disappeared off the face of the earth for weeks.........AGAIN!
Just realized he comes around as often as a solar or lunar eclipse!
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And it's a bit like a thief coming to your house, taking everything you own and leaving a note saying:'' Here's my phone number, give me a call sometime. You could come round mine to watch a film with me on your TV, I'll let you pick the DVD seeing as they are yours. You have good taste by the way!''
;D ;D ;D
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Recently I had You know I don't dislike you.....
Boy - that made me feel so reassured!! ::) ::) ::)
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Wow songanddance - you are sooo lucky!! :D
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Don't dislike me?
Well why the H*** didn't you tell me that before.
I never knew that.
I feel so much better now.
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Ah twilight - what a gent you are.
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Mine recently said 'I still find you attractive' in a sulky, teenage voice as if to say 'why would you think I didn't?' :o :o :o
well gee, thanks honey ;) lol
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Genius said to me,
"You always were the good looking one in our relationship. And you are hideous so what does that say about me? You had too many men hit on you. How could I compete? I don't have that problem with OW."
AFFAIR DOWN JELLO BRAIN ANYONE??
Genius posted a picture of him and OW recently. People around the world commented. One said, "The picture of you and your daughter is terriffic. The location is beautiful. Why are you grimacing? Did you get food poisoning or the bill for the shopping bags at your feet?"
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"Friends" are treated better, warmer and friendlier
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lawprofessor - mine posted a picture of him and D12 on FB and got "Dude, you look like you just came out of a war zone!" ;D ;D ;D
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Hi Iamnottheenemy! That is soooo funny! So true. Once I saw Genius call OW. His facial expression was a sick weird smile/grimace. He went out into the backyard where I could not hear well. I did hear him turn on his annoyed voice and then yell "I have been busy! Never mind where! I will go home when I get ready to. D*mn!"
I am curious-for those of you with pets-did your spouses/partners change their interaction with the animals. For months before we split all Genius could talk about with me was the animals, since the final split-nothing. No questions, nothing. He used to SKype to the dogs nightly just to see them even when I was not home. He was so attached to them and such a loving father. Now-cold. Both animals went through a withdrawal and missed him horribly for some time. One would scratch at the screen nightly hoping to hear Genius' voice. Then lay in front of it and whine when it did not come on. So sad.
It is one of the things I just have not forgiven him for doing, hurting innocent creatures who gave him unconditional love.
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lawprofessor - hi
Same here, since H left, he's gone from someone adoring our pets to not even acknowledging them if he comes to the house, which isn't often, and on the first occasion, I think he forgot one of the cats names. We've only had her for 8 years (!), and he doted on her since day one, and that went to not even stroking her. When he does show up, she follows him around as she used to, and just sits waiting for some kind of recognition or words, and there's nothing. Its so sad. Then again, he doesn't even speak to his two children, so I'm not surprised. He did get himself a dog though after he left, and treats her very well.
During one of H's visits, we've had 3 in a year, and his first time seeing the kids since he walked out, he took a call from OW >:( :o ::), and for someone "in love", he showed no pleasure from hearing from her whatsoever, just flat matter of fact, certainly not one like a newlywed, but in his defence (?), bit of an odd place to talk. I was furious as he finally came here, and the kids got their first chance to see him, and he took a call from her, and even when he told her he was with the kids, she/they still kept talking. Then she called back, and he went outside to continue his talk for another half hour. Makes my blood boil to think of what he did, and there's his kids sitting waiting. So horrible.
Worse he gets, the easier it is for kids and I to be done with this behaviour.
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The loss of affection toward the pets seems to confirm the MLC syndrome. The MLCer cannot acknowledge the pet any more than anyone else from the life left behind and run away from. Proves that the M and the R and the behaviors of the LBS during the M have really nothing to do with why they leave. Are they blaming it on the behaviors of the pets, too?
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Not sure where my H stands regarding behaviour around pets...it confuses me as much as the rest of his wacky behaviour.
We got a pet dog for the kids really that was a rescue dog and turned out very nervous and often made messes. At BD I just couldn't cope with him on top of two distraught kids and H took the dog to his parents. Then the kids found out he took the dog to OW and her kids house. After they got very upset that "first they took our daddy and now they've got our dog" I asked for the dog back and he agreed. After three access days of no show with the dog I asked why he was refusing to give the dog back to the kids (this is a dog H didn't really like and had given himself a swollen purple toe from kicking a wall while aiming at dog a month earlier according to kids) and H half-shouted "HE'S MY DOG TOO!....Can't we share him?" Ehhh...no. :o
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had given himself a swollen purple toe from kicking a wall while aiming at dog a month earlier
How perfect! Hope it hurt him a lot! Can't stand any abuse towards animals. >:(
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Here's one from the wife that sounds pretty script worthy
" I hate how you think I'm so irresponsible, I don't do anything"
My response "I know that's the problem. Haven't paid a bill in over a year, won't register your car or fix it, but still think its safe to drive our kids around in" and more. Being very responsible I guess compared to other MLC'ERS.
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My MLC'er withdrew affection from our dogs for months.
Only recently he has started to be a bit more affectionate to them and pay the vet bills.
Although the other day, he called our eldest dog:'' A money pit'' :-\
He adored our dogs, was gaga about them!
They were so distraught when he left, the youngest one peed on my bed twice. The second time, she completely ruined my mattress and I had to replace it.
The eldest one just spent most of her days sleeping by the front door.
I'm getting upset telling you this...
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I am curious-for those of you with pets-did your spouses/partners change their interaction with the animals
.
In a word, yes. I have pictures of him bent over with the cat sitting on his back and he has a goofy grin on his face. They used to sleep with us. Now he doesn't remember their names.
He pets the dog like a person who has never been around them nor likes them very much. So different from the man who once let our baby crawl all over our dog.
Actually he seems to be mimicking his mother who doesn't like animals. I believe his foo issues stem from his r with her. He wasn't close to her at all, but they are now inseparable since bomb drop.
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W wants to get out for a walk and asks me if I think there is lightning still in the area. I say "no" but in I my mind I think "but if I were you I'd be extra careful". :D I get tickled by this and can't hold back a schoolboy smile.
She now thinks I want her to be struck by lightning.
That tickles me more. I said "no I don't want you to be struck by lightning but I'm going to have to leave the room to compose myself because something has tickled me."
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As we spoke of H marrying OW, I said, "I get it, no need to explain, you just like her better than me", to which H replied, "NO I DON'T!!"
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Early on after BD I had - "now look just because we have a few issues doesn't mean we have to be enemies" A few!!!!!
Re pets - H still affectionate to our two dogs but both have realised that there is something wrong and won't sit with him or stay by him like they used to. In fact one of them is constantly protecting my S and the other is very clingy with me.
As he gave me my birthday present (first one he had actually been and bought for years- usually D had to do it) he said " Now don't think this changes the way I feel about you!!"
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Re the pets/animals thing ...
My H started being horrible to a puppy we got in 2010 ... he said it barks and it digs ... mmm yes its a dog! He continued to dislike this dog all the time, and used to pet the other dog and ignore this one. Now he kinda ignores them both.
Strangely when the cat died in 2012, H was so upset he cried ... previously he hadn't liked the cat at all ... weird or what??
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had given himself a swollen purple toe from kicking a wall while aiming at dog a month earlier
How perfect! Hope it hurt him a lot! Can't stand any abuse towards animals. >:(
He was never abusive before, wouldn't have crossed his mind...guess that goes with the 180 on aggression where he punched a hole in the wall when he had kids and the stuff the kids keep saying about him threatening them and telling them to shut up. They've sobbed many a time saying they miss "cuddly" daddy. :(
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What about "I Dont Want to Turn Into My Parents"
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"Do you think I am coming back to you? Just checking you are not waiting. I am not. I am moving in with OW."
He was devastated when our cat had to be put down just before I moved back to our home. He had bought me the cat when we moved into our first house together - the symbolism wasn't lost on him. He wept and wept.
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Wow this whole discussion on pets is very interesting. That was one of the reason's I got annoyed with H before he left. He told me that we would never own dogs again. I told him that it was a joint decision and if he told me I couldn't have them without consulting me, I would go and get one without consulting him. Long story short, he hated them. Now, not so much. In fact, when he wants to get in my good books, he cuddles Harvey. Harvey is like :o :o
They seem to be a good indicator of where his mind is at. Who would have thunk it??
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My cat bit my h really hard. He was playing way too rough with her [he used to be so sappy with the cats] & she, being the entitled little $%#@ that she is, wouldn't tolerate it so, she bit him. :) Small victories of the lbs. ::)
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What about "I Dont Want to Turn Into My Parents"
I got, you make me feel like my parents made me feel (basically I wanted him to earn some money because we were burning through our savings whilst he set up a business that didnt pay him any money for two years) we had a 6 year old and a 6 month old at the time which meant I couldn't go out and earn more money.
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I got one tell if if you've heard this one
In an email w states" I truly understand the hurt I've caused you. I do and always will love you, differently but care about you and what happens to you all the same.....I believe one day you'll find the happiness you deserve. Because you deserve beautiful moments and people in your life..."
Yeah, thanks for telling me how to be happy....I think I can manage that one on my own.
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Ok, I have one too, wonder if anyone heard anything like this.
This has to do with W brother who had an affair for a year before admiting to it:
"When I found out how brave my brother was to go after what he wanted, I thought that I can do the same and be happy "
....umm, really?? You were inspired by your brothers affair that devastated everyone in the family, including you??
How is this positive and inspirational??.... did I miss something??...
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Phantom step that one is frightening!
My h said; I'm not having an affair, I wouldn't do that to myself let alone you, we have a code.
Hmmmmmmm!
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Yes, I find that the hypocrisy which seems to come hand in hand with MLC and what they have berated us for is outstanding.
Yup. Kids just told me that H and OW are "disappointed in me"... ???
I just kinda stood there with my mouth hanging open.
It's not often I'm left lost for words but the degree of hypocrisy in that statement given what they've done to us over the past year just left me speech less...that they wouldn't/couldn't compare my very minor "crime" (in their eyes only!) Vs what they've done is just mind boggling. Only in MLC. :o
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Thundarr,
I apologize right now, and don't take this wrong but what you posted made me laugh pretty good. I hope some of the crazy hurtful things I post help someone else laugh about it too cuz on tv this sitcom would take over.
I'm going to look at my notes and pull out some other doozies.. Stay tuned....
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Back to the pet thing...
My girls and I have decided to get a kitten. I could really see a need in my youngest for something to cuddle and love her unconditionally. We, including H, have always been a dog people, we would never have considered a cat previously.
Our kitten will be ready or us next week. We are all very excited including....wait for it...H. He is as excited as D11! Asking lots of questions, wanting to see all the bits and pieces we have bought. And...offering to babysit the cat if we go away??
Lots of you have posted about MLCers who now ignore the pets they loved before. I have an H who is excited about a cat when he has never had anything nice to say about cats. Do they just become the opposite or what!
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I must be cycling. S14 say dad I haven't seen you laugh like this for a while. I'm reading posts here and can't contain myself anymore
Oh pet thing. Wife had MY HOUSE watch her dog cuz it's too hot in the slums while she attempts to work. Her swamp cooler in the cool slums doesn't work. Well well at least the dog will be in a comfortable place for a couple hours. Oh yeah she doesn't want anything for me and I should just leave her alone-- I am
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Opposites indeed. XW has always HATED dogs ever since before we even met and has had bad experiences with them which likely contributed. Shortly after BD, her lawyer boy friend and his W were going on a vacation and XW volunteered to house-sit and take care of their two large house dogs!! She talked at length about what good dogs they were and even named a stray cat she adopted after one of them. Coincidentally, the cat hid from her in her house and darted outside at the first opportunity never to be seen again!!! I'll admit to laughing my butt off when I first heard about it (weeks after it happened as XW apparently didn't want me to know!).
And as far as pets go, we had four indoor cats when XW left and she stated no intent to take any of them with her even though she was responsible for two of them being here and used to hold them all the time. The funny thing is that when she comes by she TRIES to hold and pet the two that are left and the new one but they all run from her like she's going to eat them or something!! It's hilarious to watch our newest cat (a lap cat for ANYONE else in the family) scratch and whine to get away when XW picks her up. It's like they "sense" something about her. LOL!
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No worries, Supes, as that's the purpose of this thread (and am I the only one that realizes we have two with the same title - one started by Kikki and the other by Calamity?).
I just had another one come up too as I was reading Superman's post about the dog on the other thread. In the first 6 months or so that XW was living in the apartment she is now (which she calls her "house" for some unbeknownst reason) she and D20 would get in arguments and XW would "throw her out" when she was staying there, which of course frightened the little ones as they were afraid they would also be thrown out. Once, D20 called me while XW was acting psychotic and screaming at her in the front yard of her apartment and D20 asked her how she could throw her own daughter out just because she had been eating on the couch. XW screamed (I heard every word) "I'm not throwing you out, my HOUSE is!!" Honest to God. XW actually spoke about her apartment as if it were a sentient thing. D20 asked me what I thought about that and the other crazy things XW was saying, and at the time I could only stare at my phone and wonder if I was imagining things. I wasn't.
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Ok I have to share this:
W never liked or disliked animals in general. Highly allergic to cats. Well several months after bd while she is living out of the trunk of her car and coming over to "spend time with kids" not, I was watching her walk to her car and this stray came came up to her she proceeded to get out of her car grab the phone and started taking pics and videos. I over hear her talking to cat like it was a long lost friend. "Oh you are do cute I cant resist taking your picture. Will anyone notice if I just take you home? I'll bring you dinner tomorrow if you come out to play. Oops I got to go now be safe"
Needless to say my jaw had hit the floor. Still don't understand what I witnessed.
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I messed this up last time. New thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=3776.new#new