Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses

Archives => Archived Topics => Topic started by: tsk on September 18, 2010, 03:01:54 PM

Title: Do you tell them that you are Letting Go?
Post by: tsk on September 18, 2010, 03:01:54 PM

I know I've read this somewhere before but can't find it now. Have any of you actually voiced that you were Letting Go?

I know the benefits are in my opinion for the LBS, but I also see benefits for the MLCer. Any disadvantages?

What are your view points?

Title: Re: Do you tell them that you are Letting Go?
Post by: Rollercoasterider on September 18, 2010, 03:15:44 PM

It will be interesting to hear everyone's thoughts.
My thought... I don't think it is necessary. They don't really know what it means and may misinterpret it anyway.

Title: Re: Do you tell them that you are Letting Go?
Post by: HeartsBlessing on September 18, 2010, 03:37:14 PM

MLC'ers look at actions, not so much listen to words.

IN ACTION, you LET GO, when you go on get a life, get on with your life AS IF they are not coming back.

The confusion within your typical MLC'er is so strong, they can't hear a DANG thing you tell them.

So, you evidence what you are doing through ACTIONS...and you never have to say a word.

They may be foggy, but they are NOT dumb, and they DO recognize when the LBS is moving away from them...they may run to catch up, and test the waters to see if these changes are for real.

It is very important that when you start a course of action, you stay the course...and if they ask questions in regards to you moving on?  Well, you simply state you are moving forward; there IS a difference in these statements...and the MLC'er can actually see the difference between.

Hope this helps. :)

Title: Re: Do you tell them that you are Letting Go?
Post by: tsk on September 18, 2010, 03:47:36 PM

RCR
  Think you're right terminology could be misunderstood

HB
  Got it, ACTIONS

Title: Re: Do you tell them that you are Letting Go?
Post by: Trustandlove on September 18, 2010, 04:04:47 PM

I agree with the actions bit. 

In my case I tried to tell my H that I was moving on, forward, or whatever you want to call it, and that went nowhere.  Now that could easily be because I was trying it as "strategy", but in any case saying so really doesn't work, and in my case some of my words have been thrown back at me.

Better to just continue living your life....

Title: Re: Do you tell them that you are Letting Go?
Post by: Synicca on February 12, 2011, 08:40:55 PM

I mentioned to my H last weekend that I couldn't do it anymore and that I was done.

I meant it at the time, He responded with irritation, " Ok" Then I said, "I'm sorry"

Then he said "It's not your fault, It's mine" and then I broke down crying.

that ended the convo needless to say. Don't know if that did any good, not that I was meaning
to jar him in any direction at the time.

Tho, The next time I seen him, he seemed a little darker. If that makes any sense.