Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: 2.roads on June 30, 2013, 11:30:50 AM
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Today I was driving in the car and I had one of those moments where I knew very clearly just how I would express myself if I were given an opportunity to openly and honestly share my feelings with my MLCer.
What's funny is that periodically along our journey, we find that what we would say changes...evolves. In the beginning it may be more of an EMOTIONALLY expression of what their crisis has done to us...then we find we may have more words of anger....or disgust...or regret or sorrow. Sometimes we would be very clinical and logical....other times not so much. :P
So I have found it VERY therapeutic/cathartic to either write that imaginary conversation in a letter or (if I'm alone) just say it out loud as if he were standing right there. Sometimes I feel quite light and liberated after I pour my heart out to my invisible and run-away husband. Other times I can better see where I'm struggling with something...or where saying it out loud didn't make me feel any better, and certainly not like the bigger person.
So I thought it might be cathartic for us all to leave our letters/convo's to our spouse right here....letting it out as if we were getting the chance to say it in person.
It can be a long diatribe...or a brief note about how their presence was missed today.
I'm going to add mine shortly, but I'm on my way out again for a bit, so I'll post a bit later.
(This is not with the intention of asking you LBS's to share your most private feelings on a public forum....there are some things we would say to our spouse that we wouldn't say to anyone else and that's just as it should be. But there are lots if things we would say that we have no reason to hide and you can do that here.)
So....HMMMM.....Dear Turnip,......
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Hi 2 Roads,
I have had these moments of clarity! The nicest ones are when I totally get just how unlikely it is that he will ride off into the sunset surrounded by roses (because I often am silly enough to hold that image in my imagination). And I get how likely it is, really, all things considered, that he will one day discover the real source of his pain (it ain't me - I truly know that) and smack himself on the side of his head with his hand and go - what the *** am I doing... Watch Shrek iV, and you'll get the idea. SO,
I would hire an aircraft to do one of those written-in-the-sky messsages, and it would fly over his apartment and it would simply say, "YOU GREAT TIT!!!'
That's a very mild insult in UK terms, so the point is made through the banality, in a way. 'You great Lummox!' might also do...
UK S
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Mine would have to be short and sweet, because quite honestly, those MLC'er have the attention span of a fish on amphetamines!
Written at the back of following postcard:
Dear Pillock,
Saw this and thought of you.
Love, your LBS.
(http://static.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/1333997069913_7329024.png)
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Dear H
What on earth possesed you to rip our family apart.
We had the perfect family and you have totally disregarded it for your own selfish needs, we no longer know you as the person you were, you have become so strange,
You appear to live nowhere in particular although supposed to live with ow, you also live with youngest son.
You run up and down the country like your life depended on it, seem to change your mind several times a day, nobody knows where you are going to be one day to the next, never mind yourself.
Your mam thinks you will give yourself a heart attack, your eldest son thinks you are mad, youngest thinks your cool and your dad just scratches his head in dismay.
I feel sorry for you one minute then angry the next and my love for you has got lost in the turmoil.
I liked being with you, never imagined anything else and if it wasnt for the fact that I dont think I could trust anyone let alone you I might have found someone else by now.
Two and a half years is a long time, I am fed up and you are running out of time, I ask myself regurlarly if I want to divorce you so I can go on my merry way and I dont know what is stopping me, lack of courage I think.
You were the love and light of my life, you have sabotaged the whole lot and for what, some kind of cheap thrill perhaps.
So so sad.
Gosh how much can we write I could fill a book lol.
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Dear H,
It has been a few months since you left my life…seems like a lifetime. I never expected any of this, I know you thought I was feeling the same way and you were shocked when you told me you were not in love with me anymore and thought I felt the same way. Never…I could never fall out of love with you. That, there, is a huge problem because I can’t imagine what I have ahead of me. How do I go on with life without you? It just seems so pointless and life sounds so unhappy. I always thought we would be together of anybody out there. I mean just think of what we had to go through to be together in the first place! 20 years is an accomplishment. 2 kids are an accomplishment…
I am so ashamed of my parents and how they treated you. And the worst part? I let them do that to you and I am ashamed of myself. Why in the world did I not tell them to go to hell all those years ago? I don’t know, maybe I wasn’t grown up enough and didn’t realize what it was doing to you. But I want you to know, they will not have a hold on me anymore…whether you are in my life or not. I know you think there will always be a connection but there will not..I will be polite and say hi and happy birthday or merry Christmas but I am done with them…I need happiness of any kind in my life and well, I am learned they only frustrate me and parents or not, I don’t need that. I know you don’t believe me and I can’t convince you with words and I think it is too late to show you with actions.
Loneliness is a horrible thing. I woke up one morning and realized just how lonely I am…I literally got on my phone and on facebook and searched for someone I could talk to…Someone I could confide in…there was no one..All those “true” friends I had have nothing more to say than “why do you want him back? Move on with your life and find someone else” I understand they just care about me and I even sat back and analized what they said…why do I want you back? Why can’t I just move on and forget about you? I have asked myself those questions in so many ways and sat alone in the dark so many hours thinking…I just keep coming back to the same thought, the same feeling…I love you…not just a little love or because I feel like I can’t make it in life without you, (i.e I can’t make enough money or you help me make decisions etc) I know I can make it..i am terrified of it but I know I would be ok in everyday life but I know deep in my heart, in my soul, that you are my soulmate…I believe with everything I have that we belong together.
So, what do I do? Good question. I don’t know at all…I sit and wait and hope and dream. You say you love me more than I will ever know…and you think about how wonderful it would be if you came back….yet you can’t heal from this…I wish I had some sort of words of wisdom but I have to tell you in my heart when I think about you coming back I am not scared at all, no fear, I just know we will be ok and in fact, better than ok…I think we would have the best marriage ever. I don’t know what is telling me this or why I feel this…But when I think of you coming back my soul is calm.
I know you are dealing with hurting me from the affair…I get that..and I am going to be brutally truthful with you…I have laid in bed many nights thinking about you with that other woman. I know you don’t want to talk about this and either do I but I think you need to know how I really feel and maybe it might help you to heal a bit…I think about you and her and I will tell you it kills me, I have horrible mental pictures…I can’t even imagine someone else touching you…But it happened…it does me no good to sit and picture it and be sad about it. There is a reason for everything. I know that now…You were hurting…you were lost and still are, I think. Do you remember when you were home and we had already discussed divorce and you still wanted to have sex? You said you just wanted to feel good for a little bit and asked me if I felt the same way? I think men are different than women…Sex is sex with men…I see you doing that and having the emotional affair to make yourself feel better about the decision you made about me that you regreted. I could be totally wrong but I don’t’ think you really wanted to leave me…I think you were unhappy with most of what was in your life and this was the easy way out. You figured you should eliminate something and well, I guess I was it…partly my fault and take credit for it…I sucked as a wife for a couple years or so..i know I did…I didn’t clean, I didn’t support you in what you wanted to do, I didn’t want to move for years and years, I didn’t have sex with you enough, I had withdrawn a bit emotionally because I was just so upset that you kept buying toys and things to do that required you to be away from me and the kids and when I wanted something you always said we didn’t have money…It made me mad…I didn’t know why at the time I was pulling away but I was…and of course, I hated the way I looked and felt about myself…I wish I just would have fixed it and stopped complaining..i have lost weight and can even look at my body in the mirror naked now and I am proud of what I have accomplished…I feel better about my image. And since you know me better than anyone, you know how big that is.
As for the affair, I know how sorry you are…I can see the anguish in your texts, I know how you beat yourself up. I know that these are words and I have told you over and over but I do forgive you…I have really searched inside myself and asked me if I really do forgive or just want to forget and move on since I want to be with you…no…I do forgive…I know you..the real you and you have to be lost and hurt to do something like that. I don’t know if my words help but I want you to know I am here to help you heal if you ever want it. I would love to show you how I feel and how much I want to help you.
As for my actions in the past months, I am sorry for being so crazy. The way I have felt is the past few months is nothing close to a mental breakdown. I don’t know how I have made it this far except to say I Thank God for the boys…if I didn’t have them and knew you were not coming back, I would not be here. It would have been an easy decision. When I would start texting you and you wouldn’t answer I thought you just wanted me to go away and rejection is a horrible feeling…to know in your gut that someone you love that much doesn’t want anything to do with you eats at you. I have searched and searched within myself to what is wrong with me…what did I do…and the worst is, “is there a solution to this?” Now that I am a bit stronger I have learned that there is no solution on my side…I can’t do a thing other than make sure you know my feelings and that I would take you back and you would be in a safe place with your family where you belong…but you have to want it bad enough…or at all. Healing does not take place overnight..it is a long process…And I am not sure you can do it alone..
I feel like this whole thing is a bad movie…or good, depending on the ending..All I can think of is the notebook..lol…Those two were meant to be together…always were and of course the parents got in the middle…but they ended up back together. I know, just a movie but just seems like one of those things that if you really do leave forever you are going to be 85 someday and sitting thinking about what you could have had…and compared to love of a lifetime this 6 months of wrongdoings is nothing.
I am not sure if anything I ever say will hit your heart and make you truly think about what you should do…your boys and I need you terribly…and quite frankly, I think you need all three of us worse than we need you…
I know you think you are seeing your boys during this but you are missing the everyday, small things each night…the snuggles and the talks and just seeing their faces when they discover something…you are missing a ton and someday I think you will regret that a lot. Little things mean a lot I have learned.
I am here…always will be…I have no desire to be with anyone else, ever. I am not just saying that, I mean it…I am sure at some point I will date but I can’t imagine being intimate with anyone ever again..I am proud that you are my one and only..I know there are not many others out there that can say that. No one knows me or my body like you…I am sure you will find someone to fulfill you and make you happy…I hope you do if you don’t come back to me. I will say, as I have before…
You will never find someone who loves you as much as I do…Ever…
I love you, now and forever….
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You hurt our family... I forgive you... Please get some help
I've read the statistics - our children and we are better in a healed and reconciled home
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oh man I have HUNDREDS of letters! I have them all saved and a lot of them I've said out loud. I hope that maybe, one day, when all of this is over, I can share those letters with him.. it will be the ultimate healing moment. Of that i'm sure ....
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My beautiful man ~where did you go? I want you to look at me. I want you to look into my eyes, and see inside my heart, that you broke into a million pieces. I want you to look at your daughters. I want you to see their pain and confusion, that will journey with them through their entire lives. I want you to see the daily struggle that we have now endured for 6 months. I want you to see it all, and I want you to weep. To mourn, and to wail. I want you to see all these things now, and allow them to turn your heart back to us. How did you become so lost? How did you allow yourself to make the decisions that you have made?
I want you to take back those cruel words that you hurled at me, that sent me spiraling into the pit of despair. The ones which caused me to want to take my life. I want you to tell me that you are sorry. I want to hear those words, and I want to see the pain of full understanding pour from your eyes.
I committed to love you until the day I died. No matter what. But you have taken that from me. I am only allowed to love you quietly, from a distance. Because of that, my heart is forced to protect itself, and the memory of you is being walled in.
I want you to know that it isn't fair that you are suffering in darkness and you won't let me help you. You have robbed me of my compassion and turned my sensitive heart and love for you into something unacceptable to you. As if they are dirty, you throw them back into my face.
I want you to feel the depth of confusion inside me as I have to dress for battle against the one sworn to protect me. I have bared my very soul to you, and you have trampled on it.
But I want you to know this: because of my God, and the power of Christ Jesus living in me, I have picked my soul back up, shaken off the dust, and am whole again. Battle scars are evident, and the memory of you will reverberate through me for all time. But my God tells me that He will never leave me, nor forsake me. That He has great plans for my life, and that I am a beautiful child of His. He is walking with me, and I have chosen to walk with Him.
You are lost. You are running. I pray for you every day. I want you to know that. You are looking for happiness, for love. Only Christ can fill you. You will keep running until you surrender to Him.
I didn't do this to you. I should have been better to you in many ways, but I am not the cause of this. You are broken. You always have been. It got to be too much for you, the perfect storm came upon you, and you needed to blame me. You are blinded. I'm afraid you won't realize it until it is too late for us, and that makes me sad.
I want you to know that I am happy, in the midst of my pain I have joy. God is the source. You won't have joy until you find Him.
Love always to you, my beautiful man.
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You guys are making me cry :'(
So much love... love unappreciated for now. I hope all of our MLCers find their way. I really do. ♥
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Oh Wow....you guys are making me cry too!!
I am amazed at the capacity you all have for love, even though by this point that should not surprise me at all....I've been on HS long enough to know the quality of the people on here is second to none.
I HOPE and PRAY that someday you get the chance to share these thoughts with your MLCer and more importantly I hope they really HEAR what you are saying.
For a while now, I've been thinking of compiling a book of letters written by the children of divorce (people of any age ) and calling it "I Didn't Just Get Over It". An opportunity for them to share how their parents divorce impacted them. And then those letters should be required reading for anyone thinking about divorce or separating. :'(
Truly, there HAS to be something missing in our spouses hearts, for them to be able to hurt and reject people with the love that you all have.
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That book idea is fantastic!!!!
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Dear H,
Funny...after knowing you for almost 25 years, for the first time since I met you I find myself at a loss for what to say to you.
I know I had LOTS to say in the first months after you moved out. I was shocked and afraid and devastated and I thought if I could just get through to your heart then you would realize what a mistake you were making and stop running. I could not understand how you could walk away from your family with hardly a backward glance.
In my heart I knew there was another woman...but it took me a year to have that confirmed. And the day I told you I knew the truth you acted so smug...as though you were kind of happy to be caught and proud for me to know that you were "man" enough to get such a "good woman" as you called her.
I tried once or twice after that to talk sense into you. I got spewed on with all your seemingly unending venom...so I stopped trying to talk sense into you. I finally realized that if you don't wake up every day and look over at that stranger in your bed and say " What the h*ll have I done?!?! " ...then you are either ignoring your conscience or you don't have one anymore...
I know we had ups and downs in our marriage and in our family. We came into marriage with baggage from our childhoods and then to be the parents of 3 sons with ADHD...not easy!! But we had always faced every challenge and I thought we were doing better than ever. I wish I had been able to see what lie under the surface in you...after your first Bomb drop of 2008 I had a pretty good idea.
I don't hate you. I hate what you've done. But most of the time I feel sorry for someone who has made a royal mess of his life. You've lost your kids' respect, most of your friends, a lot of your money, and your reputation. All for a woman who has already been divorced twice and has slept with countless other men. :(
But when the dust settles and I can think without the crap from your crisis clouding my vision I realize that a part of me will always love you.
I believed that we were MEANT to be together....the way we met was just too amazing. And I am ever thankful or each of our 4 kids. I am sad that you didn't see out family as something worth saving. But we will be ok...better than ok.
I hope that someday soon you open your heart to the truth and to God. I hope that He restores your integrity and honor and that when it happens it's not too late to repair the damage that has been done. Until that day we will pray for from afar and give you the space to live with your decisions.
~ME~
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JB...maybe it can be a joint effort by the LBS's here...our kids can contribute and we can ask people in RL to be a part of it too. :D
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Dearest darling exH,
For anything that ever goes wrong for you for the rest of your life you will know exactly why it is happening and be able to say This is because I sh!t on my wife.
For all the positive things that will come your way, you will have to admit to yourself I was willing to sh!t on my wife to get this.
So enjoy that.
You've earned it.
:-*
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Dear H,
When we met 26 years ago I fell in love with you and you with me.
We met a few times in the same hobby and then you took me to the pub where I just looked you in the eyes trembling and shaking; I took a gamble and said “It’s all your fault”
You and I both knew that it was your fault that we had fallen in love and you kissed me so softly. That was all we needed.
26 years passed, 3 children, a fabulous home, a thriving business, a successful career, an unbelievable group of friends and still enjoying the same hobbies together.
I hurt you badly 15 years ago and I will always regret that, but when you asked me why I said “ It’s all my fault!” and I meant it.
Now after that fateful day, when you told me that you no longer loved me and that you had met someone else and you have chosen to destroy our family and break my heart, I find myself saying yet again but in the saddest way possible…
“It’s all your fault”
I adore you and believe in the man I fell in love with. I don’t know what each day will bring, but one day I dream and visualise that when we reconcile we can smile and say “It’s all our fault”.
For then we will know that we will never have to say it again except in laughter and love.
Me x
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Oh Wow....you guys are making me cry too!!
I am amazed at the capacity you all have for love, even though by this point that should not surprise me at all....I've been on HS long enough to know the quality of the people on here is second to none.
I HOPE and PRAY that someday you get the chance to share these thoughts with your MLCer and more importantly I hope they really HEAR what you are saying.
For a while now, I've been thinking of compiling a book of letters written by the children of divorce (people of any age ) and calling it "I Didn't Just Get Over It". An opportunity for them to share how their parents divorce impacted them. And then those letters should be required reading for anyone thinking about divorce or separating. :'(
Truly, there HAS to be something missing in our spouses hearts, for them to be able to hurt and reject people with the love that you all have.
I think this is fantastic...
Seriously I'd love to see this.
There is so much Oprah/cosmo bs pop culture psychology being tossed around
My favorite script is "a child from 2 happy homes is better than one from an unhappy home" (proven to be wrong)
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Strongwind mentioned on her thread that she wanted to talk to her h. I used to write letters to him but never hit send. Here's a thread for things you want/wanted/may never be able to say. No swearing or trash talk! You can write with expletives but file those letters away.
Mine are:
If it's early onset dementia, I'm not taking you back.
Who has the 'little life' now?
Seriously--you are doing unredeemable emotional damage to your d.
You never even tried!
You never stopped seeing her...don't lie, there's proof.
Is this what you call a father?
P.S. Um, reading this, I'm sensing I still have a little anger. ??? ;D
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You blew it pal.
Its not my mess to fix, do you believe in miracles.
I would love our family back in one piece, but how can we do that now.
I don't know what I want or how I feel anymore.
x
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How can you live with yourself?
I sleep well at night knowing I have never cheated, lied, or broke our vows...
The devastation you are causing is not repairable
Your children will always look at you the way you look at your father...and they will have no respect for you
I cannot believe what you have done to me and our beautiful innocent children
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I just wanted to commet..that I have no comment
What I'd like to say and have happen?
I just won't go into it. ;D ;D ;D
I think this is GREAT THREAD let loose!
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Thankfully my W is out of the craziness…but one thing I wanted to say to her MANY times during it all was:
(…...said in my best Cher voice(gawd,I love that woman!!)…)
Snap out of it!!
"Women have to harness their power - its absolutely true. It's just learning not to take the first no. And if you can't go straight ahead, you go around the corner."-Cher
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This is a letter I somewhat copy and change from a book I read ,to send to my Wife the week before the final divorce medation,, My lawyer told me not to send it because it doesn't matter to her, it help me to get it off my chest.
Dear Wife
This is a letter that is probably long past due.
I’ve been through some very tough times since you decided to leave me, as you know. At first, I didn’t want to face the possibility of a life without you. To a man like me who expected to marry only once and to remain committed for life, it is an enormous and emotionally severe shock to see our relationship and our family come so unraveled.
So many people have advised me to “let go! Of you, and move on that it’s finally sinking in. It’s curious how a person loses perspective by being so close to a problem. It becomes difficult to see issues clearly. But in the last few months, I’ve been able to pull back a little bit from all this and see things in a new light. God has called me to peace. If someone wants to go, LET THEM GO!
After much soul-searching and prayer, I want you to know that you are free from me, and I am free from you. This will be my declaration of independence in as firm but as loving a manner as I can say it.
Wife,do you remember that night? March 25, 2011 that you told me you wanted a divorce? Well, that was a night I will never forget. You told me that you love me but you where not in love with me and that you needed space and you felt trapped in our marriage and you just had to be free. Do you remember the next day we talked about things? I asked you about various options. I asked you not to do this on our Son, Senior yr; I ask could we work things out? Could we go to a counselor? Was a trial separation possible? You said no to everything. You wanted out!
Against the advice of virtually everyone, however, I became passive and tried to appease you because I loved you so much, I offered to do many things to help you during our separation because I worried about you and I loved you. But now I think I made a big mistake in doing all this and I have paid a huge price for doing that.
As I look back over the past 2 years, I can see how I have reacted with panic and desperation. I have begged. I have pleaded. I have tried to hold onto you, but now I see how much of a doormat I have made of myself in doing all this
Wife,you married me of your own free choice. I did not force you to do it, it was a decision you made to respect and honor me as your mate without pressure from me, and I married you of my own free will, to love and honor and respect you also. That’s what made it so special to me. But now there is no mutual respect and admiration. There is no mutual acceptance. There’s absolutely nothing I can do about this and to be honest, I have to let you go. I cannot force you to stay now, any more that I could have forced you to marry me many years ago. And now with your feelings for me being what they are, I can see how I have been losing my own self-respect and compromising my own self-esteem in pursuing you. While my real crime over the past 24 months is probably in loving you too much, after you walked out on me, the punishment that this has wrought on my psyche is not healthy for me as a person or a man. Well, I am tired of expending enormous emotional and physical energy and sending it on a one-way trip in your direction. It’s depleting me, and it’s very wrong, like it says in Matthew 7:6 “Do not give to dogs what is Holy and do not throw your pearls before pigs! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you”.
As everything comes into clearer focus for me, here are things I need to share with you to break free out of this relationship for me;
FREEDOM. That’s a precious thing. While we were married to each other, I didn’t own you and you didn’t own me. I cannot and have not every deprive you of your freedom. I have never told you what you could or could not do, or tell you that you could not go anywhere ,you ever wanted to go at anytime, I did not deprive you of your freedom,,
DIVORCE. This is not what I wanted for us or our family. Divorce has never been an option for me, but starting today I am going to be totally honest with friends and relatives who ask about you. If they ask how you are or if I have seen you, I will tell them I do not know anything about you anymore and I will always tell them this is not my divorce and I have never agree to it or wanted it. And that it was your decision to abandon the marriage and break up the family
As for any friendship between us after the divorce, I’m sorry, but there’s just no way. I cannot handle that. When the door closes on our marriage, as it is doing now, it is over, Pure and simple. When the divorce is finalized, I am going to do my best to forget you were ever in my life. I have to. It’s just too painful otherwise. I love being married. I enjoy being a husband. If you don’t want a married life with me, I have faith, that the Lord will work in my life and show me what’s best. If you do not want me, then I believe and trust that the Lord will bring someone in my life, who will love me and I will love them
BOUNDARIES: We never had boundaries with each other, we should have.
I feel like I have made my life an open book to you and put all my cards on the table. I have spoken my heart to you and told you exactly how I feel. I feel you have been somewhat open about certain things, but for the most part you’ve held your cards close to your chest. I feel you have been evasive, mysterious and deceptive. I don’t know what you’re doing with your life. I have no idea, who you spend your time with or whether you even read your bible, because if you did, you would have read that this divorce is wrong. And God hates divorce .But you know all those things about me. I have tolerated this double standard for too long. I guess I just loved you so much that I was willing to do anything you demanded, just to keep you from leaving me.
I have heard your complaints from everyone, about how I am not taking care of you, and being unfair, I did what I thought was right when you first left me, by giving you money and paying for everything, and whatever else you needed, I did too much for my own good. But you are on your own now. You have put me out of your life. You should do the responsible thing now and take care of yourself, you may have problems, but that is the way you will have to live your life and this is what you wanted anyway, your decision, and your choice. If it’s any consolation, my feeling is that my life and emotions have been torn up a whole lot worse, then anything you will ever experience.
We absolutely must set boundaries and get our lives untwined from each other. Therefore, please do not call me or text me, except to the extent you need to tell me something about our children or grandchildren and they cannot get in touch with me, don’t visit me. Don’t do anything for me. I won’t contact you either, unless it’s about something you need to know about the children or grandchildren, I expect my key back, I will forward all your mail that comes to the house, till you put in a change of address. You will not see me and I will not see you.
I am going to take all the pictures of you and me together at home and put them in a safe place. The things you left behind at the house are going into storage, until you pick them up in a reasonable time frame after this divorce. There will be no more “love gifts” or help from me. We are going to live our lives totally separate, if we are not going to be married anymore.
COUNSELING. I have never regretted getting counseling. We both were long overdue. But from the very beginning, you made it very clear that you do not need counseling and nothing ever change that feeling. I on the other hand. Came for counseling and marriage counseling and for reconciliation if possible. While I have learned a lot with the help of a counselor, and also realized this marriage could be healed, I also learned it takes two people wanting the same thing and you never did. If you ever change your mind let me know, if you don’t, I am ok.
TRUST. When you told me that you wanted a Divorce, and that “You LOVED ME BUT WASN’T IN LOVE WITH ME ANYMORE”, I had to Google that meaning, to really get an understanding what it really means. And after countless phone calls and visit from others that know you and me, really, really well and listening to what others told me from church about you and what really is happening, and after doing some investigation, I lost all trust in you. Up until that time, I trusted you 100 percent. I never checked up on you. I took you at your word. I wasn’t perfect, but I never violated your trust by getting involved with anyone else, since I pledged myself to you. I feel that you have violated my trust and broken faith with me in our marriage. Nothing that I have done to offend you—nothing—could ever justify this action or this divorce. It became a whole new situation when this happened.
if I am no longer special to you, then I’m just one of the crowds. Actually, I’m a little less than others in the crowd because you know me, and all the others are always going to appear more mysterious and exciting. Well I cannot live with that. If you think you can go and find a person who loves God and loves you more then me, then go. That is between you and the Lord.
This letter is no power play on my part. I’m not playing games. This is no bluff. I am being honest so that I can live with myself and have a good night’s sleep once again. There are limits to what I can tolerate, and I’m way over my limit already in this manner. I have been pushed, prodded, tested, abused; ask to leave the church and transfer my membership, dismissed from a job and the worst, not being called or being there when our grandchild was born, and also when she was baptize and both of those was very important to me as a daddy and granddaddy. I have had my self-esteem assaulted enough. I am through with trying to chase after you. You’re going to be history very quick and that is exactly what you want.
I am not perfect, but neither are you, that fact is I have always loved you, no matter what you did or didn’t do, but you are rejecting me. Of course, that is your choice in exercising your free will and your freedom, and independence and one day you will have to answer God for what you are doing, and what you have done, either in this life or the next. The bottom line is that if we cannot accept each other as Christ does each of us, then it is best for you to go. I am absolutely, positively through preaching at you, pulling after you, pinning away for you, being passive, and trying to appease you and everyone else.
This entire experience has been painful beyond belief—a real nightmare! But I’m going to make it. I’m going to sleep deeply through the night once again without worrying about you. The Lord has been with me this far, and He’ll go with me in the future.
You and I have had some wonderful, exciting and precious times together and I would not take anything for them. But those times are gone. I will continue to pray for you. I trust God will guide you in the years ahead. But I am making no promises beyond what I have already made and agree too. Now I’m going to do everything possible to remove you from my life and stop punishing myself for what’s happened. It’s not going to be easy. You were my special love---my only love. You were the only one I’ve ever wanted in my life, and I will trust God to bring someone else into my life, when He feels the time is right, I will wait on Him, and His love and Grace for me. I loved you from the very first day and have always loved you. I have been proud to call you my wife, my friend and partner. But that was then, and this is now, God bless you!!! I have forgiven you for what you have done and I will miss you!!!!
starrett
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Star,
If your ex doesn´t soon find herself, some other woman, most likely from your church is going to fall head over heels for you and you iikewise- you are a good man and you will find someone who will treasure you.
FTT
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Don't say it's none of your parents business. You are their son, they love you and they are hurting badly.
Make an effort with your youngest D, if you don't she will never forgive you.
Lying by omission is still lying.
If you do that snarky little laugh one more time I will deck you!
Sign the papers and let me sell the bloody house. I don't want to live here anymore.
Telling me you loved me for the first time and then BDing me the following month is the cruelest thing you could have done. I waited 28 years for you to say those three little words............
(Now that's set the tears going.......)
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Well even if we said it,it wouldn't sink in.
I would like to say.....
Get your head out of your a$$.
Boy wouldn't your Navy superiors be proud of you now!
You are just like the low life losers you work with including the guy that was married three times divorced,cheated on all of them and then one of them killed herself from the pain. He hates the guy this happened to and felt so bad when the woman killed herself, but felt nothing when his own wife as hospitalized thanks to him walking out.
Bet your parents are real.proud of you now. Bet your grammar would be real thrilled with you if she was still alive.
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Wgy did you "Just have to do this "
why did you tell me yuou loved me and would never stop telling me every day for the resr of our lives then am month later tell me you want a divorce ??
why did you abandon your life and family for some trollop ?
why are you now "Jusrt going with the flow ?
why did you say she is ten times the woman i am you know for a fac tthat not true
omg i could go on but wont ..................
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ILYBINILWY
I need space!!!!!!!
Who told you you suited those earrings and the blonde tips, cos they ain't your friend.
Have you any idea what you look like when you make that scary face, even the dog has sore ribs from the laughing at it.
Please just let the man in the lab coat take a look at you.
SD
X
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Super dog........ too funny.
That hair color looks awful! Just for men really sucks. So one tone and no highlights.
Your kids don't think you're cool when you call them dude during a conversation.
Sorry but the waitresses at the casino are only nice to you so you will tip them and it's there job. They really think you are a creepy, drunk guy,that has a problem.
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Do you realize you are making the biggest mistake of your life?
You already have a grown son who doesn't want to be around you, now you are doing the same thing to S10.
What kind of body wash are you using because you REEK!
How can you justify to God what you are doing?
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Is that jacket what your mistress gave you for Christmas? One thing for sure, you'll never sneak up on anybody... pffffft pfffffft pffffft pfffffft
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Omg this thread is brilliant! Totally catty but brilliant! I am sick and feeling like trash but at least I ain't behaving like that mlc trash!!
My addition : you are behaving like a mad evil person for doing what you are to d
When you are old and lonely do you think d will rush to help you if you abandon her any more?
You look ugly. Your whole mobster personality has taken over your looks and your mouth smells,! Your butt crack shows everytime you sit down because your pants are too tight and you are seriously overweight! You talk about wife number three but she must be a severely brainless idiot to want a man with a child he doesn't care for.
You have destroyed our lives. Our families and friendships. We used to go to the park together and relax under trees in the sun. Now we are a war field. It hurts.
Eeek sorry if my list isn't as funny and very b!tc#y!
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Your eyes were the very last image I ever wanted to see before my time here on this earth was done.
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Once upon a time I would have said: I cannot believe I wasted so much time and effort on you. You are a weak little boy who almost sucked the life out of me simply because you became an insecure, aging, depressed, shell of the man I once thought you were. You stole my dreams forcing me to face again the harshness of the outside world in what should have been the sanctity of the home. I cannot believe I put up with years of living with you when you downplayed my accomplishments, dished out veiled insults, were so sensitive to any criticism that I walked on egg shells, and ultimately threatened to kill me. I am sickened and disgusted that I even let you into my life, much less touch me. Thank you for ruining my dreams and blowing up my life. I have no respect for you whatsoever and would never allow you back into my life. You will never see our fur children again. I hope you end up in the h*ll that you so richly deserve and would do anything in my power to help that along.
Oh and by the way, You are nothing more than a foolish old stereotype of the MLC man. I hope mentally impaired child enjoys the same old same old maximum 10 minutes of selfish sex you pass off for making love.
You look like the old man that you feared you were becoming, hairline receding to the crown of your head, wrinkles lining your face, eyes that appear dead when once they sparkled with whit and intelligence and cheeks so sunken in that your gum line is also receding. Nothing says old like forgetting everything from the location of your keys to our history.
You see, there is nothing unique any longer about you. Now you know why I would never call you hero as you so strongly desired.
But that is not the person I am now although all those things are true.
Today I would say to him:
You were once the most important person in the world to me, even more important than God or my inner self. I loved you with my whole heart, mind, body and soul. I am sorry that I could not help you with the pain and sadness when you were so good to me for so many years. Know that I treasure the memory of those years we had together, the fur babies, and the things we accomplished together. Each day I pray that you find the life you ran from me to pursue. I also pray that you become the man you could be one day. You are a brilliant man with much to offer the world. Bon chance and Good Bye.
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One thing I actually did say when I met the ow for the first time.
She's old and ugly. You're not.
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One thing I actually did say when I met the ow for the first time.
She's old and ugly. You're not.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
nice one